She is married, but I want to marry her secretly as well
Anytime you find yourself involved in a secret relationship, it's a sign that you are doing something wrong, and it's time to get out.
Question:
I need a help from you .
Please listen to my story.
I am a guy 23 years old.
2 years back i met a girl on yahoo mesenger.
She is 29 years old.
she is a Non muslim [ religion= mona punjabi]
She have a daughter 8 years old.
She have a husband too.
They are all non muslims.
When we fallen in love then i came to know that was interested in Islam too.
So i started teaching her more about Islam.
She never believed in her own religion.
But she believes in Allah and she started offering Prayers secretly.
No one knows that she worships Allah.
She lives in other city.
When she was 20 years old , her parents forced to marry.
Then after that the mother of his husband forced to have a baby.
So she has to give 1 baby.
She never loved her husband.
She never had physical relations with his husband since 3 years.
I have never seen her in person.
We talk only on phone.
But now its getting hard 4 me , the lonelyness.
I asked her to give divorce to her hubby.
So her husband replied toher that sure he can give her divorce but the baby will stay with him.
And now she said she cant marry me unless his husband gives her daughter in her custody.
I am ready 2 accept her daughter.
She is very sweet.
So my question is.
Can i marry her secretly without she is divorced?
She cant marry me without her daughter.
But I wanna marry her at any cost.
So is it possible that she is living with her husband but secretly we will marry without giving divorce to her husband ?
We wil not gonna tell about this 2 anyone except my Mother and sister.
I am going crazy without her.
Please help me, what should i do about this situation.
We never seen each other we never touched each other.
I m dying 2 feel her, marry her.
Plz what can i do tell me..
Please sir plz, i m waiting for an email 🙁
Thanks.
Allah Haafiz
- Asif from India
Wael's Answer:
Dear Brother Asif, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
I am sorry to be rude with you brother, but this situation is absolutely wrong and makes no sense. You are asking if you can marry a woman who is already married? Clearly the answer is NO.
You should never have gotten involved with this woman. From the very beginning, to enter to into a relationship (even a virtual one) with a married woman is a sin. You claim that you started by teaching her about Islam, but you obviously need some Islamic education yourself because you don't seem to know that coming between a husband and wife is a serious sin. For you to ask her to divorce her husband so she can be with you is abominable.
Even now, you are not seeking an honest and open marriage with her. You want to marry her secretly without her getting divorced! The fact that you would consider such a thing should tell you how far you have fallen into confusion.
I feel that you have acted improperly throughout your relationship with this woman. You should end your relationship with her immediately, as difficult as that may be. I don't actually expect that you will follow my advice, since you don't seem to be behaving or thinking rationally. Nevertheless, that is my opinion and I stick to it.
In a separate matter, some may say that since this woman has accepted Islam she is now divorced from her husband. I have a few thoughts about that:
- We have not been told if she has actually taken Shahadah and become Muslim.
- Even if she has embraced Islam, divorce is not automatic. She must inform her husband of her decision and give him a chance to accept Islam as well, so that they can continue to be together. From that point there is a grace period that is much like an 'iddah, during which the husband can contemplate his decision, and it can be verified that the wife is not pregnant. See this article on SunniPath for more information about that.
- If this happens, it should be done for the cause of Allah only, not for any impure intentions or for the sake of any illicit relationship. It must be sincere and pure.
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I think you really need to learn islam yourself instead of teaching her.
bro
if she was forced to marry then she is not actually married now
You are following your heart then your mind. I think you need to relax and need to focus on your Salah and ask Allah to guide you on the straight path. Clearly your actions are very immature, you are just trying to give this 29 yr old woman emotional support so that she can be with you. As the sister states, please back off and try to enjoy your life then come between the family triangle.
No, you should not marry this woman. Asides from the clear religious transgressions - also because no matter how much you love her right here and right now - for the rest of your life you will know that she is capable and willing to meet strangers online and get into relationships with them. You will be paranoid whenever she is on the phone and whenever she is on the internet and your mind wil become consumed of thoughts of adultery.
She is in a bad situation and this will have affected her behaviour. Once she is in a good situation she may change - you just don't know.
If you are lonely, there are plenty of people out there for you to find. If you seek to help somebody out of a bad situation, then there are plenty of suffering women around the world who would benefit from a caring husband.
Some people (therapists) say that men who pursue women who are unattainable fear committment which is why they pursue hopeless, no chance situations. Therapists say that they can enjoy all of the good feelings and illusions of closeness - without ever really being close. I would recommend you ask yourself: "what is it about myself that mkes me feel I cant be loved in real life?" and resolve it, and also ask yoursef why you are pursuing dead end routes.
I think that probably you know that there is no chance and you know it is haraam and bad and unacceptable.
Next question is why are you doing this to yourself and why dont you feel that you deserve a healthy, loving and halal relationship with a real person.
Peace be with you, Jasmine
Brother, Salaam. I have to advise you that no you must not marry this woman. Islamically, this is adultery and you would not only be an adulterer yourself, but you would be marrying an adulterer. As well as this you would be breaking up a family, removing a child from his stability and causing much heartache and pain to everyone involved all because you "really want to". Its a very selfish view of these people's lives.
Second, youve never seen eachother - so how do you know this is a woman and not some con artist messing with vulnerable men online? You have no idea - please dont part with money over the internet.
Third, never forget the adage "s/he who is a homewrecker never finds a home for himself". That means people who break up other people's families by being the other woman or the other man in a married persons life, will never feel the sweetness of a loving home and family.
Peace,
Leyla
Brother, I think you are contemplating on mut'ah marriage? are you Shia? Shia believe that mut'ah or temporary marriage (enjoyment) can be done secretely to married women who are non-muslims. Be careful of AIDS(Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome and venereal diseases). I suggest you better get married to chaste muslimah. Fear ALLAH and Sabar. Innallaha maas saabireen( Truly ALLAH is those who have patience and perseverance). It means ALLAH continously helps and supports those who are patience and perseverant for his sake. May Allah guide you.