Can’t find the right man
A Righteous Husband is what you want
I am 29 years old, I got divorced when I was 22 years old. I was married to a self-centred, irresponsible, immature guy who was very very shallow. I did not trust him. He left to Pakistan after one year of marriage. Ever since I got divorced I can't find the right guy. Mostly I don't like someone because either they're not stable, looking for a green card, too old. When I like someone through rishta or other means it doesn't work. Either they say no or something happens.
It's been almost five years. Some people say maybe something has been done against me. I am very upset now about this.
Please help,
New Yorker.
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Salaams new yorker
I want to tell you I dont agree with something has been done against you but it is written by Allah. Sometimes when we want something so desperate it happens for a reason that maybe some people are destined to be single, there are less and less good people around. I myself cannot find any decent rishta and family can only do so much and one only know certain limits. One thing I have now learnt is i will continue to live my life as it is and hope for the better inshAllah. I hope that you take everything you done has the past and look to a future that Allah has given you, and dont look back that's where the problem is. Don't stress, keep in faith dont keep worrying about something that you have no control of let it be for the better inshAllah.
Sr. New Yorker
I am in the same boat as you, as are a lot of my very good muslim friends, some have been divorced for 15 years! As Sr. Samina said above, nothing has been done to you. Allah has his plan for all of us. Trust in Him. Marriage is not equal to happiness. There are many unhappy couples too who are trying to make it work. I read somewhere a few months ago:" Sometimes by not giving you what you are asking for, Allah is giving you." Think deeply about this concept. be a good muslim and try to do all for Allah's pleasure. What if you got remarried and God forbid it was another unhappy marriage - maybe that is what Allah is protecting you from.
Learn to love yourself and create your own happiness....Allah will give you more than you dreamt of, inshAllah.
One of those topics (Can’t find the right man) in which muslim women either play the victim hood card or blame their "destiny".
We are so bloody tired of people like you who just come totally uninvited and go on playing their cruel blame game with victims. Please once and for all they are already dealing with a lot of problems they really don't need your useless words.
aaaa,
Everyone may have some issue that makes it difficult for them to go forward in something or another. But that issue may seem so easy to overcome by others - because their thought processes, or situations are different. So please do not come to this site and mock sisters who are seeking help for a problem they genuinely feel they have. A little compassion and understanding or direction and clarity can help alleviate the biggest of 'issues'. Try to help the sisters sincerely, otherwise please take your comments elsewhere. JazaakhAllahkhayr.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi
I have a friend who looking for a sister, he is a very nice gentleman from what I known and have seen in the past 4 years at uni. If you like I can pass his email to you or i can try getting his sister email or you can pass on your email lol or you can deciede on another way to contact his family, and you ca ask to speak to his sister (this is his request that it goes throught the proper route) which I hope is testament to his good character.
he is quite tall either that or im short lol.
mashallah into his deen and that is apparent from his appearance ( you see what I mean if you see a photo of him)
he is born and bred in england and he is the eldest son. and he is a teacher in a islamic school, he graduated at uni with a think it was biomedical science
he is ready to get married and this is his first time. im just doing a favour for a freind so i dont know how exactly to go about this so if anyone know a better way let me know. I assume your from america so if your worried about cost of calling he has skype or viber if that would be cheaper.
It would be quite nice someone from new york meeting someone from england and getting married ahhh lol.
let me know sis if your interested,
aaaaaaaaaa
what do you mean brother? im assuming? muslim woman playing the victim card? please explain. many woman are in this horrible situation. if a man was in this situation he would go crazy!. as all men women seek a companion for love and desire.
many people cannot control themselves and turn to zina when they cant get married. if people can control their natural desire for love and companianship then its ok they can live single their whole life. but not many people can.
marriage is a halal way of protecting us so it is really sad when people can not find a spouce. and woman have to be very careful when finding a spouce because if they marry the wrong person then thats it! no way out!. its very difficult for women to get divorce islamically unless the husband is killing her. divorce is hated for woman. and people always name and shame the women. for men on the othet hand its ok. cause they can say 3 words and leave the wife for no reason at all because they take advantage of their right to divorce. and they dont get shunned by society.
i am trying to get khula from me and it is so difficult! at this rate i may have to remain married to him but live seperately. and if he asks for 1 million to release me then ill just have to be his prisoner for life! but alls well for him cause he will take full advantage marry another wife! times never change woman are always the victim. :'(
Yup its digusting to see that some men takes advantage of their right to divorce. Women have similar rights too but on a strict level and Allah knows best.
Regarding your situation, when there's a will there's a way. You can get khula if you wish. There are many sharia councils etc who will aid you and make it easy for you. Unless you live in an isolated village in Pakistan, Bangladesh, India etc, but there's a chance there too. Don't give up, gather your powers and seek a way out of that prison. Living divorced is better than living seperately, for you may find someone much more better. There surely is a way out. Ask Allah for help.
@sumaira I hope Allah does help you in your difficult time and I totally agree with your post no matter what a woman does it is never enough for some men. I agree women are named and shamed even if it was never her fault her marriage ended in divorce it is very harsh reality and that pain is unbearable. I just hope and pray to Allah when one does marry, they marry the right person where their hearts meet and marriage is a success. Too many people are marry the wrong people for the wrong reasons may it become less common as times move on inshAllah.
Salam ,
I am also on a same boat. My parents want me to get married in my community(Bangladeshi) and they look for guys with good education but for me, I want someone who is religious. Also , even they do find someone who is somewhat religious, I dont get attracted to them . Unfortunately , they are not that many Bangladeshi men who are religious in USA. They are mostly involved in haram things which I dont like. I really want a man with good deen.
However, I am so desperate to get married as I will be 27 years old and I want to have a hallal relationship, therefore, i am suffering from depression. I don't feel like to find a job or continue with my masters program, which I always dreamed of. Sometimes, I feel like I should date multiple guys like how my girlfriends do, but I cant because I dont want any haram relationship. I tried to speak to few men to marry me who were Non-Bangladeshi Muslims, but they have problem the fact that I am Bangladeshi.
I really don't know what to do. I cant find Bangladeshi men and non-Bangladeshi men do not want me. There are more issues in my life such as family. I feel so helpless and lonely. I feel like I don't deserve to live.. =(
Wa'alaykumsalam Hiba,
Please do not haste. It was reported that some of the prophet said to iblees, " At what did you defeat the children of Adam ?, Iblees replied: At the time of anger and at the time of desire" . Right now you're at the time of desire, you greatly desired to get married and so you're in a vulnerable state. Therefore, have patience and do not do what non-muslims do, i.e, ' dating ' etc doing so will lead to furthuer troubles and stress and also invites Allah's wrath and punishments. You know from your heart that it is haram and insha'Allah you'll remain strong avoiding it. While your feeling of dismay is natural, it is unhealthy for your deen. You have to put full faith in Allah and trust Him that He'll send someone soon. You have to ask of Allah every time in your prayers. It may be that, He is testing you. Do not lose hope.
Since you wish to marry a religious man, it may be difficult to find a religious man but not impossible. Are your family searching for you sincerely ? Did you inform you extended relatives to help you ? Did you inform some muslimah friends to ask their husband to help ? Did you register in a Islamic center ? Did you ask an Imam to help you search ? If you did, then just have patience before a suitable proposal come up. Our prophet told, marry those with good religious commitment and character. Be realistic in searching, its improbable to find a handsome man who is wealthy and is extremely religious and also has awesome characters. Therefore, we should be specific in what qualities we're looking for and be moderate. A person with high religious commitment and ok looks, is better than a handsome doctor with no/less religious commitment.
Pray extra prayers, seek Allah's forgiveness and do not transgress the shariah law. Nag Allah so much. Insha'Allah you find what you're looking for. Ameen.
Salaam Alikum,
I have just found this site by browsing and managed to read some of the comments.
I make dua for you Muslim sisters at a difficult stage of your life, Insha-Allah your dua is accepted.
Please be wary of comments left by people on forums like this, taking advantage of your suffering and by telling you similar life story to you for attention.
Don't get me wrong in anyways I am a brother with sisters and nieces who I give advice too also about suspicious comments when online and seeing your statement along with some others I feel there is a comment on this forum which may be a bit out of the ordinary.
I am also from a Bangladeshi origin, and from one muslim to another please take care of your self online as you would in the real world.
I only say this because of what I have studied at uni, and the way people use others vulnerability to take advantage.
Insha-Allah you will find someone, we are all destined to be with someone. I am in the same journey but still keeping faith as Allah has written all our destiny.
I WILL MAKE DUA TO ALLAH WITH YOU AND OTHERS IN MIND ACROSS THE WORLD SUFFERING IN SECRET FOR ALLAH TO EASE YOUR PAIN AWAY AND SHOWER YOU WITH HIS BLESSINGS..AMEEN
Please take care.
I don't think you should exclude people because they want a green card. You just have to find out whether the guy wants a real marriage and the green card is just additional. My husband and I live in NYC and he knows lots of great religious brothers who are eager to get married and would like a green card to be able to build a family here. A lot of them can't get married because people ask them for 70,000 dollar dowries, taking advantage of their situation. I don't mean to offer to set you up, because I believe that Allah swt does the matchmaking, but I think you shouldn't rule people out because of their immigration status.
Salaams
For the sister that is struggling .If people wont marry you because of your country of origing they lack the intelligence to make a marriage work . I never read in the quran sharif or any translation that you have to marry bangladeshi or american or japanese etc . Thats about as positive as I can be I am in the same situation (unmarried ) but I am much much older than you. I keep meeting girls that want holidays,qualifications,maulanas or money . I was only blessed with a heart . I dont expect a woman to wash cook and clean after me ,I dont want her money,I dont want her to dress in a particular way and I dont want her to give up her career etc so I am hoping that I dont count as one of those men that spends their day breaking somebodys heart over and over .I dont believe there is enough Islam or charity in todays society to facilitate marriage for someone with my credentials .Maybe if I study for a Phd in Bachelors might make progress .Anyway I wish you luck in your search
I am in the same situation. As far as I read, the suggestions to inform others (relatives, friends, neighbors etc.) sounds reasonable. However, me as a young woman, doing such thing would be ridiculous. My entire relatives, cousins, aunts etc. would mock me! Really! They'd probably in secret say "What a horny girl, how can't she control herself, shame on her". Yes, I am not exaggerating.
in our Turkish culture it is frowned upon if the girl expresses her desire to marry. You'd be humiliated and extremely belittled!
everyone would look with an evil eye on you!
The same to me. I can't ask anyone. Even not my parents. Because they'd think I am horny or similar things.
They always shun this topic and even do not talk about it at all.