A revert friend harasses me and calls me Kafir
As-salamu alaykum
I need some advice on a friend of mine who has recently converted to Islam and has started harrassing me. My friend keeps sending me messages calling me a kafir and saying I am a muslim by name only although I am born and raised as a muslim and have performed ummrah 2 years ago.
I get messages asking if I am attending the mosque on a Friday (I am female) and when i do not reply, he will say that I am a sinner and that I am too busy working for the white man and that I am following shaitan. He often calls me a white girl, says I am evil and that I do not perform my religious duties and it his right to tell me.
He says he will be rewarded for telling me this. I have asked him to stop sending me these messages and told him to refrain from judging me as Allah knows all. I answer to Allah, not him. But he feels it is his duty to criticise me because he does not see me at the mosque every friday to perform jummah.
I have started ignoring his messages but he often sends like 10 messages on a weekly basis. I feel upset that he calls me these names as Islam means a lot to me.
~ masood71
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Assalamu'alaikum sister,
May Allah Guide this man, I suppose he has joined one of the Takfeeri groups who have no job but call others Kaafir, without an evidence against them. These are people with Kharijee attitudes and they risk their Iman by calling others Kafir. This is because Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:
"He who says to his brother 'O Kafir', then it returns upon one of them." (Bukhari and Muslim)
This means that if you are not Kafir then he becomes one by falsely accusing you of Kufr. Attending the masjid on Fridays is not obligatory on women. In fact, a woman is preferred to pray at her home, though she is permitted to attend the masjid.
How is this man related to you? Is he some relative or just a friend? He must stop messaging you and should mind his own business. Please tell him that directly and warn him. If you use a smartphone, there is the possibility of blocking a particular number. Do that and block all calls and messages from his number. He is a non Mahram to you and should not contact you this way.
And sister, I advise you also to review your own life and eliminate anything that is not conforming to the Sharee'ah. I don't know what he means by "working for the white man" and stuff. So, make sure your actions are in line with the guidelines of the Sharee'ah, and May Allah Have Mercy on you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
You don't need this kind of harassment; no one does. I would suggest you just simply change your number and call it a day. Give everyone else but him your new number, then he can't contact you. If you live in a western country, you might even be able to report his abusive messages to the police as harassment or stalking and get a restraining order against him, if you feel it's warranted.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaykum Sister Amy,
I am little scared of you :P. Whenever someone writes of some abuse or someone behaving wrong in society you mostly refer them to inform in police..lol.
But sister, I think that person should be warned by an imam or some body who can request him to refrain from such acts. Then if it doesnt work then it would be to just threat him of cops then he would be alright. If not then in in extreme cops should be informed. I am saying this because as part of ummah we should try to fix it without deeply hurting that person. Having someone in charge sheet isnt easy to come out. Everyone makes mistake, we should give them a chance first. It has become a norm for sisters in west to call cops wihout trying to have mashwara and fix things with in our community. We shouldn't drag a person to a point where its tough for his survival.
Salaams,
You have to understand, not every western country or city has a cohesive Muslim community to be able to do such things. For example, in London there is a strong Muslim population and shariah councils to dispose of important matters. Perhaps there someone could do what you suggested, and it would be managed as needed.
In the US, however, the Muslim communities are not so well organized or tight-knit. Perhaps the biggest cities -like New York City or Los Angeles- have stronger communities to handle disputes among believers, but most everywhere else the Muslims are left to themselves to handle things like this. For instance, I live in Atlanta -which is the largest city in several southeastern states- and if I were to tell an Imam at a local masjid that someone was hassling me in a similar way, he'd probably look at me like "what are you telling me for?" and tell me to call the police or find a way to handle it myself.
So while I agree with you that things are better handled with the level of least interference, I do end up giving a lot of my advice based on my day to day experience where I live and work (as we all do).
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Even I agree with you in smaller communities it would be difficult. In US we should come up with some body to address domestic issues and it should be accessed nation wide.
Please make dua for our Ummah, we are in deep crisis.
Unfortunately it's ignorant and arrogant people like your friend who are giving Islam a bad name these days. May Allah guide us all.
I agree with Amy change your number , there's nothing else you can do but to ignore them like they do not exist they will get the message after that you take no interest into them letting you down, if you keep showing that your still there they will harass you no matter what .
when people like that annoy me and think its ok to say anything similar like that to me I write a long paragraph full of essays in what's write and wrong in Islam. telling them look at yourselfs before others do you think harassing people like this makes you a better person?
make them feel stupid in the end that do you think its right for you to judge others like this only Allah swt knows who's perfect and whos not and who are they to judge how your like hey?
It is a good idea to suggest that the person should do some self-reflection before pointing fingers, but I don't think trying to make them feel stupid is a good idea- in a way, it is just emulating what the brother himself is doing.
It would be better for the sister to move on with her life and completely ignore this person and his comments--he has a lot of growing up to do--this sister isn't responsible for him, nor does she have any reason to keep in contact with him as he is after all a non-Mahram.
Sister,
Assalam alaikum,
I agree that you should change your number and cut all ties with this person.
I do think you need to look at why it matters to you what this person thinks or says. Why are you giving this person importance? You are worth more than their words or opinions. Do not this strangers's opinion be any of your business. This person is the one with the problem, not you.
If he's such a perfect Muslim himself, why is he contacting a non-mahram women? What a fraud. Please change your number and forget about this guy. He's easy to get rid of, sister, don't worry :). I used to have "friends" like that, too, they actually ended up making me hate religion. As soon as I cut contact to them, I slowly came back to my senses. You don't need negative people in your life!
salam everyone,,,
i agree with Sister Amy and the others that change your number and cut all ties with him..
people like him forget the fundamental duties of a Muslim one of which says NOT TO REFER OTHER MUSLIM AS KAAFIR BCZ NO ONE BUT ALLAH HAS THE RIGHT.so dont get bothered upon his so-called behaviour..
but one thing.plz forgive me if i took it wrong,it sounds like u dont offfer your daily obligatory Ibadah and thtas y he is telling so.i m saying he is right otherwise,,,theres no doubt he will be rewarded but not with comfort but the opposite one..i m not saying that u dont abide by the daily namaz or so.i m just figuring it out as someone is refering u as born-muslim..i repeat that he is now right but if u dont di namaz or all that then plz start to practise it right away..
i m sorry if i said something u dont i mean if u r already a practising muslim then i m sorry...
hope u could understand my point and if not then reply me and u will write it more elaborately...
reapected editor,,
i think u r confused about my name bcz at first it was "Advice" and now it is' "fahim hasan" .actually i was concerned about my privacy as i was new to such websites and posts and so i dis not feel secure to write my real name..hope u understood..
Brother Fahim,
The name shown here is what you mention when you leave a comment or one you mention on your profile page. Just change it there.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam
This man does not sound like a nice friend to have. Friends should support and encourage one another, not upset them. I would advise removing him from your life and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel more positive and more aware of Islam.
It may be his own insecurity that is causing him to act in this way, or he may have fallen in with a bad crowd, but whatever the reason there is no excuse for insulting and harassing another person. We all have areas of our practice that we can improve, so shouldn't be quick to condemn others - if someone is clearly transgressing limits or is unaware of correct practice, we should point it out and help them improve their actions, but condemnation just serves to hurt people.
Alhamdulillah you are a practising Muslimah and have been able to go on Umrah - keep striving to follow the straight path. Try to avoid private interactions with non-mahrams - if you live in the west it can be difficult to find women-only workplaces, but try to maintain social limits.
Don't let this man's rudeness and ignorance hurt you or make you doubt yourself.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
ASA,
i would be looking for a new friend...a muslim that is constantly berating, and pushing and calling people "kafir" is a judgmental person and id move on.
Salam
First of all you really have no business with this man if he is non Mahram
It will only lead to trouble. So for that reason alone you should block his number
Also he sounds racist so their is no room in islam for that
As malcom x said.
Religion is based on good character, something this man appears to lack, so stay away
From him.
He has serious trouble written all over him
Protect yourself sister. If you were my daughter I would definitely stop this man from contacting you
its disgusting what he is doing
tell someone to give him a good beat and he will stop inshallah
Are you volunteering?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
A good beat what does that suppose to mean , if its relating to violence what will she get out of it?
wouldn't it make situations much worst than she is in already?
hahahaha nice one!!!