How should I raise my children?
Allah tells us the story of when Luqman(ra) advised his son: “O my son! Whatever it may be, even though equal to a mustard seed in weight, or within a rock or in the sky or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth”. (Surah Luqman, Ayah 16)
How should I bring up my children?
- tayyaba
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http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/Child%20Education%20in%20Islam.pdf
http://www.kalamullah.com/nurturing-eeman-in-children.html
Asalaamualaykum Tayyaba,
Thats a very general question as you have not mentioned how old your children are or any other detail : ).
I guess if someone is striving to live as a good Muslim, they will want to raise their children as good Muslims too. The best way to start is to be a good example. The first five years of a child's life are very important and their brains will soak in everything they see and hear around them.
So this is the best time to instill the love of Allah (swt) within then. Be gentle in speech, but firm when need be. When you say something, mean it. Show alot of love. Be disciplined. Make Salaah, Quranic recitation, Fasting, Hijaab normal in the home. Keep good company. Tell your children Quranic stories. Live Islam in your personal life.
I know this is very general advise, so if you want something more specific, please write in again here and inshaAllah a Parent will write in with advice for you : ).
May your children grow to be pious and may they also be a blessing for you, aameen.
Best Wishes
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Tayyaba, your question is very general. More background information would have been appreciated. But here's my Top 10, just off the top of my head:
1. Teach them about Allah from a very young age.
2. Teach them about Islam from a young age. Let them pray with you, and participate with you in all Islamic rituals. Teach them Quran.
3. From the time they can speak, teach them to use phrases such as subhanAllah, alhamdulillah, allahu akbar, ma-sha-Allah, insha'Allah, etc.
4. Always be kind. Even in your discipline, be kind.
5. Encourage their natural talents and curiosity, rather than suppressing them.
6. Set rules and guidelines and stick to them. Children need order and structure.
7. Be 100% truthful with them (and with others). They will pick up on that, and they will be truthful as well. Also, it will cement the bond of trust between you and them.
8. Teach them to care about the world, to be compassionate, and kind to others.
9. Feed them properly. Restrict their intake of junk food and empty calories. Teach them to love healthy foods.
10. Be involved in their education. Also, make sure they get involved in some sort of organized athletics, and encourage and support them in that. I recommend martial arts, but football (soccer) is also good as it's universal.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu'alaikum,
To add to what the other's have said, always encourage communication between you and your child. As parents we need to learn how to communicate with our children. We do such a poor job at this and then we wonder why we don't know what 's going on in their lives.
As your child matures, and they begin to reach their teen years, it is so important to keep those lines of communication open, especially if you are living anywhere in the West. You want your child to feel comfortable talking to you. You want them to come to you when they have problems. If you don't allow them to have a voice then they will find someone who will listen to them. Many times that person will be the wrong one for them to talk to.
Children look for role models. Who is better than you to fill that need.
For those brother's who have daughters, please be that person who puts that gleam in her eyes when she sees you. If you are a husband and father who is kind and gentle to his children and wife and you have an open line of communication, then there is a very good chance that when she decides to get married she will look for a husband like her father. Be that role model for her.
If you have son's, be the one that he looks up to. Don't let him turn to the streets to find a man who will teach him how to be a man. You be the one who teaches him how to be a husband and father.
For those of you who are parents or plan to be parents, please talk to your children. Allow them to have a voice. Allow them to express their feelings as long as they are not being rude and disrespectful. If you don't then they will turn away from you and you will lose them to the dunya. There are plenty of people looking to lead your children astray from Islam. Don’t let that happen.
Be there for them.
Your Brother in Islam
Abdul Wali
IslamicAnswers.comEditor
Really good points.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AbdulWali,
These are such excellent points, especially this one of yours which is very touching:
"For those brother's who have daughters, please be that person who puts that gleam in her eyes when she sees you."
So many people write on this website, they are desperate for help because they have not received the right care and attention they deserve and need as children. A third person has so easlily come in to their lives filling the empty space that was there and ripped them of their innocence. Some in the form of boyfriends, some even in the form of husbands, some in the form of 'peers' (so called religious men). It happens time and time again.
The role model is so often lacking from the very start, so how would or should a child know who to look up to? I wish every father and every mother would protect their children and at the same time give us love, care and affection. I wish they would help us to flourish and blossom and not squash our thoughts and development. I wish they would let us live comfortably in our own homes so we can say what we feel without stuttering and looking down in embarrasement. I wish they would take interest in what we enjoy. I wish they would instill within us our Islamic Identities so firm that when faced with trials, we know how to protect ourselves. I wish all this, so that our youth would not find that comfort in that third person, that wrong third person - that agent of Shaytan.
If more people took on your advice AbdulWali, I am sure there would be less people writing in for help on this website.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
This is coming from a non-parent 😀
01. If you have a boy, never ever tell him, "you can't do that", or, "you are useless" when he fails in something. It does not necessarily have to be an exam, it may be any task. Talking like this hurts his masculine ego. Do not hurt the masculine ego of your son.
02. If your children wants to work in a project or participate in something that is not really of your choice, do not stop them, unless the project/event is something that violates some rules of shariah.
03. Always listen to your children. If they have a viewpoint to share, listen to it, even if it is different from that of yours. If you shun them, or behave as if everyone's viewpoint is worthless except yours, your children will emotionally shut them from you and will grow resentment towards you.
04. We live in 21st century, and it is a time when fitnah is prevalent. There are some parents who live in their dreams. They can never imagine their children watching pornography, or having bfs/gfs. I would say wake up and live in reality. Since there is no way you can 100% protect your children from these temptations, you better keep your embarrassment aside and talk straight beforehand. Give them adequate knowledge, because this is best measure to prevent them from these things.
Even after given them proper teaching, if a parent catches the son watching pornography or doing some haram things, do not freak out. Surely you should punish them, but make sure you deal the whole matter with composure and wisdom. And no matter what happens, make sure that your children feel SAFE, both emotionally and physically, as long as they are under your protection.
05. Try to have and maintain a sound, healthy, and happy relationship with your spouse. When a spouses fight or yell at each other, or do not talk with each other, only Allah and the children know how emotionally insecure they feel. So moms--try your best to build a happy family. And dads--love your wife as much as you can--because that is best gift you can give to your children.
06. Some parents now a days themselves practice religion, but prevent their children from becoming practicing Muslim since early childhood. They think their children will automatically become religious as they grow up. No, this is wrong. Make them practice the religion as early as possible, and remember that the knowledge of Islam always takes precedence over any other knowledge.
07. If they want to buy clothes according to their own choice, given them this right, as long as their chosen clothes are decent and comply Sharia.
08. Last but not least, be protective of your children but do not be paranoid and over protective. You will have to remember that there will come a time when your children will fly away from your home--be they are boys or girls. Since their flying out is inevitable, the best thing that you can give your children is knowledge- both Islamic and worldly. And after they fly away, do not hover over their life any more--let them learn from their mistakes. Give advice when the situation is appropriate or when they seek it. And always make dua for them, and till your time ends in this world, always be an umbrella for them, an umbrella that shall unconditionally give shelter whenever the children seek it.
Mashallah, all of your comments made me cry
Abdul Wali's comment brought tears to my eyes.
Salams,
I wish more parents would stick to the Islamic definition of raising a child. Unfortunately, in many
families, children don't get the boundaries or the respect recommended by Islam. Many parents
don't know that by interfering in their children's lives and hovering over them like Stranger put it,
everything gets worse and it is detrimental to the development of the offspring. I'm an adult now,
and one of the reasons why I postpone childbirth is because we know that our families will interfere,
to the extent that the child may become crazy or get influenced from many sides. This lack of
boundaries and respect is also the main root of the problems people describe on this website.
It's the reason why people turn their backs on Islam, choose a different rolemodel, leave the faith behind
or suffer from any kind of frustration. It's the main root of all family tragedies I read on this site.
Insha allah everybody will be guided, but to be frank, it's along way. The whole system has to
be questioned and the structure of societies and communities. And I wish all of them were like an
umbrella. Unfortuately, some of them even want us to go under the umbrella when it's not even raining.
Salaams
Always treat all children equally. Do not favour one child because he/she is more intelligent or more beautiful then the rest. Do not only praise the child that achieves better results in school. Praise all your children for trying their best! Even if they did not do as good as the rest, your child will try harder next time, otherwise they would just not bother.
Do not use bad language and then expect your children not too. Children copy the actions of their parents.