Masturbation by a married man when his wife is away for some days
Masturbation in Islam?
Dear brother and sisters
Assalam o Alaikum,
I am married since November 2010 and parents of my wife liver nearer to my house. My wife always visits her parents for 3-4 days fortnightly. Despite my extreme tries, I cannot control myself in her absence and usually masturbate. If I ask my wife not to stay for more than a day as she can return home easily, she never considers it. Under this situation, I want to ask these questions:
1. Is this a sin to masturbate, both for married or unmarried man?
2. Is this sin/ prohibited in Islam to masturbate in absence of wife?
3. Will the wife be considered as sinner if she is not fulfilling the sexual needs of her husband. Please tell for the my case as well as for general case when husband is not happy with wife due to the fact that she cannot relax him due to her rigid nature or similar behaviors.
4. If it is sin for any of any (husband or wife), then what should we do to avoid it?
I need quick response so that I can share it with my wife. May be she can consider it helpful and try to fulfill my sexual needs.
Best regards
~ msawan
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Salaams,
There are several factors to take into account in answering your questions. To me, there are two aspects to be considered by both you and your wife.
You mentioned that your wife is gone for 3-4 days on the average of every 6 weeks. However, she doesn't go far because her parents live near you. She does have a right to visit her family, but you also have marital rights upon your wife.
Personally, I feel that if you are asking her to shorten your visits because its adversely affecting you, she should submit to that. Since her parents live nearby, there are plenty of options: they can come visit at your house, she can shorten her stay to 1-2 days and go more often; or even have day trips where she returns to you each night and goes to see them whenever she likes. That's how I believe the immediate situation should be handled in the context you outlined.
However, the other side of the coin is this: 3-4 days away from your wife every other month is not really that much or unmanageable. Granted, right now she is taking that time to visit her nearby parents, but what if she ever went out of town for a week for some reason? What happens when she has a baby and you have to refrain from being with her for 5-6 weeks after the baby is born? How do you handle the times when she is menstruating, which are likely longer than the time she is away from you? As you can see, there are countless circumstances where you may not have access to your wife, and you have to figure out a way manage temptation in those times.
Personally, I can understand why some husbands masturbate when they are away from their wives for months or weeks at a time (or men who are single and have remained chaste for a prolonged period). There have been some rulings that in these instances, masturbation is allowed but disliked because of necessity; so long as it is strictly a physical release and not accompanied by viewing porn or imagining adulterous scenes. However, in your case we are not talking about an extended length of time, we are talking only about a few days. Honestly, many men are able to find a way to distract themselves for that amount of time until they can have their wives again. I think with some time and practice, you can do the same.
My ultimate advice to you is that if you feel convicted about something (like not masturbating), then you should avoid engaging in the behavior. Don't do it. As far as your immediate circumstances, I think you both have some homework: She should make the effort to shorten her stays so she can meet your needs as you request, and you should make the effort toward being able to be away from her for several days without giving in to masturbation.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear brother As Salam O Alikum.What Amy said I agree to it.But would just like to add on a thing i.e Ask your wife to visit her parents while she is menstruating this may help you in some way.
Jazak Allahu Khairan..
Sams...