responsibilities of husband and wife towards each other.
My friend is a working lady with a handsome salary. Her husband is the only son. Most of the year he remains idle, whereas the wife would go to work daily. The husband has access and control over her all accounts. Even on payday, the husband used to have all the money. He gives her a little money on a day to day basis for routine needs. The wife usually has to borrow money from her parents for her many needs. The husband has credit cards and bank loans in the name of her wife. During the very first week of marriage, he asked her to contribute to the budget.
The most pitiful thing is that the husband does not want his wife to have any contact with her parents. Due to the said reasons, the wife has lost all attraction and respect in her heart for the husband. Her relations with the husband seems to be a torture and burden.
What does Islam sayi n such situations? Does the husband have any right on the salary of his wife? Is he not responsible to fulfill her needs? Is the wife responsible to take care of his parents and also go working? Is the wife sinful if she does not have respect and love for his husband in her heart due to stated reasons?
Kindly guide.
-alim
regards
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ASSALAMALAIKUM-
VERY SAD TO HEAR THE STORY BECAUSE YR HUSBAND HAS BEEN LIVING OPPOSITE TO ISLAM-
HE HAS LOST HIS RIGHT TO BE A HUSBAND THE CARE TAKER WHO IS RESPONSIBLE TO RUN THE HOUSE-
MAY BE HE IS VERY FROM FROM THE TEACHINGS OF ALLAH REG HUSBAND-CLEAR IN QURAN-
“Because they (men) support them (woman) from their means ” makes this point clear.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
Ayah 34:Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband's honor, property, etc.)
It is the responsibility of the men in Islam to make sure that food is provided to the womenfolk in their care, that clothing is provided for them, that a place is provided for them to reside in, etc.;
No Financial Responsibility:
A woman in Islam does not shoulder any financial obligations; it is the man who shoulders this responsibility in the family. It is the duty of the father or the brother, before she is married to look after her lodging, boarding, clothing and financial aspects, and it becomes the duty of her husband or her son, after she is married.
If a Woman works, which she is not forced to – all earnings she makes are absolutely her property. She is not obliged to spend from it on the household, unless she wants to do so with her free will. Irrespective how rich the wife is, the duty to give lodging, boarding, clothing and look after the financial aspects of the wife remains that of the husband.
The wife's property and earnings are under her full control and for her use alone since her, and the children's, maintenance is her husband's responsibility. No matter how rich the wife might be, she is not obliged to act as a co-provider for the family unless she herself voluntarily chooses to do so. Spouses do inherit from one another. Moreover, a married woman in Islam retains her independent legal personality and her family name.
PLEASE TAKE OUT HARD COPY AND SHOW IT TO HIM AND SAY PLS BE REMINDED THAT THESE ARE THE TERMS FROM ALLAH AND THIS HE HAS TO FOLLOW AT ANY COST BECAUSE HE HAS MARRIED YOU AND THIS IS NOT DOLLS PLAY BY CHILDREN AND HE CANT BE DEFYING ALLAH AND THE RULES HE MADE FOR HIM TO LIVE UPON AS A HUSBAND-
IF HE HAS ANY SELF RESPECT HE WILL CHANGE OR ELSE HE MIGHT CONTINUE-LIKE THIS AND MARRIED LIFE IS NOT A SMALL PERIOD-AND ALLAH SAYS DO NOT OPPRESS NOT BE OPPRESSED-
Is husband only responsible for earning money ?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116 Narrated by Abdullah bin Umar
The Prophet (saws) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for your wards)."
HE CANT SEEK ANY OTHER SOURCE EXCEPT THIS-
If one truly seeks guidance in one's marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one's relationship with one's spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
YOU ARE PERFECT IN YR STAND-EVEN YOU HAVE RIGHT TO GIVE HIM TIME AND SEE IF NOT TAKE YOUR OWN DECISION OF LIFE TO CONTINUE OR DISCONTINUE WITH HIM IN ISLAM NO OPPRESSION IS ALLOWED BE IT PHAROAH OR A FATHER OR A HUSBAND OR ANY HUMAN BEING-
REGARDS ......Is the wife sinful if she does not have respect and love for his husband in her heart due to stated reasons?
Salam,
Any money the women earns is her right to keep. She does not have to give anything to the husband, if she doesn't want to. He has no right controlling her accounts.
Of course he's responsible to fill her needs. That's how marriage works. It's not a one-way street. Actually, he should get off his lazy behind and work, not the wife! He is supposed to be the breadwinner, not the woman. I would have never tolerated such a situation, and would have probably left him by now.
I hope thing work out for your friend, this is a terrible situation.
Salam,
I feel very sorry for your friend but the reality is, when we woman allow our husbands to behave in such a manner...it is our own undoing. Why is it that the husband has access and control over all her accounts? Because she has allowed it. She works hard for the money and he gives her a small amount of money daily for routine needs. How nice of him. He gives her money that she has worked for. Something is very wrong with that picture. She needs to go and change her accounts so that only she has access to them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and Islamically...it is her right to do so.
If the husband has credit cards and loans in his wife's name, it is fraud if he has them without her knowledge. If she opened the accounts, she can close the credit cards provided that there is no balance on them. As far as contributing to the budget...that is a choice for this sister. There is no obligation upon her to contribute to the budget and on the contrary, it is her husband who should provide for her. If she chooses to contribute to the budget, that is entirely up to her.
I don't even know what to say in regards to your friends husband not wanting her to see her parents. Who does that?! As such...I can understand your friend distancing herself from her husband. It is a huge turn off when a man is a human sponge and on top of that, expects his wife not to have anything to do with her family. I think you get to the point where you have no respect for them at all.
I have a friend who just months ago had to secretly go to the bank and change all her accounts so her husband had no access. He takes money for his adulterous ways and leaves his family to where there is no money for rent or food. He doesn't care if his family end up in the street so she did what she had to do.
Your friend needs to speak up for herself. She needs to approach her husband in a respectful and kind manner. She needs to say what needs to be said and stand tall. A wife is someone to be loved and respected, not some doormat to wipe ones feet on and use for a matter of convenience when it comes to her hard earned money. The husband is responsible for his family, not his wife. God willing she will find the courage to open up the doors of communication with her husband and speak freely about these issues that concern her. Until she does, nothing will change.
Salam
It is the responsibility of the husband to provide for his wife. If he fails to do so, she can divorce him, end of story. Any money she earns is hers, although she may GIFT it to her husband, he has no right to it and is in fact stealing if the above situation is correct.
Salaams,
I wouldn't be surprised if there were other detestable things going on in this marriage in addition to what you outlined. If she is losing respect and affection for him, it's understandable. The way he's running her is oppression, and oppression is not a part of Islam....even in a family.
If your friend takes the advice of the posters above and tries to reclaim what's hers, and he fights her about it or doesn't cooperate reasonably, it may be that divorce is the only escape out of such a situation. Your friend needs to see that she has three choices:
1. Stand up for herself and her rights, and follow the advice others have given in taking back her life,
2. Allow him to keep using her as he has and live in a marriage that gets worse by the day,
3. Leave him if #1 cannot be achieved.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor