Want to marry him but can’t tell parents yet, can we marry secretly online?
ASALAMUALAYKOUM,
I have a question concerning marriage online. I have seen a post where you mentioned that secret marriage is not allowed in Islam. I'm in a similar situation like this sister. I know a brother in Islam and we don't live in same country. We want to marry and do nikah. Is it possible? plzzzzzzzz help me out. Till the time we meet, I don't want to do haraam things. I'm afraid of Allah. Plz tell me a solution. Right now it is not convenient to inform parents since we want to wait for the right time. What shall we do? And plz if possible reply me on my mail add since I'm new on your page group and I don't know so how how it works.
-tash
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Salaam Tash.
It is true that a secret marriage is not permitted in Islam. One of the conditions of marriage is that it is publicised and not hidden. Marriage is supposed to give honour and a safe environment for love to grow. In a secret marriage this can't happen; So stay away from marrying secretly, it is haraam.
My advice to you is hard as it will be, stop talking to this guy behind your parents back. Do things the correct way, it may be scary but speak to your parents and persuade him to approach them and ask for your hand in marriage. Dear sister think about it, if you sneak around and chat to him without their knowledge and they find out (which is likely) how hurt will they feel? You have a much better chance of winning your parents approval if you speak to them directly rather than sneak around. From your post it doesnt seem like informing them will put you or him in imminent danger (InshaAllah - I hope not). It seems that you are putting it off. Sister, ask yourself, what is the right time? Have a look around the site and you will see plenty examples of girls/guys waiting for the right time to tell their parents/ They continue seeing their lover and may eventually summon the courage to tell parents and what happens: parents get angry and refuse. So all the years they've grown attached, earned Allahs displeasure, sneaked around etc were wasted. In the end they can't marry.
So it is nearly always best to involve parents at the earliest opportunity.
To sum up 2 good choices:
1- Cut off contact with this guy until he is readyto involve families at the 'right time' - whenever that it.
2- Speak to parents and try to compromise about the marriage.
Please be safe online though. Not everything everyone says online is true. It is difficult to fully get to know someone online. Get your parents involved and meet him once a month with your parents present to see if he is for you. Be safe when telling your parents too.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
The biggest concern is, "why does it have to be a secret?" Along the same lines, "what is the true purpose of this?" Is it so that you two may continue a haraam relationship that has little to no hope, is it to talk about private and intimate ideas and/or to engage in cybersex?
And of course, since this month seems to beg the question, where is your wali?! Who is looking out for your interests and how will you be protected when straying from the path of Islam?
You know Sister Tash, when a man of any age truly wants a woman to love, to hold and to be married to, he is willing to gather the courage to approach her family, even if it would result in him being humiliated. How many young men's hearts have been shaken by the girl's father, yet they persisted because they loved and feared Allah (swt) more! So the man with good intentions says, "Allah (swt) for the sake of what You have revealed and have shown me, I will honor this young woman and dignify her with true sincerity! Oh Lord, give me the faith and strength to see this through, but let me not go astray and lead us down the wrong path! Keep my heart humble, allow them to see my heart and give all the good that you can bestow on me because I love you more than any secret. For what man could keep anything a secret from You!"
Remember Sister Tash, on the Day of Judgement, we will be questioned for each and every deed to the atom of it. No secret of the heart or hand can ever hide now or on that day. Surely, if this man has any good intention, he will ask to speak to your parents. If he objects and tries to hide any longer then this reveals his cowardice and ill intentions. Do you want to be married to a man without a backbone who is willing to deceive your parents? Of course not.
Without a proper proposal then, you must leave him for the sake of your own soul. May Allah (swt) guide you to the Right Path.
I agree with both advises.
If this guy loves you and you love him why marry in secret. If you both haven't got the balls to be honest then you shouldn't get married. Getting married is never a good time its a big change, its the person themselves to do things the correct way. BTW in Islam secret marriage are not valid anyway in fact it is prohibited its another cover up and lies to allah so if you really are scared of allah be honest otherwise walk away from this guy he is playing you sister and go with what your parents say too they are there for a reason don't turn your back on them. I hope allah guides you to the correct path
You want to get married to someone who you haven't met, AND to top things up he's from a different country! Please open your eyes and don't be so ridiculous! Marriage is not a childish game. Do you know this mans background? His family? What type of man he is? Will he support you both non financially and financially? These are just a few raised questions the list of questions you should ask yourself before getting married is never ending! I'm assuming you must be a young girl...so please stop this online love and wake up and smell the coffee!
Trust me Sister Tash, being in a secret marriage is just like being in " a disaster waiting to happen" And whenever disaster strikes, you, as the female, will suffer most: it will hurt soo badly emotionally that you will start to self-loathe.
So for your own good and sanity, let go IMMEDIATELY!! Take it from a sister who has been there and still feeling the effects of it.
May Allah SWT give u the strength to let go and be firm and resolute in it.
I beg you sister plzzzzzzzzzzzzz wait plzzzzzzzz... don't take law in ur hands.
inform mother / father plzzzzzzzzzzz
also u can invalve brother if u have plzzzzzzzzzz