Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What if I go against Allah’s Choice as a result of Istikhaarah?


Istikhaarah and Personal Choice


I have an issue, I need someones advice.

There has been a proposal for me, I dont know the guy and he doesn't know me: we live on opposite sides of the world, most probably have nothing at all in common, i don't know his values and on top of that he isn't good looking which i do care about. I want to put my faith in Allah SWT and do istikhara but i think i'm not ready for a fiancee and i dont want people to think im desperate ,

If i say no my mum will think i'm shallow, i have been through alot with an abusing father and all, my mother wants the best for me i'm not sure whether its the best, i keep thinking that he could be using me for the visa since his country is war torn, i know that i am above all this materialistic stuff, the looks and clothes i understand that even if the istikhara turns out as yes its not an overnight thing.. do i even need to do the istikhara? Would doing it and going against Allah word be a major sin? (eg, if it turns out yes and i dont go through with it)

Jazakallah Khair

- islamismydeen

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11 Responses »

  1. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    You don't even need to do isthikhara. If you do not want to marry him, then don't. No one seems to be pressurizing you. If you aren't ready, then wait few years before getting married to anyone else. When you've decided that you'll marry a certain person, then only you may perform salat al isthikhara for Allah may guide you.

  2. Assalamualaikum sister,

    If you have decided that you will do something, then there is no question of Istikhaarah.
    Istikhaarah is to seek Allah's Counsel, because He Knows what is best for us and what is not. Once we know what He Chooses for us, is it wise to choose something not good for us? One would do this if considers oneself more knowledgible than Allah. Astaghfirullah.

    Do Istikhaarah and act on what satisfies you, then put your trust in Allah. And in sha Allah you will find His Barakah. If you choose something that does not satisfy you, does that make any sense?

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. Assalamu alaykum sister,

    if you are not ready to get married than just dont.there is no need to do istikhara if you already decided you do not want to marry him.

  4. Salaams,

    I would just like to add that it seems to be counter-intuitive to make istikhara about someone that you haven't met, and also who knows nothing about you while you know nothing about them. You have to get to know someone well enough to decide if you want to even do istikhara or not about them.

    Be assured that Allah doesn't expect us to NOT use our minds and research matters for ourselves while we are all the while seeking His guidance for us. He blessed us with the ability to judge situations, to assess the character and personalities of others, and to understand people on deeper levels than just a name or face. Certainly those capabilities were not given to us to set aside and not use at all, so put those tools to use as well.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Sister,

    Don't worry about what anyone thinks, do what it is you need to do. If more woman took control of situations such as this, they wouldn't end up in marriages that they didn't want in the first place. You say your mother loves you and wants what's best for you, if so...she should understand your feelings. No need to make excuses sister to your mother. Simply tell her you do not find him attractive and you are not interested in marrying him. That is your right as a Muslim woman. Do not allow others to control your decision making when it comes to marriage. Chances are if you stay silent and just allow yourself to be pulled by your nose, you will regret it.


  6. Salaams islamismydeen

    Do not marry the guy if you are not happy with the proposal. Do not be another victim of force marriage or marriage of inconnivance. I urge you to speak to your mum and break it off if you don’t even find the guy attractive or looks do matter to you if that’s how you strongly feel then follow your heart. I am sure your mum will understand and you have to be honest with her. Don’t play with someone’s heart or emotions you won’t be happy considering you are already putting up with the abuse at home with your father don’t allow your parents or father to emotionally blackmail you stand up for yourself it is your right in Islam. Find someone else, there is no point pretending and trying to make it work you will only be depressed.

    My advise to you is communicate with your mum and let this go, I know you might think its easy for me to say this to you but I know a lot of sisters who have fallen into this trap to the point where they don’t even like or love their husbands to touch them and the only reason they stick round is because of the family and I don’t think any woman or man should sacrifice their life for someone they don’t even love or do it for the parents that’s just wrong.

    Think long and hard for you not your mum or parents because at the end it is your life and your marriage and you have a right to choose in Islam.

  7. i did istikhara about two potential alliances. and on the 2nd night i had 3dreams but i am not sure weather it has anything to do withit.

  8. salam my name is mehreen and i have done istakhara for 2 proposals,(one of my cousin and other one was of my class fellow. and i like my cls fellow) through my teacher as she told me that she will consult an alim...

    [Editor's note: If you require advice regarding your situation, please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment - that way it can be answered in turn, inshaAllah. It may also help to read the information on this site about istikhara - for example, you should do it yourself, and it is not based on interpretations of names or other shirk practices.]

  9. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  10. My boyfriend did istekhara and he got negative answers ! We’re seperated ! I genuinely feel that I’m not a right person for him , I was thinking to go in deen and Islam and ask Allah to bring him back to me ! Can istekhara answer get change ?

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