My wife is in a women’s refuge and I need to find her. Can I spy on her?
Can I spy on my wife?
Can anyone help? My wife went into a womens refuge 3 months ago with our 2 year old daughter and left 4 elder children with me.
She has since called police and I am on bail for harrasment. She has also got an injunction on me, it is not the first time she has left over our 17 years marriage. She is a revert and this is the 7th time. She usually dissappears for 3 weeks and returns, but on this occasion has gone to lengths to stay away.
I have been given contact with our 2 year old through courts. But my main concern is she has changed her clothing to tight jeans and I don't trust her. She pleads insanity to me when we have spoke. Can I spy on her? I love her dearly but don't know what to do.
Plz help!!!!
~jibraelibrahim
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Jibraeelibrahim, Asalaamualaykum,
This is the first time I have seen a question on this website where a man is trying find his wife who has gone into refuge. Usually we receive questions from women who need to escape their abusive husbands and go into a refuge. So I am glad you have written here - whatever your intention and mindset maybe.
These questions come to mind and I hope you will answer:
Have you ever thought that since your wife has left you 7 times in your 17 year marriage, she must have a valid reason for doing this? What do you think that reason is? Is she frightened of you? Have you been abusive towards her?
I say this, because a woman does not leave her children without reason. And by the looks of things, she does not want to be found. Furthermore, a court does not issue an injunction without reason, yet you are still asking if it is ok for you to spy on her - this is completely wrong. I think the best thing you can do is leave your wife alone and let her think out whatever she needs to think over in her own time. In the meantime, you need to ask yourself why your wife keeps leaving you? What are YOU doing that is driving her away?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Of course you cannot spy on her. Your wife has entered a women's refuge and obtained an injunction against you for a reason. We are only hearing your side of the story, but I suspect that your wife's version would be very different.
Leave the poor lady alone. Give her a divorce and let her live the lifestyle she chooses.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
And one more thing, you said: 'But my main concern is she has changed her clothing to tight jeans and I don't trust her'. After seventeen years of marriage and seven times of her leaving you, your main concern and reason for not trusting her are her tight jeans?
It is you has the deep rooted problem and requires help to change.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My Brother, Jibraee librahim
Assalamu Alaykum.
Spying on her is Shaytan's way of making sure he has completely destroyed your marriage. Do not let Shaytan do that.
If you really love her dearly as you stated, then pray to Allah for guidance and to show you his will in how to proceed. Put Him first, and He will reward you and your wife.
Then, if by serious repentance and introspection on your part, Allah grants you another opportunity with this woman, treat her with the respect Allah expects, ask her what you can do for her to show her you have truly changed, ask her in detail what caused her to leave, and NEVER DO IT AGAIN. If you have trials, pray istikhara for guidance before acting, ask your Imam for guidance, and prove your worthiness through righteous acts.
Understand that you may have poisoned this marriage beyond repair. Accept the fact that haram actions on your part may have spoiled any chance you have. Take responsibility, be humble before Allah, and learn the lesson Allah is teaching you. And leave her alone if she asks you to.
≈
May Allah Grant You His Best, but only if He deems you worthy.
~Your Brother
My brother,
In my post, I made some assumptions that you are the main cause of you marital problems. If that is not the case, I apologize.
Brother,
As brother Wael states, there are two sides to every story. Your wife is in a shelter for a reason. Would you like to share here with us why your wife went to the women's shelter to begin with? It would be unkind of me to make assumptions here in an open forum as to why your wife went there in the first place but no woman would want to be in a shelter unless she had the need to be there.
Salam
Salaams,
I would just like to add that many, if not most, abused women's shelters only accept women who are actually being abused. Meaning, if I'm just mad at my husband and he's not hurting me or mistreating me in anyway, I can't enlist the services of that refuge. On the other hand, shelters that are for needy women or who have reasons other than abuse to stay there, are not hidden and do not need to be "spied on". Based on the fact that you are saying that you would be trying to spy on her, it makes sense to conclude that she is in a battered women's shelter.
I just have to tell you, if you did try to spy on her wherever she is and were caught, you would face heavy penalties as the discreet and secret locations of these places serve to protect ALL of the women and children who are staying there, not just the one you know. It is quite possible that you could face criminal charges for even approaching the property for any reason. Aside from the valid reasons already given for you to stay away, this is also something you should know.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor