Secret marriage to cousin who sexually abused my little sister
Keeping a relationship secret is damaging and unsustainable. There is no such thing in Islam as "secret marriage".
Dear Sir / Madam,
I had married my cousin secretly in 2001 due to family problems. Later on, I came to know that he used to sexually abuse my younger sister (8 years old that time). Then I stopped having any contact with him. Now, my family wants me to marry someone. But due to my nikkah, I feel that I cannot marry someone else. But in this case when he used to have sexual relationship with my sister, whether nikkah persists or not. If not, how to get divorce as he will never divorce me and I don't want to disclose this issue in front of my family.
What about khula but not to be disclosed. Kindly guide me how to get divorce.
Regards,
- Saira from Karachi
4 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalamu alaikom sister,
From what you have said here (and Allah knows best) you don't need a divorce from this man because your nikah is not valid. Nikah must meet four conditions in order for it to be considered valid: the consent of the guardian of the woman, presence of witnesses, offering and acceptance and mahr (dowry). Rasulillah sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam said, "There is no (valid) marriage without a guardian and two reliable witnesses." He insisted on making marriages public so that people would know that the husband and wife are truly married and not maintaining an illicit relationship.
Dear Saira, As-salamu alaykum,
There are so many separate issues in your question that I hardly know where to start. What a mess this situation is.
There is no such thing as "secret marriage" in Islam. Among the requirements for marriage are witnesses, the presence of the bride's wali, mutual consent, payment of mahr, and publicizing the marriage with a waleemah.
However, I cannot tell you if your marriage is valid or not because I do not know all the details. You should consult a mufti or shaykh who can tell you if your marriage is valid. My guess would be that probably it is not valid.
So, ascertaining the legal status of your marriage is the first thing you must do. If it turns out that you are indeed married, then you must get a divorce before you can even consider anyone else for marriage.
Now the issue of secrecy. You cannot do all of this quietly, or secretly, and you should not even try. Your entire situation is corrupted and ruined by secrecy. It's time to end all the secrecy. You must tell your parents about this situation. Tell them all the details. They can help you to secure a divorce from this man.
There is also the issue of your sister. How did you find out about the abuse? Did your sister tell you? Has she told anyone else? What that man did to your sister is a serious crime. It should be reported to the authorities. Your sister should feel no shame about it, as she did nothing wrong. She was the victim. It's your family's duty to get justice for her.
Your sister will certainly need counseling and therapy to help her deal with the trauma of what was done to her. If she does not get it, she may act out with destructive behaviors.
All of these crimes and sins can only flourish in an atmosphere of secrecy and cover-ups. If we want to live healthy lives, and pure lives, then we must conduct our important affairs with openness and Islamic manners.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
What he did to your kid sister is despicable. It shows his lack of respect to your parents, your other siblings and you as well.
He has shown DISRESPECT to your family with sexual assault on your kid sister. He has INSULTED your family honour.
For goodness, your kid sister was only 8 and he, older - old enough to have moral conscience, old enough to behave himself.
HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR FAMILY ENOUGH. Let me explain that below.
When you invite a friend over to your house, you expect him/her to respect your home and children as your terrorities. For now, let's refer the friend as "he."
Your friend comes as all this nice, friendly and smiling. But when he SPITS on your swept floor, wipes his dirty hands on your freshly laundered curtains, squints his cigarettes under his shoes on your carpet and steals your money & anything else, then he is NOT your true friend.
Not respecting your properties is a sign of his hidden disrespect to you and your family. If he were your true friend, he remembers to treat your belongings with RESPECT. - the respect toward your family.
Your cousin did exactly that.
He SOILED your parents' child in much the same way as spitting on your swept floor. He put his DIRTY PAWS on her in much the same way as wiping his dirty hands on your clean curtains. He stole her honor.
If he has truly respected your family, he would never have touched your kid sister. If he wanted sex, he could have got it elsewhere, any other woman or child - but not your kid sister.
When he once has molested a child like your sister, what is there to stop him from doing the same to your daughters? He will likely come near your daughters and do exactly what he did to your sister or do a lot worse. Once a molestor, ALWAYS a child molestor. Sadly there are a lot of incest offenders in this world.
Your marriage is not valid to this creature thankfully therefore you are not married. What this man committed is a big sin you have to tell your parents I am sure they will stand by you. This man does not deserve you and for what he did to your sister he has no respect for you, your parents or your family. He has totally dishonoured your family he will always be a molested sickening person who’s to say he won’t do it again. You have to tell your parents they have a right to know