Cannot return the Haq Mahr to ex-wife
This the kind of jewelry that might typically be given to the bride as mahr or dowry in some Muslim cultures
Assalamo-Alaikum,
I need some sincere advice please.
I was married for a period of 2 years. At the end the marriage did not work out over arguements. There was nothing unislamic done from my side (i.e adultery etc).
Out of the blue when I was not expecting my wife left me to America with her father. I tried contacting her but there was no reply. Three months later I notified her that if she did not reply I would file for divorce. At that point she agreed to talk to me over the phone. The phone call was not fruitful and she was not willing to reconsumate unless I left away far from my job place and my family, which was not possible.
Her expectations were unrealistic and because she left me out of the blue I felt I could not trust her. She gave me the impression that she would not return until her unrealistic expectations were not met. So I filed a divorce 6 months down the line but I was the only one that could do this as she was in the US. She made it difficult for me as she did not sign any forms sent to her. Eventually I got the divorce through by other means, using an agent to testify that she received the forms.
At the time I wrote her a letter to send her haq maher (her dowry - some jewelry) to her, as she left it behind. but she did not reply. I asked her to come and collect it from my home.
As she lives in America it would be difficult to send it her. I have other family in America but my ex-wife's family do not communicate about any issue. We have tried asking them whether they want the maher and to take it but they ignore it.
In this case is the maher due to her even though she is ignoring my request to take it. Second what is the best what to send it considering that the maher is jewellery.
JazakALLAH Khair
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As-salamu alaykum brother. I commend you for wanting to do the right thing; and for not simply selling the jewelry or giving it to someone else. You have a good heart.
I get the feeling that the mahr (the jewelry) symbolizes something for you.
I say this because the matter is really quite simple. You could hold it for her indefinitely, or you could simply send it by post it to her family.
Since you have not done that, I think that you are attempting to use the mahr to get some kind of explanation or communication from your ex-wife. I think that even though you filed for divorce, you are still confused about the sudden end of your marriage, and the lack of communication from your ex-wife. I think you see this mahr as the last legitimate reason that you have to get some kind of communication from her, and you feel you need that communication to be able to put the relationship to rest in your heart.
Unfortunately, we don't always get the resolution that we want, or the "closure" as they say. You have to accept that you may never understand what is in your ex-wife's mind and heart. Try to look for the lessons that can be learned from your experience with her. Try to move on with your life and as a calm and faithful Muslim, trusting in Allah, with your eyes open to whatever the future will bring you.