unfaithful wife
salaams my brothers and sisters in islam,
i need some advice from all of you as i am very confused with life and myself.
I am married with two daughters and they are young. I. have provided all to the family. we live alone and have no interference from my family. i have a very cushy job and it involves a lot of traveling.
since one and a half years ago i found out that my wife has been having an affair with another man. i have talked and advised her and also try to change myself since i thought she might be lonely. i love her very much and want this marrage to work but she has refused every time. we dont have much phyical interication since every time she is too tired or not in the mood yet she is on birth control pills.
plse advice me should i keep trying or let her go and let Allah do the justice.
-flyingfish (Editor's note: the flyingfish account is a catch-all that we used for questions that were submitted anonymously by email).
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subhannallah brother that is so haraam in islam if your wife is having an affair and you warned her and she is still doing that than i beleive that is a divorce but please go to a sheik.the other thing is if you show your wife lots of love and that you are very serious about her and say kind words to her and give her gifts once in awhile and that you take her out once in awhile and that you help her around the house once in awhile and that you show her that you rally mean this than inshallah allah will put love between you. sorry english is my second language.if you want to to talk more than my e-mail is
Hello to all my brothers and sisters in Islam.I am facing a similar problem.My wife is cheating on me and I know it but I cannot accuse her directly because I have no proof.But I am her husband and I know her very well.She cheated on me before and I forgave her because I love her very much but she is doing it again and this time with a member of my own FAMILY.I am sorry I cannot disclose who that is but I am very very sure of what I know.I am very heartbroken.Now I a looking for some way of catching her like I caught her before so all the lies will stop....
mustafa, what's the point of trying to catching her? If you know for sure that she is cheating on you, divorce her and be done with it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If i divorce her without proof of her adultery she will make problem for me in the court I know her she is not like other women she is an EXPERT at lieing and decieving .That is how she got to marry me in the first place she convinced me that she was madly in love with me,in fact I was convinced that she cannot live without me ( believe it or not ) and now look at what it turned out to be ALL LIES !!!!
And Mai i can assure you that if i tell you the whole story you will think it is some sort of movie ,BUT, i assure you it is true life and i am living it.Some day I will find a way out INSHALLAH.When i do i will let everyone know.....
Is it your intention to shame her in court? IF you have covered all bases of your responsibility as a husband, then you need not worry. The truth will manifest itself and what little proof that you have will be enough. Let her have what she wants and deserves. Live your life the way you want it. There is always a price to everything.
Brother just divorce her if.
Brother leave her , my wife is making money now sleeping around.she is very good at lying and calling me paranoid , who cares what she thinks , clever as I am called all these names does not bother me , and it's become impossible to sleep eat etc
I have 2 sons from her , she is a lier and her family too, her brother and her are the worst people on earth , he gambles and she provides money to him,my money ...and his habits have turned her into a prostitute
Mystery money in her bank account , in 100's( haraam money)
No business is working for me cause she is not letting it work by causing arguments late at night so I can't keep up
She is trying to make me go mad and I know because all her sisters husbands have got some sort of mental probs , I'm different cause I caught on
Because she is helping him ... I can't confront this , what's the point now
They both love money ....
I'm planning to leave her and Allah will guide me ... Be strong and don't be afraid ok
She also fooled me for many years ,love etc etc.....
Don't live a sad life when you know it's gets worse ......
Say in the name of Allah and divorce her before it gets worse for you
I pray for you InshaAllah.
Allah is Great
What if there are kids involved and you fear that they might walk on the footsteps of their immoral cheating mother? Plz give your opinion.
Wow she should be pleased that u forgave her but what about allah isn't she scared of the day she will meet him ya allah
When wife cheats she should be divorced and when husband cheats repeatedly he should go for second wife wowww
A women with such a nature can never be sincere to you unless Allah guides her well. Same happened to me but believe me shouting over her will bring no change to her flirty nature. Best you can do is to let her go... ignore now what ever she is doing if you already warned her before. Just dont even talk to her... sleep on a different place and let Allah handle her unfaithful nature. Did you ever cheated on her before? If not then be sure that Allah will definately help you out on this.
as salaam ae kum brother,
i am in to same situation as other but slightly different and not that complicated.
ahmed, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will advise you in turn Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As Salaam Ale Kum..
thanks for your response ..
as you have seen my recent post in the forum would like to give you some brief on that
my wife has been cheating on me by talking to her ex boy friend in intervals like once in a three months just to be in contact with them ..
though she has conferred and gave a 100 oercent assurance swearing on god that she has not met anyone after marriage ..
its been 2 years of our marriage by now .. i love my wife very much and i have a feeling that whatever she has done that was all her stupidness and she get easily carried away by the sleazy people tricks .
in the event of above she did also send some of her pic to her boy friend after our marriage ..
i dont know what to do she has cried before me a lot and had sleepless night for 3 consecutive days asking me to forgive .
please advise what should i do , should i leave her or take up the marriage to further level.
Jazakallah khair..
Acuudu bilaahi how can she do that to you?
sAlam brother,
i am very sorry to hear you atre goin threw this. what your wife is doing is veryyyyy rong. you yourself is a pacient man mashlah. i can not forgiv sutch an act from a spous. listtin..tlk 2 her one last tym for the sake of allah and your children if she doesnt seem to try or want the good then it is time for divors. you no urself and your wifes daily status. you said u travel alot maybe she does get loenly but adultry is a very sinful major act. adivce her and tell her to fear allah and chnge her herself. pray and think about your chldren. maybe if you 2 work things out inshlah..you can consider chnaging jobz for the sake of your family.
hope i help...and i will keep you in my prayer
I believe there is a reason behind every act. I think in order to solve this problem for the sake of the children , ur peace of mind and respect this should be dealt with objectively.i would suggest tht u talk to ur wife when u feel tht she can communicate in an effective way and ask her what is bothering her ..there maybe many small issues combined to become a big one or may be something small but difficult for her to handle ..maybe u both can help each other out. there is one thing i strongly believe in tht no one gets married and has a family with the intention of harming it , a third person can only get in between when there is a gap between the husband and the wife ...u need to bridge tht gap.
I am sorry but I do not agree with sister in islam.There is NO action in the world that gives wife to cheat on her husband.Does not matter if he does not give her time or there is third person or always fights with her or even hits her.....stll she does not have the right to CHEAT on him she can leave him if she is unhappy,but cheating is not the solution,no part of our religion or ANY religion in the world gives women the right to cheat on their husband nor husband to cheat on their wife no matter what the excuse is.
Ya Allah, wala this is so haram ! Everyone knows what they do I'm Dunya , yet they continue without any remorse for husband or Allah swt. THESE WOMEN ARE LOST SOULS THAT THE SHAYTAN HAS CHOSEN ! I p ray for all good people that care more about their children and marriage then some cheap fling! We as Muslims have to have high standards and stay In a good path. WHY get caught in Dunya where We will all die and face Allah swt one day ? What would we say ?
"If the man is out hunting for money and neglecting his wife..."
Would it be logical if your husband cheats on YOU because you cook his favorite meals, and keep the house soo clean AND give him beautiful children. Doing everything Allah demands that you do for your husband!
It is the same logic. He is out working, trying to support his family. How can that be a valid reason for cheating on a husband? What if its not in the husbands hands to say NO to the long travels with work? What if his supervisor will give that job to someone else who accepts those travels instead of him?
Should the husband say no to his supervisor, and say: - if i do that...my wife will cheat.
The punnishment for adultury/cheating...is hard...in islam. And thanks to Allah!
As Salam alaikum sister this happend to me :((( I'm very regret that this happened I don't wanna hurt my husband anymore he deserve someone better than me since this happened he cry lot of time first time I saw him in this condition I was so shamed . I know it's not excuse but the time he saying me many bad words , so when I find someone who showing me more love I fall in crush . May Allah forgive me . I convert to Islam but I think I don't know what Islam truly means . I know my place is now in heareafter SWT never will forgive me plz all of Muslim pray for me
"SWT never will forgive me"
It's not allowed in Islam to make such a statement. Do not place limitations on Allah. Allah has described himself as the Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. Do not doubt His attributes.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I DISAGREE with 'Sister in islam'. The first sentence she said is very misleading. No reason can EVER justify doing something disgraceful like this. Once a cheater always a cheater, brother, she is a muslim aswell! Muslim wives and cheating?! - that is almost inexistent in this Ummah. YOU travelled FOR the sake of her and your family, keeping a steady income so you all can live happily and comfortably. Listen, ditch any job which involves travel like this. You have to understand that no person is perfect, she needs to understand that more than you. She disgraced you and she disrespected you. She doesn't understand the meaning of marriage like how a normal Muslim should understand. Get a Muslim wife that will faithfully love you. Nearly all Muslim wives (near 100%) would be faithful, especially if you treat them well. That is a religious act - YOU MUST TREAT YOUR WIVES WELL, MUST MUST MUST! And she must treat you very well too, but I find this act worse than murder and I personally would never forgive a cheating wife. She opened that door, and once that door is opened, it is easier to walk through that door again. Who knows, not only could she be having an emotional affair but also a physical one too.
Everyone is telling YOU to get things right for your children and wife, trying to sort the marriage out, but look, you wasn't the one that cheated! It is her that should have been crazy to sort everything out, even then, I would never forgive her for what she did, It is up to her to seek forgiveness from God.
Nothing ever justifies cheating, but only gives a deceitful excuse, I am ashamed that a Muslim woman did this, because this is not Islam! This is what western Non-muslim women do.
This is the biggest form of disrespect from a woman let alone a wife - infidelity. Think about what she did. It's shocking.
But honestly, talk to an Imam. Your children are young, a divorce wouldn't be too much of a strain unless they are in their early teens. The prophet's first wife was married to someone else before her marriage with Muhammad pbuh, look how amazing their marriage was.
Talk to Muslim people who have an Islamic direction in life who have been through divorce and have children, this will help you.
Fix up on your husband skills in the meantime, mentally, emotionally, physically...Allah loves the healthy and happy. Why on earth would you not want to try your best to be the best husband you can possibly be? You'll get reward from Allah in more ways than one. But don't act like a total nice guy, don't be a jerk either, because both have huge cons. Be a husband.
I wish that you can bounce back from this.
P.S it will be even more shameful if she wears the hijab and cheated.
Improve your Islam and understanding of life, so you can get a Muslim woman who has a great Islamic way of life.
For your next marriage to a better, more pious and loving, faithful woman who is more beautiful in the inside, COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH HER! Don't be a stupid person by talking totally from emotions. When you communicate with your wife, be assertive, tell her how you feel, but don't go into how you feel too much. 1. You're a man, we shouldn't be like that. 2. You're not going to be communicating effectively.
Every single decision you make MUST POINT TO ISLAM, whether it be alone, or together with her.
Another issue, and this maybe the BIGGEST ISSUE if you choose to stay with her is TRUST ISSUES! Now that is bad.
Don't be a pushover, doormat husband, don't be a prehistoric husband either. Just be real.
I hope this helps.
Marry me
Bilqis, be sensible. How can you ask a stranger over the internet to marry you? That's very foolish.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
People do and I want to marry. If you know of anyone pls let me know. I wish Allah grants me a husband soon, I am pretty and have an excellent personality Alhamdulillah and in my 20s ....
Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta elayya min, khairin faqeer (chapter 28, verse 24).
Oh Allah! You have made every living thing in pairs. The sincere, beautiful and pious pair that you have created for me, please give it to me"
bilqis i wish and pray ur desire of getting married comes true. u can trust me for this. Regards
Bilqis, did you find good husband?
Assalam O Alaikum
Being in a relationship is haram i know, but now my parents also know about her. I hated a man and she used to talk to her alot( maybe) but definitely long calls, they went on dinner and used to go together, she was hiding, the day i got to know about that, she admitted it I decoded to leave her every friend said
But now she cries, begs me for one chance, i dont want to but my heart says she is seriously guilty as i love her so damn much, my friend says if she do that again than what will happen
Please guide in the light of islam
hi.
i agree with sister in islam. no third person can come in between a couple unless theres a gap. yes shes wrong its a sin in Islam but the husband should take care of her in every way and give her time not just run after money.
No matter what in a Muslim Marriage, NO PERSON SHOULD EVER COME IN BETWEEN A MARRIAGE, EVEN IF THERE IS A GAP!!
Any reason FOR CHEATING is a plain EXCUSE TO CHEAT!
However, at least you will now know what you are doing wrong and can sort things out if you really want to. I personally wouldn't because that is where I will draw the line personally, I have too much respect for my own self (not pride) to let a person who betrayed me to that extent have another chance with me.
Believe me, it does take A LOT to cheat. It certainly takes a lot of disrespect.
You have a wife that doesn't respect you like how you want to be respected. You want to be respected as a husband and do good things so you can gain EXTRA respect...but her respect for a husband alone is just shocking.
May Allah grant you peace and happiness.
Salam brothers and sisters,
I am almost in the same situation and gone crazy in last few days thinking about all this including family future, shame, kids, disgrace and my wife. I am married with 2 children ( 6 and 3 ) for last 10 years. She told me on the first night that she had affair with boy and did not really do anything physically. I fgot upset and moved on with my merriage thinking she is young and stuff.
Recently I noticed that she got addicted to internet and she is on net all the time. I also feel that she cheated on-line for sure and that on-line boy lives some where closer to our house. I asked her about internt activity but she denied every thing including diffrent email addresses. I asked her about emmotioanl cheating, affair and physical cheating but she denies it. She also tells me that her actions were suspecious and she sorries for that but she has not cheated and she wants to live with me forevrr. I know for sure she cheated as she tried very vest to hide all internet activities. She already knows that I am very possesive person and can not even think about my wife being with somoene else even at emotional level. She also told me that I never treat her right and keep yelling at her and stuff. But reality is that I am one of those people who like to tell the truth in your face including her and all my friends and family.
I am really hurt and do not know what to do..I would have ditched her as soon this came to my attention but I am just taking my time due to kids and finacial aspect of it.
Also considering the fact that would I be happy with another woman ?
SHould I ignore her cheating part and move on again ?
Would my kids okay with this ?
EVen if I get married again will I still have to pay her which is fine but my life will be hectic ?
Should I give her atleast 1st Talaq ?
I just can not get over the fact that she cheated over the net and most likey in real. Also it does not help as I see that person that man everyday who is married with one kid. I alreays treated this guy as my younger brother and here is the result.
I can not sleep at night and can not work during the day..Plz help
Brother, it is amazing, but your story is almost completely identical to my own. The only difference is she cheated and slept with a man 8 years after marriage and the recently again another man
on both occasions I collected evidence rather than suspicions
I am on my way to divorce her...
totally agree with your last sentence and will be doing the same without question.
weird side of my story is that I had absolute no idea of anything, until that is when friend seen her kissing another englishman,
I really love her a lot but her actions are something that I will never be able to live with, I just can't see my self coming home to a wife which has done the worst of my nightmares,
anyways hope for the best and good luck
salaam bro, i feal you, im in the same boat as you, i dont know what to say or what to do, words cannot describe my pain and shock, i think the best thing to do is ask Allah to help, protect and guide you because thats what I am doing and to be fair i think its the only think i can do to help the situation. please feal free to mail me.
Salaam..it's refreshing to see a lot of other people in my situation..well not refreshing but just good to know I'm not alone..I have been married for 13 years and know my wife has been cheating on me in all forms. She has lied about money personal possessions and other stuff. I always forgave her as I love her very much and we have four children. However it destroyed me when her phone got connected to me and she was talking to another man on a naughty level. It broke my heart and I left her but as always I went back and forgave her. She carried on with her affair and continuously betrayed me, I felt like I could not do nothing and felt helpless and depressed. Now we are separated again and although everything is her fault she blames me. I was never perfect but I tried my best started praying performed umrah and tried to make our marriage work. She never even acknowledged the effort I made and is still having a affair and at the same time blame me. I don't know what to do I love her very much and she says she loves me but not too sure. She says to me come home and be a good husband and stop accusing her. I just want her to admit it but she just patronises me.. Please advise me I don't know what to do
Asalaam alaikum,
Ask yourself these questions:
She has cheated and will continue to do so, will I be a cuckhold?
She may have or get a STD, and will pass it onto me. Do I want to be infected and possibly die from a disease she gave me by having sex with another man?
Do I want to come home one day and find her in bed with another man?
Do I want my children to see that?
Do I want my daughter to turn out the same way?
Would I be happy to let my son marry an adulterer?
If you answered "no" to all of those questions, as you should have, then you know you have to tell her "no," too. It's time to end the marriage and go about your life without her. She shows no remorse or regret and blames you.
Don't be her victim any longer.
Mahshallah thanks for the advice, that is what all my family is telling me to do. It's so difficult as I have been with her for such a long time. I have three daughters and a son, I love my children dearly, she and her family are hypocrites and liars and I feel angry now for what they have done to me. I feel if I divorce her this is what she wants, the only reason she is looking after my children is because of the welfare benefits. Is there anything in Islam where I just stay with her for the sake of my children.
Alhamdulillah you found proof now she will get what she deserves and you will finally be free of her.I have learnt through my experience "once a cheater,always a cheater".Once a woman cheats on her husband it is very likely that she will do it again and again because she has no character and no shame and does not care for anyone but herself.These ladies are NOT marriage material they are play things like toys men play with them and they play with men.Atleast you will finally have peace of mind.But if you don't mind could you please tell me what proof you have and how you got it ,because I am trying to find some proof against my wife as well...
Mustafa, I strongly belived in my life and followed as Islam suggested that do not belive and blame until one has proof. I had proof and yet I allowed my wife to admit to me and waited few weeks until enough was enough. I worked hard on getting proofs eventhough I knew it would hurt more but I rather know truth than being ignoraant about it. There are always ways to get proofs and not sure how can u can get in tocuh with me here so I can advise u on it. Feel free to contact me..not sure how
hi brother & sister am married with one daughter and she is 3 month young. after 3 months of marriage i found my wife in affair with another man i shout on her & give her a slap and she sorry me & i get sleep & next morning i got up & see my wife is not in home ?
i ask my family members & they found her at her taiame home i talk to her & she told me i cant live with you & seance that day she don't come she don't care about any thing her family is not talking about something now i have a daughter 3 months of age now what to do?
when i investigate my wife life b4 marriage i found lots of affair 4 or 5 and she is totally involved in it !
but i love my daughter very much please tell me what to do ?
Muslib Bro - i feel your pain - i cant sleep too good or eat or fuction properly either.
been 2 weeks since my divorce - have 1 baby 19 months.
married christian.
within 5 mins after fajr dua i asked allah is it meant to be or not.
he gave me the answer within 5 mins.
will write up full storey asap.
Asalamuelicum Brothers and Sisters!
After Reading stories of all Muslim brothers and sisters my heart got deeply hurt inside... and my eyes got wet.... i haven't yet married.... but i always believed that if you(Man) is loyal with his family and his wife... she will never ever think of cheating his husband even if he is away from home many years..... but after reading your stories i felt that this kind of pure loyalty doesn't exit any more..... I think.... if man is cheated my his beloved wife... he has nothing else to lose in his whole life.... man should dedicated his life for work of Allah... he should instantly divorce her wife after her cheating proof without saying a single word... gave her promised money or what ever is decided at the time of marriage... then man should live a true sin free life... pure for his parents,,, his family... his relatives.. he should then himself became a symbol of guidance for his children.. pray five time a day and seek a true guidance...
Shahzadah, those are very beautiful thoughts. Maybe not so realistic, but still beautiful.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams All,
I agree with Brother Muslim. There is no excuse at all for cheating. To me it spells the end of a marriage. For someone to cheat, they have no self respect let alone any respect for their spouse or children. It is a completely selfish and evil act.
To say that the brother was chasing money via his long distance job is completely unfair. If you truly love someone then they should remain in your hearts despite being afar physically.
That cheating wife deserves punishment now and in the hereafter. She betrayed Allah's commands, her husband and her children as well as herself. The husband should divorce her and take the children, so that they don't become affected by her unclean way of living. It is so, once a cheat, always a cheat. If she is forgiven, she will become complacent and think she got away with such an evil crime. Thus would be likely to do it again.
If these acts are forgiven so readily, then this would become a trivial matter as it now is in Western society.
I pray for all those who have been hurt in such a way and may Allah grant us the strength to see ourselves through such trials.
Salam Bros and sisters.
Thanks for your comments and your feedback, guidance.
It has been year since I found out that she cheated on me but I did not want to make a decision in rush and then regret later as I considered the community shame for my wife, future of wife my 2 kids, her family, my family, family, reputation, her future, her good behavior over the years except the cheating part and so many other things. I have asked myself that do I hate or do not lover her MORE than I love my children ? What would have my 9 years daughter wished from if I had asked her to leave her mum or get divorced as she would lose one of us for sure.
Honestly, It is so so painful and I never thought that it would hurt so much. It would have hurt probably less if someone had cut my arms and legs then being cheated.
ANyway, coming to point I am still in the pain and can not decide what to do. I already gave get 1-2 talaqs ( not sure ) and still living with her. She is asking for forgiveness and asked me to put a condition that if I would give her all TALAQs if she ever contacts that man. And that she will never cheat and relized her mistake. I still can not accept the fact that she cheated for 5 years out of 8 years of marriage after having kids for sore loser man.
So I am still in limbo and can not decided. My parents still do not know the situation I am in as once they know all world would know and they will be in pain. I will HAVE to divorce her if my community knows about it as i will not be able live my life after knowing the fact that everyone knows and I will not be able show my face to all these people..Shame on these women who cheats to loyal husbands.
MuslibBro I can understand your pain...... i understand how terible situation you are going through and how terrible days and nights you have passed it with.... The most misrable man on earth is the one who's beloved wife cheated upon her...... brother... the best advice is the advice of Allah.... If you can't prove her that she is a cheater in front of court ( you have to do this, believe me its far more better for your family, for your kids and even for her because living in a lie and keep neglecting the facts makes the lives more misrable)... leave her brother.. give her talaq and never saw her face again... if she was a cheater form the day one then her care and respect all was a lie...... My final advice... before taking any further step discus the whole situation with a Alim... most knowledgeable person about Deen you can find ask him... and then finalize it....
Shahzadah, It's proven and she admitted of cheating for last 5 years out of total of 10 years of merrigage. ANd I will never accuse anyone without evidences. Her execuse that I did not pay attention to her and I did not show my feeling toher..If I had not loved and showed my feeling to her than who was else I was involved..belive or not I never had intimate relation with anyone before and after merriage..never cheated and here is what u get ..
My issue is my old parents, the society, the children, friends, shame, childern willl lose one of us either way so I am trapped to death in this life..sometme I wish that leave this selfish world and start voulnteering for poor children in asia..It's in-tolerable but I am still hanging in there for 2 years and i will see where I end up..I would have been happier if I had lost $500000 in return of pure beloved wife or love..
I really! really understand your pain brother in Islam... Bro dedicate your life for deen and betterment of this world... do you have a good friend where you live ? keep good company... spent more and more time reciting Quran and its translation... it will help you lot to focus on your life goals.... I know... it felt like you don't have anything to lose now... but still... you are living... right ? ? ? .. now its a best time to repent all your sins whole heartidly and promise yourself n Allah that now you will live a error free life.... do the best for your parents... kids... your naibours... friends... do your best that you left a positive mark in this world... Brother when you really get hurt in life... at that time there are two options... get angry and distroy everything and ruin yourself too. and option B change yourself for the betterment of world.. bro...take the option B...and its the only choice you have....
As salamu alaykum Muslimbro,
I agree with Shahzadhah.
I just read your post, it has been two years from your first post, has she been cheating on you this time? how has she behaved towards you this time? have you talked about solutions? have you gone to counselling?Have you asked her if she loves you in anyway? You have been there for two years, I see how much you love her and your children ( you are voluntareing for your own children,...).
Have you forgiven her? Do you still love her? the words hanging there means to me that you are just surviving for the circumstances, but I kind of feel that you still want your marriage to function, please forgive me if I am wrong.
I made this questions for you to think about it, because it sounds you are arriving to a point where you really need a solution, and you need to know where you are right now, and if this situation has a solution go for it, but as Shahzadah recommended being your best, doing your best, I mean thriving for excellence, insha´Allah. Now it is your time for being a living example of excellence for all around you, and if both of you choose to be together, say what you want and the way you want it. It is not even fare for none of you to live like that.
I felt your Heart shining through all the process, despite so much pain, don´t give up, please. May Allah(swt) guide you to the right steps to take to go through this test keeping all of you in His Loving Hands.
All my unconditional Love and Respect,
María
May Allah forgive us all. my personal feelings.. i can never think of living with a cheater. coz i know I can never cheat my wife one day. this is because of kind of family i brought up in. the solid eastern values we hold. sometimes these values became more strict then it shouldn't might be but that's what we are. hhmm... living life in this dunia is no perfect. good honest loyal true people very very hard to find. yet if you have one. you can't live for ever n bad things still comes. in akhirat. a women you love shall never cheat you. shall never leave you. shall always be yours. honest. love loves grows never fades. her feelings deepen for you all the time. her beauty never ever grow old. she is the one no one ever had touched before. saw before. ahh! and in her arms and in her chest. one sec is of thousand years. and you never ever wana leave her. my perfect world. and i believe i'm gona get it. InshaAllah.
Assalam alaikum brother.. U may have read my post I am in a similar position to you.. However I feel like my situation cannot be worse. She has robbed cheated lied for nearly all of our 13 years of marriage and she still denys everything. However coming back to your situation I feel no man or woman deserves to be cheated on. When your wife cheats on you it's so painful, your heart hurts you feel down, incapable of carrying on with life. Be strong I know it's easier said than done but u have to be. Being in limbo like me is the worst scenario, I've been like this for years now I know I have to make a decision soon.
I have recently be divorced by my husband and I think it is most unfair. Last year he read through my phone messages and found out that I was cheating on him. It was only by phone. Yes, I'm not proud of it. Neither did I started it. But it went that way. This man isn't even living in the same country. Our communications were only by phone. I don't go out, not even to see friends. I used to work all my life, day and night or attend classes and when I got married, I had to do everything and remain housebound. My life was reduced to nothing. Our dreams of becoming successful never materialised. We continue to accrue debts. I had thought of leaving him before the affair started, going to the iman because, basically my needs were not met. We only talked over the phone. My children are young and the eldest is autistic. I was lonely and bored. My communications with this man is mainly a persona. It was not real but I've threatened my husband many times that I would run to this man.
This year, we took a big bank loan to finance the company and no new business came. But with all the zikirs that I've been practising, i realised that it was time for me to change things around and perhaps help my husband out. But he read my phone messages again, which again were not real, because I was trying to end the relationship with this man. Of course my husband was ready to divorce me based on that excuse, that I was unfaithful to him, not wanting to take responsibility for his failure to look after me well.
But my children are young, 2 1/2, 5 and 6 year olds. Yes, this divorce would bring me shame and I'm trying to ask him to take me back because it is difficult for me to look after them all by myself. And I also believe that if we both work hard on the relationship, we can make it right. I am disappointed that he does not see all my contributions to this family and my sacrifices. So I really don't know what will become of me.
I'm asking all brothers and sisters to pray for me, that if this is what Allah's punishment for me, I redha. But I'm praying for a happy marriage for the sake of my children and for the sake of me. I am after all human and weak. Although I will try my very best to remain chaste, I am so afraid that I might fall behind without a guiding hand.
We will be attending counselling sessions soon and I'm asking everyone to pray for me and my children. At the moment, I'm reciting ayatul kareema, so please join me. And if you have something for me to recite to get me through, please feel free to suggest.
Salam Sister
I am sorry if I will hurt you or anything but there's a saying in my country: "A very close friend talks the bitter reality" and yeah it's time to talk the reality. You have cheated on your husband by phone and now you want your husband back. What if your husband would sleep with some other women and he enjoys it and talks naughty with them...enjoying it...
Yeah it hurts..of course it does. Yeah you were not loyal to your husband and cheated on him. While he had very great debts that stressed him what you were doing is unfair. You should have helped him but what do you do: YOU ESCAPE
Now you think that he should take you back in anyway. In better times you go to him and when times get bad you want to escape. You are really unfaithful and unfair towards your husband. NOTHING ever justifies cheating hiding or denying in a marriage. Now you will get your reward for your actions here as in the hereafter as well.
Make repentance and try to ask for the forgiveness from God AND your husband (not because of getting back to him but because you wronged him by cheating and being unfaithful and lying possibly and not loving your husband and lying about hiding this fact as well).
If you can't get the forgiveness from your husband he will get his rights in hereafter and you will have to pay a great amount of your hassanant.
Try to make Dua and God will help you ask for the forgiveness
My wife doesn't accept of fear mistakes
i i became muslim at my husband correctional facility and we got married there ( muslim marriage not legal marriage) i cheated on him but i want to stop because its was wrong and i do love him....but its hard when he's been looked up for 2yrs now and i get very lonly he doesnt come home till 2014....how can i be forgiven for this with out telling him...i dont want to disrespect Allah or him..
Cheaters should be dealth with Iron fist. It is the heinous crime and if muslims are doing this means we are bringing the wrath of Allah (SWT). If muslims indulge in such acts then who will show the islamic guidance to this world?
She should be divorced so that you can concentarte on Aakhirat.
God bless us all.
Greetings, I'm amazed to read these stories. I never knew there are faithful husbands in this world. My respect to you all.
I grew up christian and married my muslim husband, as I was learning about Islam through him. He was my first everything, and I learned throughout our marriage that he does the online cheating. It didnt seem to bother him, he didnt think it was serious, I confronted him about it and he promised he wouldnt do it again, but many times I found he was doing it.
Anyways, we had many issues but as a wife I was loyal, loving, caring, and sweet, he was the love of my life. One time we had an argument and he moved out for like 1 week or 2, and he cheated on me at that time with a drugaddict he had just met. I found out days later when he came back crying asking me to forgive him. I forgave him since he said it was out of anger and considering this is a person he had just met 2 days earlier. However, it destroyed the trust in our marriage and the respect, and once that is gone, It can never be recovered.
He ended up running away with her for 2 days and ended up moving back with his mom. I love him very much and I went through hell with all that happening. Eventually, we came back together only 3 months later, and stayed together for 2 more years. I stopped checking on whether he was being faithful or not anymore, I wanted to trust him and give him the chance to proof me wrong before we could start having kids. Well he started changing becoming more aggresive and more, until he just did not come back anymore and cut all contact with me. I never stopped being there for my husband, I pleased him whatever he wanted, I never said no to him in our intimacy, I took care of him as good I could.
Just recently I noticed that it seems he got involved with somebody else. Its only been 3 months since I last saw him, but he gave me so much hurt and pain I could not take him back anymore.
I believe in a good decent loving family, and a husband and a wife should never cheat regardless what excuse they might have. If you cheat you have problems on your own, its not your husband's or wife's fault, you have some major respect issues for you and God. You have lack of values and you dont believe in God, your spouse could be away but you have to respect him/her, you should never put yourself in the position to disrespect your spouse.
Once the person allows him/herself to talk via phone, email, net, person, letters, it doesnt matter what type of communication you use, just thinking outside your marriage should never happen. If you find yourself flirting or else, then you are not happy with yourself, its not your marriage. Because once you cheat you will always do it. Even if you find the perfect person for you, you will still do it because you dont respect yourself.
I'm not a marriage counselor, but for those husbands dont think about the shame of the community, think about saving yourself from wrong doing because if you stay next to her, you become a participant of her acts, Money and sacrificies doesnt mean anything, the only sacrify you should do is be faithful to your spouse. Children will be better off knowing that at least one of their parents think straight.
Dear sister,
I'm sorry to hear your trouble. You have done something that only few have done, you have forgiven this heinous crime. The act of forgiveness is one of the hardest and rewarding thing any person can do, but you also have to understand one thing; if one doesn't want to forgiven there is nothing that can be done. Allah has given us free will, and he also give us chances to fix our mistakes so forgive him and move on with your life. It is time to reward yourself and smile. And always remember anyone and everyone can live, but Allah will stay with you from the day you are born, till the day you die, and whatever the Almighty does he does it for the best.
P.S. Please don't give up on Islam. Allah will help inshallah.
All the best.
You are truly correct, once a cheater always a cheater and hats off to you, u r so faithful to him and learned about islam and still he did so many horrible things to deceive you. I hope the best for you.
Assalam allikum,
I am feeling very guilty after reading all this. I met a muslim guy was a lot older than me and is raised liked americans. He wanted me to meet him and then things happened physically at first I was ashamed of myself and asked him when does he wants a relationship he said he doesn't want to deal with anything. He still wanted to meet me and me being young and stupid still met him and got physically involved even thought I never did anything all the way. I still feel horrible of letting him touch me before marriage I was so pure and he used me. He used to live with an american girl without marriage but left her. He told me he will marry me when he's ready and then after 2 years of leading me on he told me he has a child with a married woman. She is of a sikh religion, I am devastated because he told me about everything so late and said he will never marry me. After taking advantage of me so much. His child is one year old and he still did not do anything about it because he is afraid her husband will kill him. Her husband is not willing to give her a divorce till she tells him that who the childs biological father is. I feel bad because I use to tell him of islam and now he can throw it back on me that if a muslim girl can kiss hug get intimate before marriage then that married woman is right. I knew I was ddoing wrong things but he was the first person in my life and he wanted me to keep everything a secret till he is ready. When he told me about that child I was shocked but still saw him and things happened and everytime he would initiate things and I would give in weakly. I am ashamed of myself can not stop asking Allah for forgiveness of my sins, how should make him beleive islam is the right path? I don't want to justify my sins but I want a corrected and valid opinion
Walaykum as salam sister Shehnaz,
Please log in and write your question as a separate post, for everyone being able to help you, insha´Allah.
A quick answer to your question on top of the page you have a link on Tawbah. The first step you should take is to stop any kind of contact with this person and try to focus all your energy on yourself, to be yourself a living example of the Straight Path, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Shehnaz, forget about making him believe anything. You cannot control what anyone else believes. Focus on your own behavior. Separate yourself from this man, end your contact with him permanently, make tawbah to Allah for your own behavior, and try to live your life according to Islam in the future.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamalekum
i have a very serious matter regarding my mother, she talks on phone and chat with a man we know and i dont know whether relationship is more than that or not.
(Remainder of comment has been removed. Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
Just update on my situation. It has been more than 2 years but I am still in limbo. I still do not talk to her very much and try not to share bed with her as well. I am double minded everyday or every hour or 100 times in a day..One one hand I want to forget everything and live a life as father only and never give show her my love and feeling for ever..other hand, I think that I should just move out, divorce her and start looking for new partnor who will heal my heart. My parents still do not know that how much pain I am in and can not share with family members as it is not easy to trust anyone in this world. People will listen to you and share with with the world and they will embarass my so called wife and my kids later on as they grow up. It is like talking to yourself for pain and look at yourself for relief. I just can not get over the fact that she had loved another man, may be it is my ego..may be I felt insulted..whatver that is I just can not accept it. That is how I am and not much I can do.
I have lost faith in good deeds, good people, honesty..I am at the point that I no longer even pray once a week..I know this is bad but I just can not concentrate and see all good things as loss cause..
anyway..I am just taking my time and I hope that some day I will just know what to do for sure and I wil do it, until then I will keep suffering..
thanks everyone for hearing me out..
allah hafiz
Muslimbro, your words and thoughts echo my own situation. I would like to make contact and realise it may not be permitted to disclose personal details here. ps let me know your thoughts on this
Naeem, Please send me your email address.
We do not allow the exchange of email addresses.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm sorry about your situation
Your wife is having an affair which is such a .
Well inspite u working hard and providing a good life and security to your family(which a man supposed to do , its his duty )
She is having an affair(disgusting) , she is a . And even not ready to work on it
Brother I know u love here and wanna make it work , but it takes two to tango , alone u cannot make this work her 100 % input is required
Secondly brother looking from ur comment I don't think that she is remorsefull about here action
Lastly , I know u have two lovely daughters mashallah brother, but for their sake if u r willing to continue , plz brother u deserve someone better , really brother leave her
Well I made above comments , many might not agree even u might not agree , but its what I feel a way out
Every person deserves to be loved , respected and mutually understood u r not getting any of these
Brother u deserve someone better but its upto u .
Agree with true blood. If the situation told by Brother Muslim 100% write.
Brother , sorry my advice might be harsh and stupid as well leave her
Don't u feel u deserve someone better than her
If ur thinking abt the kids ur right but brother , can u leave like this in the same house knowing that your wife is having an affair despite your warning and trying to works things out
If u don't get respect , no need to give respect back full stop
My brother wael, i am sorry to hear all about you and couldn't hold myself sharing wot had happened to me. i hope this will might relax u bit.
I am father of 3 little girls older is about 8 now, my wife cheated me as well. i was away from home for sake of giving my kids a better life. my parents disowned me after i went for love marriage. i had financial issues and had troubled life, my wife never learn to compromise. so i was keep earning to please her and move on in my life.
She had relations with man who claim that i am your lover, she got trapped or wot ALLAH knows. but i was sick of living alone so i arrange all necessary documents to bring them to place i work. when that man heard that news she is going he called me and told me that he have affair with my wife. when i ask my wife about it she replied nothing and hang up the call & she commit suicide. now ALLAH knows wot is best in my interest that i couldn't even figure out what happen and what not.
you are blessed my brother that you have chance to take turn in life, its been 3 years she died and i still cry and think that why she did this to me and my kid. there is no answer, which is painful itself. but u do have answer, best revenge will be you let him keep her.
i tried to harm this man but ALLAH make me so coward or i have fear in my heart that i couldn't do anything. but you can do one thing, that take your kids away from her and start a new life. its not easy to do as i said but do u want your kids to be doing the same thing she did to you.
kids learn from parents, i need your prays for my kids and i shall pray for you and your kids as well. MAY ALLAH FILL YOUR HEART WITH SO MUCH COURAGE THAT YOU CAN TAKE RIGHT DECISION.
i curse her day and night when i think of my kids.
Brother,
The author of this post is not Wael. Wael submitted the post on behalf of someone else, thats why his name appears at the top.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with this revenge if it is feasible. best revenge will be you let him keep her. But most men who cheates with their wives just for fun and will not accept the cheaters. It is stupid wives that they cross the line and ruins everyone life. I will be happy to hand her over to that men but he is married with kids and I am sure he will not take her..
ALLAH may help me, Sad to hear your story. The thing with these types of situations, you are trapped, live but dead, free but trapped.. You can not leave the situtation because of kids and family if you love them to death. It makes man lose his pride, trapped, helpless and doubtful 24*7. Sometime the death seems easier then living especially when you can not share with your pain anyone one in the world other than such forms. My family still does not know and I will keep it secret until I am ready to move on. The day my family finds out I am done as I can trust my blood relation family but not everyyone who will use the situation to talk nonsense about my wife and my wife is not my wife anymore but the mother my children. I can not let my daughter live her life in shame, i rather take all the blake and show that I was the problem and I did.
I am working on exit plan. The plan I am thinking is that I show to world that I have affair and I am to be blamed for this so my wife and kids will not regret about their mum. I am perfectly fine that my dad will not talk to me for ever and the community will see me as bad man but this is best solution I can think of to end the merriage.
My question to all cheaters that cheat all you want but do not after you have kids cos you have no rights to ruin other life..you can do whatever to you life but not innocent childrens..
Asalaam alaikum,
What a tragic outpouring of your heart, brother. Yet, I will remind you of one thing: you did not force this situation to happen, so stop beating yourself up over this and keeping yourself in a life that you do not want for image sake. Instead, if you want to get out of this situation since it seems that you no longer wish to be with your wife, get reformed and start looking for another wife. Make your intention to please Allah (swt), heal your heart by getting back to prayer and the deen. Start looking for a woman who perhaps has gone through the same thing or whose husband has passed away. There are so many bounties from this as it is the Sunnah to do so.
Another wife who has suffered like you, with the loss of a spouse through cheating (many people say the feelings are similar to death) appreciates the next person who comes along and is just so eager to be loving, faithful and affectionate to them. "The chaste are for the chaste," so partake in His blessings and Wisdom and find that next wife! Especially if the next one has children. What a tremendous blessing you could be to each other and what a wonderful family you can start making again.
You see, you're missing our on the big picture. You have these feelings of resentment towards your wife, because you have seen the falsehood from the Truth, but you're slipping on the slope yourself. You have to regain your composure and start believing that Allah (swt) didn't make you to be half a man, but a full one who gets through the trials and finds the wisdom to enjoy life again. Quite frankly, for the past two years you've been sitting on the treasure that Allah (swt) put there for you: permission to take another wife or at least to start looking for one. And you might as well divorce this current one, because not enjoining each other's rights is a sin and there's no sense in letting her drag you down any farther.
Your current wife and her cheating partner cannot take away what Allah (swt) has given you. In fact, through their actions, what you should have learned was that everything is temporary as Allah (swt) says in the Holy Qur'an. Just like Prophet Job (as) your sustenance is being straightened, but you need to see that you are not supposed to writhe in agony when Allah (swt) has still blessed you with a child, a job and health. This is something that Prophet Job (as) had taken from him and still he never complained. Ironically, it was when his wife bothered him that he did. Learn from that by saying, "Allah (swt) this woman is bothering me. Give me the conviction and courage to end this nightmare!"
The best revenge against what happened and against Iblis is living a great life in the light of Islam. Don't let the Shaytan take that away from you with disappointment, undeserved shame or hurt. And definitely don't turn your back on the bounties from Allah (swt). Learn from Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison. He didn't have a choice to leave, but you do. Leave this life of hell and turn it around today. Not tomorrow, but today.
Lastly, I want to tell you a few points from a speech of a very successful person. He said the difference between the winners and losers is that the winners know that they will lose and so don't fear it. Whereas the losers stay in abject fear, get down and scared about "what could happen." So you need to embrace the first point:
1. WHO do you want to be? Not what, but who? Not what your parents want or what your community will say, but "who do you want to be?"
2. Break these silly rules of public image. You did nothing wrong and you don't have to live the way you are doing. So break out of it and rely on Allah (swt) by returning back to Him, praying and making up for what you are losing by surrendering to other people's mistakes. What is the point of conforming to what people, who don't know your life, think of you? There isn't one, so stop thinking this way.
3. Don't be afraid to fail or making decisions. You can't always win, but do not become paralyzed be fear, which you currently are. So keep pushing yourself because you believe in Allah (swt) and yourself. And that you know you will make the right decision by obeying Him and partaking in His bounties.
4. Don't listen to the naysayers. If someone tells you that you will suffer publicly and that it's impossible to avoid it, don't listen. Who is the best helper, them or Allah (swt). So don't listen to those who will be negative.
5. Work like Hell. Work your butt off everyday to improve your life. It's not going to fall out of the sky or appear from thin air if you keep tormenting yourself in despair. Do you know when life starts counting? Not when life is easy, but when the pain of life comes to you. That's what makes you a man, so embrace the pain. Get smarter and stronger. There is no way around this. Learn to sleep faster, eat better and become a great future husband, a great father and a humble man. Yeah, that right, I did say sleep faster. Stop wasting your time toiling in agony.
6. Give back to society. Whatever is, public service work, charity or participating in an cause of need, give back your success to the world. You have a good job, so give back when others need it so desperately these days.
In short, start living as you deserve to: as a servant of Allah (swt) blessed with His bounties. There is nothing greater.
stay True Bro. or atleast keep silent.. but never lie.. you'll deviate further... & remember. Allah have Created this universe. this system, us and these all situations... to see how we play our part best... so keep remembering Allah Subhaana'Taela.. and ask for Him to make a better way out of it. Best of luck...
I find this all extremely amusing. Perhaps there is something you are not telling. There is always two side of a coin and if you feel that you have done all you could, and if indeed that is true, then leave her and find yourself another wife. Talk to her and tell her of your intentions instead of keeping it all inside you. The truth will reveal itself sooner or later. Allah is the best of planners and only He knows what is truth. Do the right thing for yourself and her. and ultimately the children. May Allah guide us all.
Thanks everyone for kind and encouraging words. I have given myself next few months to make the final decision. Marrying again may not be easy option as finding another women, immigration delays, the trust part is not easy. The new wife must be understanding that I will be supporting my children as they are innocent. Finding local women is tough as our community is small where I live..It will be hard to find a woment that will marry me cos of who I am rather than marrying me just for visa part.
Mai, If you are referring to my situaion there is not much to hide here, my wife did not tell me but based on conversation she did all this because i was not paying attention to her and not being nice to her...That is about it otherwise she had freedome from all perpectives.
Anyway, I appreciate from the bottom of my heart for the feedback, suggestions and kind words.
salam muslim bro,
i am sure you will be able to find a woman who will be understand your situation or may herself gone through a similar situation. she may be also looking for a man who is loyal like you. when you go through this website lots of woman pious and loyal have been cheated , they would value a man like you , and with time inshallah you will be able to bring your self to love someone else.
if you continue to stay in this rotten relationship ,you will never look at other options.
may Allah get you out of this mental torture , bring peace in you heart and in your life and bring you a spouse who would value you and love you and may you also feel the same towards her. my sincere prayers for you .ammen
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
My suggestion is do your five prayers, even if you only recite Al-Fatiha, (and learn the meaning of Al-Fatiha), talaq your wife and ask Allah for a better one.
You don't owe any explanation to anyone. Keeping her will be worse for your children than divorcing her. Stop giving yourself extensions. Divorce her. Find someone better. Perhaps the new person will be someone older than you/around your age who can take care of your children...
Slm ppl
I have been married for almost 8 years with 2 kids that I love dearly. . 2 years ago my marriage went through a rough patch, wife started new job because my business took a big knock. She started to reject me calling me a looser and I accused her of having an affair. After a long struggle( she proving that I need help to sort out my head, telling family and friends how insane I was, I finally went for counseling. Got myself all sorted and focused more on myself than looking for evidence to proof my wife is cheating) . and a 6 month separation. We got together a few months ago all went well , bought a house. New house , new beginnings a hugh deposit lol all is happy as can be . The morning on the day of actually moving in , she sends me to get her some cigs , I told her I dnt hav any cash. She being in the shower ask me to look in her work jacket for cash. I did.... And I found two folded pages from her dairy of two years ago. On these pages she wrote ( ready to be throne away) her full confession of how she is so sorry that she had an affair. How she dreamed of being with this man she work with ( him being married too). That knocked the wind rite out of my sails. My head is even more screwed now. I still live with her. She asked maaf and told me she never slept with him. They only went for lunch every day for months and from time to time kissed. She can't afford that house. I wnt to leave but I still care for her. What makes it worse is she still rejects me. She no longer work with this guy and told me she ende it because he wanted to sleep with her and she did not. She wanted at the time for both of them to leave ther spouse first. I am really stuck in reverse and jst when I thort all was ok. Allah revealed the truth. Any advise.
sameer, wow, what a blow. I'm deeply sorry to hear about this betrayal that you've experienced. However, I cannot tell you what to do. Only you can decide if this woman sincerely loves you, and if you can trust her. If the answer is no, then you cannot stay with her. If yes, then try to forgive her. Be very close to Allah and ask Him for guidance. If you want more detailed advice then please log in and write your question as a separate post and we'll put it in the queue Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sameer, I am with you. It is so painful to know about betrayel. On average It takes about year to heal the death of family member but it takes years and prob. never to heal/forget the betrayel. In my case, my wife wants me and begging for forgiveness YET AGAIN. She had cheated for years and not sure I can trust her. I do not want to be her if I ask my heart but still with her due to the sake of kids..being fake, not sure how long that will last.
In your case, If she cheated and rejects you then forget about her and I suggest to move on if no kids involed. I am almost certain you will be much happier with someone else than being with her. She will remind you that betrayel everyday..atleast it does to me..but that is me who does not forget things for ever.
Anyway, I hope you are eating and sleeping well and all go well with you.
agree with MuslimBro's advice... if you cant forgive the betrayel.. it is better for both of ( husband and wife ) to leave each other for good. & 2nd. Allah knows best what is truth.. but never believe tears of a dis loyal person.....
Asalamu alaikum,
A woman who has cheated her husband is a loser, because the Prophet(SAW) was asked about a woman having two husbands. He(SAW) said bring two half glasses of water and pour one to the other then asked the water from each glass to be separated. Thus, the answer was impossible, hence, this shows that a woman can never have another man while she is still married.
Allah has given man to marry upto 4 wives with condition, but a woman never. If Allah commands, as humanbeings, we should follow and not question, if we are true believers.
May Allah guide us all. Ameen.
Inna Lilaah WA Inna ileyhi raji'un. I can't believe what I just read, what happened to the Muslims. How can Muslim women cheat and sleep in peace at night. Walaahi it makes me sad to see a lot of Muslim brothers suffering through this. Subhana Allah I always believed Muslim women were pure, loyal, obedient but hearing the stories of the brothers Walaahi Iam ashamed. I ask Allah to heal the brothers that are heartbroken and to guide the wives that are so lost. Ameen.
Salam aly kum Muslim bro
Im in the same situation 7 years married. In the beginig life was good 2 years of happiness.
we had a little girl alhamdulilah good job etc......
But the 3rd year she suffered from Jinn (posession) and we struggled for years.
The emotional abuse was extreme. No she I much better but while she was ill with jinn
she had an emotional affair with and english guy. I clocked on early and confonted her
As usual denial im beging jelouse blah blah......
I managed to get her emails and saw she wanted to run away with my daughter an this guy
So I sent the information to her father her dad confronted her without the evidence she denied.
The her dad tableted the evidence and she was scilent. For the sake of my daughter I stayed with her till today.
But she is not even being a good mother to my daughter and lack of respect. Our marrage is not smooth and she keeps on redirecting all her anger on me "selfish, a real husband would......." she is deflecting her bad actions and trying to keep me busy by concentrating on my faults while she acts like a fool.
2 months ago she asked for talak so a big family meeting was held and both of us tried to rekindle.
Our relationship I knew this will last a couple of weeks. And boy was I right now she wants to move out she cant look after herself let alone fend for herself as she is still a mature student in uni. But this ramadhan I have prayed istikhara and tahhujjud I my heart says talak so after eid I will be issuing her talak.
Bro one thing I must say is if she shows no compassion toward you your parents etc... Be a man make a decision allah is all knowing. Dont be embarrest over someone elses bad actions let them take the flack
For it
I for sure will be taking a break for a while before I get married again. Because she affected me so much I dont trust any woman other than my mum and gran.
Best of luck
Masalam
Assalam o alikum brothers and sisters
(Brother, I have removed your comment and submitted it on your behalf as a separate post. It will be answered in turn Insha'Allah. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
brother iam nable to find that post that i have posted , how can i find it
It is still pending publication. It has not been posted yet.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaamu alaikum
(Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
Assalaamualaikum
A am currently separated from my husband of 12 yrs. (remainder of the comment has been deleted)
Wa Alaikum as Salam Faseeha,
Please login and submit your question in a separate post. In sha Allah we will publish it in turn.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Ma'Adhallah, if I found my wife doing the least possible thing with another man I would divorce her on the spot with no chance of her coming back. No matter how many kids I have or what others think.
Kids don't need their father stuck with a woman like that.
Salaams,
This website has helped me alot to reach a decision. Thanks alot and keep up the good work.
Hi, I am Mahena. I have been cheating on my innocent husband for 4 years. (remainder of the comment has been removed)
Hello Mahena,
Please submit a new post after having logged in. In sha Allah, we will publish it in turn.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Is this your post brother Wael?
im sorry.
i hope its all sorted by now.
No, it's not me. At one point we allowed people to submit questions by email, then I would post them under my name if they didn't have an account.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Oooops! :s Excuse me.
May Allah always keep you happy.
I'm just I. Shock reading this post!!! I don't know what to say just how can people cheat on there love inces
Shame on them wallah they all be long to hell no where else please Allah forgive me for saying this because my husband cheated on me and till now he is lying and Ill never find the truth till I die but I forgave him and he promise he never cheated . My heart is broken by him and Allah knows best. And as for a women to cheat omg shame on her for doing that. I know if I cheated on my husband he would have not even think he would let me go but I stay with his
Sorry ass
Because of my son and Allah. I think you need to let this nasty human been go and take care of your kids because from reading your post she isn't changing . Sorry to hear and wallah allah Cheaters belong to hell no where else.I dont mean to sound
Harsh my English isn't good right now.
Muslim sister,
Its just as bad muslim men cheating on their poor innocent wives! I don't understand why people are so shocked! I have never heard of a good pious muslim women cheating on her husband. Its always the men cheating on their wives with no remorse and then the ever forgiving wives forgive them a million times. But when the tables are turned the husbands cannot forgive! Its the end of the world for them.
Women are more emotional and loving then men especially the pious muslima will never cheat fearing Allah's punishment. I think these women are not practising mudlimas. These men marry only for beauty and dont look for a religous women and then in the end they are only left with only a preety face!
Have you ever heard of a practicing pious muslima cheat on her husband? No!
I totally agree with brother shahzadah & MuslimBro. You will find many Muslims appear to be practicing muslims, but in fact they are hypocrites/ two-faced. Especially, in case of finding a suitable partner for marriage, it is really difficult to know about him/her entirely. You can never know what hideous sin or crime in the past, he or she has really concealed in heart. Unless, Allah swt reveals it for you. So marriage is like a gamble and you should seek Allah’s help and guidance in this matter.
Aslaam
"Have you ever heard of a practicing pious muslima cheat on her husband? No!"
I have. Quite a few times actually, just because a Muslim woman is "practicing and pious" doesn't mean she's immune to sins.
A truly pious person would not commit such major sins. Piety is a matter of the heart, not outer appearances.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Practicing people never cheat anyway, men or women. Allah s.w.t punishes both the adulterer and the adulteress equally. The punishment of rajam is for both. Shaitan comes to both of them and tempts them equally but the statistics show that married women cheat less than their male counterparts. since the cases of wives cheating are comparatively much lesser than cheating husbands we get shocked when we hear of the former lot. may Allah save us, the numbers of cheating wives are growing steadily. Allah has not given any special concessions to anyone on the basis of their gender.
im very sorry to read about you sister.
indeed the zanis ans zanias will end up in hell. i hope your husband realises his mistake and repents to never do that again and may you be rewarded for your sabr and find peace in your marriage.
A fornicator does dhulm on himself.
How we know if a sister is a practicing Muslimah or not? again, it is totally in the hands of Allah Subhana wa Taela, one should worry for his own level of Faith and practices, Allah will put you in save hands In Sha Allah. One thing, Allah forgives and even loves his sinner but loyal slaves. Even Allah don't forgive the disloyal, the kuffar. So Allah won't forgive a lier, a cheater either, Allah himself will bring justice over him/her.
Of course pious woment cheat too, read my posts. My wife who was very religious praying all them time cheated for more than half of my merriage. I noticed that some of religious people think they have license to kill, cheat and lie when they pray all the time and forget that 70% of islam is actually aqkhlaq, how you treat and live your life. Anyway, I am still with wife. Did I forget and forgave her ? No. Why am I there..may be because of kids, community shame, love towrds her, my care for others so why not my own blood and family..I do not even know why I am still not divorced. just taking time ( years ) to make final decision..may be never will make one before I die..Allah knows best.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Akhi, a dayooth does not enter Paradise. I suggest that you divorce her and ask Allah for a better woman who will treat your children well.
Don't fear the blame of any blamers, there is no shame in this divorce, there is shame in remaining a dayoooth.
If she is not committing this heinous sin anymore and she has repented than yes, you can keep her, indeed Allah forgives all sins however I hate for you what I hate for myself. Have hope in Allah aza wa jal and look for another, better woman.
Maybe my advise above was not good.
In anycase, it is not wise to take years to make this decision. SubhanAllah, do istikakharah and be done with it. Allah can provide you with a way out. It is not good for you to suffer endlessly. It is not righteous that you humiliate yourself like this.
Imam Ahmad recorded that Hudhayfah said that the Prophet said,
«لَا يَنْبَغِي لِمُسْلِمٍ أَنْ يُذِلَّ نَفْسَه»
(It is not required of the Muslim that he humiliate himself.) They said, `How does one humiliate himself'' he said;
«يَتَعَرَّضُ مِنَ الْبَلَاءِ لِمَا لَا يُطِيق»
(He takes on trials that he is not capable of enduring. ) This was recorded by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah, and At-Tirmidhi said, "This Hadith is Hasan Sahih Gharib.''
May Allah provide you a way out.
My heart is deeply sorrowed to hear from all of my brothers going through such painful situation. I understand because I have suffered the same fate. It is extremely difficult for me even to express or describe how my wife cheated me or even to imagine her physical relation with a strange man. It is worst than swallowing a bitter poison.
In my situation, my parents got me married to a girl who was hafiz e Quran (memorizer of Quran). I agreed to marry her as I felt great honor & privileged to marry a hafiz e quran. I was extremely happy and I felt in love with her. She was the first woman I ever loved. I occasionally used to listen Quran from her, especially Surah Ar-Rehman. We promised each other to be companions for life and prayed Allah swt to make us in the hereafter as well.
My life seemed to be perfect, but it wasn’t. I was living in a dream. Soon this harsh and bitter reality of this duniya became apparent to me. To my worst nightmare, I soon found out that my beloved wife is having an affair with another guy, which includes physical relation as well. The worst and extreme part of it was that she got pregnant by him as well. I caught her red handed, with full evidence and being eye-witness. It was severe painful feeling hard to explain. All I can say is that I was extremely shocked & I felt explosions in my mind and heart. I can’t even imagine how can a muslim woman deceive and punish her loyal believing husband in such a manner. Before marrying her, I never had any affair with any girl. I don’t know why she did this to me. I treated her kindly and generously. I will not go into details but in short, I went through lot of misery and psychological trauma. She and her family have caused grief and misery to my innocent parents as well. Finally, I divorced her for the sake of my imaan.
Now I exactly know why Allah has ordained punishment like stoning till death and lashes for an act of zina. Because my companion has left me and my family with a deep scar of humiliation, disrespect, suffering, sorrow and pain for life.
A muslim man is not a cuckold. He prefers to accept death in the way of Allah rather than seeing his wife commiting zina. My advice to all brothers and sisters in similar situation is to divorce their spouse (zani) at once. It is not good for them and their children. It is not permissible for a believing man or woman to marry or stay in marriage with an adulterer or adultress. According to Quran, Surah Noor (24: 3)
“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers”
It is more important to protect your imaan and walk on the straight path of Islam.
Salam,
I feel really bad for you. Cant believe the extent your wife went to. I eat my words appearnces can be deceiving. And marriage is the biggest gamble in life you never really know the person untill you live with them! And then you risk losing everything when they turn out to be a bad.
I am also a victim of a cheating husband amongst other things too. Just had to divorce him as i couldnt take anymore!
I dont understand why good women end up with bad men. And good men end up with bad women. When dont these adulterers marry another adulterer? As stated in the Quran.
Salam Bro,
I do unterstand your pain, but Allah will reward you very much. How can a wife which is a hafiz e Quran have an affair, I don't get...You meant, that she was pregnant from the guy. Do you care for the child of the other guy or what does she do now?
I think, that your wife is a very big hyprocisy, but nothing more. Yeah, she can memorize the Quran perhaps, but who's sake. Not for God's sake, just for the sake of cheating and lying other people.
She will suffer and you will get rewarded Brother....
May you found a pious wife my brother...
Is this real ? Hard to believe a wife who is hafize quran was commiting Zina with other man and getting pregnant with other man .Really shocking .
assalamu alaikum everyone.
I'm putting this response as a general one for everyone who shared his/her problem here, (according to best of my little knowledge)
if your wife keeps cheating on you despite your warnings, care, love and sort of acts; short and simple answer is to LEAVE her . this is, what ISLAM tells us. it has become very common in our society that even when things are not working properly, but the couple lives together just for the sake of family values, societal status etc etc. but trust me, our DEEN is not that hard and harsh and BOUND to such tiny things.
it's THE FACT that Talaaq is the MOST DISLIKED word to ALLAH SWT, but if you're not comfortable with your spouse, you are allowed to leave that one and marry some other (who would be the better one)
look to the practice of real muslims.. our ASLAAFs! ! ! when the Sahabi Zaid RA got unable to settle the things with his wife Zainab RA, [THE ISSUES WERE GENERAL AND, GOD FORBID, NOT THAT OF ADULTERY] it was the time to get SEPARATED, and therefore he divorced her...
BUT see, what ALLAH SWT had planned for Zainab RA........... THE WORLD'S BEST MAN: RASOOL'ALLAH SAW became her husband.
so trust ALLAH, HE'll help you find the better way. and live your life like the BIRDS, who come out of their nests with empty stomachs in morning, and get back there in evening with empty hands.. this is because THEY TRUST ALLAH! !
and that, worrying about your kids... well, IF YOU ARE A MUSLIM, you MUST TRUST YOUR LORD WHOLE HEARTEDLY
As we all know by reciting Qur'an .. it's mentioned many times that your wealth and your kids are FITNAH for you. so you don't have to get worried about them any ways except for their upbringing according to ISLAM.
and the EXCUSE that YOU LOVE HER...... oh please, when your loved ones start cheating you and their loyalty turns for someone else, you must not repeat this sentence ever.
AND very IMPORTANTLY! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! !
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT.......... not for your wife, kids, family, society or anything else. because in doing so, you won't or be less hurt. And ALLAH SWT knows best!
Hope t'will be helpful!
forgive and point out if any of you find something wrong in my comment.
May ALLAH forgive and be with all of us. Ameen!
Hi - I married about 5 years ago (remainder of comment deleted by editor)
Salaams,
Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
So here I am after more than 4 years still in the limbo and living with her. Now I have no affection for her, do not talk to her, do not eat at home but we live together due to sake of kids, community shame and my access to kids. May be because I still loved and cared for her. God knows why I am still with her. At least I get to see and play with kids everyday and that is all I have left for me. Because of all this I have lost lot of money as well and shame on me for that but I had a purpose why I gambled but when most trusted person cheats you why won';t money ? Anyway, never expected life to be this hard when I heard as child that life will be difficult.
Assalam alaikum Brother,
There is a lot of pain in your words. I am sorry for your pain. I do not know the full circumstances of your situation, but I would like to say a few things.
Do not feel any shame when it comes to society and community. Make the best decision for yourself and your children with full confidence and make sure you do Isthikhara and pray to Allah swt for guidance. Do not let the society/community be a negative force in your life. This is really difficult, but necessary. Instead, focus on Allah--whatever you decide, do it--especially after knowing you have done what you had to do to the best of your ability.
The way that you described your life is really sad--in fact it was rather unbearable to read--so it must be unbearable to experience.
I don't know what much to say, but I pray for you to find joy, love and harmony again in your life. Ameen.
May Allah guide us all, Ameen.
Salam Brother,
So sorry to hear that things havn't been sorted out still. I don't know wether you mean your wife is still cheating or if you havn't forgiven her?. But if she has repented and is not cheating now then try to find it in your heart to forgive her. When you forgive someone its like freeing a prisoner. You then relize that the prisoner was yourself! My ex husband cheated on me many times and did other bad things too like drugs gambling etc etc... So it was much more worse for me. I forgave him many times because of the same reasons as you and also because i loved him. But the problem was that he kept continuing his sins so I eventually divorced him when i relized he will never change.
So you have to make a decision. If you do nothing the situation will get much worse. You have now started gambling! Please stop gambling. Believe me money is not the only thing you will be losing! You will get addicted and lose your mind and kids! So please stop before its too late! Try to rebuild your relationship with your wife. Talk to her. Show her your love and affection. Go on a second honeymoon etc etc. spend time with friends. Go to mosque regularly. Keep yourself fit and busy!
If your wife is still cheating and will not change her ways then you need to make a decision brother. Kindly talk to her and agree to divorce and shared custody of kids. If everything is done in a civilized manner then there is no reason why you can't still see your kids as normal.
Forget about people and society. You don't live for them! You have every right to live your life happily.
Inshallah everything works out for you.
Assalam alaikum Brother,
Indeed Allah sees all, hears all, KNOWS all. There is a great deal of comfort in knowing this for all of humankind.
I just wanted to request that please be careful to say that " you are are not a Moslem" as you wrote above. It is something for Allah swt to judge.
As Muslims, we need to show love and compassion towards one another. Not a single person on here is in favour of sinning and deceiving others. No one wants to condone it, and I think we truly condemn it. But brother, we are all sinners. The ones in the West and ones in the East. If I got a guarantee that if I live in an Eastern country, I will automatically go to Jannah, brother, I would go there right now.
Do you remember this Hadith?
We should propagate the idea that we should truly repent. The man who killed 99 people didn't get a chance to ask forgiveness from the ones he murdered--yet Allah forgave him. How can Allah do this and who can defy Allah's decision brother? NO ONE CAN QUESTION ALLAH'S AUTHORITY. I am truly limited in my knowledge of what exactly will happen on the day of Judgement, but I leave it in the hands of Allah swt and beg for Mercy for our Ummah, for our brothers, for our sisters, for myself, for my family.
I truly believe that since Allah is All-knowing, that He will make the best decision. And if Muslims were supposed to be 100% perfect, why then does Allah's mercy exist? If we were perfect, we wouldn't need Mercy--but indeed, we are sinners and we are in very deep need of Allah's Mercy. Every single one of us.
Brother MuslimBro,
Why do you choose to live in misery because of what society thinks. Be a man and take charge of your life. Your wife cheated on you, so why should you feel ashamed for something she did. We only have one life, so don't let someone else ruin your life and cause you live in misery. Confront the issue and reclaim your life back. May Allah guide you and make things easy for you.
Assalamu Alaykum brother,
Although I disagree with some of your points, I can understand where your frustration is coming from. Some people do take deception to extremes. And some people think that just because they have repented, their spouse is expected to forgive and forget. But it’s not that easy. It’s especially difficult for men to forgive cheating, but some women don’t understand that.
Although the sin of cheating on your spouse is the same for both men and women, when women cheat they are added issues like false paternity. I know of a sister who got pregnant from zina but married another man. She didn’t tell her husband anything, so he believed it was his baby. But one day the baby got really sick and needed blood. At the hospital, the husband found out his blood didn’t match and the baby was not his. Imagine how horrible he must have felt. May Allah protect us all.
Yeah thanks for deleting my comments....
Salam to all my Sisters,
I was talking like a women hater...this was not right from me. The words above are for men and women, but I don't take anything back from the content of the message, what I have written. This is what I think and God is the AL ADL (THE UTTERLy JUST).
Salam dear Sister Saba and Ariana,
yeah I know the Hadith with the one, who murdered 99 People and you are right: He had not the chance of asking them for forgiveness, because they were dead (he killed them).
But these people (99 People) will get their rights in hereafter. I don't say, that this guy will enter hell, but he will have to pay a lot of Hassanat and so it must be sister.
So Sister, do you really think, that if I should kill you, that in the other world, you as my enemy will forgive me?
NEVER , because everybody wants Hassanat...
And every LIE gets out one day
Brother, you wrote:
What I will forgive and what you will forgive and under which circumstances this may occur is not a debate that will change what the Hadith is saying. There are many lessons in that Hadith that are beyond our understanding. To suggest that a person could listen to that Hadith and now justify their wrongdoings is to play a game with Allah. Allah is the best judge not just because He sees all, but he is the Knower of our intentions which will play a heavy role in our rewards/punishments both in this world and the hereafter.
My brother, May Allah grant him the highest level of Jannah, was killed by a family member's careless driving and to date they have never accepted their mistake. But SubhanAllah, I feel peace forgiving them anyway--even though they never asked for forgiveness and don't think they should be forgiven because they didn't think they did anything wrong. The driver has also said that it was my brother's time to die and to place blame on anyone for his death, is insulting to Allah and that we should accept it as his time to die, period. Who would want to hear such a thing about a loved one's death?
Knowing my brother, who was kind, loving, gentle, and wise, I don't doubt for a moment he will forgive them on the Day of Judgement. By the Mercy and Grace of Allah SWT, such people do exist.
Salam Sister,
You wrote: To suggest that a person could listen to that Hadith and now justify their wrongdoings is to play a game with Allah.
I don't understand what you exactly mean with this sentence.
I don't play any game with God, but the people, who are cheating,lying and so on are playing a game with God and the creatures of God.
And your Brother, may Allah grant him the highest place in Heaven, is going to do this decision on his own. But yes, it was his time to die and it was an accident. But cheating and lying don't don't happen out of nothing.
I don't do anything wrong. Is it wrong to say, that God is justiceful?
I can't understand you, because I try to explain everything...I could cry...but I don't give up...
Situation 2:
Someone is lying someone, cheating, backbitting,killing someone, punching someone , or something else. It could even happen secretly. ----This is the most common art of sin and here most will things will change: If you have done one of these sins, then you must do two things.
1.Tawbah to Allah
2. Tell the one you wronged, what you have done and then you must ask for forgiveness. HE MUST NOT FORGIVE YOU. Therefore you must do everthing to get his forgiveness.
And if you do good deeds, then God the almighty will help to ask for forgiveness.
It's something everybody ask his self.
Example: A friend lied to me about a little thing...I would probably forgive him.
Example2: A friend is lied me about a very important thing and this probably something I would not forgive.
And most of you here think: What he doesn't know, that doesn't grieve him.
Absoloutly wrong to assume this. Being honest is the best and taking the responsibilty for your mistakes.
I thought, while you were getting married, you sweared each other to be loyal and love each other. Are these words senseless, just an ritual, nothing...Is marriage a movie with lies.
I really don't understand, why you all don't understand my words.
I should write a book perhaps...
And Sister, forgive me, if I have hurt you in any way by writing this, this was not my intention.
I just wanted to show you my perspective of thinking.
And about the thing with Kufr I want to tell all people:
If someone says, that there are no angels as example, then he is not an muslim, because as a muslim you must believe following (minimal requirements):
1. Believing that there's Allah
2. Believing that there are angel
1 - Azrail 2 - Cebrail 3 - Mikail 4 - İsrafil
3.Beliving to the books, that god sent to us and their (true*) content.
The bible and co. have been changed over the years*
You must believe to the fully content of quran, which includes the punishment of God.
4.Believe on the messengers of God like HZ. Mohammed (SAV), Jesus, Heyyoop (the prophet i am named for)
5. Believing of the day of resurection (judgement)
We will know everything and we will have the right to get our rights in this day. There's nothing SECRET or something (what he doesn't know, that doesn't grieve him does not work, if somebodys intentions to that). But if you want to forgive, you can forgive and God always helps the people which forgive. Forgiveness is everybodys best choice. Sister Saba, I hope you get the highest place in heaven, because you are stronger then me...I would like to tell my story, perhaps you would understand me...
6. Believing, to accidents and fate and that everything good and bad comes from God.
Allah will always test us and how do we interact with people. And God is the most mercyful, but he is equally the most justiceful.
The problem we are probably stucking, that we don't know, if God is more Merciful or Justiceful.
I tell you some things, what I think Allah is for me:
I think Allah loves his creatures and he does love it more if we do failures and go to him and make repentance. We people do failures, because of our Nafs and Shaitan. But God knows for sure for what we are working. To example: We must warn people, that someone like Baschar AL Essad is bad person and we can't lie. Lieing someone is a great wrongdoing to someone. So be always honest. I think, that everbody should use the words he speak with great attention.
I really don't know, how the islam conselor will stay in front of God. They are guiding people to indirectly cheat, lie. I am sorry...humans can't be used like paper, we need to take care of them.
40:19 "(God) knows of (the tricks) that deceive with the eyes, and all that the hearts (of men) conceal."
40:20 And God will judge with (justice and) Truth: but those whom (men) invoke besides Him, will not (be in a position) to judge at all. Verily it is God (alone) Who hears and sees (all things).
Why do we think, that we can cheat on God or his creatures. We cannot cheat on them, but we cheat on us. In hereafter everybody will get what he deserves.
A person, who might be honest will suffer a lot, but he will get rewarded by God and he will not have to meet people, because of cheating, lying and not warnig him or openig his eyes.
Therefore stay strong and never give up hope on God.
The best of us, that we make repentance, good deeds, tell the people the truth and ask the forgiveness. The concealment of sins is important, but there are few kind of people you must tell, because
a. You wrongdid someone (a cheater wrongdid his partner)
b. You need help, how you can resolve the sin.
I hope you understand, what I mean Sister...
May Allah reward you for your strengh of forgiveness
AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Saba,
Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi raj'un, may Allah have mercy on our brother,and admit him in His broad jannat! Ameen.
Saba, I just happened to read this today and wanted to say that I am sorry to hear about your loss. May Allah have mercy on your brother.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May Allah grant your brother peace and a place in Jannah, and may His love bring comfort to you and your family.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Saba,
Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi raj'un, may Allah have mercy on our brother,and admit him in His broad jannat! Ameen.
Ameen, thummah Ameen.
Salam Sister Saba,
When I said, that people who don't believe, that as an example stoning is not conform to our time, he is doing KUFR, which make someone to a disbeliever.
Example: Someone say, that Mohammed is NOT the Messenger of God. This man is a disbeliever.
But if he repents and change is opionion and make the eid, then he's a muslim again.
And yes we don't have to authority to decide, which one will God will forgive, but sins, which wrong someone else, can't be forgiven just by God, because this would make GOD unjusticeful and his name is Al Adl (The Utterly Just).
And please can you all tell me, which point of my argumentation you disagree? I don't know....
And like Sister Ariana said...every Lie gets out one day. Therefore the best thing is to be honest and tell the people you wronged and ask them for forgiveness, so that they know the true here.
And I strong disbelieve, that you can truely repend and look on yours partners face you cheated on.
And for my Brother MuslimBro...your community is very bad community like I hear from your story. You should make an escape (hicri) from that place. Just go there for visiting your parents and nothing else.
And I would never show this wife the children, because, what she does is ugly and she will teach your children this kind of values. She should stay away from your children...
Salam MuslimBro,
if you really love your child, then stay away from this wife, because she is teaching them values like disobeying a good husband, doing zina and probably more.
Really I would take my childs and never show that kind of person, because she deserves nothing.
How can a women or man touch someone else and than think, that he\she loves his husband\wife or childs.
And if I would know, that someone is cheating (or did it one time) on his partner, I would tell anyway, because someone should open the eyes of them.
A marriage is not movie where everybody is playing a scene
Salam,
and for the Question: Why there's a mercy of God?
Because for doing sins like not praying you need to get God mercy and if you wrong someone, you do a doubled sin, which is wronging God and the human, which has been created by God.
You first need to get God's mercy and then the forgiveness of that person or you will have to meet him in hereafter....
Yes that's true. It's important to remember the rights of others.
Salam,
and yes you both are right, that western and eastern values will not help us to go towards God, but the islamic values will get us to God. And cheating on your spouse has been so "normalized" in west, that it's kind of normal, but IT'S NOT.
And the Prophet always told the true, even before he met Gabriel.
He was told "Emen" (Trustworthy Person - Because you could give something he should take for you and he would take it until he would die. These are the values we must live. And if we do something like kissing someone else while we are married, than we should be honest to our partner or if someone is not an virgin and claims to be an virgin he is just an ugly liar. Yeah if I am not an virgin, than I do not have the right of cheating or lying about this fact, because the girl I married stayed chaste for me I don't know 20- 25 years and I go out sleep with other girls and take my wife and probably I am going not change.Sometimes a person should ask themself "Am I going to hurt this person? Does he deserves to cheated or lied on? And the answer should always be that you hurt that guy").
And yeah I am depressed, very depressed, because I know, what it means to be fooled, cheated, lied on.
Do I deserve this?
Will I get my reward for this in the other world?
Wil these people get their punishment?
I really don't need to say, that we all should in our heart know the answer.
EXAMPLE: You hurt someone and this person loses his eyes...he will never see again.
You are afraid of what you have done and make great repentance. But does this take his eyes back.
NOT. So you must go to this person and help him out and ask for his forgiveness.
Even if this means, that you will have to work for him till you are dead, than you must.
We must sometimes take responsibilty for our actions.
And yeah I know a wife, who has been cheated on by her husband by internet. She was crying very badly... I was very sorry for her. And she said, that she doesn't deserves this and yes she is right...she doesn't deserves this.
Why people must live together? For money. I am sorry, but the financial aspects are playing a great role but they should not.
Islamically it should be very, very unimportant how much your future partner earns, but it's important, if the partner is really pious and if the person has a good character.
If the person is a hypocrisy like the wife of MuslimBro, then you must get away and hope for your reward in hereafter.
Most people are taking my rights in this world, but does this mean, that I don't get my reward of this and do I have to live in hereafter with a wife, who cheated on me and hided this fact from me.
No one has the right of violation the rights of people....say whatever you want.
This post is three and a half years old. If you are feeling depressed or negative, be careful not to express that in your replies to other posters, because that is not necessarily what others need to hear, especially if they are vulnerable or emotionally fragile.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Brother Wael,
it doesn't matter how old this post is and how I am feeling.
What I am saying to them is NOT negative. Their wifes have cheated them and I tell them, that they get rewarded. If someone has been cheated on this is the baddest feeling ever.
And do you want to be a Dayyoth, which is living with a cheating wife. Nothing ever justifice cheating.
If you want to have sex with someone else, then go and divorce.
What we are doing here is, that we allow cheaters to cheat. Nice Brother Wael....If this is how we are going to live in this world...than what does is mean to marry someone.
Salam D,
I suspect you are a brother. You only seem to be commenting on the cheating wives post.(Which are not many!) Have you seen the millions of posts about the cheating husbands? You don't you give some assurances to these sisters who forever forgive these cheating abusive husbands?
Many people usually advise the WOMEN to be pateint and forgive the MAN. But when the tables are turned and a women cheats or behaves badly its like 'KILL HER'. I don't understand why some people are so harsh with women when they do something wrong.
We are all human beings at the end of the day Men and Women make mistakes and sin. But people are individuals. They have different levels of patience and different levels of tolerance or forgiveness. My husband cheated on me numerous time. The first time I forgave him because I loved him and wanted him to change and didn't want to break my marriage. It hurt really bad but I kept hope in Allah. But when he continued cheating again then I knew I could not change him and he is not remorseful and doesn't care about me so I later divorced.
So someone might be able to forgive and someone may not be able to forgive. Either way its Ok. It doesn't make someone a Dayyoth.
If you can't forgive then don't forgive. Remember it is really easy to divorce but it takes a lot of patience and a big heart to be able to forgive someone and give them a second chance. I do not know if there is any reward in this but no one is required to do this.
Salam Sister again,
I am remembering that the rights of the people are very important too. And if someone wants to tell me, that God is Unjusticeful, because it would be unjust of God to disclose the cheating and give the cheated one no reward.
But this is not concerning me anyway, it's God who will just about us.
Thank you all, I probably never get married. Why I should? My partner (men or women) could cheat on me and there's nothing I can do to proof this and I will never get anything to know. Even not in hereafter. Very great...
I believe, that I should kill myself, because there's no true love in this world.
And yes, someone is a Dayyoth, if he accepts, that his partner (men or women) has cheated on him and keeps such an evil partner.
And yes, there's a great reward in forgiving, because if you forgive, God will decide the amount of your good deeds. But like I said, you don't have to.
And it doesn't matter what other need to hear, it just can't be, that God is unjusticeful.
D, if you want to log in and express your thoughts and concerns in a separate post, that would be fine. You are obviously depressed or have been hurt by someone. However, I can't allow you to continue pouring negativity onto others. I am placing you on moderated status.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam again Brother Wael and all listener,
I just want to add something.
I know myself and I know my sex drives. If i should go work abroad, then I need to know, that my sex drive is one of biggest problem. I would be honest towards my wife and want to divorce her, because I need someone, who is near me.
But by divorcing her, I don't say: "I don't like you. Let''s get divorced"
I would say her in this kind: "XYZ i am sorry. Really I am sorry to tell you this, but there's something I need to tell you. I am going to work abroad for 3 years. I know myself and it's impossible for me to get away from you, but now the time comes. We need to divorce, because I know, that I cannot be loyal to you for more than 1000 days and I know, that you will have problems too in being loyal. You deserve someone, who is always by near you. And if we both don't split now, than we will hurt both each other here and hereafter. Before we get divorced in bad days, we should get divorced in good days. Let us not play a game with lies, because we both will get hurt. One more than another."
I think, this is fair. Because, if someone is honest to his self, then he will be honest to his wife too...
And if someone is honest to hisself, than he will be honest to his friends too.
How can I log in? Any Idea or link?
D, the link to register or log in is on the right side of the home page, below the "Recent Stories".
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
First of all. Thank you everyone for sparing their time reading and responding to me. As people say that friends or people that helps most in bad times are the real people and people near you including so called family/friends is not really family/friends when you can not even share your thoughts due the world we live in nowaday and fear of other things.
Anyway, It will be 4 and half years now 2009 since I found out her cheating for prior 5 years before I found out. I was heart broken, crying, lost weight, mad, lost, depressed, weak, etc. so I decided not to make any decisions on the fly and give her another chance to see if she is honest with me. By honest meaning not cheating but being her and hide nothing simple as calls to her friends/family. She was begging for another chance including willing to sign any papre work or I marry with another women but she won't leave me. I told her that I can not trust her and I can not marry with another women until we are legally divorced. She said she will sign anything, etc.So for the assurance and testing I took her words and got divorce on paper with 2 muslim witnesses with the intention of not breaking Nikah. COnfirmed with mufti that it does not break the nikah. Since I reliazed that she was over smart than me and I had no other way of contolling her behaviour I told her that if you ever cheat or get in touch with that man you will be divorced.
I do not think she cheated that way since then but she failed to be honest. So I stopped eating at home anything made by her to show what I think of her and my anger. years went by, nothing changed. I still do not eat home but I hung in there for the sake of kids. I told no one except bro and sis and asked them to keep with them.
My problem is I am so stuck in the past, can not forget anything, I hate lies and dishonesty.I can not make the decision either way. For last 2 years she keeps coming with execuses or action that I would question and leave her. for example school, working, using phone secretly, etc. but I said nothing and let her do what she wants. Why ? I can not make up my mind and have no courage to lose my kids. From most strong peron in the family to most weak person now from inside. I have not given any reason for her to leave and i have not said that she leaves. I know for fact that one of will lose or reduce access to kids no matter who gets the kids. So who will sacrifise that ? No one. I still think the mother can raise children better than dad but it's debatable. Now how do I get to see kids every day including with good night and separate from her. Why I am still here with her ? Do I love her more than what she did to me ? Or is it because she was the only women that I ever came this close ? OR does she still have some good qualities that I care ? Am I worried about community shame ? Am I worried that my new wife if I get married will not be nice to my kids ? Or her new husband will not respect my kids ? Do I have energy and strenth to separate my kids from her mother ? Do I love my kids and can not think beyond them ? Am I being too selfish and scared of change and community shame ? Am I worried about her shame ? Am I worried about her ex who is also married whose kids/wife relation will break becase of these revelation ? There are so many more questions I DO NOT KNOW the answers.
Anyway, Now she has come up with new execuse we should separate because we did paper divorce 4 years ago and that was not issue before. Her parents moving here so she might want to move with them. Not sure what she wants and her motivation. My answer has bee that it is up to you if you want to stay or leave. I will not say "NO" either way.
I stopped worrying about all this as it has taken the toll on me to the point I am not motivated to anything including work, small tasks,
Anyway, I have seen kids losing parents because of such issues and I guess I am so considerate, mindful and thinking too much. May be thinking more than I should. I am confused wheather I leave or let her leave on her. It is easy see things from clean and fresh mind than someone like me who is not sure. There is also finacial constraints in these decisions as well. So Allah help me and others when they have to consider so many things and you wonder if this is the life that one supppsed to deserve.
Any feedback and prayer for my peace would be appreciated by me and Allah. I will be the witness on the day of judgment for your time. I am not 5 times prayer and good muslim but I stongly belive in being muslim 24 hours by good deeds such as no lies, no cheating and being fair to people around you. I am sure I have done many bad things and that is what I am paying for but I never cheated to this point with her. Anyway. Shukran.
Assalamualaikum brother,
my heart goes out to you. I know how it feels like to feel stuck in a situation, to wake up dreading each day. I have been in a state where I feel depressed most of the time, and when I do smile or laugh my sadness makes me weep again. I have wondered if I will ever be okay again. I will share with you the only medicine to our pain: Allah swt. Subhanallah, He created our hearts and therefore He knows what our hearts need..
Brother, you have felt worse and worse as Shaytaan has deceived you into isolating yourself from Allah swt. Return back to Allah swt, start praying again and have high hopes of Allah swt for our merciful Lord has promised in hadith Qudsi, " I am as My slave thinks I am". That means, If you firmly believe Allah swt is merciful and able to do all things ( and this of course true, He is over all things competent) , He is able to help you get back to your own feet.
I will share with you a quote which brought me back up on my feet. Wallahi the test I faced was in my opinion, a test which broke me down completely. But I held on to Allah's words. He is Al-Haqq - the Truth, He speaks the truth and never breaks His promise. Allah says in the Qur'an : (65: 2-3) "And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." Brother, contemplate on that, your Lord has promised a way out from every difficulty if you keep your duties and put your trust in Him. This is not any human being's promise, this is Allah's promise, Subhanallah.
Brother, I will also share with you what changed my life: Go to youtube and search for "sheikh muhammad shinqitee - those who despair" . The knowledge I gained in that video changed my perspective and life, literally. Please, watch the video and Insha allah your heart will find some comfort in it. Besides that, brother, don't give yourself into shaytaan further. Start praying , insha allah, and wake up in the last third of the night to pray and tell Allah everything that is bothering you, insha allah there will be a way out.
Your sister in Islam
Just update on my situation. Now she broke the news that she is no longer in nikah and can not live with me. Because she consulted online mufti and explained the situation and he ruled out that talaq is done based on what she explained about conditions I put in place. I was aware of one Talaq issued by me on day during the heated argument. She tells me that she breached the condition of which I asked her not to see that men again otherwise it will constitute talaq. The purpose of my that statement that she does not cheat again and that was the only way I could stop her from another betrayer for the sake of my and my kids.
She did not tell me anything about her contacting this mufti and I am not sure how can one online mufti rule out talaq without speaking with me. End of the day I am the husband and my witness and testimony matter.
I am heart broken even further that my Nikah is being discussed and decided but I am not part of it and this breaking news come just like that. I suggested her to consult local mufti and then make the final decision as per islamic practise. I feel like I am failed man, husband, father and muslim eventhoug she admits that it was her fault all along. Thanks again for reading and listening.
Salam brother,
You and your wife should go and see a trusted imam face to face and explain your situation properly. Take advice from the imam. If it is true then you have to remarry her if you want to that is! You need to communicate your pain, anger, confusion and love to your wife. Tell her exactly how you feel. Ask her what she wants. Listen to what she says. You both need to decide together whether you love each other and are willing to forget the past and move on.
Men and women make mistakes. Its your call how you deal with it and what you can tolerate. If you want to stay in the marriage then you both have to put efforts in to rebuild your relationship. Then only love and compassion can grow.
May Allah bless you all and take away your pain.
Salam,
Sister you have been cheated too and felt bad. Why do you don't want the best for them and the best is divorce. Cheaters are ugly. Sorry....
Salam Brother,
I personally made my point for zina while married and if no one wants to follow me and will allow this ugly cheating, then go on and destroy it. I am not a Dayyoth. I would rather die as to see my wife's face, how another man has pleased her.
Divorce in her -->HELAL (It's allowed and you all reason to divorce this ...)
Staying with her -->You have the chance to become a Dayyoth and you will treat her unjust which is anyway haram
Who commits zina while married or with a married person won't be forgiven until the person in hereafter (the cheated one) will forgive...
But if you want to know, if you Nikah is valid? You can search Google for that....
Please Brother seperate from her and wait until next world and then she will have to pay, because there is PAYDAY
"Who commits zina while married or with a married person won't be forgiven until the person in hereafter (the cheated one) will forgive..."
What's your proof for that? I have never heard of this. My understanding is that zinaa is a sin against Allah's laws, and that it is Allah who forgives if He wills, or punishes if He wills.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Wael,
Zina is a law against Allah AND the partner. Give me one proof, that's just against Allah...if you would use your brain, than you would know, that's faith is the right of a partner. If there's no faith, then you will have to pay.
Or do you want, that your wife hooks up with another guy???
I assume not....Therefore get it.
In this discussion for over a month now different proofs have been given. Allah's Mercy can not be limited by your opinions and surely His punishment will be severe too.
Giving proof to you will probably just lead to another discussion since you would refuse to see it.
Besides your whole point is that Zina can't be forgiven until the spouse forgives the cheater--so if this brother or anyone whose spouse has cheated decides to forgive their spouse, then the matter would be closed (according to you). But it seems that your message is this: Allah alone can't forgive Zina. And no one should forgive those who commit Zina. Is that what you are saying?
If you are saying that, you are also saying that there is no hope for those who have committed this crime. You are also saying that they are for sure going to suffer severe punishment with NO HOPE of forgiveness. That is your message that I read in your words--but this is not what Islam says. Allah has given humans the option to Stop their sin and repent sincerely.
As for what will happen on the Day of Judgement, there will be times when humans will have to give away their good deeds or take bad deeds as this will be the currency at that time. It will not be limited to only matters concerning zina (unless you can provide proof).
Also, how can you measure the sins of anyone or yourself? Allah will do this. Remember:
Furthermore, why did Allah reveal to us the Quran which tells us how to live our lives but also tells us what to avoid? Why did Allah tell us to forbid evil and encourage what it is good? If we were automatically going to do it, what need would there be in doing this? Humans are sinners. Please do not measure the sin of another and your own sin. Allah can multiply the value of one good deed and increase it in value if He likes.
I also would like to you to provide proof for what you have claimed, otherwise, it is pointless to say. If it is day, and you repeat 100 times it is night, the truth/reality will not change. So please provide your proof because otherwise, when you give no hope, you also unleash the chance for further sin and destruction.
Come on whatsapp me [rest of comment removed by editor]
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Salam Sister Saba,
therefore cheaters should get the forgiveness or they will have to suffer. And I don't say, they will uninventibil go to hell, but they will have to pay with their good deeds and if they don't have, then they will have to get bad deeds....And if they are people, which have high taqva (what I don't believing), then God will make an offer for them like if you forgive, then I will send you to this paradies.
And I would never refuse it to see another proof.
And Sister tell me please: Would you like to have an husband,
1.)who never has cheated on you
2.)or cheated on one time and rependet
I would like to see no.1. And the concealment of sins works just for sins, which are between you and God like false prayers, drinking alcohol, but if this is a wrongdoing, which interefers in the rights of anothers like their privacy, like the loyallty you can expect from a marriage (normally), then this is NOT a sin between you and God, then it's a Sin between You, God and the wronged one.
Sister: Is this fair, if someone gots cheated on?
You wrote:
You see brother, this is your problem. You think there are only two types of people. You think that there are those who don't cheat and they are "good" and there are those that cheat and they are "bad." I am sorry but if categorizing humans would be that easy why did Allah say that "He is the Master of the Day of Jugdement." if any human could just lay down the law the way you are attempting to do.
Of course, I and anyone would want to have an ideal spouse. But I am also realistic. I am not currently living in Jannah. I am living in the world, the "school" of tests for us humans. I try to put all my trust in Allah, because Allah is Perfect, no human is. I try to rely on Allah alone, not humans that can let you down either on purpose or when circumstances are beyond their control. I try to avoid imagining humans as angels, because then we wouldn't be here. I try to give people hope when they have sinned, because I wouldn't want them to be hopeless and either sin more or commit suicide--because hopelessness is a recipe for more sinning and destruction. I will not believe your words that you clearly didn't provide proof for--rather I will believe in the two things that Allah mentions in the Quran: 1. Allah's Punishment and 2. Allah's Mercy. And I will NEVER put shaitaan's evilness above Allah's Mercy because there is no comparison.
Salam,
aha you won't believe me...any other news?
I don't say, that all people are angel (or even one), because they cannot. We all are going to sin and have sinned minor or great. But like I said, if you have wronged someone, than this with need the additional forgiveness of this person.
Steps of sincerely Tawbah:
http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/06/the-essence-of-sincere-repentance/
Returning the dues to the one who was wronged or offering expiation for that sin, if necessary:
The believer should then apologize to the person he has wronged, or return what he has unlawfully taken, if the sin he committed was one concerned with the rights of other human beings; else, he should offer expiation if it is required, if the sin he committed has a specified expiation ordained in Islam as part of repentance from it. E.g. the sin of having intercourse with one's wife during the day in Ramadan is that of fasting 2 months consecutively or feeding sixty needy people. The taubah for leaving obligatory Ramadan fasts or Zakaah on assets in the past, for example, necessitates that the Muslim keep the missed fastsin addition togiving an expiation for them;and topay the zakaah left unpaid, during those previous years.
Returning their rights back. How do you want to return someone's life back? The only thing you can to is good deeds, you will have to give them on the day of judgement or Allah will help him out
Please re-read the article (A very good article, MashaAllah) that you posted with the comments below it. The author Sadaf Farooqi made a comment on February 8, 2009 at 2:20 AM about concealing sins. JazakAllah.
Salam Sister,
You are right. Now I agree. I have heard a story of the second caliph.
Bir adam Hz. Ömer’in yanına geldi. Bir problemim var, çözemedim, bana yardım eder misin, dedi. Hz. Ömer anlat deyince de anlatmaya başladı: "Benim bir kızım vardı. Onu cahiliye döneminde diri diri gömmek için toprağa koydum. Sonra da ölmeden çıkardım. Daha sonraki yıllarda önemli bir yanlışlık yaptı, zinaya düştü. Yaptığı bu yanlışlık onu o kadar sıkıntıya düşürdü ki, intihar etmeye yeltendi. Damarlarını kesti. Onu zor kurtardık. Kızım bu hadiseden sonra tövbe etti. İyi bir yönelişle Allah’a yöneldi. Şimdi ise kızıma bir talip çıktı. Onu evlendireceğim. Kızıma talip olanlar ise bu olaydan -zinadan- haberdar değiller. Şimdi sana soruyorum ey müminlerin emiri! Ben ne yapayım? Damat olacak kişiye, kızımın bu olayını anlatayım mı yoksa susayım mı?"Kızın babasını büyük bir dikkat ve sabırla dinleyen Hz. Ömer, kızın yaptıklarını deşip hiddetleneceğine adama şöyle seslendi: "Adam! Allah’ın örttüğünü, ortaya saçmadığını sen mi deşifre edeceksin? Allah’a yemin ederim ki, böyle bir şey yaparsan yani kızının açığını yayarsan seni bu ülkenin insanlarına rezil ederim. Git ve kızını başından hiçbir olay geçmemiş namuslu bir kadın gibi evlendir." (İbnül Cevzi, Menakıbı Ömer, s. 169)
It's in turkish, no time to translate, but you are right.
But that you are right and that I agree now will not make the things easier for me. Depression will kill me...
And Sister,
1.)where is the proof of you that's against only against Allah?
2.) Why was this 99 men killing men forgiven? Do you know the reason?
3.) What's a wrongdoing against someone?
4.) If Allah just will forgive all sins, why should I not steal property, kill lives?
5.) If Allah is as mercy as you say and should conceal the sins of Person A in the day of judgement, what's with Person B who was wronged?
6.) Why doing Good, when doing Bad and then at the last point (at 80 years) repent?
Sister Allah's mercy indeed is great, but his justice is great too. This means Allah's justice is buyable...
Allah mercy is just limited to his justice I think....but just God knows.
I am not talking bad to you, because in my country everybody knows Mankinds rights (if this a correct translation), but in you forums or on most fetwa services, they don't know. You won't held accountable for you talking, because you don't know.
Sister, as my sister in religion, I hope you will get the best husband for your future live, who hopefully never cheats on you (insallah)...May Allah bless you.
Your tone is arrogant and condescending, and your questions display a lack of Islamic education, rather than the knowledge that you claim everyone in your country has.
The hadith of the man who killed 99 men works against your point, not in your favor.
"Why doing Good, when doing Bad and then at the last point (at 80 years) repent?" - Because tawbah must be sincere. One must truly regret the wrongdoing, which means that his heart has truly changed. Tawbah is not a game. Secondly, no one knows when death will arrive. Who can guarantee a life of 80 years? One should repent today in order to insure forgiveness, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
I am not arrogant and I know the hadith with the 99 men works against me and I know it, but you don't know the meaning of the hadith. The man was forgiven, but gave these persons he killed a right thing. You will have to face them. Here we can see God's mercy.
But right on, go forward and cheat on spouses and then repend. Is this fair Brother?
Lack of islamic education? Where have you been educated? Probably in AL Azhar....
I know that sincere repentance will help you go to heaven, but it won't delete the wrongdoing about your brother.....Do you think, I haven't changed. I have , but there are person, which were hurt by me. Does this change their feeling? No and I regret it, but this won't change and if have regret 99 years....
I have not lost the hope to God, that I will have the chance to give all peopleos right back.
Bro Wael
I don't believe in the fatwas of Islamicweb.com and Islamqa.com and AL Azhar, because the Fetwas are given with ignorance of the other side of the coin.
May Allah blees you
"But right on, go forward and cheat on spouses and then repend. Is this fair Brother?"
Your sarcastic tone is not appreciated. Nevertheless, I'll answer your question. It's not about "fair". Everyone makes -mistakes in life, sometimes big ones. Islam teaches us to repent to Allah and seek forgiveness. That's the Islamic way. You seem to be arguing that people should not make tawbah, or that tawbah is not something real, as it's a game of some kind. Your argument contradicts the Quran directly. Allah says:
“Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace. But if you turn away, then I fear for you the torment of a Great Day (i.e. the Day of Resurrection).” Quran (Surah Hood, Verse 3)
And:
"Say: 'O Ibadee (My servants) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'" Quran (Surah Az-Zumar, Verse 53)
And the Messenger of Allah (sws) said, “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al-Albaani).
I never cheated on a spouse and never will Insha'Allah, but if I did, and afterwards I felt ashamed and remorseful, then what should I do? Of course I should make tawbah and beg Allah's forgiveness for my sin, and sincerely resolve never to do it again.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
He killed 99 souls together with the Alim (so he killed 100 souls). How did he give the persons the right thing???
Why didn't the Prophet (s.a.w.s) nor the Angels (who carried him) mention that he will have to face them? Why will the Prophet (s.a.w.s) have to narate the story if the man will have to face those persons he killed? Do you know better than the Prophet (s.a.w.s)?
It seems that your problem is ignorance of Shari'a, and the lack of understanding the difference between two situations that look alike, which are two different things in reality, and that has made you unable to apply two different rulings for each one of the two situations. However, you could be making some good points if you could take some years to study Islam very well, and then come back for good debates in the future.
Assalam alaikum,
The country you live in will not guarantee you Jannah, otherwise I would move there immediately.
Since you didn't provide proof, you have answered the question for me. JazakAllah.
As for knowingly sinning because of Allah's Mercy is to play a game with Allah. Remember:
Al-Quran 8:30 (part of the Ayah)
And please remember, even if a person doesn't commit zina, they are not guaranteed Jannah. I don't want to go into measuring sins because I think this is a tactic whereby shaitaan tries to guide us astray so that we can feel superior to others when we haven't committed big sins. It is shaitaan's technique because he has a strategy to misguide EVERY person--it is our job to remember our humility and focus on rectifying own sins and not use these as measuring tools to measure the sins of others.
Do we need to be proud that we are (unfortunatly) the type of human that can't forgive, but seeks forgiveness of The Merciful???
So what will we do if Allah stops forgiving us and then call Himself "Noapologies"? I think if He did so, we won't find any time talking about "Noapologies" for each other, we would rather be engaged in crying and begging Allah to forgive us and to give us another chance, right?
Are we not ashamed, that Allah The One Who we sin has called Himself "The Forgiving" The Merciful", and we humans have called ourselves "Noapologies"?
It isn't a shame if one can't forgive, but it's a shame if one can't forgives but still needs forgiveness of The Forgiving.
Now, you tell us why Allah forgave the person who killed 99 souls. What type of cheating is greater than killing only ONE soul? I am not saying cheating is a good thing, but if we compare between cheating without killing, and killing someone. Which one of the two would be the greatest???
Salam,
first of all : Is killing cheating? NO
And tell me, what happened to 99 people, who died?
And tell me, what's the reward of the cheated spouses?
The 99 Killing Hadith is destroying the peoples mind and land I live guarantees me pain and I know it, but I won't get away here, because in this evil, I going to be the person, who's helping them out of this problems.
If the prophet would have run away from Mekka for no reason, then he would not have been the prophet. So I will stay in my country Sister Saba, where cheating is about 35-55 percent of all (relationsships and marriages- but relationsships are haram) person.
Should I run away? No I won't. And if you are critzing me for saying the truth about the islam, then do.
Give me all women of this world to my right, give me all money to my left, I will stop at nothing and go my way to tell the people the truth. What do you expect from? Run away. For what? People and families should get destroyed. (And cheating destroys the families, not the decision to divorce)
I called myself Noapologies, because I don't have any excuse for this behavoir, where you can say : What he doesn't know, doesn't grieve me.
Brothe Issah: Ask yourself, why are we going to face people in other realm?
I am not against you and I won't. And if all of you think, I am arrogant, than you can think. Your opinion is free. And I'm not better than any of...
Yeah everybody makes mistake, that true. I have made tons of mistakes too. Don't think I am an angel. I am not. But who sincerly repents and ask the people for their forgiveness is hopefully forgiven by God and the wronged one.
This is all I wanted to say.
There are pious brother, which pray at time, which go to Hajj, which don't eat and drink at Ramadan, but at home they abuse their wifes.
What do you call this? I call it hypocrisy....
Salam,
of course you are right: If someone doesn't commit zina, he isn't guaranteed Jannah
I know that.
And what's my gurantee, that I will not commit zina one day. Probably I will...
But the best of us is repender.
(This is not meant sarcastic.)
Please help me I want to marry, where can I find the right man? My parents just look for men with visas
Why don't you try matrimonial sites or ask around in the mosque. Ask friends and relatives etc etc.
Salam,
you should ask the mosque in you near, if someone wants to marry or your parents (if they are muslims), if they know a practicing muslim with good character.
Everyone just recommends guys with visa. I'm divorced not disabled, It's like I'm not good enough for guys in London.... divorce wasn't my fault my husband cheated many times. I'm pretty Alhamdulillah, in my late 20s , I'm a good person. My real husband is out there but so hard to find him 🙁
Salam,
Visa??? Do you want to marry a practicing brother or atm machine sister?
Please sister, marry a practicing brother, who deserves you hopefully insallah.
I'm pretty sure she means a travel visa.
Lol,
Its actually the other way round! The guy wants to use for for money. Men coming to London on temporary work or student visa, who look for a british girl to marry so that they can settle here permanently. The problem with these guys is most of the times their only motive for marriage is to settle. Once they get their citizenship they say good bye to the wife forever! Even with or without kids!
And D they are more likely to cheat too as they don't really love their wife or will not be attracted to them! ;(
Lol an ATM, I'm not sure how that would work??? 'Do you bot ATM take me as your wife??'
Yes I did mean a travel visa. Did you think I meant someone with a visa credit card. So funny. Thanks for that
Salam
yeah Sister Sumaira this is sad. What do I have to tell?
But after all "We need to conceal what Allah has concealed for us."
Therefore this men shoud make sincere repentance and stop being a cheater.
But no one of you would reject a brother because he is using a Maestro card....
Salam
you wrote:
My real husband is out there but so hard to find him 🙁
This reminds me of HIMYM on CBS. But this story would be HIMYD.
Salam
this was a double stated sarcastic joke.
1.) You marry a ATM Machine because they use Visa or Maestro.
2.) You marry a man which has a travel visa and therefore earns so much money that he is a running ATM machine. No women would reject Bill Gates I assume if he would not be married...
"Diamonts are a girls best friends"
But to the point of me. It's sad how practicing brothers and sisters use this to marry someone. They don't love the one but marry for the sake of money or children. But this doesn't concern me. There are no saliha women in this world. If someone can't be honest than this is the poorest stated of character a person can have.
Brothers and Sister this is your world and you will be the change. I wanted to become a change. I wanted to shut down some of these fetwa sites but now I realize that this is not my mission. This is the mission of someone else. They will insallah stop Sheik Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid and his followers and will do their own fetva sites with God's justice and Mankinds rights.
My mission is to pass my examination on this world. And hopefully it will end in 5 years and then I will stand in front of my real love. The girl of my dreams hand in hand going to Allah. This is my dream and if this egoistic then it is. But this is my story and my loved ones.
This dream will end soon for me and I hope you will be all happy in your marriage and I hope your marriage will not base on a lies where people of this Ummah cheat on their spouses. I hope your marriages will base on Allah's love which he gave both men and women to stay strong together in loyal love.
I perhaps sound arrogant and sarcastic and egoistic but this is all I wanted. Now my dream will end and the clock will stop moving for me. But I am happy that this will end. The world was a depression itself for me and always teached me that I was wrong. If my dream ends this nightmare will end too. This nightmare of fighting and arguing...
I have no power left to move on fighting and soon this world will end like the Pompay and but we all are waiting for the Mahdi which will reunite all muslims countries and Mazhaps (ways of islams) and of course the sunnis ans shias. We will be strong and a muslim country will be made. But I will not live in this time. Perhaps you won't too. But what worth it that you all teach your children the values of islam.
Sometimes I thought that I was apostating because I was argumentating with all of you but I read books about the old Fetwas of 1923 or else. You won't believe me but if you have't prayed your 5 prayers you get into jail because this is a sign of apostation. And if you haven't prayed in the jail you have been killed. Sounds hard but was not. My father and all uncles still believe in this kind of fetwas and I as muslim too.
I don't think that Islam is a buffet that all of you can take this and let this. We must take our religion serious and be proud of it. Even if people don't like the hand cutting for thiefs and stoning to death for adulterer this is order of God and we will follow this. I am honest I would not be able to cut a sheep for eating but this is a order of God and if someone has the courage than he should do.
Update for IT Freaks: The new CCleaner 4.09 is out. Please download the additions for winapp2.ini too... Your PC will be faster than the light.
PS: Sister I have Maestro. What do you think?
Salam Bros and Sister
I need you urgent help, because I have a serious problem, which concerns my wife and her Umrah.
The beginning of my story:
When I was 27 years old I got married to the best wife of the world. We married in a arranged marriage in egypt. She is from egypt like my parents. She is practicing islam in a strong way. My parents have recommended her for me. I was a virgin of course and had never premature affairs with girls, I even had no girl friends. But I heard rumors about her that she had some boyfriends in egypt, but I didn’t doubt it, because when I asked her, she said, that she is chaste. She claimed, that this bad rumors of her are spread, because she is very attractive and these boys wanted to have her as a girlfriend. Of Course I believed my future wife, because she was praying five times a day. I didn’t take it serious and the marriage was still ongoing. I went back to UK, because me and my parents live in UK and we were in egypt for vacations and my relatives recommended out of no way. And if fit perfect, because I really wanted to marry a practicing sister.
After a engagement of 2 years I got married to her and her travel visa for UK was ready too and she came to UK and we got married.
And then some of these problems started: She was disobedient to me, but I still love her and would do everthing to her. But I was patient with her and she stopped of being disobient.
Our first child Imran was born after 6 months. I asked the doctor how this could be happen and he was concerned, too. The child was 9 months old and totally normal. She was indeed a little bit fat, when we got married, but I thought that this was normal.
After a time i invited my boss, which is a converted muslim, to us for a dinner. I recognized, that my wife and my boss were looking each other, but I didn’t suspect anything.
And then my best day came and I had enough money for Hajj and flew to Mekka. These days were beautiful. I will never ever forget these days. But I got a phone call from neighbour, which is christian, he told me, that someone was going to my home nearly everyday…I was in rage. I took my phone and called her and asked, if George (my neighbour) told the true. She denied it, but somehow I could’t believe her. She told me things like, that I am to jealous and that George is a ugly liar.
I couln’t eat , I couln’t sleep and then a few days later after Hajj I returned home and talked with my wife again. She told me again, that no one has ever entered the home. So I went to George and I asked him too, but he couln’t stop telling me, that my wife is cheating on me. I punched him…Since that day we don’t talk anymore. He was accusing my wife of cheating on me, but my wife prays five times a day and wears hijab. She could never cheat on me.
One day when she was in the bath, I catched up her phone and I didn’t believed, what I was seeing. There were some messages from a stranger, that she was flirting with. Messages like “Love you“ or “Just 9 days, then it will end“ or “Last night was ok“ and much much more, that she wants to divorce me, but she is not able, because she is not financial stable. I had forgotten to check the mobile number. Because she comes from egypt her english is very weird.
I confronted her and she told me, that it was the messages of the past owner of the Blackberry. But the date didn’t match. She told me, that the software shows some errors and this is not true. And I believed her. And if she had done, than I would forgive her anyway.
One day on work my boss and me are on the same room for a coffe. He smiled to me. I asked him why are you smiling? and he replied : Nothing. He asked me for a another dinner, because my wife is professional on cooking meals. Egyptian meals are very tasteful.
And somehow I understood the situation and what was going on. I said, that I couldn’t invite him, because my wife was in vacation. I lied. But I didn’t confronted my wife and accepted it.
3 Years later I wanted to go to Hajj again, but this time I have forced my wife to come with me. She didn’t want to go on beginning, but after a few days she agreed. Two tickets booked and were in Mekka. We booked a hotel near to the Kaaba. She told me many times in the night, that she wants to pray near Kaaba, because you get a higher reward, if you pray there. I allowed her. After a few days later I checked her phone, because I suspected her. And I couldn’t believe, what was I going to see. There were some messages from a arabic number. Again naughty messages, but this time it was more adultress than ever. I confronted her after she came from getting the meals for us. She denied again, but I didn’t belive. At last she told me the truth, that she had an affair with my boss and with a boy named Ammar, which lives in Mekka. I was in rage, but she told me, that this would end it and never commit it again. She told me, that she chatted with a Ammar in Facebook and they wanted to meet there in Mekka to have intercourse. I asked her, why she slept with my boss or Ammar, but she kept silent. After that, I began to cry and somehow she got angry and said, that I couldn’t please her and that Ammar is more attractive than eme and that I am the worst person in the bed she ever met. May Allah forgive her for her bad words.
And I forgave her ,too, after my rage.
The most important part was, that I couldn’t pray to God, because my rage was eating me. I told her, that she should pray more to God, that she will hopefully will be forgiven.
Back in UK She got pregnant to and our little girlie Suleyha was born. I made a DNA test of both child and the test said that they weren’t my childs. Both are from someone else. I asked my wife and she denied first and then got clean. Imran is from someone in her past before we got married and Suleyha is from the arab probably.
I met my boss and asked him and he wanted to fire me for accusing him. Then he hit me and I didn’t do anything, because I need to stay in my job or I will lose the payment for home. I have debts for house and I can’t afford to get fired. He laughed at me and smiled very weird, because he had the pants on. Man, I have never felt emasculated like a women, which you can throw away.
Now the next time, she wants to go Mekka for Ummrah for begging for forgiveness. And I have to pay a very high amount of pounds again. I know, that her sins are forgiven, if she has really repented and does a Ummrah. I want her to go to Mekka, because I am not suspecting her of anything…I have forgiven her. She has repended and she has promised me, that she will just do Ummrah.
My wife told me everthing about her past, that the rumors were indeed true and she had a lot of boyfriends she slept with. She lost her virginity with 16 years.
I told my little Bro about it and that I was a little bit angry and suddenly my parents came to know, that my wife should be prostitute. My dad punched me down and kicked me for not being a real man. I cried again and prayed to God, that I should be more patient. My mother called her a lot of names and they started to tilth. And my mother even used names on me, that I was not a real man and slapped over my face. I just escaped to a friend of me, because I couldn’t stand the situation.
After a few days I returned home and my wife and me reconciled.
But I have something other to care. Please tell me following::
Was her first Hajj valid?
Will I enter hell for spying her, because I checked her phone, when she was not there and her phone was lying on the table?
I have punched my Neighbour, I am feeling bad, because he told the true and wrongdid him. How won’t talk to me, but I want to reconcile with him.
Will I get punished because I lied to my boss, that my wife was on vacation, when she was not?
I was not able to keep her love me and therefore she seemed to cheat on me, is this my failure?
Should I still work on the company of my boss?
Can I bring up the child of my boss and Ammar?
Please help me, I need to know. I really love my wife and I want her to be my wife in Cennah. Please tell me, if her first Hajj is valid?
Hassan, you need to log in and submit this question as a separate post. I left it up in case you need to copy it, but I'll delete it shortly.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I’d suggest that Hassan you edit your question before submitting it again. You can ask your questions without mentioning names like” Mekkah”, which makes it look as if it is easy for this to happen in Mekkah.
And even if your story is really true, it may be that it happened somewhere outside mekkah, since Saudi is a very big country.
It will be hard to find a woman with a man at a place without getting stopped and questioned by the police, especially in mekkah and Medinah (as it is very easy for the police to guess that the man and the woman are strangers to each other).
So I can’t really believe how your wife and the man managed to meet each other in Mekkah without being caught by the police or by anyone. He can’t take her to his home because of his family, and he can’t also take her to a hotel without proving that she is his wife.
I do not want to say your story is not true, but as far as I am concerned this can’t happen in mekkah easily. Therefore please when you plan submitting your question again, avoid mentioning the Holy place ‘Mekkah” for the purpose of showing some respect for the holy land.
JazakAllahu Khair.
Salam Bro
I am sorry but I can't belive that story is true. No one can convince me.
But if this story is true than it's hard.....
May Allah bless you my friend
Hasan ,
How can you be trapped in this situation ? Its better you divorce your wife and not be so weak .
Here is a hadith that talks about men who are dayyuths (cuckold):
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
As per this hadith you should not tolerate this type of women .I think yo should divorce her .Why you are so weak and not a real man .
Please note :Real man is not one one will be physically violent but will follow our Islamic principles .
"No one can come between a husband and wife unless there is a gap between them. The husband should fill the gap" according to sister in islam. Well, i guess she's already having the gap filled. I don't think we should blame the poor guy for it. There is no excuse for a woman to do something so unbeareably horrible. (And that goes for a man too). Fardowsa thinks he should try treating her nicely, buying her gifts, helping in the household,... WHAT?!!
He should reward her for this hideous betrayal? Is that the solution to save their marriage? Do you think he has no self worth? How would you feel if your husband would beat you up and cheat on you, and somebody gave you the advice to be nicer to him, cook his favourite dish, put on make-up, and maybe he would stop cheating on you and beating you? What would be the concequence of following that advice? The abusive, cheating husband would treat his wife like dirt, worse than before, because she doesn't set any bounderies, and she doesn't respect herself. And that's exactly what the cheating wife would do, because her husband rewards her for her zina. As far as I'm concerned, there is no marriage anymore between them, from the moment she committed that horrible act. There is no reason in the world that can justify such betrayal. Divorce is the only solution. How could he ever trust her? If he doesn't wanna be raising another mans child, he has no choice.
Cheating spouses are the lowest of the low. Nobody diserves that.
Salam,
don't be harsh. My friend Hassan Syed MUST FORGIVE his wife even if his wife cheats in front of her....:D
Man bro this so amusing.
Salam bro,
dont laugh about me,
if you make fun with my situation one day this will happen to you. i hope not.
please answer my questions.
regards
Yeah Hassan if your story is true than forgive her and then you will be forgive by God. And send her to Umrah....What I am suppossed to say. Let's wait for the answers of someone else.
Always if girls are cheating than "kill her" but if you cheat than its normal. Just forgive and send her to Umrah..
It's not you sin. Just accept that people are able to make sins like you.
Men I am lucky that I will not marry....
Salam brother D,
You have resorted to sarcasm now. Its a personal choice whether someone wants to forgive or not even if its the biggest crime in the world!
Whatever you believe in very strongly is your personal belief and opinion. You can't force other people to agree with you.
People are individuals and have different circumstances and tolerance levels. What are you exactly trying to achieve by turning it around into a joke?
Oh nice....but forgiving is better if you want to be forgiven. I don't force him.
He can and can't. It's his choice.
But as you self indicated Sister Sumaira. Adultery is a law against Allah and not against you spouse. Therefore it doesn't make anything for him. He should just forgive and accept like I did.
Honour is a tool of the devil. He should throw it away and do more prayer that his wife gets clean.
Sister Sumaira....I admit your opionion now. Forgiving is better than divorce.
But you suspect anyway that I am a brother.....
@ Sumaira: thank you my sister,
@D
Even ALLAH forgives ALLsins. Do i have the option not to forgive? Who i am towards ALLAH? Allah wants that we make sins to forgive us in following.
plz read the holy Qur'an: its full of forgiveness.
I said, “Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Truly He is Endlessly Forgiving. (Surah Nuh, 10)
He is the Ever-Forgiving, the All-Loving, (Surat Al-Buruj, 14)
And seek forgiveness from Allah. Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surat Al-Muzzammil, 28)
He is the Almighty, the Ever-Forgiving. (Surat Al-Mulk, 2)
He will forgive you your wrong actions (Surat As-Saff, 12)
...and ask forgiveness for them.Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surat Al-Mumtahana, 12)
and so on...
Yeah forgiveness is good.
Salam,
you are on a good way:
http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/18146
"The thought of not forgiving your wife and the others involved are thoughts caused by Shaytaan and should not be paid any heed. "
You must forgive to get forgiveness....read it yourself Brother
Why not raising up someone else childs????
:D:d
Brother D, Do not mock anyone--NONE of this is amusing.
Brother Hassan, we are very sorry for your pain. May Allah show you and your family the solution to your problems inn shaa Allah.
Sister Saba
now you are on the mocking topic....don't think I forgot your words. Give me one proof that he should forgive or divorce. Like I could not find a single proof that satisfied you you won't find a single proof that will help. You have gone to trap on your own. He should forgive ans forget about his adultress wife. This is what we mens (or let's call us running atm machnies) are suppossed to do. And nothing else.
You wrote:
Assalam alaikum Brother,
Indeed Allah sees all, hears all, KNOWS all. There is a great deal of comfort in knowing this for all of humankind.
I just wanted to request that please be careful to say that " you are are not a Moslem" as you wrote above. It is something for Allah swt to judge.
As Muslims, we need to show love and compassion towards one another. Not a single person on here is in favour of sinning and deceiving others. No one wants to condone it, and I think we truly condemn it. But brother, we are all sinners. The ones in the West and ones in the East. If I got a guarantee that if I live in an Eastern country, I will automatically go to Jannah, brother, I would go there right now.
Do you remember this Hadith?
The following is based on a hadith from Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 56, Number 676.
There was a man who had heartlessly murdered ninety-nine people. Then, he felt remorse.
He went to a learned man and told him about his past, explaining that he wished to repent, reform, and become a better person. "I wonder if Allah will pardon me?" he asked.
For all his learning, the scholar was a man who had not been able to digest what he had learned. "You will not be pardoned;' he said. "Then I may as well kill you, too," said the other. And kill him he did.
He then found another worthy individual and told him that he had killed a hundred people. "I wonder," he said, "whether Allah will pardon me if I repent?" Being a truly wise man, he replied, "Of course you will be pardoned; repent at once. I have just one piece of advice for you: avoid the company of wicked people and mix with good people, for bad company leads one into sin:"
The man expressed repentance and regret, weeping as he sincerely implored his Lord to pardon him. Then, turning his back on bad company, he set off to find a neighborhood where righteous people lived.
On the way, his appointed hour arrived, and he died. The angels of punishment and of mercy both came to take away his soul. The angels of punishment said that as a sinful person he rightfully belonged to them, but the angels of mercy also claimed him, saying, "He repented and had resolved to become a good man. He was on his way to a place where righteous people live, but his appointed hour had come." A great debate ensued, and Gabriel was sent as an arbitrator to settle this affair.
After hearing both sides he gave this verdict: "Measure the ground. If the spot where he died is closer to the good people, then he belongs to the angels of mercy, but if it is nearer to the wicked people, he will be given to the angels of punishment."
They measured the ground. Because the man had just set out, he was still closer to the wicked. But because he was sincere in his repentance, the Lord moved the spot where he lay and brought it to just outside the city of the good people.
That penitent servant was handed over to the angels of merry.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Repentance is the most noble and beloved form of obedience in the eyes of Allah. He loves those who repent. Repentance has a status that no other form of worship has. This is why Allah is extremely happy when a servant repents just as a desert traveler may be happy when he finds his lost camel.
"Except those who repent, have faith and do good deeds, for such people Allah will change their sins for good deeds. Certainly Allah is most forgiving and merciful." (Qur'an 25:70)
We should propagate the idea that we should truly repent. The man who killed 99 people didn't get a chance to ask forgiveness from the ones he murdered--yet Allah forgave him. How can Allah do this and who can defy Allah's decision brother? NO ONE CAN QUESTION ALLAH'S AUTHORITY. I am truly limited in my knowledge of what exactly will happen on the day of Judgement, but I leave it in the hands of Allah swt and beg for Mercy for our Ummah, for our brothers, for our sisters, for myself, for my family.
I truly believe that since Allah is All-knowing, that He will make the best decision. And if Muslims were supposed to be 100% perfect, why then does Allah's mercy exist? If we were perfect, we wouldn't need Mercy--but indeed, we are sinners and we are in very deep need of Allah's Mercy. Every single one of us.
I don't know how copying and pasting proves that I was mocking anything however you clearly were mocking the brother--read his response to you again.
And I don't write things hoping you will forget--rather I would want you to remember, so thank you.
Salam Sister,
I don't want to say or proof that you were mocking. But you indicated that we must forgive to get forgiveness.
http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/18146
"The thought of not forgiving your wife and the others involved are thoughts caused by Shaytaan and should not be paid any heed. "
You must forgive to get forgiveness....read it yourself Sister
Brother D/noapologies,
There is no compulsion in Islam. If you find your wife cheating. Then divorce her on the spot! There is no sin either way whether you divorce or forgive. Its up to you! Allah has given us choices in life and given us a brain to aid us in making wise choices.
Everyone will make their personal choices. Everyone will make DIFFERENT choices. Noone is right or wrong unless its a sin.
Salam,
if you mean, that there's no compulsion, then go on. In hereafter we will know, who's right and who will face God and the people he wronged. And if zina is wrongdoing against a spouse or not or if you should conceal such kinds of sins.
http://www.qtafsir.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=138
(There is no compulsion in religion), meaning, "Do not force anyone to become Muslim, for Islam is plain and clear, and its proofs and evidence are plain and clear. Therefore, there is no need to force anyone to embrace Islam. Rather, whoever Allah directs to Islam, opens his heart for it and enlightens his mind, will embrace Islam with certainty. Whoever Allah blinds his heart and seals his hearing and sight, then he will not benefit from being forced to embrace Islam.''
It was reported that the Ansar were the reason behind revealing this Ayah, although its indication is general in meaning. Ibn Jarir recorded that Ibn `Abbas said ﴿that before Islam﴾, "When (an Ansar) woman would not bear children who would live, she would vow that if she gives birth to a child who remains alive, she would raise him as a Jew. When Banu An-Nadir (the Jewish tribe) were evacuated ﴿from Al-Madinah﴾, some of the children of the Ansar were being raised among them, and the Ansar said, `We will not abandon our children.' Allah revealed,
﴿لاَ إِكْرَاهَ فِى الدِّينِ قَد تَّبَيَّنَ الرُّشْدُ مِنَ الْغَيِّ﴾
(There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the right path has become distinct from the wrong path.)''
Abu Dawud and An-Nasa'i also recorded this Hadith. As for the Hadith that Imam Ahmad recorded, in which Anas said that the Messenger of Allah said to a man,
«أَسْلِم»
قَالَ: إِنِّي أَجِدُنِي كَارِهًا قَالَ:
«وَإِنْ كُنْتَ كَارِهًا»
("Embrace Islam.'' The man said, "I dislike it.'' The Prophet said, "Even if you dislike it.'')
First, this is an authentic Hadith, with only three narrators between Imam Ahmad and the Prophet . However, it is not relevant to the subject under discussion, for the Prophet did not force that man to become Muslim. The Prophet merely invited this man to become Muslim, and he replied that he does not find himself eager to become Muslim. The Prophet said to the man that even though he dislikes embracing Islam, he should still embrace it, `for Allah will grant you sincerity and true intent.'
AOA Everyone,
This is first time I am posting here.
(remainder of comment deleted by editor.)
Salaams,
Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Muslim Brothers & Sisters,
I have caught my wife cheating on me in 1st week of Feb.
(Editor's note: please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.)
Salams brother. I've been reading these posts. And I have been in tough situations myself and I just want to give you this sincere advice.
Firstly people do make mistakes. A sheikh told me sometimes people stumble in the dark and hurt themselves. In other words in times of uncertainty or foolishness people can make mistakes. Once you stop being angry sit down with your wife and ask her in a gentle way a) if she can explain why it happened b) is there something or things making her so unhappy with the marriage that she did this? If your gut tells you yes she made a genuine mistake try to move on and start with the hard work of fixing your issues. Honestly counseling helps as daunting and weird as it might feel. Counselors are on the side of your marriage not you or your spouses side. They are looking to help make the marriage work for you both. Give it a good go and remember you'll be rewarded for your efforts.
But...
If you don't feel like she's being truly honest and or filled with remorse /regret you have to face the facts which are: there is usually a BIG issue for a person to cheat. Either external ie the couple just aren't happy together becuase there is major incompatibility - which is a trial from Allah and you don't have to read any more into it than that. It just wasnt meant to work and was written for you like this. You'll be rewarded for your patience. Or its internal and the spouse has their own demons (aren't very nice people or just never happy) and will cheat coz they want to.
If it's either of these reasons then it's likely your situation won't improve very much and it's better to face facts. You have to be the judge of it because only you know your relationship with your wife. Is she generally a good and decent person but struggling with thing you CAN both change to stop it from happening again?
If either you CAN'T realistically change your compatibility issues or she has internal issues it's not looking good. Look to the sharia which would say it's permissible to divorce and treat this period with a firm heart and eman believing that it is a trial for you to bear from Allah. We all will be faced with trials of one nature or another in our lives as believers. That does not mean staying in an unhappy marriage though. If a situation is harmful emotionally you have every right to leave and view the marriage itself as that trial and the divorce and having strength and patience as eman to follow Allah's advice.
Follow your gut. No one on here can tell you what's right, ultimately you know. Also ask Allah 'iddinas siratal mustaqim'. Inshalla you'll be guided to the right course of action.
Your advice is very thoughtful, genuine and real.
Thanks for sharing.
(Sana, I removed your comment. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn, Insha'Allah. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor).
AOA...
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Assalam o Alaikum.
Before i discuss anything in detail. I want to put one straight question. My wife cheated on me me 4th time(altbough she promised not to repeat again) and i have proofs. Problem is my father said me that DO NOT DIVORCE and if i divorce , He will never forgive me. His intention may be because i have four married sisters and the he might think that my divorce will put very bad effect on sisters marriage and overall ours family image in siciety. I have six yr old son as well. I am really confused now.
usman, I don't see why your divorce should affect your sisters' marriages. Islam allows divorce for situations like this. If you cannot divorce her, perhaps you can simply separate from her and keep your son with you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks brother for your quick response. As i mentioned there are two big prob which are stopping me to divorce.
1.my wife and her family has put full hatred in my sons(6 yrs old) heart against me. So currently we are living together but he is more attached with his mom than me. So i have a fear that after separation and he may become my enemy.
2. How can i disobey my father when he clearly and very straghtly said that i must not divorce. Actually my sisters marriages are also not going very well due to internal claches so if in future any one will get divorce then my whole family will blame me. And i will not be getting peace for whole of my life.
As I said, if you cannot divorce then perhaps you can separate and in time you can marry a second wife. If you keep your son with you, the love between you and him will return and become strong, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Bro Usman ,You will come in the category of cuckold husband and as per hadith allah will not have a mercy or look at cuckold husband on day of judgement ...divorce her at the cost of all sufferings as it is not allowed to stay with zani wife ..
Seems many stories r similar to mine........... My wife started cheating in year 2010/11 and paused for a while. Again she (age 31) started cheating by having relation with a Kid age 19 yrs, another with my relative (aged 42) and few others (couldnt trace). She pretends to love me as i bearing and caring her. But her cheating still going on , using several Mobile SIMs, meeting outside or inside my home which is hampering my new work ..... I am suffering mentally extremely. I loved her so much and she is example of true beauly. every man desire her for her beauty. If I divorce her I wont be able to carry my life withou her and also she can give false case as per my country law. I accumalating proof but have any recorded hard evidence till now. Wished to die sometime.... I dont know what shud I do.......... I m getting crazy .................
Divorce her, brother. You can live without her. You will get over her in time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother, Have you spoken to her about her affairs ? If not, firstly do speak , then If she
does Toba and seek forgiveness and promise not to do again, then its up to you, you
may forgive her and carry on your life further.
Salamualaikum to all muslim and brothers i know its hard for us a muslim sister,to cheat our husband,but for me there is some reason? The other muslima always look for a man kind,to treat us like a gift of allah,give a promiseng loved everyday and life we need to feel that we are happy to our life and merriage life,base and my experiance i feel that i cannot live happy life with the man who have not faithfull to allah,who the man who dont know hes responsiblelity to hes children...and i found a man in internet and i also meet him...hes words always saying walahy,oksumbillah. Always have a faith to allah.we face now alot of problem because of our loved is mestake,we want to grant our life and a halal way not and haram.but its so embarassing that same to say that i cheat my husband.
There is NO excuse. If you are not happy with your husband and cannot live with him, then divorce him and marry someone else. If it is only friendship that you are lacking and support in your religion, then find it with female friends. There is no excuse.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sallam brothers and sisters
I need help in what I should do,
I have been married to my wife for 3 and half years now, we have been going through problems from day 1 and I sometimes leave the house when big problems happen to live at my parents house, this has happened a few times,
anyways I didn't think anything of it, last year I got her an upgrade on phone with her old number, and because of my suspicions I downloaded whatsapp and other messaging apps with her number and I found out she was talk to other males.
I confronted her about it but she wouldn't tell me anything.
i had proof on message that she was sleeping with other people, and when i ask still to this day she does not tell me what she has done and how many or who or why.
she has cheated on me before we got married and still about that i don't know anything because she doesn't tell me, i cant talk to her or have any decent conversation.
i know everyone is going to say why did u get married then but i wasn't a good muslim before and things happened, im still not a good muslim the way i should be but i got married anyway.
i have a 3year old son and he is living with her as i have moved to my parents, she teaches him to say horrible things and negative things towards me when we have an argument.
i gave her chance after chance in and she would tell me that shes going to change but its the same thing everytime, when im with her im not allowed to talk to my parents, im not allowed out if i do go out she has to listen in the conversation over phone.
she has changed a little from that and i don't think she is cheating anymore, but she does not respect me, its her first and then maybe me
please advise me
Salaam Everyone
I published your comment as a separate post:
A man forced sex on me but my husband won't forgive me.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Leave her and get another wife... Who can let u on straight path with all pleasures....confused and tensed life is unnecessary in Islam.... Life is too short for such stories
Asalam aleykum brothers and sister how are all
ali, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam U alikum Wa Rehmatulahi wa Barakatoho.
Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
1) Why there is no punishment PRISCRIBED by Allah or shariah for a married women who is cheating her husband with another married man
She did not have intercourse but are having verbal affair and planning to get divorce and then get married.
A HARAM thing then doing so called HALAL thing ? Still Allah will forgive them ( if they repent ) ?
2) And then she is allowed to get married to the other man ( after repentance," oh i am really... sorry, its a sin , its a mistake, i will never ever do it again....)
3) why is she not to be killed (a)if proven beyond doubt (b) if she confess ( they did not have intercourse but are having verbal affair and planning to get divorce and then get married)
Please answer urgently...
Zak, Allah forgives or punishes as He wills, and He is always just. It is not for you or I to question Allah's absolute justice. Do you think Allah can be fooled? That people can play tricks on Him, or find loopholes in His deen? Astaghfirullah.
There is no prescribed "hadd" or corporal punishment for a married woman having a "verbal affair" or being unfaithful without intercourse. But that does not mean that Allah will not hold her accountable or punish her. He will do so as He judges fit. During the miraj of the Holy Prophet (sws), he saw the fornicators and adulterers suffering terrible punishments.
It is not for you, however, to mete out such punishment. Beware, lest you commit a sin more serious than that of your wife, and find yourself suffering from Allah's punishment.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Zak,
There is a procedure in the quran but I think she's at the point where she wants to divorce you anyway. The procedure in the Quran has you leaving her bed and then further escalation but in your case I think you two need a counselor to talk to or end the marriage. If she doesn't want to be with you then other than addressing the reasons why she doesn't want to be with you there isn't much she can do. It is likely that she may not be happy with the other man either but she's probably going to find that out later.