How shall my wife and I forget our past sins?
Assalamu alaikum
Me and my wife committed zina before got married. It wasn't something we planned to do and we both came from two very good muslim families.
My question is knowing that we never wanted to commit zina but it happened, i totally forgot to reprent before i married my wife and she also forgot to reprent but after we were married we started to ask Allah swt for forgiveness for the sin which we have committed.
We have been married for 4 years now but at times have noticed that our marriage is not strong due to the zina we committed before our marriage. So my question to my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, is how does one forgot the past sins which they have committed and move with their lives?
Me and my wife love each other very much and are planning to have kids. We both want to go to Hajj ask Allah swt for forgiveness from that one major sin which we committed before marriage. We both never ever had sex or dated any one before and its true when they say that the third person or being involved in the sin is the shaitan satan. Till today i ask myself why did i commit zina and i always avoided this, i blame myself cause if i didnt drive the car or pick up my wife than we wouldnt be in this mess. At times i cant even sleep cause of the mistake and wonder if my marriage will ever last the journey.
Ya Allah please forgive me for I regret the mistake which I committed and forgive my wife which instead of showing her good in this life instead committed haram thing against our selves and against our Creator.
Because of this now our marriage has ended. Any advice on how we can learn from our mistske and better ourselves in the future? Even though we are not together anymore i still love her dearly and she does too. But becuase we had nothing but arguments and fights on and off the marriage. Any help on repairing the marriage and our deen?
Thank you all for taking the time to read my post.
- Moe
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Walikum Asalam brother
Well first of all repent for your mistake you have done, ask Allah for forgiveness only he can forgive, and in a marriage there will always be ups and downs if our lives was that easy and happiness everywhere then we will forget Allah and not makes duas etc, so Allah gives us these challenges in life so we can call for him and remember Allah will never put a challenge on you when he knows you can't do it, just pray to Allah and in shaa Allah everything will be fine Ameen!
salaam brother..
my heart really reaches out to you both.. Please take a minute to realise that everyone makes mistakes. everyone brother, no in is perfect. every one is tested whether we realise it or not and we should try to pass His test. Allah tested you and her by the 'zina' and you failed there. but you have to remember that Allah loves you and He is testing you again... He loves you because He made you realise your mistakes, and repent-vow never to do them again, and He is testing you now with your marriage problems.you have to know that SYAITAAN LOVES NOTHING MORE THAN A FAIL MARRIAGE.. A DIVORCE.. because it will affect the man, woman, and the children. SYAITAAN LOVES THIS.. I think you need to repair your marriage instead of telling us it's over..the source of your problems is your mistakes, you committing zina.. just repent and forget about it. ALLAH HAS GIVEN YOU A SECOND CHANCE, SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE YOURSELF A SECOND CHANCE TOO? Allah is The Most Forgiving, the most Merciful.do you know that when a man committed a sin at night, and then the next morning He has cover our sins? if we tell people the sins we did the next morning, then the fault will be Ours because Allah has covered it the night before. That's how much Allah loves us.
Brother, you need to trust Allah more. Everything happening now, is a test. Your test now is your marriage.. I suggest you sit down, talk to your wife, explain things to her. I know you both love each other very much, so don't let the past haunt you. PASTS EXIST SO YOU ARE MORE CAREFUL OF THE FUTURE, IT'S NOT THERE TO MAKE YOU AFRAID OF IT! you made a mistake, and you repent now (insya Allah), so now, it's like a new book will open for you. CLOSE THAT CHAPTER OF SIN.. sit down with your wife on the couch, hold her hands, tell her how much you regret of committing zina, and tell her that you will not do it again, and then tell her "let's move on. Allah is giving us another chance now to make it right". If Allah doesn't love you, He would have killed you during the time you committed zina, and then, where would you be in the afterlife?
But No, Allah loves you, He saves you from it, He made you repent. You should be thankful. You said you want to go to hajj to ask Allah for forgiveness. Brother, you don't have to be in Makkah to start repenting. It comes from your heart-anywhere you are. I hope when you do go there, insya Allah, you will ask Him for a better future too, the happiness of you and your wife. I think after sorting this out, you can start thinking of having children. That would be wonderful.
I felt like you are scared to live the life because of your mistakes in the future. Brother, Allah loves us more than our mother loves us! You think, if you are a mother, and your son committed zina, but he repent, he really is So good now, close to Allah, and he really repent and was sorry, and he married the girl, who alhamdulilah is close to Allah too, do you think you will forgive him? I think I can, insya Allah. again, we'r not perfect, we made mistakes. we repent. that's how it works.
thanks for sharing your story, it benefits me as well.. thanks..
Allah knows best and I know nothing..
p.s : PUT YOUR ENTIRE TRUST IN ALLAH, TRUST HIM... TRY, SEE THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES 🙂
MashAllah you are a great adviser plus you have handsome knowledge. May Allah bless you too 🙂 and bless people like you who help others.
My Brother,
If this is truly the only issue in your marriage, and you and your wife still love each other, you need to sit down and have a long and honest talk with her. You need to ask her for her forgiveness where you have wronged her, as well as she has to ask you for your forgiveness where she has wronged you. And both of you need to ask Allah for His forgiveness. Not just for zina, but for all the other arguments and issues this caused. You know that Allah is most merciful, and he will forgive you if you honestly repent and resolve never to make these mistakes again.
If there are other issues in the marriage, you also need to do the same for them.
My brother, you have to be ready, willing, and able to forgive your wife, and to forgive yourself, too. Allah is the judge, not you. Allow Him to complete His role on the day of judgement. Accept that you and your wife are both human and make mistakes. Allah knows this and he knows your heart. You are not the first to commit zina, so He has experience in forgiving such things. If your heart is now true to Him, you must move past this.
And if you make any kind of mistake again, especially between you and your wife, do the same thing.
One thing that might help is to ask your wife for forgiveness every day for the things you may have accidentally or thoughlessly did that hurt her. Ask her to do the same. Just like praying five times a day will keep your soul clean and right with Allah, you can keep your marriage on track by forgiving each other for your offenses every day, so they don't turn into bigger things.
If you do love your wife, and she loves you, then you can save your marriage.
- Your Brother in submission to Him
My Brother
I forgot to mention that you might need to get anew nikah performed once you and your wife repent to make your marriage valid. I am a new revert, so I may not have a proper understanding of the details of this. Please forgive my mistakes if my advice is incomplete.
- Your Brother
ASSALAMALAIKUM ALLAH IS WITH YOU FOR YOUR FEELING IT SELF HE HAS FORGIVEN THIS IS 1000000000005SURE STATEMENT-
The Mercy of Allah in Regard to Forgiveness
"O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
In this Hadithi Qudsi, Allah gives hope to mankind more than any other narration. It displays the quality and attribute of Allahs mercy. Indeed, He is ar-Rahman, the Most Compassionate, and ar-Raheem, the Most Merciful. In this Hadithi Qudsi, Allah tells man of the greatness of His forgiveness and mercy so that no one would despair due to the amount of sins he may have committed. This is supported by the following verse of the Holy Quran:
Say: O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)
This hadith teaches us the importance of realizing Allahs mercy, having faith and hope in Him especially when making dua, calling to Allah alone for forgiveness, and the importance of repentance in the life and faith of a believer.
Allah catches the attention of mankind by calling out, O son of Adam! This is a call to every human being. Why didnt Allah say, O mankind or O People? The significance of this specific call is because it was the first human being, Adam (alaiyhis-salam) who committed the first sin. Adam was an example to all humans of the consequences of sin and how to turn to Allah for forgiveness of ones sins. This gives hope that even after committing a violation, ones sins can be forgiven if one repents to Allah sincerely the same way that the father of mankind sinned, repented, and was forgiven by Allah.
Allah calls out to His servants, a call of forgiveness, mercy, and compassion. For He knows that man was created weak and is prone to fall into sin. After calling out to mankind, Allah informs them that as long as they call on Him and put their hope in Him, He will forgive them and not mind. This statement alone can convince one to have hope and never to despair. When one calls out to Allah or makes dua, he is displaying his need and dependence of Allah. He is demonstrating his weakness to the fact that he has no power to do anything for himself. It is the essence of submission and servitude. It is also a recognition of Allahs attributes of kindness, generosity, forgiving and merciful nature, and His unlimited power and knowledge. Humans are never in a situation where they are not in need of Allah. A believer always turns to Allah to ask for guidance as well as to seek forgiveness of sins and shortcomings.
Allahs says, Call on me and I will respond to you. One of the most important conditions of making dua is that one must completely trust that Allah will respond. One must also supplicate with sincerity, hope, and seriousness. One must not have any doubt at all on whether Allah will respond to ones call or if He accepts the dua. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, Supplicate Allah while you are certain of a response. And know that Allah does not respond to a supplication from a heart that is heedless and inattentive. He also forbade that one say, Oh Allah, forgive me if You will. But he said, Instead, you should ask with will and conviction for there is nothing so great to Allah that He cannot grant it.
When supplicating, one should truly seek Allahs aid and His forgiveness and demonstrate his need for Allah and submit to Him with fear and hope in receiving the desired response. Allah advises in Surat al-Araaf 7:56:
Walaikum salam brother Moe,
I don't understand when you say; "Because of this now our marriage has ended"?
Brother does it mean that you both are separated for a while due to fights or has the marriage dissolved?
If you both have decided to separate (of if you both have said divorce once or twice) then their is a hope that you can still save this marriage. Always try to rectify where the problems lie and what triggers the fights etc and try to work on those areas, respect each other as humans and then as equal partners in everything in marriage. I would suggest couple counselling (if possible find a Muslim counselor) so that he/she can help you to deal with the issues that you are facing in your marriage which you both may be ignoring or may not be dealing with yourself.
If final divorce has taken place then brother all I have to say is to move on with your life as this was Allah's decree; may be he has something better for you both in future. Allah knows best.
Please don't lose hope; Allah (swt) is merciful and knows us all; he knows our intentions and what is in our heart. Try to pray 5 regular prayers if you are not already doing so and pray Tahajud and beg and plead with Allah (swt) to show you the way out from this situation.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Assalam o alaykum..adding to the above comment..have u properly divorced ur wife waiting for her iddah to end!! I think not.
You both committed zina and I don’t understand how you can just drop her, I don’t know what that feels like but being a woman I make it work regardless the past for me wouldn’t be an issue but being open and repenting to allah would be because at the end its allah we all going to go to and that is a personal matter whatever we do we seek forgiveness to allah. If you really loved her then even committed the sin before marriage shouldn’t have gotten in the way, you didn’t even realise how lucky you was to even married. If this all mattered you shouldn’t have married in the first place sorry to be honest. I believe you destroyed the marriage for your own insecurities and letting the past come between you both, you need to seek truly from the heart forgiveness to allah then I hope you find a clearer path for your answers inshallah
ASSLAMALAIKUM-
I AM READING THE ANSWERS OF THIS COUPLES SINCERE REVELATION ABOUT THE ZINA AND THEY FRANKNESS IN TELLING THEIR FEELING -INSPITE OF ENCOURAGING AND CONSOLING THEM WITH THE REFERENCES OF QURAN AND HADEES ALL ARE GIVING THEIR OWN OPINIONS WHICH ARE CONTRARY TO THE ISLAMIC FORGIVENESS- CALLED TAUBA- AND ALL ARE AS IF MASTERS DECREE IN ISLAM ...How does God forgives the sin of the sinner who repents?
According to another saying of Prophet Muhammad, "When God accepts the repentance , then the recording angels erase their records, the organs which he used to commit the crime lose their memory, the place where he committed the crime remove the stains of evidence so that person appears before God with a clean record ". The case dismissed due to lack of evidence.
THIS IS NOT RIGHT WHEN THE GAFFAR IS READY TO FORGIVE WHO ARE WE TO GO PESTERING THEM WITH THIS AND THAT YOU MUST HAVE DONE LIKE THIS LIKE THAT WRONG EXPLANATION WILL NOT FREE THEM FROM THE GUILT- BUT THE GREATE FEELING OF GUILT AND THE HUMBLENESS MUST BE APPRICIATED -AT ANY COST OR ELSE WE MUST KEEP OUR MOUTH SHUT RATHER THAN SPOILING THE HAPPY MARRIED LIFE BY POURING MORE FUEL TO THE FIRE -
http://quranicverse99.tripod.com/islamicways/id4.html
He loves humans more than a mother loves her children.
A mother would not like to throw her child into fire. He would not like to send anyone to hell, unless, that person intentionally wants to go there. And who does? It is for this reason that He created and left the door of forgiveness wide open. He loves to forgive those who seek His forgiveness. He finds a reason to forgive to those who do wrong out of ignorance...
The Quran tells us, "Say! O My servants! who have transgressed against their souls, despair not from the Mercy of God, for God forgives all sins. He is oft forgiving, most Merciful." (31:53). "And it is He who accepts repentance from His servants, and pardons the evil deed, and knows what you do." (42:25)
Is any crime or too many crimes, too big to be forgiven? In one of the authentic sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, transmitted to him directly from God (Hadith Qudsi), God almighty has said "O Son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done and I will not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of sky and were you then seek the forgiveness of Me I would forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins as great as the earth, and were you then to face Me ascribing no partners to Me, I will bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."
Another name that God has taken for Himself is Al- Wadud, meaning the Loving God. His Mercy and Forgiveness is tied with His love. He created us out of love in His own image and blown into us, His own spirit. Thus , He forgives out of His love , like a loving mother, who always forgives her misbehaving children when they come back to her. It this love of God, that 9th century Muslim woman saint, Rabia Basri talks about by saying,
Assalamualaikum brother Moe,
Today I listened to a preaching where the preacher explained about Zina. When I came to read your post, I was just like being reminded back about the preaching I listened to. When there is a couple of lovers committing zina, they can't just do nikah but they need to firstly repent the sins they committed. When you were still with your wife, you were not able to find harmonism in your marriage life because you did a big sin with your wife which you both haven't repented yet and it lasted for 4 years and you both still haven't repented. Allah took away the harmonism in your marriage because you made a wrong start. Yet, it is never late to turn back to Him for begging His forgiveness. Sincerely ask for forgiveness from Him. "...... Verily , ALLAH loves those who repent and those who purify themselves." [Surah Al-Baqarah: 222]
May Allah bless you, Amin.
Sister Sofia,
Good point about repenting before marriage; as that is a must not only for forgiveness but also to have barakah in marriage, thanks for adding that as I had forgotten completely. Jazak Allah.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
DOING MARRIAGE IS ITSELF IS A STEP REPENTANCE WHICH SHOWS THEY DIDNT WANT TO LIVE IN DISOBEDIENCE OF ALLAH AND HIS COMMANDS-
Because you did a big sin with your wife which you both haven't repented yet and it lasted for 4 years and you both still haven't repented.
Today I listened to a preaching where the preacher explained about Zina
TO VALUE AND FOLLOW THE ABOVER VERSION OF YOURS PL ......
DEAR BROTHER PL GIVE REFERENCE OF THE PREACHER AND HIS REFERENCE FROM QURAN AND AUTHENTIC HADEES -ISLAM IS NIT ANYONES PROPERTY THAT THEY GIVE FATWAS AS THEY LIKE-
IF HE IS NOT GIVING ANY REFERENCE FROM QURAN AND HADEES THEN HIS PREACHING IS INVALID AND NULL AND VOID -
Assalamualaikum brother Ali
I didn't say it is wrong to marry but it is not enough by doing nikah only. One needs to repent first due to committing zina. They need to purify themselves first for the act they committed before doing nikah.
Zina is a big sin. It is mentioned in Q.S Al-Furqan: 68 "And those who invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh, nor kill such life as Allâh has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.". And in the next verse i.e Q.S Al-Furqan: 69 is "The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace". These two verses is enough to tell us how strict Allah forbids us to abstain from this act, zina with a great punishment which will have to be accepted on the Day of Judgement even they will also get disgraced.
That is why it is a must for those who commit zina to sincerely repent first, to ask for Allah's forgiveness over the evil deed they committed. And Allah is The Oft Forgiving, it is mentioned in a hadeeth that "Allah is more pleased with the repentance of his slave than anyone of you is pleased with finding his camel which he had lost in the desert." [Bukhari].
Allah loves those who repent and He is The Oft Forgiving, His Mercies is much greater than His wrath. When we come to Him to purify ourselves by asking forgiveness. He who is The most Merciful will In Shaa Allah forgive our sins.
Nikah itself is sunnah's Rasul, we should make a good start in order to get Allah's blessing in our marriage life. When those two people already made taubat then they can do nikah.
"
The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
Sorry for the repeatation of the verse in the last sentence. It was mistakenly pasted over there.
Brother
If u both love each other still thenRepent both of u, make charity and then start over again inshallah Allah Bless u both Amin
What if someone has committed something which literally doesn't leave their mind? Sometimes past sins can be a hindrance to your future self, your Imaan you want to work on. It's an unhealthy obsession in your head, that nag that ''you've done a horrible thing'', ''how will you be forgiven''.
In some cases, one believes that Allah will forgive. but one cannot forgive themselves. Guilt is always there. And it depresses an individual. Is there any tips on how to overcome this?
Are we supposed to forget our own past sins? Especially if they're bothering us and affecting us in other ways.
So can someone inshallah answer that questions for me because it would be really helpful.
Jazakallah.
The brother is specifically asking how to 'move on' with ones life, and to 'forget'. Can someone address this inshallah.
salam..yes can someone pls help answer this...i been experiencing the same thing.. as for need to repent before nikaah how about the case when already married?