Three years waiting for a man, will he ever marry me?
Aadab,
My name is Shabana. I m 30 years old right now and i m unmarried.
In the year 2008, a fellow named Faheem Ur Rahman contacted me for marriage as i was registered on a matrimonial service and he too. He liked my profile and was interested in marrying., but his parents were not ready and mine were ready.
He tried convincing them and they got ready after 1 and a half year.. then said no again. It continued like this until 3 years went away, just waiting for their answer.
My question is should he marry me now or not. What does ALLAH TA ALA say for this..?
plz reply soon... thanx
- lail
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Sister Shabana, As-salamu alaykum,
The question is not what will Faheem do, or what should he do. The question is what will you do? Will you waste additional years of your life waiting for someone who doesn't know what he wants, or cannot speak up for what he wants?
This boy is never going to marry you. If he were going to, he would have made some progress or initiative already.
Move on with your life. End your contact with this boy, give your heart time to get over him, let your mind forget about him, then make yourself available for other proposals.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Three years is a long time sister you need to move on if his parents feel that way about you then do you really want them as inlaws i would not, cut contact with this man i think with him out of the way you will feel much better and have your feet on solid ground again, Insha'Allah i pray Allah (swt) blesses you with something much better.
Salaam,
sorry to butt in here. I am new to this website and I'm not sure how to use it. I have posted my question but it just says pending. I am not sure what to do from here, or whether what I have done is even correct. I typed it and just clicked review. I can not see the post on this site, I sent the question for a review on the 21st of this month, can someone, perhaps the admin please help me? I'm confused about this site
Jazakillah khair.
Your question is in the queue and will be published in turn. The wait time is currently about one month.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Stop Wasting your time! Marriage is not everything In this Life.
Asalaamu alaykium sister,
Alhamdulillah, I admire you for the amount of Sabr you have, and also your commitment to this Brother.
But For your own sanity, Move on with your Life.
Sister, Matrimonial Sites,chatsites, Internet dating...what is this? A world to be safe in? A world to get all you desire? Firstly,Matrimonial sites might work for some people,but what do you actually know about the man you intend marrying? They're all 'young,rich and handsome' He could be a 83 year old wrinkly man,with crooked teeth,living in a tent and be 'young,rich and handsome' on an internet dating site. Thats why we are taught to put our faith in Allah and leave the rest to him and to look for deen in a guy. My sister in Islam,you're not 27 anymore. 3 years of your life have been wasted on an attempt to hook up with a man on a site. Granted,I understand how you might want to get married, but there's always other options...
1) Speak to your parents to speak to your local masjid imaam to look for a suitable prospective spouse for you.
2) Please,my dear sister,for your own sake,dont waste your life away on a hook-up site.
3) Read 2 rakaats tawba namaaz and make a pledge that you will place your trust in Allah Ta'aala
4) Every night,get up for tahajjud,or after your esha salaat,make an intention for 2 rakaats Salaatul Haajat,then lift your hands after salaam and cry and tell Allah Ta'aala that you want to get married and place your troubles before Allah Ta'aala alone,
Allah Ta'aala says in Surah Baqara : " And seek help with Sabr and Salaat"
Sabr,my dear sister, is not just waiting...theres sabr of nafs,sabr against sin,sabr in museebat. Have sabr,Allah will open up the way for you and grant you more than you've imagined.
Dear sister Laaiqah
while some of your advice is good, and I agree that as muslims we must put our trust in Allah and worship in the manner tha tyou have described, it is incorrect and wrong to advise young muslim women not to pursue matrimonial internet sites. In this day and age, particularly as women get older and if we live in non muslim countries, there is absolutely no other way to meet a muslim. I know that in some communities and some large metropolitan cities, the muslim communities have their own complex infrastructure where imams facilitate marriages, and the community members may assist in fostering referrals, but that does not happen across the board and in all cities. Most muslim women in the west find it extremely difficult to get married, and often the internet is the only realistic source. I agree that it is risky but what choice do we have. Please respect our choices. Yes, tahajjud is good, sabr is a virtue, nafl is commendable...but God only helps those who help themselves. Sitting at home making dua 24/7 is not going to make a husband appear magically from the sky. Dua will help us in our efforts - however risky or unrealistic they are.
Precious Star,
Definately,I agree with you that you cant wait for him to fall from the sky. I do aunderstand that I ,living in South Africa,might not find it so difficult with family,referalls,friends etc. But to ask you a question,do you honestly believe that Allah Ta'aala will bless a marriage that started on haraam? dont get me wrong,Im not saying Matrimonial sites is across the board,all haraa. An example of a permissable one would be the 1 on http://www.nanima.co.za I would think. Anyway,we are all licensed to our own opinion. I simply gave advice,and the sister will choose the advice that fits her.
Peace.
The sister has waited 3 long years for a dodgy guy. thats a long time.
Also read 'Rabbanaa Hablana min Azwaajinaa wa dhurriyaatina qurrata a'yun,waj 'alna lil muttaqeena imaama' abundantly.
Don't wait for him! You have given him plenty of time to get his act together and marry you. Why did he say no once parents had agreed? He appears to be wasting your time. Leave him, and join a reliable matrimonial site, ask friends and family to let you know of any potentials and inshallah do dua to Allah swt to guide you to a suitable spouse.