Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I stay with him?

young Muslim couple

Assalamualaikum, I'm a Muslim woman married to a Muslim man 4 months back. My husband is a nice person but egoistic and not very Islamic. Before marriage we would casually talk to know eachother. When I discussed about Mehr he abruptly said "if girl's side asks it's Mehr and you legalise it but when d guy's side ask you term it as dowry". We had a rough argument but i was asked by my parents to make peace  as they had no demands unlike all other alliances. They didn't ask for any dowry as my husband believes to be a self made person. We would fight many tyms coz his ego wouldn't go well with me. I was very upset on my nikah day thinking how my life would go on. After marriage we spent 10 days together as he had come from abroad only for 10 days. He was very nice to me, I thought everything has settled and I was happy. Later on, I realized hez a very stingy man. He would ask me an account of every single penny he sent d 2 months I was away from him. I thought itsi happening coz it's d initial tym. I have come to live with him now and he doesn't give me a single penny in my hand. He sure buys anything I ask for and spends for household expenses. I had a hard tym accepting tat. While we were discussing about me working, I told him tat id work and keep the money with me. He angrily said "if I work I have to spend on both of us, I provide for u but if u work u term it as ur money, it's unfair" I said tats how it is in Islam. Wenever I talk abt Islam he fights and asks me not to teach him rules and asks if im following everything as per Islam. Im not a saint, I try to follow as much as possible. But im a sinner, b4 marriage Id been in a relationship for 7yrs and tat guy cheated me after which I had lost my senses and regained after a month with my family's help. My doesn't pray salah. And due to his bz work schedule we barely get tym to get physical. Hez kind to me at tyms and says he loves me and cooks for me at tyms. But when I talk abt Islam he gets annoyed. I dono how to take this relationship forward as im confused. I really need guidance. I'm scared and depressed most of the time.

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2 Responses »

  1. Sister. Please consider contacting a friend, family member, masjid or authorities so that you can live in a safe place and begin divorce. Your husband is not a good person, has no understanding of Islamic traditions and is a bully. No woman wants to live with a man like that and I hope your family does not want you to suffer as this man's wife. You also risk the chances of getting pregnant and your problems to get even worse. You have cause to divorce this man and should make every effort to do so. It is important to make sure you pursue divorce when you are safe with someone who cares about you. A man like your husband will probably become a worse person once his wife declares him unfit for marriage. And it is not safe for you to live with him during an iddah period. If he gave you no mehr, than you have every right to divorce him and give him nothing. If someone tells you to be patient, find someone else to talk to. No one living in an abusive relationship should be expected to "be patient."

  2. Salam,

    I also think divorce is the right option. He doesn't pray, and doesn't want to know more about Islam. This doesn't sound like a good Islamic marriage. It's like he knows what Allah wants but thinks it's wrong and just follows whatever he wants.

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