How do I tell him I want to end this contact?
Assalamu alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I hope you are all in the best of health.
I would like to share something which Is emotionally, and physically destroying me everyday.
Well, I'm 17 years old and I've been in a relationship for quite a few months now with a guy from school who I got to know last year. Yes I know how wrong it Is on serious terms and thats what I need to say. I feel so ashamed of myself and angry, I feel like I shouldn't have gotten into this and it hurts me so much that I don't know what to do anymore, it's kills to know that I'm not the person I used to be anymore. I know it's my fault I shouldnt have got into this in the first place, I would not be facing this problem right now. Haram relationships certainly do not come from true commitment or most importantly true love, it only comes with temptation and lust. I've sinned so much to the point that I feel so disgusted and I feel like I'm not pure, and that I'm unchaste, and the only thing that keeps me going and making me positive is when I repent to Allah swt I feel so much lighter. Thing is, I have talked to that guy of literally just ending this haram relationship for the best as one thing it is just wrong and I do not want to carry on feeling like this which only brings tears and pain. But he is not understanding this and he is saying that we will get married as he has talked to his family about it and they have agreed, but how can you be so sure? I may not live for that, we simply do not know about the future.
That statement of eventually being together in the future doesn't seem right at all, and I don't want my life to be ruined neither do I want his to be ruined that's why I am suggesting we leave all this and leave it all up to Allah swt - he knows best. I can't lie to my parents anymore or even hide this, I don't want to deceive them in such way that they'll be completely broken, I don't want to break their trust even more than I already have, the thought of them finding out scares me so much that I cry I can't face them. So, I have decided to inform the guy about this whole situation and really tell him how I am feeling about this so that he can understand where I am coming from. I just want to end this chapter of my life and sincerely move on and Remember Allah swt, pray to him, ask for forgiveness and do the right things, surely with right intentions, a pure heart, praying, doing dhikr will you only succeed In Sha Allah. Right now I just wanted to focus on my education as that is important, and I don't want to fail anymore. It will take serious issues off my mind if I think about that. My goal is to pass this year In Sha Allah and hopefully get into university.
My Brothers and sisters, the only concern I have is how I will avoid the guy in school? It will be so difficult for me..please can you help me, how shall I break this to him? Sorry this post has become so long, but it is your support that I really need and that I will benefit from.
Jaza'khallah khayrun.
May Allah swt bless you all, Ameen.
Assalamu alaikum sister. When I read this post I immediately felt so close to you, because we're the same age and unfortunately, as I always tell my parents, the world we're growing up in is so complicated. You're not dirty- never think that way. We are only human beings and if you feel this guilty, most certainly if you make Tawbah to Allah, asking for His forgiveness, He will forgive you. But remember Allah accepts the repentance of someone if they leave the sin forever. He's clinging to you, and that makes it really hard. But do you know for sure that he even talked with his parents? Most people our age don't get that courage, and in any case even if he did, I advise to end it bluntly.
I know it's not easy. Just tell him it's over and to not talk to you. I know it's harder said than done, and he'll feel hurt, and you will too, but it's the only way. You don't know his intentions, but Allah does.
Allah can take our souls right this minute. So when you see him at school, try to ignore his presence. I doubt he'll try to 'make it work' if you've already gave him the red light. He'll eventually move on (as all haram relationships go) whether he used you or you ended it first. Think about it. There's college and our whole lives ahead of us. Allah is Most Merciful.
Don't think that this is your problem, your fault. Allah tests only the servants who are close to Him (that's what I read). So the harder the test, the more closer you get to Allah when you pass it. And that, my dear sister, is true love.
Keep diligent with your salah, and when you feel your heart mourn or feel anything, , make Tasbeeh (and learn the meaning). Listen to Qur'an, plenty of lectures (there are really good ones by English speaking da'ees like Omar Suleiman or Nouman Ali Khan). Most of all, call out to Him.
Also involve yourself more, with friends, after-school activities or even just go home to read. Anything to get your mind back to what you love. And if he tries to get back to with you,tell him 'it's over'. Not of course the way I said it, but end all contact.
With time comes healing. And Allah said in Surat-az-Zumar:
(Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.)
I wish I could explain in better detail. I hope you benefited from my words. Anything wrong I've said is from myself and Shaytan, and any good is from Allah.
From your loving Muslim sister,
noor767
Assalamu alaikum sister, hope you are well.
Firstly I just want to say thank you so much for taking your time and reading this - all your support and advice you've really made it helpful for me, I don't know what I would of done without it. Your kind words have just really healed me Ma sha Allah, and made it so simple for me as someone who is going through this. 🙂 your absolutely right sister and I pray that with time everything gets better and we stay steadfast on the right path and may Allah help us all in any kind situation we are facing Ameen.
Jaza'khallah Khair sis, I will try my best In sha Allah to end this relationship.
I will remember you and always keep you in my duas. Xx
Make tawaba (repent to Allah (SWT)) and simply stop talking with him. I don't think that talking to him and giving him an explanation is required; just end it. If he asks, explain that you just can't do this anymore because it is wrong.
Assalamu alaikum.
Jaza'khallah Khair for reading this. Yes I think that is the right solution and I ought to do that in sha Allah as it wont cause any confusions, and simply to end it in this matter without giving him an explanation as he will start to understand what I mean. May Allah swt forgive us all Ameen.
Sister,
Living in relationship before marriage is haram, only you have to do is just start praying regularly and keep yourself in a group who guide you good things, if doctor tells a patient to stop using shugar for shugar patient, he will defenetly stop using it in next moment itself thinking of his health. But sister allah and rasul allah are the doctors of all doctors in this world, they said relationship before marriage is haram we should stop doing this like patients. Otherwise it will spoil our future.
Assalamu alaikum brother, thank you for your response, yes I agree with you and I hope that I can benefit from this In sha Allah. A great example you have given, as haram leads to destruction of a person we should try to avoid it for the better and for our own health. And Allah swt knows best.
Jaza'khallah Khair for your advice.