Adultery, disobedience, love, tawbah
O you who believe: Fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims. Hold fast, all of you, to the Rope of Allah and do not be divided, and remember Allah's blessing upon you, for you were enemies and he brought your hearts together until you became brothers by His blessing, and you were on the edge of a pit of fire and He saved you from it. In this way, Allah clarifies His signs to you that you be guided. (Quran 3 102-103)
salaam. I'm 20 years old.
Past few years I´ve been living in my birth country, attending school. I didnt want to come here, I liked my life in the US and was having a great time with my friends. I was in a relationship but after coming here I realized my lifestyle was all wrong.
I strive to be on the right path and Allah willing will keep striving my whole life.
For many years, my cousin was trying to marry me, at a time I considered it for the families' and my own parents happiness but decided not to because I didn´t think I could live with him. This caused many problems. I was threatened with forced marriage. It didn´t happen (Alhamdulillah).
At the time, another marriage proposal came, a nice one, but I didn´t want to accept because I want to focus on my studies and felt an engagement would not be best, more problems, but my family finally agreed (Alhamdulillah again), a part of me realized at the time that I have feelings for my colleague. I don´t plan on acting on them, I stay away as much as possible in fact.
Now recently, I fear my father is having an affair. He´s in USA, my mother is here in home country. Things got so bad we feared he had commit adultery *astagfar*. My mother is going to US soon to put an end to this. He said in a recent phone conversation that we as a family never heeded his advice, I said no to the proposals he wanted me to accept, and other complaints. Now my questions:
1. Are my past sins forgiven if I´ve done tauba? what is the proper way to ask forgiveness? I did not commit fornification but I came close because I was in a relationship... do I need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? I'm willing to if I find a group of people who won´t make this public..
2. The disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do I ask forgiveness for those?
3. Am I in the wrong for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on studying and work? I know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but it also says were allowed to study as much as we want, and I can´t do the two together..
4. My liking my colleague. I´ve kept my feelings to myself. If anything I would like to one day marry him. Though I realize it´s unlikely as I won´t ever say it and he won´t ever ask but I do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if he has some liking for me as I do for him, then we would end up married to each other. Is there a proper dua to ask? Is this allowed?
5. How do I bring my dad to the right path? What is a prayer I can make for him to come back to the family and his marriage with my mother?
6. My mother and father, in their rashness, shouldn´t make any decisions concerning me and the future. Just tell me islamic quranic or sunnati duas to ask.
Please help me brother/sister. khudahafiz
- muslimahonpath
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Assalamu layakum Sister Muslimaonpath,
1. Are my past sins forgiven if I´ve done tauba? what is the proper way to ask forgiveness? I did not commit fornification but I came close because I was in a relationship... do I need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? I'm willing to if I find a group of people who won´t make this public..
Ans. You may seek forgiveness of Allah and fear His Eternal punishment. Keep it between you and Allah and insha Allah He will forgive you. Most people in this world have "slip" in some moments in life. So seek forgiveness of Allah and abstain from any thing even close to fornication from far off.
2. The disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do I ask forgiveness for those?
Ans. You did what you felt was right and were even forced. In Islam you have a right to accept or reject a proposal for valid reasons. And if you do not like someone - no one should force you to marry or threaten you if you do not. It is not valid and such acts should be condenmed. No need to feel bad for anything. If your heart says you did anything wrong , say sorry to your father and ask him to forgive you.
3. Am I in the wrong for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on studying and work? I know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but it also says were allowed to study as much as we want, and I can´t do the two together..
Ans. Qur'an does not lay down anything for us which is hard. Allah says in the Qur'an He has chosen our religion for us and has not laid in it any hardship. So late our early marriage is a choice left on us. what Allah commands is to keep chaste and maintain modesty. You may study as much as you like and if you obey Allah and keep chaste, Insha Allah, He will give you of his abundance a good husband and more.
4. My liking my colleague. I´ve kept my feelings to myself. If anything I would like to one day marry him. Though I realize it´s unlikely as I won´t ever say it and he won´t ever ask but I do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if he has some liking for me as I do for him, then we would end up married to each other. Is there a proper dua to ask? Is this allowed?
Ans. Proper du'a depends on each individual. We eat food daily, do we ask Allah O Allah, today please make me eat this food and not this. Please make me wear these clothes and not those. Please make me go by the short road and not the highway route. We don't we take these matters for granted. So remember one thing, Allah makes arrangement for all things and even for your marriage and will surely make you reach what is in your muqaddar. Yes, you have to put efforts to get anything you want and leave it up to Allah to grant you that or something better than that.
You may say: O Allah ! I am needy of whatever good thou send down for me.
Our Lord ! Give us that which is good in the world and that which is good in the Hereafter and gaurd us form the Punishment of Fire.
You may say: O Allah ! I like so and so, and my wish is to marry Him. I leave the matter to you, guide me and make it easy for me.
You may make any du'aa as you like as long as it is in a good way. Allah loves those who turn to Him in hardship as well as in ease.
What we need to do is to Thank Him, Praise Him, Seek Forgiveness of Him and ask Him all good for dunya and aakhirah.
5. How do I bring my dad to the right path? What is a prayer I can make for him to come back to the family and his marriage with my mother?
Ans. Pray to Allah to relieve you and your family of these tough times. Praise Him, call Him by His beautiful names and ask Him to turn your dad again in love and mercy towards your mom and your family and ask Allah to guide Him. And end the du'a with the words : Allah will guide whom He wills and He will send astray whom He wills. He indeed is the Knower, the Wise.
6. My mother and father, in their rashness, shouldn´t make any decisions concerning me and the future. Just tell me islamic quranic or sunnati duas to ask.
Ans. All du'as stem from the heart. Whatsoever you ask seeking Allah's blessings for yourself and His good pleasure will Insha Allah be answered with a surety. As I wrote above, begin du'aas praising Allah, thanking Allah, seeking His forgiveness, this is how the Prophet is reported to have made du'aas. Also you may add to this, praying for more rewards for the Prophets, the righteous slaves of Allah and for all believers and a safe day of Qiyamat and safe entry in to the Gardens of Jannah. Then you may ask for yourself anything you like which is good. This will make you more concious of the past people who went before you in faith and the people currently in this world for whom you pray and Insha Allah when you pray for others, you have an open heart and then the truth automatically flows in your du'as to Allah.
Hope the advice helps and you may keep on looking for better responses and also update us with your situation.
Salaam.
Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
subhan allah very good advise and answers
As salamu alaykum, sister Muslimanonpath,
Masha´Allah, you have received an excellent advice, I would add the following, I found this beautiful reply about forgiveness and true repentance given by Sister Z, masha´Allah, it deserves to be written again:
Allah our Creator knows us more than anyone does and this is why He(swt) gave us our manual to 'living a good/healthy/righteous life' through the Glorious Quran. It is when we move away from Allah's guidelines that we trip and fall so painfully. But Allah is so Great and Forgiving and Merciful that He promises to forgive us and to wipe our slate clean. All He(swt) asks for us to do is to regret and repent sincerely and to turn back to Him with full sincerity and humbleness. How Great is Allah indeed, SubhaanAllah!
Do not despair in thinking that your sins are too great to be forgiven. Allah's Mercy is greater than anything and as Muslims we cannot doubt that. There is no limit to Allah's Mercy.
Shaytaan will try to reinforce in your mind the thought that 'you are not deserving of Allah's love and mercy'. But you must remind yourself each time you find yourself thinking in this negative way that Shaytaan is just trying to stop you from turning to Allah. This journey to Allah is your internal jihaad called 'The Battle of the Nafs' and you need to equip yourself for it by becoming steadfast in Allah's way.
You must remind yourself regularly that Allah(swt) tells us in the Glorious Quran: "Say: O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful". (Surah az-Zumar 39:53) So each time you feel despair remind yourself of this promise from Allah - for it is true!
Allah(swt) further says in a Hadith Qudsi: "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
Truely repenting will be your journey towards cleansing your heart and soul.
1) In order to repent, there are some conditions; you must adhere to:
– Give up the sin immediately.
- Regret what has happened in the past.
– Resolve not to go back to it.
– Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness
2) Perform all your obligatory duties with concentration, i.e. your five daily Salaah, Fasting, paying Zakah, perform Hajj when you can. Observing these tenants of Islam are the physical manifestation of your belief in the Oneness of Allah(swt).
3) Perform voluntary worship, i.e. take care to learn about the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet(saw) and love to implement it in your life (smile at people, greet them with Asalaamualaikum, be pleasant in attitude, use miswak, bathe on Friday before Jummah Salaah, walk to masjid, be good to your neighbours etc), ask for forgiveness in the third part of the night, lengthen your sujood to do tawbah, recite Quran and implement Allah's laws into your life, strengthen your ties of kinship, feed the hungry, sponsor an orphan. The list is endless.
The key for you is to find a balance between hope in Allah's forgiveness and fear of Allah's punishment. Say Alhumdulillah because Allah saved you from damaging your soul further, say SubhaanAllah because Allah's Mercy is greater than His Anger and say AllahuAkbar because this painful experience has brought you back to your Great Creator. Hold your head up because you still have your deen and your health and strive in Allah's way. Allah loves those who repent and this is your chance to be one of those He(swt) loves.
If you are careful about treading only within Allah's guidelines - that includes observing the obligatory pillars and doing your best to observe voluntary acts of worship and keeping away from the things that enticed you to sin in the first place, you will begin to dislike that which Allah dislikes and love that which Allah loves. Step by step He(swt) will replace your pain with peace and your hearded heart will be softened by the sweetness of Eemaan.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor