Is it wrong to be in a relationship with opposite gender?
Salaam O Alaikum,
I would like to ask that I have a girlfriend and we love each other so much. We have a physical relationship like we hug and kiss etc etc but we never crossed our limits never had sex we always controlled ourselves. All we want to know that; is it wrong to be in a relationship before marriage with opposite gender.
Your advice will be much appreciated, thanks.
BB
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Waleykum Assalaam brother BB,
What you and your girl friend are doing is enough for you to lead you to the gates of Hell and further lead you in to the midst of the Fire.
STOP right now. Repent to Allah. You are doing a big sin by "hugs and kisses". You control your selves from "sex" but do you know this can happen in the same course as hugs and kisses began to happen.
Being a Muslim, it does not befit you to go against the commands of Allah and do this. Insha Allah, I hope you are aware of this.
Stop this immediately. Read the Qur'an. Stop being friends with a girl. Turn to Allah in repentance. If you wish to marry go through the right channels, let your parents meet her parents and decide upon marriage.
If you cannot marry, stop this sin right now or else after warning, be prepared for the Fire.
Brother BB, it is good you asked us before committing even more grevious sin of sex. And anyways, hugs and kisses are also not a "lighter" sin.
Allah commands us in the Qur'an " not to go near to adultery". Forget about committing, we are not to go near to it, by being friends, then intimates, then in love, then holding hands, then hugs and kisses and revealing each other in a way which a Muslim should not and finally committing the sin of adultery.
And when a girl gets pregnant, even more troubles for those guys who are not prepared to become fathers so young and nor are their families agreeing to marriage. Before the Fire of hell, is the Fire of these troubles surrounding people who ignore Allah. May Allah have mercy upon us and forgive us our transgressions.
So keep away from this. Tell the girl, this is haraam in Islam. If you can't live without her and doing this stuff, get married to her and ask the girl's parents for the same.
I hope it is clear in your mind by now that what you are doing is wrong in Islam.
We warn you of the danger ahead, the choice is yours.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Salaam brother.
Sorry to dissappoint you but must be truthful it is prohibited to have any such contact before marriage.
"Allah has written the very portion of Zina which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Rasulullah S.A.W. said "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head....rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women" Rasulullah S.A.W. said "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head....rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women"
Imagine how much of a sin hugging and touching is then brother. Allah swt knows us better than anyone including ourselves dear brother and he has made lawful what is good and unlawful what is harmful. One thing leads to another. This is why even lustful or loving looks are haraam, they lead to sweet words which leads to more and eventually leads to full zina. (Sex). I know hearing this will hurt you, I understand but its the truth. If you really love her, don't dishonour yourself and her by continuing in this relationship which is displeasing to Allah. No matter how much you love someone, no one is worth risking your soul for. No person is worth going to Jahannam for. You will not care about her there dear brother. May Allah swt protect you, her and us all from Jahannam. Ameen.
Read through some of the posts on this site, and you will see a few of many problems arising from pre-marital relationships including unwanted pregnancies, heartbreak, parental problems, STIs, guilt, mistakes and just general depression. Trust me on this - its not worth it.A Loving relationship is allowed if practiced in the right institute - marriage. Where you can walk hand in hand towards Jannat InshaAllah.
Both Make sincere repentance for this sin, while making intention to not commit it again. You need to decide if you want to marry her or leave her. Do istikhaarah if need be (See links on istikhaarah qs and answers at top of page. Ask yourself if she is wife material, speak to your parents and encourage her to speak to yours. If you both want to marry, then keep things within islamic limits, do not meet alone as shaytaan is the 3rd. If you must meet, make sure she has a mahram present with her or at least another of her family members. Also avoid talking on the phone and sweet talk etc. You could ask your parents for nikah if you do not have means to move in yet. A valid nikah means you will be able to talk and be alone.
If you do not want to marry her, please let her go and allow her to be free to someone who will marry her.
I know you are probably thinking this sounds so idealistic but my brother was in a similar situation to you, and he is Alhumdulilah now happily married. It was not easy - it took some convincing familes and arranging but both him and his wife took the right steps, had the courage of conviction to fight for each other and most importantly didnt want to displease Allah swt by remaining in the relationship.
I pray Allah swt helps you brother
Apologies if it was harsh
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Brother,
Best you heed the advice of brother Muniib and sister Sarah, it is spot on and could save you and your female friend a lifetime of heartache and pain.
Salam
Yes. It is wrong.
You have already crossed Islamic limits by being in any sort of contact with this girl. Evidences have been cited in earlier responses.
First you must repent with sincerity and not recommit the sin. Then, if you really love her, then marry her asap. If not, break all forms of communication.
Walaikum Assalaam wa Rahmatullah
All in all. i think you've got the general consensus from previous posts that you're relationship isn't allowed. All i've tried to do is try (if badly done so im sorry) to give a bit of advice...
I can understand what you're going through. it is kind of hard keeping away from the opposite gender, because we see them every day and their company is nice to be in. And once you get to know a girl. intamacy just develops naturally - because love is natural.But the hard-line truth of the situation, it is wrong, and it is forbidden - that fact is written in stone. What you need to do is control and to some extent restrain this love.
The hardest part will be what to do next? Marry or walk away?
If you want to marry her, you need to contact her parents and arrange all this with your family and her family in the "know". One advice here, ask yourself why do you like her. Is it for her beauty? If so, if a prettier girl comes by, will you leaver her behind and seek the new girl out? Is it for her wealth? If she is robbed of everything, will you stand by her? Or is it because her personality and her firm belief in Allah? because if it is good, that is one thing that will never go away (insha'Allah). It may/may not be a shock to your/her parents, (depending on your situation and general parents reactions) but if your sincere about her, then this is something you'll put up with, because insha'Allah everything smoothens out after a while.
If you think that you need to end it and end it now, walk away. This option is probably the harder because you may need to overcome your emotional attachment. Though you could think of it this way (it helped me). Sacrifice this relationship for Allah, and there is an ayat in the quran which says that doing something for Allah, Allah will make it easier for you by providing from sources that you cannot imagine (can't remember/find reference for this sorry!). Imagine sacrificing this and in return getting something which is way way better! You may not think it possible, but with belief anything is possible if you ask sincerely!
And by the way. I've seen it on this forum quite a lot. About disclosing you're relationship to people. It's ok on here because you're anonymous, but in real life, don't tell people about your relationship that went too far with this girl, because it is a sin. (if you've told people already or people know, try to limit the number of people who could know in the future) because a sin that is hidden and no-one knows about is a mercy from Allah if you repent and change your ways, becaus Allah hid it for you and you kept a secret. i have this reference for you though;
"Abdullah Ibn Masoud (radiyallahu anhu) related, 'A man came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (radiyallahu anhu) then said: 'Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Shahih Muslim]"