IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salam oualikoum!

I have been married for almost three years now and Allah has blessed our marriage with a beautiful daughter. Of course, we have had good times and rough times in our relationship, and we have been both poor and comfortable during our marriage.

Recently, my husband has began to lose his temper on an increasingly frequent basis. In the past week, this has caused him to quit his job (our only source of income) for a reason he regretted one hour later. A few days later, after a small argument, his temper caused him to move 1000 miles away and back in with his mother.

In the beginning of our marriage, we lived close to her and because of other, unrelated factors, we decided that moving away would be best for us. We moved close to my parents and have been living here until a couple days ago, when my husband left. He has now decided to move our family in with his mother. He claims that he will get his temper under control and that all we need is to be in a different place, away from this area. His objection to this area is not my family, but it is a small town with little to no Islamic population. He is an Arab and I am an American, and we have lived in the USA for our entire relationship.

My mother, father, sister, brother-in-law, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles are all Christians. Since I converted to Islam prior to our marriage, this has been a sore issue with my family. That is one reason why we lived close to his mother in the beginning of our marriage, she is a beautiful muslim woman ma'shallah and my parents did not support the marriage. Now, since we have lived near my parents for 18 months and my daughter has only ever lived here, my parents are bluntly telling me it will be a mistake to move with my husband to live with his mother. While there is no job at either place, and alhamdoulilah, any of our parents are willing to provide us shelter while we settle, so in that respect they are equal, my parents and sister refuse to support the move.

I understand that they are concerned for our daughter, for me and for my husband and especially his temper. I believe it is my Islamic duty to follow my husband, even though I am not as fond of the move as he is. He expects me to be entirely enthusiastic. My parents and sister expect me to stand up to him and stay here. While I can see no real advantage to staying aside from the benefit of being near my family, it would be hard for me to move because I am very close to them.

Please, I beseech you to advise me as to the best way to handle this situation. While I am married and my husband and daughter are my first family now, my parents and sister are still important to me. I do not like it that my father tells me it is a mistake to follow him and that he wishes I would stop being a fool for my husband. (He is not talking about the religion in this instance, but he genuinely does not like my husband.) It is very hard to tolerate this kind of talk about my husband from my father and it makes our relationship very strained.

My husband does not understand why this is difficult for me, though he does not know what my father says. I have spared him this negativity, though he can sense some of it.  I plan to follow my husband, even if I do not like the move and even if my parents call me a fool. I try not to let this conflict bother me, but it does. It makes my heart ache.  Jezak'allahu kharen for taking the time to read this and reply.

~conflictedNmarriage