My husband is faking who he is
Bismillah
Im 26 years old and got married when I was 25. Alhamdulilah im pregnant with our first child. When I first saw my husband he looked so religious and talked very religious. He wanted to marry me and since i've always wanted a religiouse man who was acting upon the suunah I agreed and I married him. I was in love with him too. But after 3 months as a married couple he started to talk to other women behind my back, he was calling non muslim women he works with darling,love,sweety etc.
Whenever we are out walking he looks at half naked women and doesnt even look down, I have to remind him. He watches movies that has sex scens in it, he breaks promises constantly, he lies ALOT, he ask me weird positions when having intercourse, he talks bad about people and he swears Alot. But then after every fajr he says all the duas, he reads quran every night, he prays most salat in the mosque, when people are around us he talks purely islamic.
He is confusing me. Who is he? People thinks his the most religiouse guy and has very good akhlaq. My family think Ive found the best husband ever because he acts the most god fearing man whenever his around them. But It seems like im the only one who knows the true/real him. Whenever we have a fight my family always take his side because they dont REALLY know him as I do. Im ashamed to tell anyone about things he does. Ive spoke to him about it but he says he will change but he never does. Pls help me im losing my mind subhana Allah.
-Imani
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Answer given by María M:
Bismillah, As salamu alaykum, sister Imani,
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Sister I don´t think he is faking, I think he behaves just this way, he has both sides, the question here if you are able to stand who he is while he is not changing if he changes.
Doesn´t matter how much you beg him to change, he has to do it by himself and not even him has the power by himself, he would have to go to Allah(swt) for help and for guidance, insha´Allah.
You said he is a liar, backbites, communicate with non-mahram women and doesn´t lower his gaze, then try to talk to him directly bringing all these issues forward and the way they are affecting you, give him a time to solve them and try to be an example for him to follow, insha ´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
2 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Bismillah, As salamu alaykum, sister Imani,
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Sister I don´t think he is faking, I think he behaves just this way, he has both sides, the question here if you are able to stand who he is while he is not changing if he changes.
Doesn´t matter how much you beg him to change, he has to do it by himself and not even him has the power by himself, he would have to go to Allah(swt) for help and for guidance, insha´Allah.
You said he is a liar, backbites, communicate with non-mahram women and doesn´t lower his gaze, then try to talk to him directly bringing all these issues forward and the way they are affecting you, give him a time to solve them and try to be an example for him to follow, insha ´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Imani,
You do not need to do much here.
Just get a Qur'an with translation in your language if he does not understand Arabic.
Read it with meanings, Insha Allah, if he prays and has a God fearing heart, he will not ask you to do things which you do not like, he will lower his gaze as well as stop swearing and back biting.
The Qur'an has all instructions in these matters. People just need reminders.
And even after that, it is Allah's will to make him surrender and submit to Him whom He wills and whom He wills He sends astray.
If anything troubles you, communicate with him, speak kindly, in a careful manner and non aggressive tone.
This is for both men and women. Let each other keep sabr and work towards solving the problem.
If he continues to act in hypocrisy, involve a person known for goodness from both sides. Get to a meeting discussing the matters without any guilt or shame. If he comes to agreement, continue the marriage.
If you do not find peace in life and your Islam is getting disturbed due to it and you think living without him would be better you may think of separation.
But first get to reading of the Qur'an with meanings, Insha Allah, he will see it as a mirror and find himself naked from the robe of innocence when he reads it. Believe me, a believer does experience this, he experiences his hypocrisy when he reads the Qur'an, Allah willing.
I hope doing this will Insha Allah bring the necessary changes in him. And ultimately it is the will of Allah to increase iimaan and taqwaa in whom He wills. Allah is the knower of all things.
Salaam,
Your brother.