Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is not anymore the man I married

Asalamu aleykum brothers and sisters in Islam.

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We met at a masjid and masha ALLAH he was on the deen ,always studying Islam Quran and hadiths and we use had long conversations about Islam because we loved to talk about Islam.He was energetic and so pious masha ALLAH he would lower his gaze automatically when other women come,we also had the same plans in life.I fell in love with him because of his deen , great character , his love for ALLAH and Islam.And not too long after I prayed Istikhara (I wanted to marry him), he ask me to marry him,I was so happy and I accepted and I made sure he knew that all that I want from him is to bring strong Islamic value to the table,he agreed.

We got married less than a year ago, and things started to change little by little; although my husband is a good man, when he comes home we spend maximum 45mn together and then he sleeps,or he watch the show "criminal minds"(that I don't like) for hours. When I tell him that we don't spend time together he tells me to come watch that show next to him as if we would then spend quality time together.What is upseting me most is that we are not a 75 years old couple, we are young and newlywed there is so many things to do except laying down and watching tv for hours...Ifeel so bored and upset sometimes.

Before we got married I thought we would attend islamic events,listen to lectures online ,study islam together ,wake up for tahajud together and he knew that that is what I was looking for in a man ,after we got married, I can Hardly make him sit down to listen a lecture , we don't talk a lot about Islam,he smokes, he misses Salah,does not lower his gaze anymore,does not teach me Islam, to make it short he brings no Islamic value to the table, and don't spend much time with me his wife,I cry a lot because I feel lonely, bored and upset.

I feel like I married the wrong person because the very reason I married him was his deen and he is not acting upon it...not that he is mean with me,but just the way he presented himself before we got married has nothing to do with the man he really is...my question is what should I do ?I resent him and I feel like he betrayed me making me think he was going to bring strong islamic values in the home. barakallahu fikum

Assiaseven

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1 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, Assiaseven,

    You know what to do, you know he is not going to change, he is the way he is. He enlightened and enfatuated you and now you have lost all kind of infatuation, you are seeing the man he really is, you are in front of the door that is called "real love", you can cross it or just stay on front of it, only Allah(swt) which is the best way for you.

    If you are not able to accept him and learn to love him the way he is, you are going to have a tough time. Well I don´t think he betrayed you, he shown his best to attract you and now he feels confident, comfortable and relaxed, he can show what comes easiest to him.

    The first thing a straight muslim man wouldn´t do is to have long conversations with you, having in mind he wants to marry you, ....I discovered long time ago that we should be careful about people´s image, when we are transparent we use to believe everyone is like us and this is not true, then I would recommend you from now on to be careful about just seeing just what you like to see, be honest to yourself and see the whole picture, try not to loose a detail and trust your first instinct, if you can, insha´Allah.

    If you want to give your husband and your marriage an opportunity, see who he is and learn to love him, he may have some good qualities, .....and related to have a partner to study with you Islam, you may have to accept you have to do it by yourself and be an example for him, in the most quiet way. At the end you will be alone to answer the questions about your life and what you have done to fulfill your tasks, then be clear about your way and what you really want. You cannot change him, he is who he is, he is the owner of his way in life, all that you can do is to see which direction you want to take and be straight about it, doing your best, insha´Allah.

    I would recommend you to perform Istikhara, you can find everything related to it, at the top of this page.

    May Allah(swt) guides our steps to the Straight Path.

    My Unconditional Love and Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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