Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My attitude problem with girls


Asalam o alikum every one i am 19yrs old boy my problem is very big.

1 year ago i have girlfriend i love her a lot and want to marry her but i leave her for Allah sake coz loving non mehram is haram .. Alhumduillah..

I am writing this post because i cant tell this problem to anyone becz if i tell this problem to people or my best friend will laugh on me... I pray 5 time salah and i am also doing 2 year aalim course short course....

My problem is when i see any girl around me i lower my gaze with no problem but I start showing ATTITUDE to them, try to impress them with my serious looks, my expensive cell phone, with my cars I DO THIS WITH NO INTENTION OF TALKING TO ANY ONE OF THEM ...but i don't see anyone of them because looking girl is haram .... i dont know why i try to impress them ...i even leave my girlfriend for Allah sake...


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13 Responses »

  1. op: 1 year ago i have girlfriend i love her a lot and want to marry her but i leave her for Allah sake coz loving non mehram is haram .. Alhumduillah..

    Not bad, it could have been worse if you had used her for 5 years and them left her.

    Can you repent and marry her for Allah sake?

  2. OP:when i see any girl around me i lower my gaze with no problem

    OP: but I start showing ATTITUDE to them, try to impress them with my serious looks, my expensive cell phone, with my cars I DO THIS WITH NO INTENTION OF TALKING TO ANY ONE OF THEM

    What a huge contradiction, how exactly is it possible to do that if you have lowered your gaze

  3. As Salam O Alaikum

    Its Not Attitude its what you are proud of. If you lower your gaze then where does the question comes of impressing them with your so called expensive mobile phones and Cars ? First thing those all are materialistic things. So being a Muslim how can you think that some girl be her Muslim Non Muslim whosover is going to get impressed by that ?

    Bottomline stop using Expensive Mobile Phones and Take a Local Transport rather than lavish cars. Ultimately that proud behavior and so called attitude will be vanished. And so you wouldnt end up impressing any Girl.

    And who knows apart from ALLAH may be the girls around you wouldnt even be bothered about your materialistic things which you think so.

    All the Best.

    Wa Salam

  4. Brother,
    Shaiytaan has thousands of plans to distract us from the right path. You are young and need someone to guide you to the right path.
    You are to become an Aalim Alhamdullilah!......
    Keeping away from ghair mehram is a pious act but breaking one's heart is also a sin.
    If you love the girl you should marry her if you consider her to be perfect as your wife. Otherwise you have taken a right decision of keeping away from non mahram.
    About your problem of show off with car, mobile etc is a fitnah from shaiytaan.
    You should respect women and not consider yourself to be superlative than others....
    Be kind towards everybody and do everything for Allah ......
    You are good , just keep your thoughts clear.

  5. Dear brother and sister how can i marry her? I dont have job and i am a student .and in past she have boy friend she is confused personality sometime she say that she love me sometime she say that she can 't forget her boy friend.... ? First i am breaking the law of islam and second i thing she is play or passing time with me she is the most modern type of girl don't take me wrong i know what good or bad for me only this is the problem which i can't solve i dont know why i want to show off and try to be cool pray for me ... Walikum salam ...

    • Brother,

      It's all right no need to marry such a confused girl. Just make your Imaan much stronger so that these thoughts don't distract your mind. You have stepped in 19 just and there is a lot in this world to learn about.
      Marrying the right girl is your decision and your right.
      Keep your heart enlightened by reading Quran.
      Life is a tough journey we all have to go through. You are young and need to put your energies to the right way. Relax.
      It's a long way to go.....
      What you are doing is to learn how to be on Taqwah.... That's why you have posted on this website......

      Tk care

  6. As far as i know: In one of Hadiths Prophet of Allah (saw) said ''if your prayers don't save you from wrongdoings then remember your prayers are not being accepted by Allah" (i don't know the reference or book )
    Now i want to put an example before you: there are many people around us that they mostly go for Hajj every year and ask their prayers five times a day and give charity in huge. But still they have been found indulged in sinful activities like some have been drinkers, some adultery liking, some doing Haram Business etc etc. In this sense can we say that Allah calls to his loving man to his home ( Makkah Madenah ) ? Definitely no, there are many people highly pious but still very sinful secretly.
    Brother i don't call you a sinful but the thing i want to suggest you is that:
    1 Consider your prayers : are you performing your prayers correctly ? are you doing WUZU correctly ?
    2 Remain 'Pak' means always in WUZU don't let any impious thing touch your cloths or body. ( i have 100% experienced this whenever i have been in WUZU nothing like this happens to me even i don't do those wrong things i have been habitual of. But without WUZU we can't control our mind. ( Try this and note you will definitely gain control over your intentions and wrong thoughts therefore activities )
    3 We only do things, we have been habitual of. Similarly it is your habit ( you may have done this before getting the right path) that's way it is mostly difficult to control our habitual activities. You can take time from getting rid of this but you have to practice preventing yourself from doing this and this is an old habit so: Old habits die hard.
    4 Keep reciting 'Auzubillah e Minash'shaetan e rajeem' and Bismillah he Rehman e Raheem'.

    At last i will highly emphasis you to check your way of prayers and wuzu these are the most important. If your Namaz is accepted Allah will keep you appart from these all the things:
    Do you know There are:
    4 Farz
    14 Sunnah
    in WUZU
    Do you practice these all ?
    And You know there are:
    14 Farz ( 7 internal and 7 external ) in Namaz ? Do you practice these all ?
    There are 32 breakings in Namaz ( activities due to which our Namaz gets break )
    My brothers these things are Farz to learn. Stay blessed .

  7. its just opposite sex attraction towards the girls. you 're merely overthinking about it. whenever you feel girls are all around try to walk away from the place for your own comfort, if its a class room dont enter till the teacher comes.
    dont worry the things you 're telling wont impress any girl , these are the things media feed in your mind that girls are after cars and money,
    the only thing can impress a girl at first sight is your beauty n if you 're average looking they will not come after you , your good character can also attract a girl but you are protecting yourself from such things so its better to walk away where girls are present, try to sit among boys, have conversation with them.
    if you still feel uncomfortable try to go the library, the masjid of your college or university, go to the cafe to eat something, go to the computer lab, if its just a academy then stay where there are group of boys.

    • To be honest. Cars and money still attracts girls .

      A good looking HERO without money will become ZERO next day 🙂 🙂

      I am talking from average practicing level and worldly point of view and not talking about people with greater level of Taqwa .

      We have see many divorced cases where a good religious girls from rich background seeking divorce from average or poor husbands as they can't adjust in modest back ground so Cars,Money and Big house still counts and its reality ..

  8. But dear borther and sister sometime they ask me for help in computer like i am also doing BS software engineering.. So if any girl ask me for help so can i neglect her ? I dont know why only girls ask me for help even i have beard and go university in islamic dressing .. ?

  9. If you feel a girl is asking you questions to trap you into a relationship you should not answer her questions. You should tell your parents about this problem. Don't tell your parents about the girlfriend you had/have.

  10. Brother just get through the whole program first. You are only 19 and really theres know experience in your life yet. First build your Iman for this is the key to paradise. Second why are you making life so hard on yourself.Islam teaches us to be polite show kindess show respect to all human beings . Lowering gazes is onething but giving attitude is not the way of prophet Muhammad S.A.W and also get rid of your flashy fancy toys if you dont want attention.The sahabas had the whole world in there hands but they were content what little they had and thanked Allah much and still today there names are remembered more then anybody!!! So dont get to high on yourself because theres an enemy who knows you better standing by you at all times....and thats your shaitan!Goodluck.

    • @raul dear brother show kindness to girls also if they ask me for help ? Does islam allow to help non mehram ? If they ask for little help ?like i am doing software engineering if they ask me for help in computer so islam allow to help non mehram ?

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