Can I See a Woman Without Her Hijab Before I Propose?

October 19, 2006

QUESTION:

Dear Wael,

Does a Muslimah have to take off her hijab before the prospective husband makes a marriage proposal?

- Riffat from USA


WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Riffat, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

I assume you are asking because you are interested in a particular woman but you want to see her without her hijab before you propose.

The short answer is no, she does not have to take off her hijab and you should not ask her to do so.

Why is it necessary to see her hair? You can see face and her hands even with her hijab on, and you can get a general idea of her figure. If she is wearing niqab then you should definitely ask her to show her face, since there can be no attraction if you do not like her face. But this should be enough. Why should the color or style of her hair matter? Be modest and approach her with modesty.

I posted a recent article on Zawaj.com titled 7 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse: an Islamic Perspective. In that article this same issue was discussed by Imam Muhammad Nur Abdullah of St. Louis, Missouri, a member of the North American Fiqh Council. I will reprint a section of the article here, as it is quite relevant. Pay attention especially to the last part:

If you’re looking for a spouse, lower your gaze

This may seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze for both sexes and leering or ogling the person.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do.” (Quran 24:30)

    “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms…” (Quran 24:31)

This perspective (staring or leering) would not be Islamically acceptable. Imam Nur Abdullah noted that looking at a potential mate is recommended according to the Hadith. Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah the Prophet said:

“When one of you asks a woman for marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so….” (Abu Dawud).

This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare. Abdullah also noted that there is no limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other. However, both should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this is to satisfy the need for physical attraction to the person you are marrying. He also notes it is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without Hijab, since he is not her Mahram (a relative with whom marriage is not possible, or legally her husband). Abdullah says seeing her face and hands are enough to determine attraction.

Whatever I have said that is true and good, Alhamdulillah, and whatever I have said that is wrong is from me and I ask Allah’s forgiveness.May Allah guide you and bless you in all your affairs.

- Wael Abdelgawad, Zawaj.com and AskBilqis.com Editor

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Written by wael on October 19th, 2006 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Marriage and Religion and Proposing Marriage.

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Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com Ismail
#1. December 20th, 2006, at 3:05 AM.

Salam Alaikum,

Another way of finding out more about your potential wife is to send a trusted female family member of yours to look at those parts of her body-with her consent-that you cannot or are not allowd to see, and report back to you.

Masalam

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com naveedsmind
#2. February 10th, 2007, at 11:54 PM.

Salaamu Alaikum -

Ya Ustadh Wael… may Allah forgive me for any disrespect… but it is to my understanding that you are completely permitted to see your prospective wife without her hijab when your intentions are sincere and pure. In the most famous example and reported saheeh in hadith Muslim - when a man had approached Rasulallah sallallahu alayhi wa salam and expressed his interest in marrying a woman, the Messenger’s response was “have you seen her?” When he answered no, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam responded immediately by saying “Go and look at her first.” In another hadith narrated by Abu Dawoud, the Prophet Muhammad sallallahy alayhi wa salam had said that one should indeed look at that which attracts him to marrying a woman. It is my (humble) understanding that this sincerely means only with sincere intention, with PERMISSION of the female, and she is not obligated to do so by any means, and he and she still have to maintain modesty as Allah is watching over (removing just the hijab). Personally I’d feel better if this was done with a chaperone.

Although Allahu’aalim what the best approach is for us to do - however it seems apparent from this and some other hadith that men are permitted to do so before proposal.

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com wael
#3. February 12th, 2007, at 9:30 AM.

Brother naveedsmind, As-salamu alaykum,

Of course you are free to disagree with me and I do not see that as disrespectful in any way.

I am aware of the two ahadeeth you mentioned, and I quoted one of them in my original response. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) asked, “Have you seen her?” He did not ask, “Have you seen her without hijab?”

1. Perhaps this man had only seen this woman from a distance, and the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was suggesting that he go and get a closer look.

2. Perhaps he had never seen her at all, but only knew of her. It would not be so strange in the Arabia of that day (and even today, in some places) for a man to marry a woman he had never laid eyes on.

3. Keep in mind also that Islam requires us to lower our gaze and not to look closely or directly at a woman, so even if this man had seen this woman in the marketplace or at the masjid, he would not have gotten a close look, and he would not have looked at her directly. So perhaps the Messenger of Allah is saying, essentially, in this case it’s ok for you to look at her closely, to see her, so to speak.

4. It would be humiliating and embarassing for a woman to remove her hijab for a potentian suitor, and then to be rejected. She would have to live with the knowledge that this man who is not her husband has seen her beauty and her ‘awrah.

So unless you have evidence that, “Have you seen her?” means without hijab, I stand by my original answer that the woman should not remove her hijab for any suitor.

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