Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The Worst Time Being A Brown South Asian Muslim Man

It is the worst time being a brown south asian muslim man. The future is pretty dark for guys like me. I graduated as an Electrical Engineering Bachelors since the year 2015 from a Canadian University and still don't have a job in my field. I applied for job in Electrical Engineering Entry Level positions everywhere but it seems every damn company in Canada wants 3+years of experience. In USA, I get rejected because they don't want to sponsor Canadian citizens when they already have a lot of local Americans who are willing to work. Instead I am doing temporary staffing general labour jobs (which I am not against totally), but the type of society my family is from. Professions like these are considered low level, since in South Asian countries, labour workers have it worst, not like Canada where at least you make minimum wage. Because of this, I am also having a hard time finding a good looking muslimah to get to know for future marriage, since most good looking muslimahs that I have sent messages through websites from singlemuslim.com or muslimah.com are gold-diggers especially the ones in Canada and USA, and they seem to enjoy rejecting guys left to right. Not only that, some good-looking Muslimahs here in Canada prefer being in haraam relationship with some Faseeq, Munafeeq, or Kuffaar guy rather than wanting to be in halal relationship with a South Asian Muslim like me.

Finding a good looking Muslimah woman in the west, is like lottery machine. The South Asian Western Muslimahs tend to have that gold-digger vibe or there parents reject me for not being a doctor or some bs. The Middle-Eastern Western Muslimah families as usual tend to be more racial with preferring their own kind for their daughters. Even, though I have seen videos of good looking Muslimah converts on youtube, but for some reason I have barely seen any Muslimah convert that is around my age or below on these sites. Plus, I am not too much of Pick Up Artist type of guy who is good with making Christian/Atheist White girls fall in love with me and than convert them to Islam. The only women that have showed me interest on these sites are mostly way older divorced women with children. Nothing wrong with single divorce women or divorce women with children. It is just my mother will have a hard time letting me marry one, I have already ignored my mother with many things in life, but since she has done a lot for me, I cannot ignore her totally when it comes to marriage to her future daughter-in-law. Plus the child-benefit and alimony laws in the west scare me, especially the thought of what if that divorce woman latter divorces me too, and than I am forced to pay for the child(even though I will love him like my own son/daughter) but still I believe it is the responsibility of the original father to pay for the kid, not me if a divorce happens.

Although I do have a few good looking Moroccan Muslimahs show me interest from Morocco on muslimah.com. Problem is I only know how to Speak Urdu. I don't know how to speak Arabic or French. Even though offcourse I can read the Quran in Arabic, since Urdu has Arabic and Farsi letters. Those good looking Moroccan girls only know fluent Arabic and French. And using translator to talk to them all them time gets irritating. Weird thing is my family lived in Saudi Arabia, although I went to International Indian School in Riyadh, for some reason my family never bothered to get me to learn advanced Arabic in terms of talking. Other than that I have Christian girls from Philipines interested in me, problem as right now as a general labour worker I don't make enough money to travel to the philipines. And I also prefer marrying a Muslim girl offcourse, since I don't want to disappoint my mother by marrying a Non-Muslim girl.

I don't know if I will be stuck with doing minimum wage general labour jobs for the rest of my life, or I will get a high paying engineering job soon. Hek, no good looking muslim girl or even average looking would be interested in marrying a guy who is doing general labour blue collar work or her family will not allow it, even if she is interested. Since temptations of Zina have been really craving me lately, it kind of hits you hard when you get rejected by single good-looking muslimahs in the west. Now, I know people will say that I should not go by looks, but hey it will be hard for me to negotiate that since childhood, I have been programmed to only be attracted to good looking women. Plus, I would hate to see some other dude who is unattractive get an attractive girl, but me being stuck with an unattractive one. I have two daggers stabbing right now: one not being able to find a good looking muslimah woman in my life to comfort me at times of stress, the other is not being to find a high-paying job related to my field of education.

To all my brown South Asian brothers who are going through the same things I am going through, you are not alone. It looks like indeed God cursed the brown race the most especially the South Asian Brown men.

faqirullah

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13 Responses »

  1. Oh wow I am sorry your going through all this. Are you able to get over here first for work then apply you sometimes can get more luck that way. I am a westerner I converted to Islam about a month ago.

    • With Trump in power now. It is going to get worse especially with H1B visas getting rejected or people with TN Visas having problems getting jobs.

  2. As-salamu Alaykum,

    It looks like you have multiple issues which can be tackled separately but also involve a common theme, which is that you blame God and the world for what you are going through. Although it is your right to think this way if you wish, you will always have trouble getting ahead with this mentality. If that sounds harsh, I actually mean it in a nice way. No one hands us life on a silver platter. You have to work hard for your goals, and it doesn't end when you get your degree. Instead of thinking that you are cursed, why not think that you are blessed instead? That Allah SWT has something better waiting for you, and that He is repelling harm away from you with each "rejection" or disappointment that comes your way? Showing gratitude for the blessings you have will take you further than you can imagine.

    I am not in the field of engineering, but my suggestion is that you begin networking if you have not done so already. You need to stay connected with your field and the people in it. Former professors and established engineers may be good mentors for you. You can also ask for professional advice on websites like Quora.com. If you are able to do an internship somewhere, this will also expand your network. Electrical engineers are in demand in the Arab Gulf countries, including Qatar and the UAE, and they often give preference to Western diplomas. If that interests you, you can explore job websites like Bayt.com or get in touch with a recruiting agency. Apply for entry-level jobs in your location even if they require experience. If they have any shortage and like you as a person, they may take you anyway. Everyone has to get started somewhere, and you just have to keep trying until you get your first break. Taking the initiative goes a long way.

    Regarding your marriage issue, networking can benefit you here as well. If your mom is connected to other women in the community, then she may be able to find you a good match. Personally speaking, I think it is unhealthy to spend time on marriage websites, especially if they are not working for you, which it seems that they are not. Why would you even bother speaking to women who don't share a language in common with you? This is a recipe for disaster. Also, when you are looking for someone online, you tend to be more picky because there is the sense that you can tick off a list of features that you desire (almost like shopping) and get exactly what you want. In real life, however, we make more allowances for people's flaws if their other good qualities compensate for them...which is how it should be. No one is perfect, and you cannot expect perfection in a spouse. It does not mean that you should marry someone you find unattractive or incompatible, but I do sense a tiny bit of entitlement in your post, which is something you may need to think about on a deeper level. There are a lot of nice girls out there, but it sounds like you may need the help of your mom or someone else to find them in real life.

  3. Networking bro networking @... go to each and every south Asian wedding you can go to with your mom... ask her to make friends... you too meet more people from your community maybe they have sisters or cousins ... go to masjid on weekends make friends with brothers and imams. You never know man beautiful pious girls are there you must meet new people. Be bold socialize with EVERY person you come across from your community.. things will be okay.. as for the job keep trying and looking man. Just don't give upp.. don't despair Allah has a plan. . . It takes time save sabr

  4. I forgot to say... "hugs from a brown man " .. we are brown and awesome !goodluck

  5. Maybe the good-looking women who are rejecting you, are also 'programmed' to marry rich successful men with money.

    I apologize for being so blunt, but you sound superficial and these ladies sound materialistic.

    • I guess the superficialness in us brown mens mind has come in us through western colonialism since the british ruled us and now bollywood/hollywood media influence. Can't help it. I am not offended by what you say, but unfortunately that is how my mind is programmed. When I mean unattractive, I mean women who don't take care of themselves with good makeup or take care of themselves by keeping there body in shape. It is not too hard for a naturally average girls to look super attractive unlike us guys who have to stay the way we are with our looks. So I have no problem if a girl looks average without makeup and good-looking with makeup. Plus I would hate to see my enemies/other-people with good-looking women and laughing at me and saying "hahaha couldn't get a good looking woman looser".

  6. Initial struggle will be there but once you get a right break you will make a good progress in your career .Keep trying through job portals till you don't get it ...and yes there is nothing wrong if you are looking for beauty only .

  7. Be very careful brother. You said Allah swt has cursed that particular race. That is a slander against Allah swt. He is the Most Just. To make such a statement can bring one dangerously close to disbelief, meaning loss of faith.

    I think you need to repeat your shahadah. And ask for forgiveness from Allah. I would advise you to speak with an Imam. It sounds like you are having a crisis of faith. May Allah swt protect us all.

    This is my advice.

    There's lots of good advice here given by others regarding your employment worries. Amel has posted excellent advice which is very comprehensive. I can't really add anything to that. Pls follow his advice... it's very astute. Jazakillah khair to him.

    • Sister I am not accusing Allah literally of anything. I should have been more clear. I was trying to say it "looks like god has indeed cursed us" even though Allah has not cursed any of us. Point is. I see brown guys have it the worst. Brown Arab men labelled as terrorists by the media(Unless you are some rich khaleeji dude who is not planning to immigrate to the west), I am referring more to racism yemeni and brown skin iraqi brothers at times have to go through. Brown South Asian Men (Indian/Pakistani/Bengali) seen are undesirable/nerdy/geeky creeps or bunch of labour/gas-station workers. Brown Hispanic men are labelled as drug cartels/thugs. And on top of that have been one of the most colonialized people throughout history.

  8. Firstly, all I seem to understand is you are too beauty obsessed. Don't say it is programmed into you since childhood cuz everyone is attracted to good looking people of the opposite sex. You are looking at it the wrong way on many levels. What you need to take into account is beauty ain't everything. It's the good character we should go for, not beauty, money or status which is what our prophet (S.A.W) advised us to do. Besides, look at the way all these beauties are money or status obsessed and rejecting you cuz you don't have that stuff in you. That's what beauty is about plus what's to say you won't get cheated on or dumped by them if you did succesfully get together with one? You need to think things through with what you really need rather than what you really want and that is a good Muslimah that lives as a good servant of Allah.

    Secondly, jobs are sucky to get nowadays, especially decent ones but we all need to climb the ladder to get there tho. In the mean time you will have to keep going with the smaller jobs and Insha Allah sooner or later in the future you will get a good job.

  9. Salam,

    I think you're excusing your own issues and blaming it on Allah. You have the opportunity to do a lot of things that the men in South Asia don't. And those men aren't complaining about their life and feeling that Allah has cursed them. I recommend taking advantage of what you have been given. Also, please look up some pictures of girls you consider attractive with and without their makeup. I think you're getting attracted to a girl for the wrong reasons and some of those girls are worldly and will want you to be well off too.

  10. Sort your life out before getting married. So get the job you want first. It's hard, so apply even more. Ring up companies and work for free for a short period to get the experience. Your attitude is defeatest. This is how life works in this day and age...You are worth what you're worth. So your job, looks, appearance, manners, religious etiquette, education, etc all form who you are. Right now you're far from getting married. You need to make sacrifices to get that all important work experience. I'd even go as far as being fully financially independent before getting married.

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