IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Hi there,

I am a 20 year old girl from London and I seem to be in a bit of a dilemma. I like a guy who ive known since nursery, and we're now at Uni and have decided we want to get engaged soon. We're more friends than anything but we both know we like each other, but dont do any of the wrong stuff, as we dont want to get into anything that we'd be ashamed to tell our parents about afterwards! Before we got closer I didnt read namaz much and used to dress inappropriately but I feel that he´s made me a better person. We're waiting until we graduate to get engaged and I've told my mum about him and she says it´s fine to keep in touch as long as I don´t do anything physical with him or go out with him.

However, I was wondering, that although we don´t do anything wrong, is it acceptable to stay in touch whilst being aware of the fact that we're going to get married? I'm really happy and can't wait to be with him but I've read some posts before this that suggest that this isn´t allowed at all. I'm also sure that I've read somewhere that marrying somebody of your preference is allowed in Islam, I don´t agree with arranged marriages anyway as I don't understand the idea of marrying a stranger, I've seen examples of this in my family when years later the couple still seem unfamiliar with one another. I know I'm in love, and cant think of marrying anyone but this guy, and I often mention him in my prayers, and hope that Allah keeps me on the right path so Inshallah i get to marry him because I think we would make a great pair.

Hope someone is out there that can give me an answer that makes sense! Most I've had suggest that liking someone is totally wrong, but then they claim its better to marry of your preference. How is this possible if you dont even know the person! I dont quite understand, confused about quite a few things here..lol..hope to get a response soon.

Thanks for your time.

-Malia

Answer given by María M

As salamu alaykum, sister Malia,

There is no problem with marrying someone of your choice.

You cannot have a relationship with him as boyfriend/girlfriend, dating is not allow as your mum has told you.  The problem here is that if you keep the contact with this boy and you get deep in love with him and at the time of proposing, his family doesn´t agree, you are going to feel really bad, then a solution will be to stop contact if you are considering marriage, until he is ready to tell his family about you and propose. There is a post that maybe helpful.

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/dating-laws-in-islam/

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/having-boyfriend-in-isla/

 Allah(swt) knows best.

María

IslamicAnswers.com Editor