My husband talking to another woman whilst married
one day, I went through his phone bills and I could not believe what I saw
I have been married for Alhumdulillah 14 months, this was not an arranged marriage.. At the start of my marriage things had not been easy for me as I had married outside the family.. Anyway prior to me my husband was considering someone else but for some reason he did not proceed with her and married me.
A couple of months later of being married to him, I went through his phone and there I found pictures of a woman with no hijaab.. Anyway I didn't lash at him, I just asked him to explain.. He said that she was someone he had considered and now he had nothing to do with her but yet my husband had her mobile number which seriously planted a seed in my head.
Anyway I took his word and as he is practising and myself, I said to him now that you have planted a seed in my head it will take time for me to trust you.. Anyway I got pregnant and had issues with his family during my pregnancy. I spent most of my time at my family's. Now during that time I felt distance and lack of communication from my husband. I honestly did not think that there would be another woman on the scene.
After couple of months we moved into our own place and for some reason his behaviour was different. He'd be out most of the time bearing in mind I was heavily pregnant. Anyway one day, I went through his phone bills and I could not believe what I saw. My husband kept contact with the same girl he once considered for marriage. He gave her the time and day as if she was his wife.
My husband betrayed me not once but twice; he pleaded that he was sorry and he does not know why he did it. I thought well of my husband but after this it has brought a strain into our marriage. It is coming to 5 months now and everyday it seems all fresh in my head; I can't let it out. I pray to Allah(swt) to give me strength and make me strong.
It's like he didn't care where I was. He didn't even feel that I was carrying his child.. Although I made him change his number, for some reason at the back of my head its there. What if he is in contact with her but if I ever find out now he full well knows that he will lose me and our baby I don't understand why he did it.
I feel like I'm second best. I also feel he may love me but is not in love with me. We argue daily; I don't know why. I'm just really hurt and he has betrayed me and lost trust in the 1st year of our marriage. Now amending this relationship is really hard now.
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asalamu alaikum,
i think you need to talk to him properly, ask him whats on his mind? ask him does he feel comfortable with the other woman than you? is there is somethin you can do i.e change youself? tell him to spend time with you often instead of dossing around., remind him of his responsibilty.
ma salama
Salam Sister,
I know how you feel now totally unsecure and hard to trust a man who willingly indulging himself in sin. If he is practising man then you should talk to him openly ask him what he wants in his life. If he still want that women in his life then why dont he just Divorce you. Talk to his family too because they should know what their son is doing behind the scene. And if you want to give him another chance give it and remind him of punishments he have to bare for all that he is doing. Its hard and i totally understand you. Do ISTEQARA daily and truth will come in front of you with prove for sure. Telling you this with my own experience as we all know ALLAH KNOWS ALL and ONLY HE CAN HELP US. Whenever I feel unsecure and cheated I always start my Isteqara 7 days - 11 days - or just continue until I came to know the truth. INSHA ALLAH all will be fine. Talk to him and also to his family members.
MAY ALLAH HELP YOU- Amiin
ALLAH HAFIZ
Dear sister,
I pray that things get better for you, I have been in a similer situation to you Ive been married for 9 years and have 2 children, but just in the last 2 years have found out my husband is having an affair, a lot of things have happend he has left me and our 2 children, now I live by my self with my children he doesnt even call to see the kids or anything, I dont even know if to divorce him or whats happening, he is a coward and is having a good time with the other woman hence he has no time for us, i know the pain you are going throgh I really pray that allah makes you strong and that your relationship gets better,inshallah.
Salam sis I have same problem like you, been married for 2 and a half years and have a lovely baby boy and I dnt know how to trust my husband, everytime i forget, something reminds me or he does something and it all comes back! I am always dreaming about it too!!!!
I am going to read Istakara Inshallah Allah will guide me to the right path. If you don't me asking sister what happened in the end???
Asalam alaykum sister...may ALLAH make it easy for you.In response i will say in general that a man can have it the best at home, wife, kids and so on..but many times even though he is happy he can be atrracted to other women.this is natural. I think it is that in islam ALLAH give men the right to have many wives. So, in the mans head not all of them but some...he will more inclined to seek despite him not be able to afford it, or if he can he may not even have the intention to do it. So sometimes he can use it as in excuse to look or whatever.However ther may be something pushing them away. but you have a group that has everything at home but is ungrateful and seek to cause the woman distress or followin ther lusts.What we have here are men that lack understanding quran,deen, and iman. They are muslim by name or jus by family upbringing. But they live like chrisitans. (No offense to anyone) they think they can live how they want and still be rewarded by ALLAH. ALLAH sees and knows everything. So it is very important sisters to marry someone for deen someone that is strict with sunnah beard and everything. Lot of ppl memorize quran but dnt live by it.. hyprocrites.regardless wether husband and wife we are brothers and sister we have to make eachother happy and feel good.the prophet command us to takecare of our family.but as a wife you should not snoop cuz that it self can ruin the trust. Dont ASSUME ..dont nag. Even tho u may b mad its better to forgive, overlook and be patient.
make dua and remember ALLAH is testing ,all of us.may ALLAH make it easy for all our sisters.talk to your spouses using that six inch piece of flesh