Depression since my girl left me
I'm in so much pain - will I ever get over it?
I have been together with a girl for six years. Last autumn she left me. Reason: she doesn't love me anymore. Shortly before she left, we planned to marry. Since that day I have a terrible depression. I can't stop the negative thinking. I think of her every day and night. I blame myself for not having done everything for her.
I could have done more, but I wasn't aware that she wanted more affection from me. To be honest during that time I was very busy with my studies. I planned to finish them and then concentrate more on her and our future. This never happened, she was fed up. In the past we used to seperate and get together several times. But this time it should be the last separation. All attempts to get her back were in vain. She told me that she hated me and I should leave her alone.
I couldn't believe it. I was shocked, sad and hopeless. How did this happen to me? Why was I so dumb to disregard her? After six years of relationship she broke up, and doesn't feel anything for me? Whats going on?
I can't help myself. I currently am seeing a psychologist and taking anti-depressives. Those drugs do not help at all. I have been using them for two months now without any impact. I cant tell my parents and my siblings about my depression and lovesickness. Also talking to my friends about this is not imaginable. I am alone. My self-confidence is ruined, I hate myself, and everything I did in my life was for nothing. I am a loser.
Nobody is ever going to love me anymore. I am fed up with all this life. I am hopeless about the future. My sadness just gets worse. I can't eat, I can't study, I can't do any sports...I am just thinking and thinking about her, and what I did wrong!!!
I am just blaming myself all the time. My life is a mess.
I started two weeks ago to pray five times a day. I am seeking mercy and help from Allah (s.t) for my sins. I ask Allah (s.t) to give me another chance with this girl. I make dua, every day that He makes it possible that she comes back. Allah(s.t) did not respond. Day after day I am losing the hope, that Allah (s.t) will accept my tauba and my duas. Without His support I am not able to pass this test from Allah(s.t). What should I do?
Trying to forget about this girl? Keeping on with dua and tauba, that she might come back?
Or turning crazy. I am reaching my limits, and it seems like nobody could make me feel better. Lately I was thinking about life, and what is life worth. Why should I live any longer? Every single day is a pain. I hate every hour in my life now. I can't sleep and can't control my feelings. I am lost.
Please help me. I am desperate. Will I ever feel better?
- my_climate
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Salaam,
May Allah guide you away from this sin and keep you on the righteous path.
Open your eyes, what you're doing is Haraam, 6 yrs, 6 months, 6 days, any form of socialising with females unless it's absolutely necessary (your teachers/professors are females) is prohibited.
What you had with this girl was haraam, what you wanted from this girl would have been haraam too.
Only time will heal you. There is nothing anyone can say or do to help you, time will heal you, it will take you the best part of a year, maybe just over if you had a relationship for 6 years to recover. The lesson of all this? Do not socialise with females it leads to these events.
May Allah keep you on the righteous path and protect you from committing such a sin again.
My brother, I had the same problem too. But Allah helped me after I taubah. Now I am very happy with two wives. Better. I can share my experience to help u.
I unfortunately understand the amount of pain and suffering you are under-going, I too, have had a fair share of pain, to the point of insanity.
The best advice i can give, is use the insanity to assist you in the future,
There is a very thin line between the insane, and the genius.
Concentrate upon your studies, and look back no more, and destroy the emotions you hold dear.
I don't know much about the religion, but that's my personal opinion.
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatAllah,
It is unfortunate for you to be going through this akhi, but just look at the pain and suffering you are going through as an expiation for your abhorent sin of zina for the last 6 years. Not to mention the fact that you were not praying aswell. Allah azza wa jal destroyed nations for less than that, and cast our father Adam (as) out of Jannah for less than that. So a little pain and suffering never hurt anyone. Also the Prophet(saws) said no believer gets inflicted with a fever or a pinch from a thorn but with it Allah makes it an expiation for his sins. I suggest you attach yourself to the masjid. A man asked the Prophet (saws) if a believers Iman can be judged by his attendance to the masjid; the Prophet (saws) replied "Yes". So your lack of attendance to the masjid is indicative of your lack of Iman. Increase your Iman and attend the masjid. Allah azza wa jal also states in his glorious book, "Remember Allah much, Verily in the remeberance of Allah do hearts find peace". Wa Allahu Alam
salam brother ,
I hope my story can help you, i was engaged and had done my khutba, my fiancee left me coldly on my 26th birthday, reasons i was giveing her to much attention, protective jealous etc... It has been 2 months, I call to make amends and start on good grounds , she had called the police and my job to make a complaint for " harassment " I did my prayers and have been working on my faith, however when i look at my situation it was ALL built on haram... she hurt me very much, however patience is key... believe in Allah and not the creation, let these exs make their choice , Allah knows whats best for you and it is just the mind playing tricks on you. Whatever you do is do not contact your ex, make salat of consultation and Allah if you are sincere and genuwine with your suplication he will ans. I have prayed and suplicated everyday for my ex to be guided, even though she left Islam for a life of alchol, sex, nightclub etc... but hamduallah, I was avoided this calamity due to the mercy of Allah (SWT) . I am sad because I miss her, but happy because i am back on the right path and realize it was all a trick and believe it was the work of shaytan to further me. My brother... move on, no contact , full trust in Allah and patience, inchallah stay strong and pray whenever you feel pain or urge to alk with her, you are better to move on.
Dear Hakim
Thanks for the wonderful thoughts and sugestions
please ignore the fools on this site who condemn you here and tell you its your just end. this is for allah to decide. people in halal marriages have their wives leave them also, would these morons say the same thing to them?
this kind of hard hearted dogmatic nonsene is why people leave the faith and why others ignore it
for your particular case you need to see a therapist, you need to talk to your family and you need to get help right away. if you have thoughts of hurting yourself please do not! Allah's love and mercy is vast but it is on His timetable not yours. You need to understand and get used to a life without her, find someone else and move on with your life. These things happen in their own time. If praying and fasting and ibadat help you find peace this is good and will speeed the process. Time however is the key and it takes time to heal any wound no matter how much or how little you pray.
we have to accept and grieve for what we have lost, hope to find better one day but in the meantime there is no sin in asking for help.
Alexandra, referring to others on this site as fools and morons does not help make your point. It only makes you seem hostile and bitter. It's not the way to carry on a dialog. And by dismissing the value of prayer as a restorative tool, you do the brother a disservice. Prayer is the most powerful and important tool available to the Muslim.
Still, your underlying point has merit. Brother "my_climate" has come to this website hurting and confused. He needs compassion and constructive suggestions for how to get through the coming days. He does not need to simply be told that what he did was haram and that he deserves his pain.
To the questioner, you are obviously in a lot of pain. It's hard to hear someone you love say that she hates you. That's rough. But you need to stop killing yourself like you are doing. I know it will take time, but you have to accept that the relationship is over. Learn from the mistakes you made, and do better with the next relationship Insha'Allah. And yes, you will meet someone again, and love again, even if it does not seem like it now.
You are absolutely doing the right things in returning to your salat, and seeing a therapist. Please continue with both of these. The healing will be slow but it will happen.
You are not a loser and your life is not over, and you have to stop feeding yourself negative statements like that. Instead you need to start giving yourself positive statements, building yourself back up bit by bit.
Don't ever think of harming yourself. When you are deeply depressed your thinking changes and you see everything in a negative light, but eventually you will recover from this depression, and you will look back and be so glad that you never harmed yourself or did anything drastic.
Please see my article on Suicide in Islam. Even if you are not suicidal, it has many good suggestions for recovering and rebuilding your life.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I am also in great depression at this moment ,i know how u feel,i feel like i am melting everyday.i feel so weak,but when i start to read many beneficial quotes from Islam,i feel relieved.Its hard to recover especially i dont know much yet about ISLAM,because i just reverted last year.Praise to ALLAH for guiding me.My friend,dont lost hope because you do not know what the surprise tomorow will bring.We plan but we failed,because the greatest and perfect planner is only ALLAH.When the storms comes dont look in the dark clouds,look behind it and u will see the shining sun.After the night the light of the day will follow.We have a hundreds of reason to cry but we have a million of reason to smile if we only just know how to reflect.All this things i bear in my mind and heart,and now i seen myself starting to step forwrd again,i drop but now i start getting up again.Depression will step over u if you will lay down under it,you need to wake up,get up and no negative feeling can defeat u...hold on to ALLAH for u to stand firm.
As salaam o alikum,
"Never think of the few things you didnt get after praying, think of the countless things God gave you without asking."
Allaah knows best!
Sister Hafsah
No depression will befall to a contented heart,we must to accept what ALLAH swt decreed for us,it may seem worst but there is a reason and purpose behind everything that happen,lessons came usually from our mistakes,from our hard times,you will never know how to get up if you will not drop down.Call upon ALLAH swt ,ask forgiveness for whatever wrong you have done,ask guidance for the next step that you will going to take.And remember ALLAH swt will never put burden on you beyond your capacity.Take a new chance to walk in the light,remember we all going to taste death,and we rewarded for the good thing that we learn,and we will be punish for the evil that we done.Make the word of ALLAH swt the light for your heart,and you will be release from depression.
dear brother aslmualkm
PEOPLE HARDLY UNDERSTANDS YOUR REAL PAIN.....let me tell u mine pain i was loving a lady from past three years she once told me that some body expolited me physically but i replied no problem i think she was expolited so no issues. IT structs my mind after two years to look to the matter whether she was expolited are not i come to the conclusion with evidence that she was actually engaged with the person then she admitted when i asked for the truth. I asked her how much times she had enjoyed fully sex with him she replied more than five times and i get it 1oo times becoz the lady was working with him through nights... All i listen it whiling talking to her on phone later i fell on earth and just was unconcious for 15 minutes. When i wakeup i found my self expolited and very hopeless and help less. I was crying and start to eat nothing only thinking of her and her past relation. Day by day was hectic for me to control i went into depression and negativty was killing. Iwent to have drugs and alchohal but again weeping and crying..Lateron one day i came from the Alchohal bar i went to my home and i thought for a while i m getting away from this world and losing my control. Iwas helpless because at time was not having fully prepare to attach with allah because of disturbence. Next morning i went to a spritual person i talked to him about love, expolitation, depression and forgetting. On evening i came to home i breaked all contacts and turn my attention to islamic way of dealing with depression,,I USED to meet IMAMS, i used to set alone in room open Quran turn pages of SOURA NISA,, BANIISREAL,,ETC..but i was not concentrating on quran just thinking of her and tears came into my eyes,,,Ithen used these tears for my positive way i begged before allah to forgive me i cried before allah in my room tears fell on QUran and I sleep that night by calling allah allah..Next day i used to visit ssame IMMAM contineously for some days and finally i recovered. Dear brother dnt share it with every person share it with the person u found having some spritulity and is near to allah discuss with him catagorically. As a true believer he will understand u....Without this u cant concentrate on NIMAZ becoz being disturbed. JUAT have some movies which gives islamic message....DNT even contact her for care TRY TO RECOVER AND THEN THINK AND MOTIVATE URSELF THAT ITS GODS WILL WHATEVER COMES WILL BE FOR MY BETTERMENT....Have patience and remember it will take time for me it takes time as well but u will recover INShallah