Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Younger husband cannot maintain an erection

Impotence, erectile dysfunctionSalaam,

I have been married for 2 years and there is a huge age gap between both of us. That isn’t the problem. We are very happy other than that. He treats me well and we love each other a lot!

The problem is that when we have sex my husband says he doesn’t enjoy it with me. This makes me feel so unhappy and I feel like I have done something wrong to make him feel that way. I’ve noticed he can’t keep an erection for very long and I feel sorry for him. He is nearly 30 years old. I’ve told him not to rush it so much and take it much slower - but I don’t think he understands what I mean.

He also said it may be different with a younger woman? Sometimes I think he doesn’t love me when he says that.

Believe me - we love each other very much and I want to help him in any way I can, if possible. What can I do to help with him without making him feel it is his problem alone?


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3 Responses »

  1. I think there can be genuine erection problem and some times temporary.
    If some one is under lot of stress and tired he might face this problem .
    Even some one dont find his sexual partner attractive like he body , personality etc he too might face this problem ..
    Just go for some holidays together.

  2. Assalaamualaykum firefly,

    You write:

    "I’ve noticed he can’t keep an erection for very long and I feel sorry for him. He is nearly 30 years old."

    I don't believe that age is the problem here. Men are sexually active far longer than 30 years old. He is still quite young in that regard.

    He may have a medical problem that needs to be addressed. You could ask him to see a doctor.

    I personally don't like the comment he made about how "it may be different with a younger woman." That is insensitive and you should talk to him about how that makes you feel. These things only improve with communication. That includes communication about the sex itself, as you have already done to some extent. Perhaps he has different ideas about sex and you two need to reach a compromise.

    Inshallah when you two are out with your feelings and thoughts, things will improve.



  3. There are six therapists and in some places even Muslim ones. Try that and especially a general physician. It could be physiological or psychological.

    That said, I feel the remarks he made about not enjoying sex with you and how it may be different with a younger woman are hurtful and insensitive. It can also be a convenient buildup to eventually bringing in a new woman, a second wife. Be aware and watch out for yourself.

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