Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband smokes, doesn’t pray, comes home late

Man smoking cigarette

Ours is a love come arranged marriage. We are cousins too. So I thought we know each other very well. We could understand each other properly. I'm little bit religious type, I don't like anythng going beyond the limit. But my husband is a fashioned guy, crazy of friends so that he will never mind his parents or myself, coming late to home.

I came fast, he used to watch tv or play game til late night. He don't bother about my feelings. He smokes, doesnt pray namaaz properly. These all make me very sad.

Sometimes I advise, sometimes angry with him, sometimes quarrel. But of no use. Now I don't mind for what he does. Keep my worries secretly and show love towards him. Still no use.

- Pitygal

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3 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, sister Pitygal,

    Right now, you are acting properly, but you should share your worries with Allah(swt), He(swt) listens to you and will give you guidance and answers, insha´Allah.

    There is something on him that made you say: Yes I do, remember what it is and hold on that, see if you can have dates with him, you need to awake his need of you in him, and I mean that little by little, you should enchant him with your blessings, one day, you can ask him to be earlier to have a nice meal, or go out to have a tea, or go for a walk together. Take advantage you are his wife and create loving memories between both of you.

    Teach him to care about you, give him duties, buy something for you in his way home, help you with something on the house, .... you know him.

    He is your husband, don´t throw the towel. Send him love from Heart, show your respect towards him, when he does something right, speak good words to him, if he does something wrong, talk to him in a respectful way and give him other opportunity to do it right, and when he does it right, rewards him, listen carefully when he talks, make him feel important, .... I think you already do all of this, but just in case.

    Treasure your moments of intimacy, a look, a gentle touch, a soft kiss, a word on the ear, ...give steps to create the marriage you want to have, insha´Allah.

    Everytime you get close to your husband, you think about him, you are sharing energy, both of you are melting with each other, he is a bit more of you and you are a bit more of him, being your best he will feel the need of improving, insha´Allah. You are sharing weaknesses and fortitudes and all that can be shared by a man and a woman, insha´Allah, this will have its effect sooner or later, be ready to handle his weaknesses, go deeper in your deen at your own speed.

    Sister Yummyuh, today told me that those that follow Quran and Sunah, have the blessing of earing and seeing, be one of those blessed with open senses this will help you to solve daily situations with Allah(swt) help, will, protection and guidance, insha´Allah.

    María Editor

  2. divorce is liked by Allaah on some occasions, like if a man has a disobedient wife, who is stuborn, divorce is an obligation on the husband if he has a wife who doesnt pray, who drinks, doesnt wear hijab etc.
    divorce is hated by Allaah when it is done by the husband out of impatience, or for minor other reasons whilst he has an obedient believing wife..

    why do muslims keep saying devorce is hated by Allaah.

    that is a weak narration as 'Allaamah Muhammad bin Naasir Al-Albaani [ may A l l a a h have mercy on him] has mentioned.

    i would advice you to say hasbi-Allaah and leave the man.
    Allaah is sufficient for you and he will replace him with a better man.

    first give him advice, then a warning, then a threat, if it doesnt work, it is an obligation upon you to leave him and take your children.

    a person who doesnt pray is haraam for a muslimah, and she is haraam for him.

  3. assalam alikum,
    you need to guide your husband, you should pray to allah. divorce is not only the solution.
    it is happening because of his habbits only. divert the situation so he can change his habbits. you follow the hadith and tell him about it. inshah allah your problem will be solved...
    khuda hafiz

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