Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband divorced me out of nowhere and I’m devastated

Divorce decree

Salam! I'm kinda confused with my recent divorce. It kind of came out of nowhere and I was/am devastated about it! My ex husband asked me to leave 5 months ago, for no apparent reason!

I will not go into exact details because my question is really about my divorce. So last week he made it official at the masjid, in the document I read that he had said that this is his 3rd divorce, I was shocked cause that never really happened! We have had arguments during our marriage and I would leave to stay at my parents house till we cool off, he would end it and then a couple of days later he would ask me to go back! He NEVER actually told me that I was divorced the times that I left!

Well, I am asking if there is any way we can get back together in the future, if  it is written in the divorce document that he has said that he divorced me 3 times, does it count as 3 times and therefore we cannot get back together unless I get married to someone else and divorce him? My ex has some issues...now he is sending me emails saying that he misses me, after he already divorced me! My worry is, if he does want to get back together, is that even possible?

Someone is already asking for my hand in my marriage, he seems like a good enough man but I still feel scared to say yes just in case there is a chance that me and my ex can get back together! I'm not saying 100% I would get back with my ex... I just want to know if it is possible! I never wanted the divorce to begin with... Insha'allah God will show me the right path, I'm just so sad and confused!

Thank you so much for your answers, they are highly appreciated!

- idrees86


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4 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    The question is, if the husband lied and claimed that it was the third divorce, is that equivalent to three divorces? Is it irrevocable?

    This seems like a point of fiqh and I do not know the answer. However, I can comment in general on the invalidity of the forbidden practice of "triple talaq" or uttering three divorces at once.

    The practice of "triple talaq" or pronouncing divorce three times in one sitting, is invalid Islamically and should be considered as one divorce only. Therefore this would be counted as one declaration of divorce by your husband.

    The practice of triple talaq in one sitting has no sanction in the Qur'an and in the traditions of the Prophet (pbuh). Being, in Islamic legal language, a bid'ah or wrongful innovation, it is not part of the Prophet's (pbuh) sunnah, so it cannot be considered lawful in the Islamic Shari'ah. Once Rukana, a companion of the Prophet (pbuh), pronounced three talaqs in one sitting but later repented. He approached the Prophet for help, and the Prophet told him that the three talaqs that he had given amounted only to a single talaq, and that, therefore, he could go back to his wife if he wanted to. Ther is not a single instance reported of a triple talaq being accepted by the Prophet (pbuh) as constituting a final, irrevocable divorce.

    And Allah knows best.

    With that said, an important question that I have for you is, why would you want to remarry your ex-husband? How can you have a trusting relationship with someone who asked you to leave with no warning? Also, it sounds as if your marriage was constantly troubled.

    Think with your mind for a moment, instead of following a blind impulse that will lead you back into an unhealthy environment.

    You said you have received a proposal from a good man. I suggest that you consider accepting it and moving on with your life in a healthier and happier way, Insha'Allah.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Wa alaikum asslaam,

    Brother Wael is right about the divorce issue. However from your post one thing you are unaware of and which COULD have been a possibility is he divorced you without your knowledge. And as unfortunate as it may sound for us sisters, the reality is that this is accepted.
    Islamically a man can divorce his wife , without the wife being aware of it , and it WOULD count. So what you need to do is definitely find out whether or not he HAS in actual fact divorced you three times (that is, the correct way in three sittings)? He may have divorced you prior without ur knowledge.

    You need to talk with him over the 3 divorces that he says he has apparently given you and find out what and when so that you know what to do in your life.

    Was'salam

  3. A man in islam has the divorce into his domain as a woman is. The difference is that a woman has to get it through the authorities. A man, if has proclaimed in public that he has divorced thrice then it would be condsidered as a valid statement of him because it is his domain. The Holy Quran has given a detailed modus operandi of divorcing a woman by a man but many muslim scholars known as imams have considered that if three divorces are pronounced in one go the marriage is over finally with out a chance of reconciliation without Halala (if it happens without planning) and if the the husband says that he had given only one divorce then he would be only and only with the consent of the alter idem can reconcile without halala. He can do it twice but thrice he and you altogether lose the right of reconcile with out halala.
    Please note that a husband can never marry or reconcile after the divorce with out the independent concent of the woman as desired by the Quran. If he has pronounced that he has given you three divorces than nor you neithe he is allowed to reconcile with out halala (if it happens). Your love for him is ushring from every letter of your's as well as his lust for you. Read the holy Quran that has made these rules merely to guard the sanctity of the institution of nuptial relationship as well as the honour of the women. Please read the Quran and ask your heart because what ever heart says is right. We must have the love of Allah more thatn the love of the else.

  4. Sorry to hijack this thread but I have a question regarding the replies above.

    If the wife is pregnant and the husband utters talaq 3 times in one instance, then does not have intimate relations with her again and she subsequently gives birth, and her iddah complete, are the couple divorced?

    Many thanks

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