How do I fight these evil, depressive thoughts which hinder my practising Islam to my best?
I cant seem to master my thoughts
Asalamualaikam,
About six years ago I was struck with a very odd situation,(subhanallah). My patience was tested big time, it was a gradual process of tests that I went through on different stages on prior to this event taking place in my life before the main illness struck.
After a few years of this episode in my life all of a sudden I started getting waswasas (bad thoughts) against Islam. Initially, I thought the best way to deal with this problem was to not have anything to do with the practical side of Islam, this seemed to work but I found myself to be disconnected from Islam and Allah (swt).
About six years ago I started getting more serious waswasas which were not only against Islam but generally were quite scary to even talk about, these thoughts scared the hell out of me which made me depressive and always full of anxiety. I disclosed this to my mother but as she's someone who's ill herself she got very scared and basically stopped talking about it. I decided to battle this out on my own with the help of Allah (swt), but as you can imagine it was the worst thing I could go through as I went through it all by myself.
I decided to get myself busy and started working. Eventually I also mashallah started getting closer to Allah (swt); started praying my salah, paying zakat, giving regular sadakah, doing Islah and tried every opportunity to do dawah. Obviously my new refromed self shocked a lot people and surprised many as I had recovered (mashallah) from my state.
This year at the beginning of ramadan, I decided to completely submit my will to the will of Allah (swt) and started wearing the hijab. Again a lot of people started commenting and looking, now after six years, all of a sudden I have started getting the same disturbing thoughts and feelings again; I am again full with anxiety, loss of sleep, depressive. This has completely shocked me as I was happy not long ago with no worry in the world and now back to the same state, like I had never came out of this.
Now the trouble is I now read salah 5 times a day and this is coming in the way and confusing me, which makes me forget the times of prayer. I have special difficuties during fajar; I do not want to stop praying and I am trying to keep strong but I feel as though I am crumbling from inside.
I need help, I keep thinking it is either evil eye as there are so many people who were envious or it is the effect of an evil jin as my brother was struck with familiar thoughts and state, or it could plainly a test from Allah (swt)?
I do not think it is a mental illness as I hear many people who have disturbing waswasas. I also don't believe this as at the age of 7/8 familiar feelings and thoughts used to come which used to scare me, I couldn't sleep at night and I used to get regular dam done by a peer saab, which subhanaalah helped.
I want someone to take me to a mufti but my father does not believe in all that. WHAT SHOULD I DO? This time I do not want to keep it in me as may be this is the will of Allah (swt).
Anonkahn.
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Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Anonkahn,
Anonkahn, physical aspect of Islam is one of the most important part in practising Islam.Sometimes it happens that we are told something which we interpret in different way.And if not corrected we can lose our faith.From the very little knowledge I have, I would say that Five pillars of Islam is a ready made system we have been blessed with to attain the next stage in closeness to Allah Rabbil Izzat. Allah's Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam has told us , that there is only one straight path and that is of His sunnah.
I would advice you to read books on Tassavwuf and strengthen your knowledge.A good teacher who himself is on Right path is one of the must for your condition.So that you will always have someone to interpret your state and guide you in light of Sunnah and Quran e Paak.Also Teacher's act to protect a Disciple from things other than Allah. Also a spritual guide helps in devicing a tailor made Amal for disciple to keep Him/Her on this path.
The questions you have put up is beyond the limits of a normal guy like me.So with the help of my Master's teachings and His Discourses ( May Allah be well pleased Him), I am trying to say something.And I pray to Allah Rabbil Izzat to make it easier for you to understand and guide you. Also I beg HIS mercy for me and you.
Following are from Discourses of my Master (May Allah sanctify The mighty secret of His being),
Quote
said:
If a promise is made to you while you are still weak in faith and conviction, that promise will
surely be kept and not broken, lest you should lose what little faith and certainty you have.
When these qualities become stronger and are firmly established in your heart, you will hear
these words of His addressed to you:
You are today in our presence established and worthy of trust. (12:54)
The Shaikh (sanctified be the mighty secret of his being) said On fear and hope:
I had a dream in which I seemed to be in a mosque-like place, where some people were living
as hermits. “If only these people had so-and so to give them training and guidance,” said I,
alluding to a certain man of virtue. Thereupon they all gathered around me, and one of them
said: “Why don’t you talk to us yourself?”
“Very well, if you would like me to do so,” I agreed, then I went on to say: “Once you have
isolated yourselves from creatures to devote yourselves to the Truth, do not ask people for
anything with your tongues, and when you have given that up, do not ask them for anything in
your hearts, for asking inwardly is just like asking in words. Then you must know that Allåh is
every day about some business, changing and transforming, raising up and bringing down. Some
people He raises to the highest heights, and some He reduces to the lowest of the low. Then in
those He has raised to the highest heights He instills the fear that He may reduce them to the
lowest of the low, while their hope is that He will keep and preserve them in the exalted state
they now enjoy. And in those He has reduced to the lowest of the low He instills the fear that
He may keep them forever in the degradation they now suffer, while their hope is that He will
raise them to the highest heights.”
Then I woke up.
Unquote
.Below link has good material for other questions you have asked.Suggest to go through speeches which are you will find interesting, and listen to them,
http://www.deenislam.com/islam/MainCat/N/English-Speeches.html
There are also other sites like http://www.albaz.com where you can find good reading material to strengthen your knowledge about Islam, its inner and outer aspects and guide for a seeker.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO HAVE A SPRITUAL GUIDE. The path we are attracted is like going to a Water Dam for electricity, and presently our power bearing capacity is not that of what a Dam Power station can provide.Imagine what would happen to your T.V. or laptop if connected to directly High Voltage station of Dam.Teachers act like a transformer, and stabilisers to reduce the Dam power to rating at which our laptop or T.V. can run.Pray to Allah The All Knowing Always.
And regarding wrong thoughts, keep on asking for forgiveness from Allah, when these thoughts come to you.Remain in Wudhu( Ablution) always.Make it a habit to read Quran, Hadiths, and teach others also.Never miss any prayers.Morning prayer holds the key to whole day, so make it a point to offer it on time.Never ever neglect Five pillars of Islam, unless you are in condition for which there is excuse in Quran.Lastly some pious man ( may Allah reward Him} once advised me : dont think too much, I would say same to you.
Allah Hafiz Wa Nasir
brother, i agree with your sincere advice, except when it comes to reading books on tasawwuf, some famous books of tasawwuf contain outright shirk in Allaah.
so please watch what you advise people
Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Brother Abu Az-Zubayr,
May Allah (The Exalted is He) guide those worthy ( with regards to your concern of shirk) as He has guided you, to identify thorns and flowers in literature about Tasawwuf.
Aameen.
I believe a rose comes with thorn, its through Allah's help that some of us are not afraid of feeling the charm of it.
Once again Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Brother.
Allah Hafiz wa Nasir
Abuu mansuur ibn Hallaaj, famous suufi leader would say
"subhaanee, maa A'dhama sha'nee"
"glory be to me, how great am i?"
"there is nothing in my thawb but Allaah, and there is nothing in my turban but Allaah"
"Anaa Al-Haqq"
"i am the undoubted truth [ie Allaah]"
Ibn 'Arabi Al Andluusi, another famous sufi teacher master would say
"i have united with my beloved one [A l l a a h], so when you see me, you see him, and when you see him, you see me"
"when fir'awn said to his people, i am your lord the most high, he was telling the truth, and him drowning, ment him drowning in the sea of faith"
"every object reflects Allaah"
"muhammad [saww] and 'Ali ibn abee taalib have united with Allaah"
modern era Muhammad Taahir-Ul-Qaadir known as shaykhul islam for sufis said
" muhammad [saww] and Allaah have become one, who ever seperates them is a kaafirunn mushrik"
and many many more
I m depressed since last year..my family was very disturb and they took me to the pcycologist. The toughts coming in mind are weather Allah exist..if he exist who created him..if there is a life after death why people say that there is peace after death.weather angels exist or not .4 months before i stopped practicing islam completely.
but now i forced myself to practice islam on any cost because i feel quran is right or if these things exist weather i would be fogived or not
Its a battle personally i think its a very difficult battle since we fighting our nafs...hes an enemy we cant see and he is contained within us....there is two types of thoughts waswas which is from shaitan and inspiration which is from Allah Aza Wa Jal..according to the Quran Shareef when an evil thought arise in our minds we should seek refuge from Allah Aza Wa Jal....dnt blame yourselves its not you...i think its shaitan intensifying his effort to steal our iman cause we advancing spiritually....May Allah Aza Wa Jal give you all tawfiq(spiritual help) the muslim and muslimat and me Inshallah Ameen