My boyfriend won’t marry me because he wants an Arab girl
Group of young Muslim women talking in Omayad mosque courtyard, Damascus, Syria
Asalaam aleykum I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 month. we love each other but he says he can't marry me because he wants to marry his fellow Arab girl and that hurts me a lot. I really wish he could marry me.
I pray God everyday when I sleep that me and him we can marry but I don't know if that works.
I need you guys to advice me what to do please may Allah bless you.
- pretty harun
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That is why the islamic parents usually deny their daughters to date some one because they are usually true to the relationship and start cosidering the dating as a development of solid relationship (because of their loving nature as instilled in them by Allah Swt. Men on the other hand have more cynical or practical or worldly view of the relationship developed through a predominantly western convention like 'dating'. Your dating to him might have made him disliking you because the eastern muslim men do not like their would be spouses to have the latitude and the liberty like that of dating that is why the end result is the frustration at the part of the female. Be true to the values of the society and the orders of the Holy Quran to overcome the tide of emotion uprising in your heart. Your boyfrind would probably never fall back for you.
dear siis thatz not luv ,i call that useing da person ur bf iz not suriouse about n let me say thiz i hop u nat gonna get mad at me ALLWAYZ HARAAM REALTIONSHIP ENDZ IN BAD TREAM WHY DO WE HAV 2 DAT 2 GET 2 KNW DA PERSON WHY CANT WE JUST MARRIED 4 DA SAK OF ALAH N LUV WILL COM IN SOME CASES MAK ALAH HAPPY 1ST ,PUT UR TREAST IN ALAH IN UR SLF THEN TREAST ME UR MARRIGE WILL WORK ,BUT UNFORTANTTLY WE DONT ACTULLY DO DAT
I'm not being negative as a person .... you can't randomly married someone darling.... Not all muslims man are nice person !! do you understand... ?? Many of them don't do basic stuff such as don't do 5 times prayer, doing zakat, or even fasting.....even though they claim them self as a muslim.... Unless she's living around your house and your parents knows her then you don't have to date her ... but if you abroad ... far away from your house and you don't know this person i think you need to get know that person first .... before you said I DO !! i could be wrong ... this is my opinion. You need 4 things to look a partner the look, family, the wealth, and the Deen ..... make sure you put the his religion first among the others....
Salaam My Sister
I am sorry for this pain and heartache that you are going through.
If this guy wanted to marry you, he would marry you. Essentially what he has told you is that there is no future in this relationship, and he is biding his time with you until he meets the one that he wants to marry. You are a time-filler for him.
The only reason for this is because of him, and I would advise you to recognise that this person is using you and wasting your time - time which could be invested in someone with a future.
Move on and move on quickly. There is no fault on you, this is not an Islamic thing, it's not even a cultural thing. It's a "him" thing, and so I advise you to let him go and move on in peace, and thankful in the knowledge that you learned this after a short 9 months, and not after 3 years.
Its a mistake that many females make: getting up close and personal, emotional very quickly only to find out that it has been a waste of time and effort. The important lesson in all of this is to know, (in much the same way that you know your own name), that an honourable man with good intentions will behave honourably all the way through and will approach you in regards to marriage first, and getting to know each other later. A man with good intentions will be keen to honour you in every single way.
Therefore, the big message is: how he is in the beginning is a massive sign of how he will be in the end. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule - however it is important that we do not gamble with our futures and emotions by hoping that chance will deliver us an unusual result. Much better, to tread the path of knowledge and clear sight and stay out of the realms of this kind of pain and vulnerability.
My sister, you have lost your power in the situation. Take it back, by telling him goodbye. Suffer the necessary pain that you will go through and then rejoice in your freedom and knowledge and the new possibility of meeting someone who will treat you in the most honourable of fashions.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Agreed. Save your love for the one who wants it and deserves it, in a halal marriage as dictated by Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams pretty harun
I totally agree with Leyla's advice. I personally think you are wasting your time with this guy he doesn’t see you as a wife therefore he is actually using you. If he ever had respect for you he would have been honest he doesn’t love you sister he’s someone who’s wasting your time knowing there is no future for the two of you. I wish you all the best and hope you find a path that will make you strong and get through this difficult time ameen.
Sister
I agree with what every single poster has said here!!! you deserve better then this guy!!! This guy isn't serious about you or about having a future together!!! Trust me, he will never change!! Please don't waste time in this relationship thinking he'll change his mind and want you to be his wife in the future...guys like him never change!! you've said can't marry me because he wants to marry his fellow Arab girl so he's atleast being honest with you and telling you that but you have to relise that your worth so much more then just being here now until he meets his "fellow arab girl"!!! You deserve a guy that wants you to be his wife and who wants a future together!!!
You want an honourable relationship and he doesn't!! If your ok about being in a relationship with no committment then stay but otherwise you should leave and pray that allah (swt) brings you a decent guy!!!
Wishing you all the best sister!!!
Dear sister, assalamu alaykum. I am muslim too. All these comments are not right. If you really feel love and connection between each other then dont say goodbye. If he really loves you he will marry you. But keep distance. Give him space to think. let him find you dont find him. Our religion is very beautiful, no need to belittle it with ignorant thoughts. We all make mistakes. And Allah forgives them. He is merciful. There is not anything in islam which says that men should marry women whom their parents reccomend. Thats tradition not islam. If your feelings are sincere then Islam says there is not anything except marriage that reconcile two people who love eah other. And also if you are ready to be muslim or if you are already then shouldnt be any problem. Dont listen bitter people. Don let them to make you feel bitter and angry all your life. With love. Allah bless you.Good luck.
You're missing the point, Ulviya. Clearly he does not feel true love and a real connection, since he has already said that he will not marry her. He wants to marry an Arab girl. He has made a choice, now the sister must make the right choice. She must have self-respect and dignity and move on with her life, not spend her time waiting for someone who does not value her properly. If he cannot overcome his cultural biases then he's not worth her time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks to everyone. I wish this was available 11 years back.
I have been to several relationships that were unsuccessful and it was only when I met this arab guy that my life changed, thanking God I have met Mr. Perfect at last. Apart from being so loving, caring has made plans for our future, very sweet like our relationship was almost perfect. Until last Monday night at 11pm, hit me with the news like a bomb out of nowhere and simply saying that we don't have any future together as I cannot be accepted by his family more so his respected father.....(which was confusing me as I got a call from him earlier that evening telling me how much he misses me and so on and forth).
I am still trying to recover from the shock as of this moment and has been having straight sleepless nights. What I do not understand is that just 2 months back he proposed to me with the ring and without any hint whatsoever dropped the bomb 11pm 4 nights back and simply saying "we cannot see each other anymore as there's no future for us, that his family has been pressuring him to get married and they are currently cooking someone already for him to get married to....and my big question is Why he proposed to me last October? and why held me for 11 years and promised to marry me
I am at this stage grieving for the very mere facts that we already discussed plans, etc....this break up is just so very hard for me to swallow, hence I'm sharing this hoping to get insights from people with the same cultural back ground as my bf.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Jheezee, you accepted to have a relationship with a man for 11 years without marriage. If he really was Mr. Perfect he would have married you a long time ago. There's no way for us to know why he proposed to you then backed out. I'm sure this is a big shock to you. It can take years to get over something like this.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
GET OUT OF THAT NOW . IVE DATE 4 MUSLIM ARAB MEN they never settle with american women no matter what !!!!!!!!! no lie. Ive been with one 5 years he still wont marry they lie, and cheat and use u !!!!trust me and then they marry hott women back home
To the one who claims that Arab men do not marry White women.. Thats not true. But I will say that most born Muslim men who are willing to date you and do not talk about marriage SERIOUSLY like meeting his family, they are wasting your time. Dating is not allowed in Islam, Marry a man the way Allah swt asked sister.