Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am studying Islam and thinking about converting.

Holy Book, Word of Allah, Message from Allah

I’m about to turn 20 years old and I am currently a Roman Catholic but I have always struggled with having a connection with God. I have looked into Christian Churches to see if I can find that connection but I have not had much success. There is a Muslim girl in one of my University classes and since the first day I saw her, I felt a close connection with her that’s unexplainable.

Recently, I asked her to sit down with me because I had something to tell her. I confessed what I felt for her and I told her I would love to get to know her. She had a difficult time telling me that she didn’t date and that we could never be together. She felt bad and felt like crying and I know this is because she would like to get to know me but because I am a Christian and not of her race she said we couldn’t be together.

I am a very respectful, honest, and loving person. I don’t drink, smoke, party or anything in that nature. I really want to get to know her and wish we could give each other a chance. Since the day of our talk I have spent countless hours researching Islam. I have started to think of converting into a Muslim, not because of her but because I feel that it is the best for me and the connection I desperately seek with God.

She doesn’t know I am considering this conversion. This is because I am not doing it for her I am truly doing it for me. I would like to learn more about Islam and perhaps one day convert. I feel that if indeed I become a Muslim, I would like to talk to her father, even though I don’t know him, and ask if its ok if I talk to her daughter regardless of my race and previous religion. I am scared that her and her family will think I did everything for her only! I won’t deny she inspired me to look into it but I am certain that if we don’t end up together I will remain a Muslim. I am new to Islam religion, what should I do in regards to the religion and the girl I like?
Thank You!


Tagged as: , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Dear Smata,

    You have asked a very sincere question and I hope Allah makes this path easy for you. My advice will be very simple and straightforward:

    1) First of all, do your research and choose which religion you wish to follow. If it is Islam, then become active in accepting it and living it.

    2) Secondly, if you choose Islam, only then should you think about approaching this girl and her father for marriage. If she is already saying that her father will reject you due to race, then be ready for this as it may not be a smooth ride. Do note though that this discrimination is cultural not Islamic.

    If you are seriously interested in becoming Muslim, please approach your local Mosque and ask the brothers or Imam there to help you. At the same time, if you want clarity on particular aspects of Islam before accepting it formally, then feel free to ask us here and we will do our best to help you inshaAllah.

    SisterZ Editor

    • Dear SisterZ,

      First of all, thank you for taking the time to respond with such a great answer. The truth is, I hardly ever talk to the girl anymore because I don't want her to have an impact on my decision. I have a lot of Muslim friends that I spend time with every week. I have been reading the holy Qur'an as well as other articles about Islam and I visit my local Mosque with my friends. If I ever convert I don't think I will even tell her of my decision and I doubt I will even attempt to start a relationship with her. She is from Palestine I believe and her family, like most Arabic families, only marry people of their culture. I understand that I have a zero chance of being with her but that's Ok with me. I do really like her but I love God far more. I do have to say that what Arabic people do is wrong and sinful because Allah says that you cannot judge someone because of their color or race.

      • Dear Smata,

        Thank you for your appreciation. Your sincerity is like a breath of fresh air. Its lovely to hear of someone's love for God being their priority.

        What you say about 'race, culture, colour, etc is very true. But this problem exists not only in the Arab Muslims, but amongst all Muslims. Its just the ones who are truly practising Islam who do not discriminate on such grounds.

        My simple words to you as a sister in humanity and inshAllah one day Islam as well, take your time, learn about this beautiful faith and Allah. When you do become Muslim, do not be let man made barriers stop you from moving forward. If you still wish to approach this girl for marriage, there is no harm in trying as long as you use the proper channels.

        The born muslims need help from people like you to break this horrid barriers of discrimination. So please do not give up! : 0 )

        SisterZ Editor

  2. Smata,

    It is funny that I find this because I find myself in almost your same position. I am 22 and Christian, born and raised...but for some strange reason, I have never ever felt a TRUE connection with god. Not until now...

    I was on facebook looking through a middle eastern mans' friends, to find a HOT arab for my recently single cousin after she had expressed her interest in the same "look" that I like in a man...this being a tall, skinny, handsome, dark haired man. We discussed how foreign men are usually wealthy and how we had to find ourself an "arab". Well...I found one cute guy whom I believed she may have been interested in and sent him a friend request. The following day I receive a message from the man whose friends I was looking through and politely told me, in great english by the way, that I had gotten his friend in trouble with his wife for requesting him. Being the good hearted christian woman I "am" I sincerely apoligized for any trouble I had cause and requested that he please note that I was not looking for a man to be my friend, it was for my cousin.

    Moving on, we began a polite conversation about universities in the US and, Mohamad(was his name) was beyond any man I had ever talked with...regardless if we had met or not. I could tell he was different! At some point, he said to me "please do not be scared." I was confused, although I had an idea in my head about what he may be talking about...but I asked anyway, "why would I be scared." He went on to tell me most people in the US did not like islamic people and I replied honestly saying that I was not scared, that I had an open mind, and then joked a little about how most people in the WORLD did not like americans lol. (Sad but true) we then began real-friendly talk comparing eachothers customs and religions and that is when the truth islam was revealed to me. I say revealed because of my 22 years on earth, I had not heard one good thing about the islamic religion. Based on his reactions to my descriptions of men and women in the US I saw he was quite disturbed...I talked of how my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me with my bestfriend of 6 years and how sex is almost considered extremely important in the US when it came to relationships. He repeatedly said to me, "I don't like these kinds of people." After what seemed to be everyday occurances to me. It was then apparent that this man had a mind and feelings and most important: faith. He told me men of islam did not think that way and asked me to read about islam because I refused to believe what he said about men being celibate or even pure. It was unreal.

    I began to read islam and I am beyond speechless and only want to be a true muslim. As I read I only want to know more, and more, and more!!!! I feel that this was meant for me. I always knew christianity was not right for me, but at the same time I had no clue about islam.

    Enough about my story, my connection to your story(besides islam) is I feel this indescribable passion for mohamad. I expressed my gratitude towards him for introducing me to islam, but at the same time express my desire to one day be his wife and we can forever worship GOD and his true words. The last thing that I want is to become muslim only for him...but as I stated, I am amazed with the truth islam seems to offer me. At some point I thought I only liked islam because mohamad was muslim but now I am considering converting only for myself and especially for god. I feel like I don't want to be distracted by mohamad in my seeking of islam. But at the same time, he never disrespects me and only encourages me to keep reading. This conversion would be drastic from the life I am currently living, but it is something I am more than willing to follow through with. If you ask me, choosing to convert should be your soul choice and you should do it for nobody but god. Although, you will find this out for yourself...and I believe that if god wants you and this muslim woman to be together, through his will you will be. But first, concentrate in islam itself and learn more and more and more...please. I will post more of my experience...I have a lot to offer and nobody really to talk to about it. I hope to see more replies. Also, hi sisterz :)... Hope to hear your responces!


    • Jessica,

      I found your story very interesting :). It's lovely that you have found a connection with God through Islam. Continue reading and inshaAllah you will accept it fully soon.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Dear Jessica,

      Sorry for the late response but I have been really busy with school, sports, work, etc. I find your story very...soothing because I realize that I am not the only one 🙂 Indeed, Islam has a very negative image due to the media, non Muslims and people committing terrorist attacks "in the name of Allah". When I started reading about Islam, like yourself, I experience great confusion because I was reading the opposite of what I had head and knew about Muslims my entire life. As time elapsed, I started to fall in love with the religion. I read about Islam in my free time(which is not much) and I love it. In regards to your love story, I think you have it a little easier than me 🙂 I say that because a women always has more to lose than a man. In her case it can possibly mean her parents and families rejection for marrying a convert man as well as a non Palestinian. Mohamad sounds like a wonderful man by the way and I will pray that both of you can have an opportunity one day to fall in love. Keep me updated on all your experiences please and be patient with my responses...Take care!


  3. Dear Smata

    Sometimes God guides us to the truth through various means and yours was an attraction to a Muslim woman. My advice to you would be to put aside for the time being thoughts or inclinations about the girl and concentrate on yourself.

    Seek knowledge of Islam by sitting in the company of pious men and scholars. Strength your belief, indeed yourself as a human being. Your conversion should be based on knowledge, certainty, acceptance, submission, truthfulness, and sincerity.

    There are many well known converts who have gone on to become men of knowledge, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf (US) is one of them, I suggest you listen to his lectures.

    I emphasise this because love and desire for a human will come and go, but Iman (faith) should remain constant in your heart regardless and for this reason you need to have firm conviction.
    Perhaps then when you are mentally equipped you can approach the girl’s father but that should not be your priority right now.

    I pray Allah makes it easy for you and guides you to the truth.

Leave a Response