Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Regretful Affair with married man



Love triangle, two women and one manI am in need of advice. I am a 17 year old girl falling for a married 25 year old man. We used to call everyday for hours when he was at work till he got outside his house. After this we met and committed Zina and this happened every time we met. He makes me happy. He used to text me of a different snapchat account but has now added me on his real one despite having his wife on there. He supposedly cares about me but doesn’t show it sometimes. He goes clubbing and I am not the only girl he has been with and commited Zina with despite being married. I once asked him what are we doing and he said “ we’re having an affair”. He meets me every few weeks now If he wants too and we end up committing Zina. Whenever I want to meet him he’s always busy now. And then when he wants to meet me I’m busy. What makes it worse is that his wife is pregnant. I’m trying so hard to forget him but it hurts so bad. I’m broken. I need advice. I know I shouldn’t meet him and shouldn’t even have him on social media but it’s so hard for me. I care about him a lot so it’s really difficult. I am very guilty and feel like such a bad person for even talking to him knowing he was married by but he told me when I had fallen for him. Whenever I was with him he’d always stress and complain about his wife despite it being a love marriage where him and his wife ran away and got married. I am so lost hurt and confused. Did he just use me? I want him to be happy and I’ve tried staying away but we always end up meeting or speaking. I regret what I have done but I have no idea what to do next. He has said to a mutual friend of ours that he’s going to have to stop speaking to me in a few months ( when his child is born) and it broke me. I feel like I can’t live without him. I know its me being selfish but it’s very hard. Please do not judge me and it would be really nice if you give me some advice. Thank you

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4 Responses »

  1. You need to come closer to Islam to be protected from this . This man is clearly using you and has no interest in marrying you To him you're just someone he can have fun with whilst being with his true wife. If his wife gave him ultimatum he would pick her over you any day So have some self respect and stop yourself from being treated like a piece of meat and get yourself together

  2. My dear girl/ child what are you doing?get yourself out of this. He is just using you I don’t know how you don’t see are only 17 that might be your excuse. You deserve a lot better.

    You can block him from all your social account. Be strong.get him out of your can do it! Might not be easy but not impossible! May be change your SIM card so you don’t get tempted to get in touch with him.Read Quran with meaning, in particular Surah Noor.
    And repent to Allah. Please continue to with your salaH..
    May Allah make it easy for your ...

  3. I think you are In a very difficult situation because you are clearly emotionally attached to him especially after committing zina. Zina is probably the most filthiest but short term fulfillment you can get by will have devastating results afterwards even if you continue to pursue a life with this man. Trust me, do not ruin your future for a petty price which will ultimately mean heartbreak,seperation or worse losing your own self to someone who clearly does not deserve you or is just using you for his own marital problems. Get out. Dont wait, dont think that you are unable to let go because you can. He doesnt deserve you nor any woman hes a low scumbag with no understanding of relationship and commitment. I know this because I was in a similar relationship, got married had a child and now pregnant again but seperated. I became isolated, I lost touch with who I am. I became extremely psychotic and was diagnosed and emitted to hospital. Still suffering because the man I loved and called my husband did not care for me at all he abused me mentally and physically but i allowed it all to happen. I just couldnt let go because I was just immensely in love with his zina. Now when I think about it I blame only myself for thinking that eventually living with him will make my relationship better but it became worse and only I was getting hurt nobody else.

  4. Assalaamualaykum Sister,

    You write:

    "I know I shouldn’t meet him and shouldn’t even have him on social media."

    Yes...this is a case where you need to know your own weaknesses and where your temptations lie (which are not any different from any other person's, really. The rules of Islam are for everyone's protection...not just yours). It would indeed be best to block him from your social media account, and as ZW implies, change your phone number or block his calls. I agree it is so hard, but so worth it in the end, even if it takes a few years to get him "out of your system." Start with just one step away from him, and Allah will carry you through the rest...I promise! Please reclaim yourself now!



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