My Christian son has a baby with a Muslim girl
Islam does not "cast people out" for committing sins. But families sometimes do, rightly or wrongly.
Question:
My family are Christians. My son is in love with a Muslim girl. They have a baby together and are not married. Her parents, who are devout Muslims, do not know their situation. Are they outcasts in your faith and her family? We are Christians by faith.
- Hope
Wael's Answer:
Dear Hope,
What the young woman has done is considered a major sin in Islam. The Islamic religion prohibits fornication and adultery, and does not allow a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man.
But Islam does not "cast people out" for committing sins. Allah (God) is forgiving and merciful, and the door to repentance is always open.
Families, however, are another matter. Families - whether Muslim, Christian, or whatever - are unpredictable and I have often heard of a family member being ostracized for their behavior. I'm not saying that's right. But it happens.
You haven't said anything about what the young woman wants. And it's not precisely clear to me what you are asking. I think you are asking, if she goes to her family in her present condition, will they accept her? Is that right?
There are several issues here:
- The young lady should perform tawbah (repentance) and ask Allah for forgiveness. Not for her family, but for herself, in order to respect the relationship between herself and Allah. Allah gave us these rules and guidelines out of love and concern for us, to benefit us and help us. I realize that Western society is practically falling apart with drugs, alcoholism, out of wedlock pregnancies, and a host of other ills. We Muslims have been given a good way to live and we should be grateful.
- Any marriage to a Christian man would not be accepted or recognized in Islam. If the young man converts to Islam they could be married.
- I can't predict how the young lady's family will react, especially if she remains on her present course. I ask myself, if my daughter were to end up in this situation, what would I do? And the answer is that I love my daughter, and I would continue to love her and maintain my relationship with her, and try to convince her to return to Allah.
- But many families do reject their children in such situations. Not only Muslim families, but Christian families as well. I have met many Muslims who converted from Christianity and were utterly rejected by their families as a result, or who married Muslims and have never had a moment's peace with their families since. So it would not surprise me if her family rejects her or "casts her out" as you said, not from the faith (since no one has the authority to do that) but from the family.
And Allah knows best.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.
(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.
Best regards,. - Wael Abdelgawad
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I received a follow up email from Hope, who asked this question. Here is her email and my response:
FROM HOPE:
"Wael,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting back to me. As a mother i think of her mother often as im sure she is worried about her daughter. Her family have been in the US for about 9 yrs and still hang on to there faith and customs.. As a christian I understand the love of our child and our faith. I just dont understand the rejection of her by the family? What of the child? Is she also rejected? I know you dont know for sure but in your opinion what do you think? What happened to unconditional love.She is in contact with her sisters but they do not know about the baby. Please understand i am not judging .just trying to understand.
Thank you so much for your time. I only want to help and i have grown to love this young lady as my own daughter but i know she misses her fam and if truth be know probably life style.
Please try and share more information with me on this matter. I will end by saying that this will not an isolated situation as more muslims have migrated from the middle east with young children these kids are raised in a country far differant than what there parents were.
thank you again for your help.
Hope"
MY RESPONSE:
Hello Hope,
How can I predict how her family will react? Everyone is different. But it sounds like she has isolated herself from them anyway, so what has she got to lose? She might as well tell them and let the chips fall where they may.
Like I said, in my case I would keep on loving my daughter and try to gently guide her back to what I believe is best. But families from the Middle East or the Indian subcontinent can be very traditional and my guess is that they will not be so open minded about it.
One last word. Some countries may have the practice of "honor killings" where they supposedly recover the family's honor by killing a young woman who they feel has shamed them. This is an abominable practice, totally condemned by the Islamic religion, but it does happen rarely. If the young woman suspects at all that her family might react with violence, then she should keep her silence and her distance and not let them know about her pregnancy.
Best Regards,
Wael
Last response from Hope:
HOPE:
THANK YOU so much for your input. Yes, she is middle eastern (Kurdish's) and all that you have said is my worry for her.To top it off she has older brothers and her parents go " home" quit often so they are still very tied to there home land ways. I care about her and I know that she has stepped into a new world , the last thing I want is for any harm to come to her or my granddaughter, but as you said..whats done is done. Again thank you again for taking time to teach me for I know you are extremely busy.
Truly God (Allah) has blessed me with your input.
Hope