We are married but in-laws don´t accept me
Asalamu alaikum
I had previously written under the comment session.i reverted to islam and married to a muslim boy.We had tried our best to convince our parents before marriage especially his but they were not ready to accept me.
i had accepted islam many years before marriage and was following it.After a long wait and discussion with scholars we decided to get married and Allah blessed us to be together. But we never started living together since we wanted to tell parents first. Now when his parents came to know about it, they are still refusing to accept me and said they will never accept me ever, it´s heartbreaking for me and him as we want them to be happy too.
We don´t know what to do now, my parents are willing to accept him.Pls help me what to do.I am strong believer and hope Allah will find a way out for us.
-ammu
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As salamu alaykum, ammu,
Thank you very much for sharing, you said you married without your parents knowing it but you didn´t live together until you said it to them, are you conscious than marrying behind their backs have closed the door stronger than before, even when they didn´t agree, they have the right to know you were going to get married, do you understand this?
Now, after you have done it, you want their approval, don´t you see you have ignored them and hurt them deeply? This is not a question of accepting you or not, this goes further than that. His son has done his marriage secretly to someone they disagree, would it make a difference to marry publicly with their knowledge and without their consent? I believe it makes a difference, but this is just my personal opinion.
You and your husband should try to look for their forgiveness for marrying behind their backs, and it is up to them to if they want to forgive, accept you or not, I believe that with time, things well done have a reward, but it is up to you the decision you will take.
You said you want them to be happy, give them their time to moarn their "loss" and what they may consider a "betrayal" from their own son, only Allah(swt) knows how long will take them to forgive and recover from this, I support that you marry but not that you married on their back, then you will need time to heal this, all of you.
Their rejection towards you may dissapear on time, this is a test for you and for everyone involved, faster you move to an impersonal way of looking at the situation, faster you will heal it, compose your Heart, yours is a reflection of their Heart, then Heal with Allah(swt) help and guidance and remember that you and your husband are not the only one crying here, they cry too.
You are changing the world, taking decisions by yourself, your acts are teaching others how to do it in a better way to avoid as much suffering that can be avoided, Masha´Allah.
I hope you understand that what will guide you directly to the Light of Healing would be, feeling Unconditional Love and Respect for everyone involved in this situation, walk with faith towards It with Allah(swt) help and guidance and trust He(swt) knows all and He(swt) knows best.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Ammu,
Welcome to Al Islam. May be this is a late welcome, but as I come to know if it now, so I welcome you to Al Islam and I am sure you would be content and happy with the Truth which Allah has made firm in your heart.
Sister Ammu, of course the parents would feel bad and some even would feel like not allowing their son to enter their house. Reactions to such situations depend on parents, their emotions and their feelings towards their son, as well as their religious and cultural understanding of marriages.
Best is to allow things to settle down. Alhamdulillaah you are married now, so pray to Allah to make the families accept you soon with love and warm welcome Insha Allah.
You should continue good ties with your husband and enjoy your marriage as his lawful wife, if you both married according to Islamic guidelines.
If you do not see them welcoming you, you may stay with your husband separately from his family and live your married life comforting each other.
If Allah wills them to welcome you, it will happen. If not so soon, then also Insha Allah, He will make it ease for you to cope up with the situation.
You wrote you have strong "faith" - imaan, this is rare. Yes, rare even among Muslims today to have strong "faith" in Allah. We all have faith. But to have strong faith is enjoyed by few and Masha Allah you are from among the few of those.
May Allah guide you further and accept your du'as and give you honor, respect and acceptance from your inlaws and the Muslim society in general.
Insha Allah this will happen soon. Keep to patience, prayer and reading of the Qur'an with meanings. Increase prayers of the night if you are able to wake up from sleep and cry/call out/ pray to Allah by falling prostrate in sajdaa.
May Allah help you sister and ease your situation.
Salaam,
Your brother.