I don’t know if he likes me or not
Asalam Alaikum sisters and Brothers out there.
A few months ago, a brother sent me a friend request on Facebook. We never chatted, but he used to tag me with Islamic Reminders on Facebook and I used do the same, since we both are Muslim Practicing. Every time he posts something wonderful, or when he is commenting, he always says the right things. I started liking him because of the way he acts- I liked everything about him. He never posts any pictures of himself, and he always talks about the good things.
We are from different backgrounds and we live in different countries too. Sometimes I think of "breaking the ice" and telling him how I feel, since he seems to be the right one for me, but I don't know how to tell or how to approach him. I feel weird approaching a man, although even Khadija RA approached our Beloved PBUH, yet I'm scared.
Whenever I log in my Facebook I search for and read what he posted. I want have a Halal relationship, and I want to have a pious and God fearing Husband. I don't know how he feels about me, but he always posts something on my wall...does it mean he also likes me or am I imagining that??
Badly I need your advice...... best regards, your Muslim sister.
-hope11
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Assalamualaikum sister hope 11,
I urge you to avoid any kind of personal contact with him. This will put him into a fitnah and you as well. You must be just "imagining" due to the whisperings of the shaitaan. He makes evil seem sweet and leads the believers astray.
If you fear that you will fall into "love" with him unlawfully, unfriend him from facebook. If this does not work, then block/ban him. It doesn't mean that he is bad. But Shaitaan makes us do evil under his influence. So we better avoid, than regret later. I hope you understand what I mean. I have seen such things happen. This is why I warn you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Bari,
What if the sister and the brother from facebook are of age to marry? Are you saying that when we look for spouses, we can't "look" for them? I know as well as you know that relationships are haraam. But what if you want to know the person and get to know him/her in order to find out he/she is the potential spouse? And you can't know if a person is good/bad from another messenger/person. You have to find if he/she is good/bad. If you have strong iman and fear Allah, then you don't need to fear shaitaan to whisper at you because you know Allah will be there. It is the same thing as saying to sister hope 11 refrain from muslim matrimonial websites as well. I have no words against you brother. I am putting this context in such conditions for marriage.
Ws
Imaan being strong and thus keeping away from wrong interactions does not happen. I have seen people with a high level of faith slip into the pit (though both the girl and the guy were practicing Muslims).
Having said that, one can not trust a person online. It maybe that a person is pretending to be pious or is actually a woman pretending to be a man and so on. Even if it is a man, there is no guarantee that he will stay within the limits of the Sharee'ah.
If I post good things and a woman reads it, it does not mean I like her, does it? Da'wah and Islaah can not be translated to love.
Imaan maybe strong and self confidence maybe high, but we should not forget that Shaitaan is an experienced player in this game. He has experience since the day he was cast out by Allah from the heavens.
There are other sources of online matrimony, facebook is a very bad choice, from my experience. When two people are of the same age, they may have intention to get married. They can get to know about each other without a privet chat. But when one of them is not intending any such relation, then it will be a fitnah for him/her, difficult to run away from.
Your suggestion of contacting him through someone may be correct, but if she remains on his friend list, this may begin privet interactions. So, it is better to avoid adding people you do not know and if one finds that faith is slipping, one better unfriend such people, regardless of their level of faith.
Meeting him in person without the presence of her Mahram is Haraam in the light of the Sunnah, so she may route her interactions through a Mahram. But in this case, she has not even seen him and he seems a "facebook da'ee" from what hope 11 has said, it is less likely to work for the good. Allah Knows Best.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam Alaykum sister hope 11,
If you "love" him for the posts on your Facebook wall about Allah, then you don't love him; you admire him for that. And he maybe/may not be a potential husband of your liking. I suggest you to contact him but through somebody you can trust. If you are serious about a husband,get to know the brother and see if his other qualities are good(e.g. personality,iman). If both of you are young(in college or no job for support) and want to keep a halal relationship, this will be very hard and shaitaan will most likely try to come to persuade you. Unless you guys don't meet that often, then it may work out. I am speaking from a personal experience sister. I will pray for you that Allah protects you from shaitaan and this brother can be the potential one you have been waiting for.
best thing u can do sis ask ALLAH and do istakrah.
SALAAM
sister i would advise you to do istahara and take things from there if you have a brother and have a good understanding with him ask him to talk to him and find out or even speak to your parents with out fear YOU SHOULD ONLY FEAR THE WRATH OF ALLAH'S PUNISHMENT
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU WITH WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU AND KEEP AWAY WHAT IS BAD FOR YOU AMEEN
Allah Hafiz
Salaams,
Personally, I think it could go either way. The brother may just be acting nice because he's like that with everyone, or maybe he does have an interest (or at least would be open to having one). Regardless, questions like these don't get answered by conjecture. At some point, someone has to take the risk and ask the scary question: "Are you open to getting to know each other better for the purposes of seeing if we are suitable for marriage?" It doesn't have to be phrased exactly like that, but it's the gist.
Of course all steps should be taken according to Islamic adab and propriety. In the end, just letting it be and playing guessing games only makes things more complicated and obfuscates any emotions involved, and usually ends up going nowhere. The worst thing that could happen is that the brother says that he's not interested, or that she's misunderstanding him, but so what? That's a part of life we all have to face at some point or another. We won't learn how to gain the confidence to take healthy risks until we actually start doing so.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam
sis mostly people in facebook like to show off or rather pretend to be nice but in real sence they are not n vice verse so i wud advice u to take your time in this matter dont rush to approach him please coz u may be imagining things and yes di istikhara and ask Allah for guidence if at all dis man is yours no one will take him away for you dear n destiny will bring u guys together...
Dear sister,
Sister Amy and Hamida are both right, and i think they have given you very good advice. I will also tell you that facebook is often not a reliable if you are looking for a good life partner, because on facebook people can do a lot of thinks, people may act very nice to you and talk very sweetly but gradually you come to know their reality and true colours. On the facebook they can just promise any thing and even make false promises even on the name of Allah without any fear and qualms, i have personally witness my friend getting trapped like that, so i too think facebook is a mean of shaiytan to astray us Muslim.
Recently i have read in the newpaper of my country a Muslim sister was conning other muslim sisters by using fake id and by making these sister believe that she was a guy and wanted to marry them. She was making them dream about marry but in reality she was just making fun of these poor girls and taking great devilish pride in that, until she get caught by the cybercrime department of my country and wear she confess she was doing such things just for pleasure even thought she is a muslim
So sister you must be very careful, i know it must be very hard, we girls get emotional very quickly so take recourse in swalaat and ask Allah to make whatever best for you to happen. He alone can help u....
Jazak'Allahu khair sisters and brothers may Allah bless you all 🙂
I really appreciated your support and feedback's it really helped me and I letter on realized that wasn't love it was just a crush and Satan was playing on my head.
as bro Deadelas1 said I think I only admired him for what he was doing and that doesn't mean Love.
I put all my trust on Allah because he knows the best and what is good for us
Barak'Allah all 🙂
Salamz sis its not worth it u dont knw wat this person is really like, turn to Allah wholeheartedlly and ask for forgivness, Allah knows you best and knows whats best for you