Muslim Convert with Christian Children
I am a muslim convert going on two years. I am married to a muslim man and we have a toddler together. I have two children from my previous marriage that are 10 and 12. I received a call today from my ex husband stating that my son had a great church service today and he was saved. This made me feel like a failure as a Muslim mother. I never wanted to confuse my children because they were raised by their father and myself as Christians and I myself was at one time very faithful to the religion, their Sunday school teacher and active in the Ladies Group. Their father went to church every week but was a hypocrite as he was unfaithful.
I speak about Islam every day in our home and am teaching our little one as much Arabic and religion as he can take in. I'm just so confused as this son, whom asked so many questions, that I thought that he may be the one out of my two older children to become Muslim. He showed so much interest in the religion and now I just don't know what to think.
Is there any advice on what I should have done? Or what to do in the future? I appreciate any help in trying to figure this out.
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Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Alhamdulillah, that Allah has blessed you and guided you to Islam. You are truly on the Straight Path, and I pray that you continue on this way and always grow as a Muslimah.
I first want to say that you are NOT a failure as a mother. You have the difficult job of trying to raise a blended family and see to their physical and spiritual needs. You cannot force your ex-husband to not take your children to church, and you cannot force Islam upon them either. You have to adopt a long-term moderate path for helping your two older children learn the truth about Islam. This means you will live Islam in your home, teach them and expose them to the beauty of Islam, and, as all parents must do, allow them to make the ultimate decision as to whether they will embrace Islam or not.
Your children have a difficult task as well. They want to please both parents, so when your son is with his father, he will go along with him and try to make him happy. Also, it will be easier for him to "fit in" as a Christian in a Western society, so he may feel that he does not want to be the odd man out and is just settling to be involved in Christianity so he can be accepted by all his non-Muslim friends and family. He probably does not have the intellectual wherewithal yet to understand the issues surrounding the trinity, Original Sin, and other church doctrines.
In the home, you do have to teach your children Islam without hitting them over the head with it. Explain the differences between the tauheed of Islam and the belief in Jesus as God's son in Christianity. Try to keep it simple on his level. If you find it difficult, you can visit Islamic websites that are geared towards children to help you, such as the following:
http://atschool.eduweb.co.uk/carolrb/islam/geography.html
http://www.islam4children.com/
You can also have your children participate in Islamic events in your community, and make sure that you have Muslims their own age over for visits. Encourage their curiousity, expect them to be respectful of Islam, and be patient. If you have rules that are more strict, such as not allowing them to watch the sitcoms on "children's" TV that involve a lot of boy / girl stuff, make sure they abide by that. You yourself are still a very new Muslimah, and you know that Islam takes a lifetime of learning. Give them Islam in small bites and make sure you are being a good role model for the faith.
Of course, your most important weapon in helping them is the du'a. You and your husband should both be asking Allah to guide them to Islam. The best time for du'a is when you are breaking a fast, when you are in sujuud in the prayer, and in the time between the end of the Friday prayer and asr. Appeal to Allah and never tire of asking Him to guide your children. Be patient, don't deride your ex-husband, and answer their questions honestly and fully. InshAllah, in time your children will make the intellectual and spiritual decision to embrace Islam. I will be making du'a for you as well. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, Islamicanswers.com
Salam Noorah,
This is beautiful response! Our stories are very close, except I have not remarried. I often beat myself up and think that I'm not being a good Muslim mom, so your advice has been very helpful.
Thank you so much!