My husband wants me to drink and do drugs
Salam Aleikum,
I am 27 years old and married to my husband for two years. We are the same age. We have two children. When my husband and when we met I lied to him and told him that I was a virgin and had never drank alcohol or done drugs. I lied because I did not want him to judge me for my past because by that point I had truely changed and wanted to live an Islamic life free of disgusting sins. I still want to live that life...
My husband was honest with me and told me that he was not a virgin and had drank alcohol and done drugs in his past but that he wanted to stop doing sins and live an Islamic life also. I accepted his past although I did not tell him about mine because he is the type of person to judge me differently than himself just because I am a female.
Throughout our two year marriage my husband has accused me of lying about my past a million times (which I was) and he also has accused me of doing things behind his back, which I wasn't. Since I have been married I had never deliberately hid anything from him other than my past. Due to lying abut my past, my husband did not trust me, and was always spying on me and digging in my past to uncover who I really was... the thing is THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM... my past is not who I am now!!!!! I honestly want to live a clean Islamic life.
Recently I came clean with my husband and told him about my past relationships with men and that I used to drink and do drugs. I told him this in order to build trust and so he would stop seeing me as a liar.
Now my husband says that if I did it with someone else then I can do it with him. He recently brought home alcohol and I drank it with him just because I wanted to make him feel better because he says that since he has been married to me he has never had any fun. He also manipulates me by saying that if I don't do it with him he will go do it with someone else. Now he wants to do cocaine with me. I honestly do not want to do it and am really scared and hurt... I had done cocaine in the past but I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT! That was one of the lowest points in my life.
I explained that to my husband but he insists that I had so much fun before I met him so why can't I have fun with him. He does not understand that it is not the true fun and the true happiness that one can only find by surrendering to Allah swt.
I am so depressed I cry every day and have even considered doing it just to get him to leave me alone... problem is I think if I do it just one more time he will want me to do it again and again. I have thought about leaving him but I am not strong enough as my parents and I are not very close and I do not feel comfortable living with them. Any advice on how to change his mind?
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You should try to help him if he wants to be helped are you both Muslims. If he doesn want that i think you should leave before you guys have kids
i know its difficult because you have children but sister...this does not sound like a good match at all to me. You are two opposite people. he wants to do haram while you do not. you should never comprimise your faith. dont do it sister! its haram and you know it, he should know so too. tell him straight up that its haram and you are now alhamdulilah a much more pious muslim than previously.
If he does not understand this and he continues to want drink ect then you cannot be with him sister. tell him you can have fun without drinking that stuff, that doesnt create fun at all. i have been thier done that. its no good at all.
talk to him...see where you get, then i think you will have to leave him if he doesnt listen to you sister, realy are you going to be happy with him? if he doesnt listen to you or understand then maybe you need to find a more pious brother to marry rather than somebody holding you back leading you into haram. you need somebody who will encourage you and bring you closer towards Allah. I know moving with your parents will be hard but inshallah you will find a good pious brother and marry him.