My husband’s brother is driving us apart
"Since my brother-in-law moved in with us, our marriage is falling apart."
Hi can someone please help me my husband is constantly arguing with me because of his brother. We have a little baby and since his brother has moved in with us my husband is constantly arguing with me over him. I don't feel comfortable having my bro in law living with us because he is an adult and a na mehram for me but for some reason my husband doesn't understand this.
My husband is constantly arguing with me or not talking to me because of stupid things like always wanting me to make chicken or meat in the house because his brother doesn't eat veggies. I'm getting very sick of this. My husband has already divorced me twice and once more and we can't be together and I don't want to separate from him because I love him and because of my child what he will go through.
I can understand that he wants to keep his brother with us because his parents have asked him to, but his brother is not his responsibility, we are, and his brother should be able to take care of himself. My husband doesn't take any responsibility for me and we have been married for 3 years and not once he asked me if I wanted anything.
His parents are constantly making me feel bad because he got married to me against their wishes and now I have a feeling they are trying to separate us by filling his mind with bad thoughts about me
- worry
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Dear Sister:
Their should be no obedience to husband when obedience to husband results in disobedience to Allah and His Messenger. The Messenger of Allah said:
`Uqbah Ibn `Aamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wifes in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: The in-law of the wife is death itself. [Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159.]
The Messenger of Allah compared the co-existence of non-mahram men from the in-laws with the wife as death. Like death is unavoidable, infringement of privacy is also unavoidable if the husband's brother prefer to live with his brother's family.
From the Islamic perspective, it is totally unacceptable to allow your husband's brother to stay with you, and your husband should take heed of the hadith of the Messenger of Allah.
To solve this problem, I would say you remind your husband about this death analogy of the Messenger of Allah.
Also, since he has already given you two divorce, I think you need to talk with a respected imam to know the state of your marriage with him. How much time have passed since he gave you the second divorce?
Sister
I also agree that your bro-in law should not be living with you'll. You are correct when you say that he is not you'lls responsibility. Your husband should also realize that having his brother around would cause problems. Whatever quarells and disputes you'll have in your marriage could leak out. Your home should be a place of privacy for you and your husband.
You are your husbands wife not his brothers, you should cook what you'll want to eat. His brother should adjust to the way your'll live. Your husband should realize that you should be impressing him and not his brother.
Once you've sorted out the bro-in law issue your'll need to work on your'lls marriage. Remind your husband that mentioning Talaaq isn't a joke. That when he's upset he shouldn't mention talaaq as this can have detrimental consequenses on your marriage.
You married your husband against his parents wishes. Whatever reason they did'nt want you to marry him could still be an issue for them .You need to show them and prove to them that you are worthy of their son. Be the Best you can be.
Good Luck Sis
Rumaysa