Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He promised me marriage

Woman alone

My boyfriend and I we started dating on 2013 we had some issues we broke up for a couple months. And somehow we found ourself back together.

We are happy and we really love each other the problem is he keeps hurting me saying mean hurtful things to be jurding  me about a past situation that happened which is between me and God then he would apologize to me telling me he is sorry and he knows I love him and he doesn't know why he acts like that. I ALWAYS forgive him. He's hurt me and done so much things to me that I won't tell the whole word about.

But he moved to Ohio 2 months ago and he promissed me on December he would come get me we would be married and I already started saving money, I started school medical school for RT so we can have our futures set. He promised me than he just tells me I can't do this leave me alone. I kept messaging and messaging him telling him only how much I love him and how to never give up on me and I promise to never give up on him and how my only wish in this world is to make him happy how I wanted nothing but to take care of him. But all he did was continue to judge me and threaten me with stuff call me bad names and I kept telling him you don't have the right to judge or say anything to me or act like you are God because God forgave me inshallah but who are you to continue to bring up my past.

I had hope in us in our future no matter what he did to me I never once gave up on him but I prayed for him over and over again and I don't know what else to do my brothers and sisters. He left me here all alone. On the last day he left he watched me cry and beg him not to leave me and he looked in my eyes and told me do you really think I will ever leave you do you have hope in our love and I said idk because I know you and I know how angry you get about every little thing and you make the situation bigger and he got mad and said you don't have hope in our love you don't BELIEVE me. And I told him I do I have hope and I BELIEVE you will come back for me.  And yet he just left me and gave up on me and now I'm alone and empty. And I keep praying to god I gave this man my life and he just left me how can someone hurt the person that loves them so much and continue to blame them anyways ?????


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10 Responses »

  1. In all honesty sister, you went wrong when you started dating. Nothing good can come out of haram. It may seem like something good for the time being, but sins will always come back to bite us in this world or on the day of judgement... Or maybe both.

    What good can come out of making Allah angry? Allah commands us to stay away from everything that leads to zina and that includes speakin with the opposite gender. You should only be socializing with your mahrams and Muslim women.

    "There is a hadith where Rasoolullah (salallahu alayhi wasallam) says that when a man and woman are alone together, shaytan is the third party. Also, Allah says in the Quran, “O you who have believed, do not follow the footsteps of Satan…” (24:21) From this, many scholars have pointed out how shaytan does not immediately come to a person and tell them to go find someone and commit zina, he will slowly lead them to it and shaytan is very patient. Here, Allah warns us from anything that may lead us to commiting this great sin, “And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.” (17:32). It is highly warned against to needlessly chit-chat with the opposite gender. If you look at the the road people took when they commit zina, usually it starts off with people talking as friends and it escalates to something as dangerous as zina."

    The punishment for zina is extremely severe and it is very very very hated on the sight of Allah.

    Please do not get me wrong sister, I am not accusing you of zina, all I am saying is that dating leads to this evil path and you must stay away from this. Dating is haram as it leads to great evil. If you want to enter into a relationship, you need to ask your father to help you find a husband. You can go to the masjid with your wali and ask for help.

    For now, you may not see his leaving you as a blessing, but from my perspective it seems like it. You should use this as a chance to turn back to Allah and make tawbah. Allah forgives ALL sins and He loves it when His slaves turn back to Him. He does not commit oppression and all good lies with Him. People may harm you but Allah never commits injustice. If you truly wish for peace then turn to Allah. Peace is from Him... Make lots of dua for Him to help you, insha'Allah I will make dua for you too.

  2. Salam sister
    Whatever you have done was wrong and you are getting punishment for that deed.
    He has left you because you chose him for yourself. Allah knows better who is good for you. Don't feel miserable that he left you. Feel ashamed for what you have done with a namehram. Ask Allah for forgiveness and try to continue your life. Life doesn't stop without any person if he is in your fate Allah will send him to you but if not you can't get him whatever's you do.
    Say namaz and after namaz ask Allah to give you strength to come out of all these problems. Focus on new things, try to be a precisious thing that only a lucky man wants. Don't be a stone that anyone can kick. You can make yourself priceless with your positive attitude. Remember one thing cry only in front of Allah and ask for strength to continue good healthy life. Whenever feel sad say namaz or nawafal and cry a lot that makes your heart pure.
    Drinks lots of water as well to keep your skin glow)
    Keep smiling
    Allah will help you

  3. Sister,

    What has happened to you, happens to girls every single day. It's a fact. Look in the mirror. What do you see? Who do you see? Doesn't the girl looking back at you deserve better? Let go of whatever you thought would be with this man. Use this opportunity to redirect yourself and your life. Focus on your school and work hard. Bring yourself closer to your deen and know that Allah has something much better in store for you. Put your trust in a higher power. Allah hu alem.


  4. Reading this kinda upset me because I know exactly how you feel. I myself was suppose to settle down last summer with this guy who thought loved me and vice versa. Both of our families were involved because I wanted it to be halal as possible and I wanted to do things the right way. 3 months before the set wedding day, he left me for no reason. It was the biggest shock and hurt ever. I suffered a lot. Cried a lot. It was really bad. I think I chased after him for 3 weeks trying to get answers but nothing at all. 7 months later he comes back asking for forgiveness. Let me just tell you, if he truly loved you and cared and was a man, he would have been straight up. Time heals all. Leave him alone and pray/make dua. That helped me very much. Good luck inshallah you're in my duas

    • So did you forgive him?

      • No of course not. He probably apologized just to clear his guilt like most people do. I guess you don't realize what you have until it's gone. And he came back because Allah had punished him for something. His apology wasn't real and he was beating around the bush about why he left me. But it's whatever. In due time I'll forgive completely, right now I don't care.

        • The best thing to do is just forgive the other person...he might be apologizing for real..i mean i don't know the whole situation so can not say much..

  5. As Salam Alaikum,

    Ok, everyone is saying you did wrong, so now you sincerely repent on it.

    It is a human nature, when you have something you do not value it, so he does not value you because he has you, because you run after him. Now since you did something you should have not done, I will ask you not to fantasize yourself with this man, no dreams, pray namaz and make dua, keep your self busy with house works and spend time with good friends.

    Most of us on this website because somehow we have broken heart and marriages. Always remember Allah (Swt) knows what is best for you, and sometime when you do righteous marriage, it does not work out because Allah (Swt) knows best. Be patient everything will be fine. It is hard that you did not got the answer, and you just want to know WHY?, trust me down me road you will find the answer.

    You may end up marrying someone but word of advice, do not compare him to this person. Make sure whoever you marry, find something that is good in him, may be he may not be so handsome but he may have some qualities that Allah (swt) has given him.

    Hope this helps,

    Allah hafiz

  6. Assalamo walikum
    I know you want to hear something that can help you to be with him but unfortunately it will be best to end the relationship with him. In Islam it is haram to date and see a guy and talk for long. The reason it is best to end it because he doesn't seem to care about your feeling. He has disrespected you again and again. Never be with a person who has no respect for your feeling and thoughts. Do you really want to be married like this kind of relationship that is up and down at the begining? Just focus on your education and inshallah you will find the one that will love you and never let you cry.

    Hope this helps
    Good luck!

  7. Don't be sad if ALLAH separates you from someone you love. Always Remember, it's for your own good. ALLAH has a beautiful reason for it.

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