Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Asking for Death in Islam


I don't know where to start. I am 26 years old male. I am youngest in my family. I just hate my life. I always ignore people when they make fun of me. I can walk, I can eat. I thank Allah for everything I have in my life.

It really hurts me when people say I am gay and I talk like girl. I have girly voice. My lips are red. When I was in school, my teachers all the students used make fun of me if I put lipstick. I was call gay ugly.

I left school. If anyone notice any mistake in my grammar please forgive me.

I pray every day night if Allah can change my face, lips, the way I   look or speak.

When I was in elementary school, each day was like hell. Then in high school even worse. My cousin make fun. I avoid people and social gathering.

I used to work for retail store, I will not mention the name. I was happy that I was hired since no luck before. But my manager did some strange things to me. Touching me and slap on my back. And a lot of money in my account since it was direct deposit. I knew what would be his next step. I quit.

I want to know why Allah made this way. I can't take anymore. Whenever I see myself in mirror I feel depressed and my second thought is that I should kill myself because of my girly face and voice.

I pray, read quran even tahajud. I do feel better for short time then again same thing. Sometimes I feel maybe Allah hates me because Allah did not answer my prayers.

My life is getting worst. Now I am asking Allah for death. I hope he will answer this one. I am planning to kill myself.. It's been 15 years.  I am still waiting for new tomorrow. Every day worst in fact every second now.


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alaikum,
    Hello brother. Worry not. Allah knows what he does. The purpose for your appearance is that Allah willed it. I too have been called names for my voice. People have always said I sound gay, or like a woman. But when I sing Allah's names and call out in prayer these same people are in awe of the beauty of my voice. Allah has reasons for all things and sometimes we may never even find out. Hold to your faith. If you are pious and strong in faith, then you are perfect. And the eyes of these poor people are blind to it. It is not anyone's approval that matters but Allah. Whether you actually are gay or not is a different thing. But even the Allah knows what he does and he knows what is in your heart, he is merciful and he made you just the way you are 🙂

    And who know the person that Allah made for you to marry may find your lips the most beautiful and pleasing.

    Keep your head up. You are not alone. There are over 7billion people on this world. So many of us are treated badly but we are all made by Allah.
    Peace be with.

  2. Salaam brother I am very sorry to hear that you have had so many problems What I will say is to ask for death is not good You should always have faith in Allah Would you benefit from counselling or anti depressants is there anyone you can talk to in your family Please pray and read Quran shareef there is a lot of power in prayers I would advise that you read Surah yaseen every day this will make your day go smoothly Wjy don't you think about a career change or shift to another country how about returning to education or pursuing a hobby as a career Ficus on the good self inside of you Allah has created as beautifully and those people who make fun of you are secretly jealous of you I am surprised that your teachers made fun of you that is not very professional However it takes all sorts to make a world start with praying to Allah Allah will show you the way forward Have faith Allah hafiz

  3. Never think of suicide. You should just move to a new place. I don't know which country you live in, but do some research and move to a region or city which is more pluralistic and progressive. We are taught to migrate if we are being harassed.

    BTW doing intensive exercise helps in developing masculine features (and also defend yourself). Try that. Join gym or a martial arts class.

  4. Salam brother,

    Life can be so tough but please don't commit suicide. I had my fair share of bullying growing up and tried to kill myself but I was not in the deen back then. I regretted my act as it did hurt my family a lot and it was against islam. Elhamdoullilah, I am glad Allah gave me a second chance. I moved country, meet lots of people, went back to studying and life got much better for me. Regarding your red lips and feminin features they can been seen as attractive by some girls. Don't despair or let the bullies control your life please they are not worth it, trust me!

    I agree with brother Zahid, start excercising that will help you physically but also mentally. Seek help with a doctor to help stabilise your mood. Allah has a plan for all of us. This is your test in this dounia. Be strong and let them talk but be above it all. If you ever wanna chat I am here for you.

    Take care Brother!

  5. *My lips are red. is it bad?, its a blessing your lips are red, most people have black lips and they use tips to get their lips in natural color.
    they just want your attention coz you are different and attractive trust me.

  6. Salaam Brother,

    In today's life, thoughts of suicide probably comes across many people. But your problems are not so big. What I understood from the description, you have a condition called puberphonia. During adolescence, males undergo voice changes. Some people (even females) fail to attain this due to various causes (psychogenic/delayed development, emotional stress, etc.) and develop puberphonia or mutational falsetto. This is a very easy fix. You can consult a speech language pathologist or speech therapist in your area. With 3-4 weeks of speech therapy, you can attain more male like voice. Forgive me for my limited knowledge about Islam, and may Allah (swt) forgive me if I am giving any suggestions against his preachings, I hope such treatment is acceptable in Islam.

    As for your appearance, trust me what is beautiful in one person's eyes, may be ugly for another. Search for the beauty in your heart.

    May Allah show us the truth.

  7. salam bro.Dont think like that.It seems you have a love for Allah.I think people are jealous because speaking from a male model before in my days of ignorance you are a natural you just dont know it. Shaitan likes to always attack the practising muslim either through your unstable heart or people who are weak.A upright muslim would never say negative things about anyone.My friend Allah made you who you are!This body is only is a trust from Allah.It is a test for you my friend.My advice stay connected to the mosque and pious people,especially the people involved in tabligh. If you have to relocate to a place were people are educated and wanting to succeed. I dont know your age or were you live but as a brother. build on your career so you can be independant and help the uneducated poor with your skills!Dont give up .Remeber in this short life.Allah will be the judge on that day so do not grieve... Remember hang with the pious....and prepare yourself for your spouse.I can say that as a revert who married a Alima (sunni muslim scholor ) it was the best choice i made. Only people who have correcy knowledge should understand that a pious wife will bring blessings in your home and lift you up when your down.

  8. assalamualaikum My brother, killing your self is the worst thing to do because what your going through is only temporary and a test from Allah. the punishment for killing your self is severe and for ever my brother, the punishment for killing your is what ever object you used to kill your self or what ever you do to kill your self is that you continuing doing it in the hell fire for EVER. And you only lived for 26 years everything in this world is temporary even is my brother so be patient and strong inshallah. and Allah test those he loves. When a Muslim is being tested from Allah is good for them, what you should learn from this my brother is you really know who is not your friends now Alhamdulillah. The best dua you can make is ask Allah for strength and to wisdom and understanding my brother. If you have a beard don't cut it Allah gave men beard to look deferent then a woman. you should consider looking for a Muslim friend who fears Allah and that reminds you of Allah. My brother you should start going to the masjid more often. May Allah make it easy for you and give you and your love ones a good life in this and the next Ameen. My brother everything will be okay inshallah

  9. Oh my God! You need to seek help from a counselor RIGHT AWAY. DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE. It's not worth it. Allah is waiting. Think about it--you have your whole life ahead of you to do good deeds. You can earn the highest ranks of Jannah. Your whole life is left. Please. We're with you.

    You're not ugly, most people love red lips even men! Ignore those who insult you. Keep in mind that Allah will punish them. You don't have to punish yourself by committing suicide because of their cruelty.

    God loves you; He's testing you because you're a good believer from what I can tell. He knows that you can make it through.

    On a more practical note, it seems like the people around you are very toxic. Here's what I recommend: relax for a while, clear your mind, pray, and figure out a way to move away. Or else join a group dedicated to one of your hobbies and make friends there! It'll be fun, a new way out.

    Allah doesn't help people until they change what is in themselves (directly from Quran). Try to put a positive spin on things and proactively find ways to make your life happier. You can do it! 🙂

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