Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Must I tell my future husband about my shameful past?

past, present, future

Past, present, future.

i am 23 and i am going get married by next month. My husband to be wants to know my past.

in Islam do I have to confess to my husband about my shameful sexual past? pllzz ans me imediately according to islamic point of view...

i had sex with my EX bf bef. will my husband come to know tht im not virgin??.

im very guilty to tell him this and i don't want him to know it. should i tell him...??? can he findout out that i m not virgin???

plzz help me according to islam

- mine

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148 Responses »

  1. the hardest thing to do is to move on from the decisions of life, so therefore you can if you wish to tell him your future husband to know about your sexual past but in islam it's not recommended but in my opinion i say yes because you don't want to feel guilty your whole life do you? ask yourself this if you were a virgin and you had a suspicion about him of having a sexual past you would want to know and it would be your right because you are going to be his wife and it wouldn't be fair in you so put yourself in his shoes and try to understand. i hope that you will make the right decision because the right choice is better than the good choice. salam and i hope everything turns out well and remember put yourself in his shoes and think for a moment. XD

    • I do agree with what you are saying but in islam it is her right to conceal her sins and not to ever disclose her past to anyone. The decision is hers and i hope it works out for her may allah make it easy inshallah.

      • I hope this comment is not too late. I do agree with sister samina in not disclosing her past.
        How do you advise a girl to confess about her shameful sexual past after she has repented. This is one of he worst advises I have come across.
        It will not help him in any way if you tel him. Please forget about that past forever, as it is very hard for him to forget it if you chose to tel him.

        • I am married 15 years sister and I was a virgin and my wife was not. I asked her about her past before marriage and she lied. Had I known this I would have chose not to marry her and I believe she would have been happier and so would I.

          I have three kids now and pretend to be happy everyday for their sake. I hate her with passion but make sabr. My advice to any woman or man out there is "do unto others as you would have want done to you". Be fair and honest. If you are a good decent person then don't take from another person what they consider precious and waited to share it with some one, not necessarily another virgin but with someone they love, trust and care for.

          • I agree with your sentiments

          • Assalam alaikum,

            @Ismail

            There is no guarantee that if you married someone else that you would have been happier or that your current wife would have been.

            Rather than focusing on the past, the both of you should try to reconcile your differences. If you hate her for no other reason than her past prior to marriage, perhaps you can seek guidance and pray Isthikhara--if the reason you hate her is due to some current issues, it is best to not bring the past up.

            Marriage is difficult work and even those with "no past" still end up in unhappy marriages.

            If you want to keep on feeling how you do to feel justified, it is going to keep hurting you. But if you really want to heal, you will be able to when you are ready for that. And sometimes there is no happiness with a person and then difficult decisions have to be made.

          • Agree with you brother.

          • If you commit a sin then you can ask Allah for forgiveness but you can't disclose your sin to anyone.Its another sin.Its want I heard.

          • You cant have hated her that much if you had three children with her. She the mother of your children give the respect deserves. Islamically she doesnt owe you an explantion. From your reply i can see only see that is dented your ego. Ego is the biggest killer it can destroy alot. Its time you forgot about it brother.

          • @Mrsanonymous

            It's not his ego, the start of his marriage is based on a lie. It's like buying a new car and finding out it was used when you specifically asked for a new car and paid a new car price. You would feel cheated and would not go back to that car dealership.

            Islamically she should not have lied, she should've not answered or she should've been truthful. His relationship may have gone down for different reasons but finding this out just breaks trust. He doesn't know what else she lied about and whether he can trust her. There's no relationship if he doesn't trust her.

          • Ismail, the problem is not your wife's past but your hate. If you've been married 15 years and have 3 kids and still hate her for something that happened before you married, then you have sickness in your heart. You are creating your own personal hell through your hard-heartedness and arrogant judgment.

            Believe me, if Allah were to analyze YOUR life and mistakes, and take you to task immediately for them, you would not fare well. Let he who wishes to receive mercy, show mercy.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Everyone makes mistakes my brother. Hate and having grudge on your wife is never the solution to feeling better ,especially after having children. Sometimes with shaytaans tricky plots, mistake occurs and what one doesn’t know that we sometimes fear people thoughts more than allah..so repent is only for allah.
            Also brother ,always continue doing sabr and have mercy on your wife because in our deen and with cultural influence that a girl must be kept virgin until she gets married ,makes a muslim girl in fear that she wont find a guy who would accept that shes not a virgin.I’m not saying she was right by not telling you! ,but I think at that moment her calculations were not well done ,but its because she was all in fear of losing. and a woman is soft and sensitve by nature .by allah I ask you if a man hides and a wife knows later on then he won’t be questioned much.So forgive her and not let shaytan be happy.

          • How can you hate someone because he or she tried to cover the virginity? Who are you to judge? This is not islam, this is close minded culture. A true muslim would have forgived her wife and move on. She obviously has repented and hide it cause you might not marry her cause she is not virgin, this is stupid.... This is not islam. This is arab culture and it is sad. I am virgin but i understand if my husband wants to hide his past, as long as it does not involve any pregnancies outer marriage. But this is sad and you are really close minde, try to move on and forgive her... poor her. We all commit mistakes. That is the reason I do not think i will get married soon, i am not giving my body to someone who values my virginity more than myself...

        • But you are also doing decieving that person whom you are going to mary too. You are adding another sin, while you can have no remorse in future or being worried one day your past will come and blackmaill you to do something more bad and you will do it cause you dont want to loose your life partner. How is that scenario sound for you?

          • Anyone that compares their wife to a car does not deserve a virgin. Humans are complex. We learn we grow we change.

      • Allah Most High says:

        “A man guilty of adultery or fornication does not marry other than a woman guilty of adultery or fornication, or an idolatress, and as for a woman who committed adultery or fornication, no one but a man who committed adultery or fornication, or an idolater, marries her. And that has been prohibited for the Believers.” [al-Quran 24:3]

        • That is being taken out of context. That verse is refering to a sahabi that wanted to marry a prostitute. One who commits zina and repents is not a prostitute. Look at the context before just spouting verses.

          • Yes indeed. You are correct.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • I don't think the context applies, I think the law is the law as stated and the context is just one example of how the law applied.

            I think those that fornicated, regardless of whether they had financial gain though it, are liable. The emphasis is on someone who does that action, not on the exchange of money around it.

    • I get what you're saying Wasim, but I'd like to offer a different perspective on that. Sometimes some one wants something but its actually really bad for them. A person might hold on to the idea of being with someone without a past soo tightly that they end up losing what could be the best thing for them. This girl could possibly be the ideal spouse for the man in question, but he could lose out on that because of this one sin that she repented from.

      • Assalam alaikum,

        I won't act like i know much about islam and stuff, but i would like to share my opinion, even though the time might have passed long ago.
        Like most of what the people are saying and based on what i understand, it is better if you do not share your sins with others. What wrong you have done is between you and Allah (AWJ). If God wanted others to have known of it then they would know. The thing is, saying that you are a virgin is a lie, and starting marriage with with a lie is a very bad thing to do because this can lead to failer in marriage.
        The best thing that i think should be done is to only state that she is not a virgin but do not give detail of how she lost her virginity. It is then up to the potential spouse to decide whether he wants to continue through to the marriage or decline.
        This way, she would not have lied about her virginity nor would she share detail about her past.

        I hope this helps, at least for other readers reading this. This is just my opinion and Allah (AWJ) knows best.

        Salam.

        • Alsalamu alaykum,

          This is a very late reply on the above topic but I believe it might help someone someday..
          Speaking about your past is not required in Islam, your sins are your secrets and only Allah knows about those, so you are free to keep whatever secrets from whoever you want, as long as that secret will have no effect on this person's life or future. Someone who is willing to truly love you and build a life and family with you should not care about your pas, and should be understanding of the fact that we all make mistakes and we learn our lessons, and he/she should respect your privacy. In the end it is your choice whether you feel comfortable enough telling your partner about your past or would rather keep it to yourself.
          Sometimes knowing some things does more harm than not, especially if those things are long gone and are history now, after all, Allah forgives all.
          As for virginity, most women are born without a hymen (virginity membrane, which breaks upon penetration during intercourse) and are actually not sexually active or had no past sexual experiences. There are several types of hymens, and it is important that people would know the differences in anatomy before jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about their wives if at first intercourse the classical blood stain is not seen (historically, and it is still done in some cultures, the bride's family would take the bed sheets with the blood stain and show it around to prove that their daughter is a virgin, otherwise she is considered as "damaged goods" and is divorced and sent back to her parents' house)

  2. You shouldn't disclose your past on him if you seriously regret what you did. It will only add fuel to fire. If you are 100% sure that he wont know the truth from somewhere else if you don't tell him then save your marriage and don't ever tell him about your past. If Allah has kept your secret uptil now then have faith in HIM that Almighty will keep your secret undisclosed forever.

    I don't know if he can find out that you are a virgin or not. Probably some girl can answer this question better.

  3. Sister,

    I think islamically you should not disclose your past. But if someone is asking you outright then im not sure whether you are supposed to lie. I agree with brother wasim that your husbabd has a right to honesty frim his bride to be. If i was getting married i woukd want to know my future husbands past and what kind of person he has been his whole life and does he regret and repent what his done then i would make a decision based on that. As its natural if your a virgin you want a virgin spouse and if your not virgin it may not matter.

    But from personal experiences from my friends i found that if you dont tell your husband about your past and later they found out somehow. They will class you as a lier and think if you lied about this what else arecyou lieing about? My friends husband then started verbally abusing her and said that he cant trust her anymore. Then he also wanted the exact details of her sins and kept tirmenting her for it all the time. His justification was that he was hurt why didnt she tell him the truth before marriage then he wouldnt have married her as he wantedca pure wife. But this is just one person.

    But personally i think it is better to be honest then you feel better too. Then let him decide whether he is ok with it and will marry you and explain to him that you regret what you youve done and repented if you have.

    Its entirely up to you. But be aware there may be consequences to whatever route you choose deoending what kind of person he is. Some people cant stand lies.

  4. As Salamualaikum,

    My sister, you have committed a HUGE sin. I wish your post did not say that you committed Zina. But you have done it. What has happened has happened and can't be undone.

    Your sins are huge, and you don't have much time to repent. Make use of whatever time you have, and do Tawabah to Allah. Subhaanallah! You have done a shameful act and something that invokes Allah's Anger.

    Would you wish to continue your life without repenting? Would you wish to die in this manner? Would you restrict yourself from the Mercy of Allah?

    I know you realize that what you did was shameful, but as a Muslim, it is my duty to shun such a shameful act.

    Now that you have committed the sin, is your life over? Are you finished? Are you deprived of Allah's Forgiveness?

    The answer is NO.

    You are a servant of Allah and you have committed a sin. And according to a Hadith,

    Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:

    “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.”
    Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al- Albaani.

    So, if you repent to Allah, you'll be the best of there sinners.

    How do you Repent?

    You should leave the sin immediately, which you have now left. You should feel guilty about it, which, you do. And you should resolve never to do it again.

    In this way, seek Allah's Forgiveness through various Duas such as:

    1. Astaghfirullah
    2. Astaghfirullahil lazi Ash hadu an La Ilaha Illa Huwal Hayyul Qayyoomu wa Atoobu Ilaihi
    3. Astaghfirullahil lazi Ash hadu an La Ilaha Illa Huwa Alaihi Tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul Arshil Azeem
    4. Allahumma Maghfiratuka Awsa'u min Dhunoobi wa Rahmatuka Arja min 'Amali

    After this, hope that Allah Forgives and does not Punish you for you sin in the Hell Fire.

    Secondly, it is not allowed for you to reveal your sin according to the Hadith:

    Abu Hurayrah Radiyallahu Anhu reported: “The Messenger of Allaah said: “Every member of my nation will be forgiven, except those who expose their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allaah then conceals, but, the next morning, he goes and says (to people): ‘I committed such and such a sin last night’ - while Allaah had kept it secret. During the night Allaah had concealed it, but in the morning he tore up the cover provided by Allaah Himself.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]

    For this reason, you have no right to reveal what Allah Has Hidden.

    “Refrain from these filthy matters (i.e. sins) that Allaah has forbidden,
    and if one of you is tried by committing any of them, then let him conceal them as Allaah has concealed them for him.” [Al-Haakim]

    This is so dangerous that Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah said: “People should refrain from praying over the dead person who was known to openly expose his sins to others as a means to prevent others from acting like him.”

    If anyone knows about your sin, then that person should hide it, too. Because Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: “Whoever covers up the fault of a Muslim, Allaah will cover up his fault(s) on the Day of
    Resurrection.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]

    Your future husband has no right to ask you this question. Tell him this and refrain from revealing your sin to him.

    If you don't hide it, it is possible that he refuses to marry you or tells others that you have done such a act.

    Just tell him viat you are not comfortable with such questions and Islam does not permit him to ask them. But if you do tell him, then you should not lie.

    Moreover, before you get married, you should not keep talking to each other, as if is not your Mahram yet. It is only Nikah that will make him your Mahram.

    May Allah Forgive you, me and every other Muslim.
    Aameen

    Wassalamualaikum

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • This Fatwa is an addition to what I said:

      http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=84052

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I'm not sure it's about hiding the truth from your husband...a husband and wife bond is based on the truth, and if you started with a lie....how you expect that you'll have a healthy relationship.

        If a husband value such, you must ask him that he must take a oath under the Quran that whatever you tell him, you'll not expose her. You must tell him the truth....if he doesn't accept you, then that is not the person meant for you. If the next proposal come to you, and he don't ask you any such question, so you should just not tell him.

        Once you are married to that person, and he ask you such questions, you may just not tell him...because he should have asked you these questions before.....

        as for one hadith, a person come to Prophet Mohammad PBUH, and Prophet asked him, if he got engaged, and he said yes and so and so....the Prophet asked him did he see the girl....and he said no, the Prophet order the person to first see the girl, and then decide. there is one brother said that the girl is not allowed to talk to the person she supposed to get married with, that's total wrong. In Prophets time, the proposal would come openly, and the man and the woman would decide who they should marry. The marriage doesn't happen until the two parties consent....so how do the two parties agree to be married with each other, if there is no way ot communicate?

        Islam is very easy religion, it's very open, and it's basically up to the standards, but here we go we mix it with our norms and cultures......please try to understand...before you jump in and put your own opinion...the sister had clearly asked that she did zana and she want an Islamic point of view.

        Now, see I'm not a virgin, but i want my wife to be a virgin....can anyone blame me why would I want a virgin wife? my basic understanding is that if I've kids, I want a virgin wife, so she can teach them and bring them up with Islamic standards...I'm a man, I work outside the whole day, but if my wife was not a virgin, how would I accept her to bring up my kids with the same Islamic value, Zana is a big thing...esp for a Muslim woman....

        Also it's all depend on the person, if a woman demand a virgin man to be her husband, should we lie about it? I think a strong marriage has the founded on mutual respect, trust, truth and understanding.

        • So hypocritical. When you work outside all day then how can your wife trust you knowing you weren’t a virgin before marriage? A non virgin can teach the kids just as good as the virgin. Also virginity does not give anyone a guaranteed ticket to a trustable marriage. People change throughout life and that’s constant as life is. Both parents are role models to the kids and so the position should reflect upon both parties.

      • Mr.Waseem she didnt ask for your commentary on her character. What is wrong with us Muslims.If someone seeks help we start rubbing it in their face how wrong they have been, like typical maulvis. Who the hell are you to tell her how "HUGE" her sins are? As if you have never sinned? Either stick to the topic and give your suggestion [edited to remove inappropriate language]. #SelfStyledSaints. And I just realised you're the editor of the site.Let me see how good of a Muslim are you: whether or not you will censor this comment will show how open you are to criticsm yourself.

        • Assalaamualaikam

          I've edited your post to remove inappropriate language. Debate and discussion are welcomed, but personal attacks and insults are not. We are all here to try to help our brothers and sisters in Islam. We may not always agree with each other's advice and opinions, but I would hope that inshaAllah we can at least treat each other with respect.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • This is the best advise. Please don't tell him. Nothing good will come from it. Repent sincerely and inchaAllah it will work out for you.

    • The sister is just worried about what her husband going to think! She is not bothered about what she has done and how shameful and used up she is!

      • Muslimgirl,do have a point.

      • Don't judge people, you have no idea what they are going through 🙂

        • I totally agree with you sisterinislam never judge people for the situations they go through if you never been in their shoes. You count yourself LUCKY but others who are in this situation must be very difficult may allah make it easy

          • Yeah because of their own doing sister! Sometimes i feel scared and lost and angry as do why muslim girls especially become soo shameless and lose all respect for themselves in the name of love and have sex. I worry for my kids and pray that they dont follow this haraam path. if this generation can do all this now what hope is there for our kids when they grow up..

            We need to be harsh to those who commit zina and also provide them with islamic guidance. Its called tough love.

          • @muslimgirls you are right lets hope tough love doesn't get kids on the wrong path either sister!

        • Agreed. Only Allah can judge.

      • I think I have covered that part. I just want her to realize what she's done and what she has to do then.
        🙂

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • You are mean. Muslimgirl, how do you know if she feels ashamed or not. You show an ugly face thinking the worst of our Muslim Sister in need. I will think the best of her, and I think she is ashamed and she repented.

        I wish her and her husband well, Inn Sha Allah.

    • Salamualaiku brother mohamad waseem, I dont know from where else to ask you this, but I need advice. I am university student and I live at home with my mother and siblings. Before I started to go to uni, I had the option of taking out a student maintainace loan to fund accomodation near the uni campus, but I turned it down because of the interest (ribaa) of the loan, and I thought that I could not justify it since I had a place to live and could commute to uni. It has become Increasingly difficult for me to study at home, It has become simply impossible to get the focus needed to do well in my degree, because of the bustle the house, which I know for sure will not change. I feel that I have no stability and no peace. To the point where I dont think I will be able to do the uni work, I really cant. The loan I have already taken out to pay the tuition fees would be pointless if I continue this way. Is it possble/acceptable that I take out the maintainance loan and then live at the campus.

    • Brother mohammed waseem,

      If yoy don't mind i just wanted to ask. I thought it was usual for someone to find out as much as possible about their potential spouse to allow them to make the right decision. As when i got married before that allhamdullilah i have never had any relations with another man as i knew it was haram and also i wanted my husband to be the only man i laid eyes on and i wanted the same from him, i,e i wanted to be the first and only woman he laid eyes on. Is it wrong to desire this trait or virtue from your your future spouse. Or should we just pray and hope that we get lucky and have a virgin spouse or first live in our spouse. ?

      I wanted someone the same as me. I wanted someone chaste that was one of the important qualities i was looking for in a spouse. But how could i find out this information without looking into his past?! We both asked each other about our pasts as my husband also wanted a chaste wife. We also enquired about each others past with friends relatives etc untill we were satisfied. If i found that he had relations i woukd not marry him. Same with him. He also said that if he later found out that i had a boyfriend he woukd divorce me on the spot! So is it ok for the husband to then divorce the wife for her past mistakes which she conceled. Therefore to avoid divorce with the husband later on isnt it better to disclose the sin now and be rejected then 5 years down the line. Because these days people talk its very easy for someones sins to be exposed sooner or later.

      • sumaira, if it's important to you to have a husband who is a virgin, then absolutely you should ask about that specifically, and you can inquire about his past with his family and any mutual friends.

        However, a Muslim should not reveal his past sins. If he indeed has committed sins (whether zinaa or others) in the past, then he can say something like, "I made mistakes in the past and I was not always a good Muslim. But I have made tawbah and Alhamdulillah I am doing better now. So if you can accept this then ma-sha-Allah that would make me happy and I will be a good and faithful husband to you, Insha'Allah. However, if you cannot accept this then I understand."

        He should not reveal any specific details about his past mistakes, and he should not be pressured to do so.

        It's that simple.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Sister Sumaira,

        I understand what you mean.

        Let me give you an analogy. Consider Shirk. A person does it for the entire life. But when Allah Guides him or her, he or she does Tawbah and turns to Allah.

        Does Allah say you did that sin, so you won't be accepted into Islam? Allah Forgives it if the Tawbah was sincere, if He Wishes. Then that person becomes equal to any other Muslim or even better, because he or she has understood the sin and hopefully won't return to it.

        Of course, if I got married for the first time, I would have wished I got married to a woman who is a virgin and who wouldn't have given herself to anyone before doing Nikah with me. For this reason, if she is known to my sisters, I'd ask them to enquire into her without asking her. If she was a daughter of someone I know, I'd look for another way. But I wouldn't ask the girl "are you virgin?"

        Additionally, if she does not lie, I don't think I'll be as upset with her, if I know that during her "Jahaalah (ignorance)" she had sinned. But now, she's mine. Perhaps, I'll forgive her.

        Just like a person who has left shirk and now belongs to Allah.

        Consider a revert Muslim woman. If she has done Zina before Islam, but after she reverted, she became more pious than a born Muslim. Would a man then ask her if she is virgin and reject her if she isn't?

        If I was getting married for the first time, I would then say "How I wish from Allah that He Gives me a pure and untouched wife if I do get married, but I can not interfere with His Qadr".

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • If brother waseem cleared about concealing past sins with authentic hadees..( along with the thing that the sinner have repented deeply) then u should not overAsk the same thing u are not pointing brother waseem u are instead pointing Hadees.... .ahadees or any thing from quran shouldnt b overAsked by questioning.. well i m not critisizing u but its simply clear that if once husband know that kind of past sin .. he wont b able to love his wife so wife shouldnt tell about her past sin like that.. same goes for a husband . If he had comitted sin and had repented deeply then he should hide from wife...
        Sister sumaira its really unfair to praise ur ownSelf that u are very pious in that way etc... Brother waseem follows the path to give suggestion in a way that the asker wont get hopeless or asker wont become bad person again... .. dont be like that person who told the killer of 99 people that he dont have any way to get forgiveness... the killer killed that person too then... and the next great pious person told him that surely there is a way that God will gv u forgiveness... and so on... God forgives... tauba is main key.. DONT JUDGR OTHERS.. DONT CLAIM for yourOwn selves that u are so clean u wont commit such and such... circumstances.. situations.. cinditions makes people to fal in wrong doings or shaitan and nafs dominates when a person gets away from islam .. so i do agree to keep away from wrong doings but if someOne do... He should repent... hide... and not b judged...

    • thnku so much for ur better advive....plzzz do alot of prayer for me that ALLAh forgive me n guide me n protect me ...n make my ahead life better for me ...

    • Sal. But what of a woman who is already married. There was a day when her husband was not around, their Islamic leader(amir) invited her as if He wanted to ask her something. But unfortunately when ho got there. d man locked d door and raped her. And told her to not inform anybody. As times goes on, the woman could not withstand it. She eventually explaine to her husband. They went to d man and he denied it.

    • Sandra

      What if her future husband would find out the sin during love making on their first night as a married couple?

      • I think for that and other reasons she should be honest upfront. The hadith quoted does not make sense in light of the Quran.

        If muslims were required to hide their sins and asking a muslim about his sin was forbidden then there would be no way for people to confess in a court of law:

        http://legacy.quran.com/4/135
        O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah , even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.

        If as a believer I cannot ask another muslim then how can I be sure that I am marrying someone that is not a fornicator and forbidden to me:

        http://legacy.quran.com/24/3
        The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers.

        And if I were a person that had fornicated outside of marriage and now sought a virgin and hid my past. Would I not be increasing my value for marriage my omitting the truth and be guilty of this:

        http://legacy.quran.com/83/1-5
        Woe to those who give less [than due],
        Who, when they take a measure from people, take in full.
        But if they give by measure or by weight to them, they cause loss.
        Do they not think that they will be resurrected
        For a tremendous Day -

        If I interpret the hadith from the position of governing and not from the position of marriage then it makes sense. If someone has committed a major sin and Allah has not shown the sin to four witnesses, then for the sinner to come forth would mean that he is forcing the government to punish him. This is in the hadith linked by Waseem:

        "Whoever was inflicted by (committing) any of these dirts (prohibitions such as Zina, drinking wine, …), he should hide himself and cover himself with the cover of Allah. Whoever reveals to us his wrong action, we apply the prescribed punishments as stated in the Book of Allah against him" . [Imam Malik ].

    • Assalamualikum..My problem is same as above but I had sex forcibly by a guy and now I got married and my husband asked me y I'm not virgin without thinking anything I told him about my past and we both cried alot and even he said to his family members regarding the matter..Now he doesn't want me and don't want to stay with me as I have done a mistake by saying the truth to him..Did I do any mistake by saying him about my past ??What should I do now he left India even leaving in my mothers house please do help me out of this situation and I want my husband back..Being fair with him was my big mistake??I love my husband a lot n I can't live without him..I'm crying since the day I told him the truth please help me out with this situation what to do..Thank u

    • Assalamualikum...
      I have done the same mistake unknowingly..But after my marriage i told myhusband about my past n what had happened in it..He even said to his family n nw he wants to leave me what should i do??Is telling truth is a big mistake i have done??i dont want to hide anything with him since i was married to know..I know when we are having a relationship evryone should abt there wife n husbands past..I have done the same n told evrything nw he wants to leaveme plzz suggest me what should i do??

      • Salam,

        It sounds like you were a victim. I think your husband should've been sad for you and angry at the man that forced you, but instead he's running. If he wants to leave there isn't much you can do. I don't think telling the truth is a big mistake, doing the right thing regardless of the consequences is a good thing. I'm sorry he's leaving though.

        • Walaikumassalam..
          Thank u for ur reply M...I just dont want my relation to start with lies so i told him the truthafter telling it we cried n lived happily for 1week and but again what happend i dont know he started ignoring me n for everything inhis house he is blaming me..Alhmdulilah i pray 5times daily and i pray tahjud n ask for forgiveness which had happened but my husband without talking to me left india..How could a person be like that and now his family members are saying some thing or the other to my family..What should i do??And how should ihelp my family

          • Salam,

            Is there anything you can do to make him return? I think your options are to be patient and accept what's going to happen. Use the time improve yourself and perhaps in the future you may be remarried. Rely on Allah if you would like a good husband in this life. And perhaps Allah will provide you with one. Salam.

        • Assalamualikum..

          As u said im accepting whats going on is not true..Im doing my best..My inlaws are in contact with me and they want me to stay with him..And im trying my level best to be with him always and even im also trying to go to him and make my issue tobe solved completely and be happy with him always but now a days i dont know what had happend to him he is just no talking to me not evn replying my messages r calls...So now i decided to go to him n ask for the forgiveness which i have done in my past and accept me as his wife and Insha Allah to be well settled in future..

          Thank u

  5. Not needed , bt please stop it donot repeat maaraige is suggested

    • it is needed in Islam that husband should know. I urge all not to expel your opinions as the opinion of islam. Most of the people here dont back there statement with proof.

      So tell him because dont think that he wil not know .. he wil indeed and imagine what will he do if he knew that. Because he has all the right to divorce you ..

      • Iman, you are the one who is tossing out opinions without proof. Did you not read Muhammad Waseem's comments? He provided plenty of proof. The teaching of Islam is to conceal one's past sins, not reveal them.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • The Prophet (saw) said, regarding sins: "Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted." Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. if the person your engaged to thinks that you are a virgin when you are not then you are deceiving him. liars are the worst. i personally think you should tell him about your past and leaving it in the past since you have repented and never would you return doing those sins and if he uses those past sins againsts you, then hell with him.

    you never know there is always a possibilty him finding out and things will be far worse, when you could have told him right from the start and save all the trouble.

    peace..

  7. sister if you've had sex before then its very obvious dat ur husand will find out .der r very few chances dat he might not but im scared he'd refuse to marry u n even tell others if u tell him da truth. i belive she could hav hidden her sin if he hadnt asked her .we shouldnt reveal what Allah concealed according to some people here but hes askng her n if she says der wasnt any sexual past den shes lieing .ur situation is very difficult pls pray to Allah ask for His forgiveness n ask HIM to guide u as to what u should do.my aunt had a past relationship she din tel my uncle after marriage my uncle asked her to swear upon Allah and tell her da truth dat is wen she couldnt lie n he divirced her .pray Allah to make it easy on u bt i guess to save ur marriage u can lie n live in peace but what abt da guilt.i need people here who r suggesting to hide her sin wen Allah has not revealed it to guide us abt what we should do abt our guilt dat we'd face day and night.personally if i were u i would want to save my marriage n think it right to lie bt my guilt wouldnt ever let me be happy .i would tell him n leav it up to Allah .living with ur husband under da same roof all day n knowing what ur hiding from him wouldnt let me and im sure most of us live in peace.my mother says to save ur marriage u should lie n not reveal what Allah has concealed as dis would ruin ur relationship lead to divorce dat Allah hates and might as well bring disrespect to u and ur family.y should ur family suffer because u'v committed dis sin.being in dis stressful confusing situation is ur punishment i guess sister.may ALLAH forgive ur sin il pray for u .if u think u can live with him hiding all this without feeling guilty den u should perhaps not tell him ..if u cant survive dis guilt den u should .pray alot to ALLAH to guide u .Allah will forgive u He loves us all more dan our mothers love us.dont worry

  8. I have one thing to say to the people who say she have to tell him, because otherwise she would be a liar:

    "Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you."

    She made mistakes, like we all do, but if you begin with a new chapter in your life, it is best to left it behind you. That doesn't make you a liar or a bad person, it means Allah has concealed your sins. We all make mistakes, but we know we have a Lord who loves to forgive.
    I'm sure the man she is going to marry inchaAllah has also made mistakes. Does he also have to tell all about them to her? No, I don't think so.

    • Some mistakes are irreversible.The consequences of some mistakes will stick with you during your whole lifetime...What you said might be fine with some mistakes but not all of them..

      Just for the record.Back biting which is usually haram is allowed in cases which requires identifying and collection of bad traits of potentials. http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46303

      • In that case, it is not called 'back biting'. If a person is known to have a bad character and someone asks you about him for marriage, you should state the facts to the one asking. Not with the intention of bad mouthing, or to be vindictive, but to make the person aware so that they can make a more informed decision about whether to marry them or not.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • You have to distinguish between the one who is actively engaged in such sins and one who you know may have committed some sins of that nature and is no longer involved in them and has become practising.

        These are two very different types of people.
        The former (one engaged in zina) is consider a zaani and a believer should not marry him or her.
        The latter (the one who sinned, repented and changed) is not considered zaani and is permissible in marriage for a believer.

        As sister Z has said it's not backbiting but if we know a defect/flaw in someones character that is likely to affect the other person then yes we must disclose it. For e.g. if you know someone is abusive or is seeing different women and engaging in zina at the time of searching for marriage then you need to let the person know.

        But it is completely wrong to reveal someones sin if they have repented - if Allah can wipe the slate clean, who are we to say its irreversible? Alhumdulilah that Allah has protected you from such sins but steer clear of arrogance. It may be that the sister who sinned and repented is better than the one who never sinned. Reminder to myself first and foremost.

        May Allah forgive us all
        Ameen

        • I understand your view point but there are couple of things in your posts which I disagree with.

        • Assalaamu alaikum sister,

          Can u explain or give refrence for:

          It may be that the sister who sinned and repented is better than the one who never sinned.

          i think its not so.

          Person who does not sin and show arrogance then above may be true.

          JAZAKALLAH KHAIR

  9. Just asking,

    If there is a person(muslim),who sleeps with different men/women and enjoys his/her life to full extent committing all sorts of forbidden acts and when it is time to marry.

    He or she knows very well that he/she has got a free pass,and does not feel any need to tell the prospective partner of the deeds she/he committed.............Do you think that is fair ? ,(assuming that the prospective partner has spent a life opposite to that one)

    • Brother, Allah forgives the worst of sins, if a person repents sincerely and betters him/herself. The Prophet(sws) has also warned us strictly against revealing our sins. Who then are we to call this sister a liar? For all you know, she may now be more beloved to Allah than a person has never committed such sins. If a servant of Allah falls into sin and then sincerely repents, he should have trust and faith in Allah that Allah will accept the repentance. Afterall Allah(swt) promises this. Should the ex-sinner, now striving servant of Allah walk around with a label on his/her forehead stating his/her past sins? No. He/She should conceal it as Allah has concealed for him too. And the best thing 'the people' can do is help to protect her honour and be thankful to Allah if He has saved them from falling into the same sin.

      The Prophet (saw) said, regarding sins: "Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted." Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.

      ***

      If on the other hand, the person does not regret his/her actions, is proud of the sins and has not repented - I believe this person is not fit for marriage to any decent person.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Surah al Furqan,

        68. And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

        69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

        70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. I'm in a similar position, best thing I would say u can do is repent and not tell him anything. I doubt he will understand and its too big of a risk. Also I believe hes not supposed to question your virginity and all,, as virginity can be broken due to other circumstances other than intercourse.

    • can u tell me other circumstances of breaking virginity....suppose if he ask me then i will give him a better answer....

      • I agree with sister Soha, although it is classed as tearing of the hymen and not actual virginity,, but he won't know that unless u tell him. Yes it might be unfair on him, but I'm sure you know more than any of us here how he may react. Stay calm, he might not even ask u, and u don't even need to feel guilty as long as uve sincerely asked for forgiveness from Allah. Only Allah can judge u, no one else

  11. there is no way of a female to lose her virginity unless she has done sexual intercourse e.g. vaginal intercourse anal intercourse and other forms of sexual activity are seen to as sex e.g. oral so you have to accept whether or not he marry you and that is up to him if he marry you and if he does not marry you please move on and try find happiness else were and be happy. bye

  12. Sister I was following your posts quite long but didn't reply because you already got good/bad impression about your situation but now I would like to give my opinion about your situation.

    Firstly you should ask forgiveness for the sin you made it before marriage. It's only Allah who can forgive you and it's only Allah who can hide this sin from your husband and you can live happily in your married life it's only Allah who can make this possible.

    Secondly I don't know and you didn't mention when you had relation if it's more then year you had sex then your husband won't find out but it depends how Often you had sex. Before married I will suggest you to consult gynecology and have a check up. I don't know which country you live in if you live around Australia then I can suggest you good gynecology.

    Thirdly, stop thinking about how to find excuses please you wasting your time, just repent and cry to allah trust me thats the only thing you got nothing els. Your excuse wont help you but if you ask from allah without any doubt allah is beside you. 

    Sister marriage is gift from allah. Every one wants to live happy till they die but for that you need to be strong in your iman and wash yourself from all the sins we made in pasts and presents. If you repent to Allah sincerely from the bottom of your heart and be honest in future I feel that Allah will save you from that situation Allah will cover the sin and Allah will help you in your married life. You won't called as liar, cheated wife. Pray to Allah and ask for forgiveness till death.

    • Assalamualikum...
      I have done the same mistake unknowingly..But after my marriage i told myhusband about my past n what had happened in it..He even said to his family n nw he wants to leave me what should i do??Is telling truth is a big mistake i have done??i dont want to hide anything with him since i was married to know..I know when we are having a relationship evryone should abt there wife n husbands past..I have done the same n told evrything nw he wants to leaveme plzz suggest me what should i do??

  13. no a woman can lose her virginity in several other ways aprt from only intercoarse.for eg horse ridding or intense sports activity and also if sometng accidently goes inside or ur hurt on dat part .(sorry for mentioning all dis im onyl trying to help our sister here) so i guess he would belv u if u giv him some reason bt he will definately find out ur not virgin bt obviously he cannot kne y ur not virgin .i knw its unfair to her future husband bt she cant do anytng bt hide othrwise i guess vry few muslim men r strong enought to accept a non -virgin .der r chances dat he might refuse n even tell others.pls ask for Allahs forgiveness

  14. soha you are more than 100% your examples are not different ways of losing a female virginity but examples of how the hymen are broken in different ways

  15. yeahh but dat is how a man would figure out dat she might not b virgin .anyways lets not get into details .i hope our sister gets out of this trouble vry soon

  16. Assalamu alaykum,

    I honestly cannot believe so many Muslims in this forum have suggested that the sister continue to lie to her future husband. Simply producing a fatwa about hiding what Allah has covered does not justify this advice.

    Reason #1: A Muslim cannot be a liar. Advising a person to lie to their potential spouse on the hope that it will all go away and Allah will forgive is certainly not Islamic as the Prophet (pbuh) has explained that a Muslim is not a liar. If asked directly the sister must not continue to perpetuate a lie.

    Reason#2: The Qur'an specifies the pure for the pure the impure for the impure, the virgin for the virgin...thus it implies that a husband must know the status of his wife-to-be ... per Qur'an and the marriage contract. It does not mean that the sister has to confess the details but only that she is not a virgin which is the issue here. Islamically the advice posted above is correct in terms of not going into details, however on encouraging the sister to cover a huge crime and go ahead with her marriage cannot be a just or moral action. In addition a person who would do such a thing has very questionable character.

    Reason#3 Tawbah requires on to refrain from the sinful acts and this includes continuing to lie.... advising the sister to hide a crime BEFORE SHE IS MARRIED is certainly horrible advice which is setting her up for a huge long term mistake.

    Reason #4 This is like cheating. Islamically one cannot conceal a defect in anything that they are being contracted for. This includes lying about virginity in the face of a marriage contract. Certainly it is quite common, however for a believer, and a true Muslim this is not acceptable in the sight of Allah.

    Reason#5 Would u want to know? In Islam we teach that we should want for our brother what we want for ourselves... subhanallah, with so many people suggesting that this sister lie to her fiance...I wonder what do you want for yourselves in such a situation? Most of us would say we wanted the truth. And anyone who says that they don't care about the truth is certainly deluded by the Shaytan.

    As this is an Islamic forum and the sister asked for an Islamic based answer, finding a fatawah that condones lying or keeping lies hidden does not justify going forward with a marriage that has failed before it has started... a marriage that is in fact based on a lie, which will be the case if the sister goes through with the marriage without informing her husband to be... and allowing him to make up his own mind.

    In fact the only thing worse than her act of Zina would be to continue with the marriage under the false pretence that she is a virgin.... thereby DEPRIVING HER HUSBAND TO BE OF HIS RIGHTS, and ultimately risking that if it were to come out later in the marriage there would be a huge scandal between not only the couple but also their families. Not only would this add insult to injury it will raise huge issues for the sister later in the marriage as she may feel guilt, shame, and depression by suppressing the truth.

    End the end Allah knows best, however he has instructed us to follow the BEST MEANING IN THE BOOK and certainly Allah would never order us to do evil such as lying, and concealing crimes which deprive others of their rights.

    We ask that Allah guides us to the right path, and makes it easy for us,
    Ameen.

    • Amir, I utterly disagree with you. I think the advice you are giving is wrong Islamically, and from a common sense point of view. I will address your points one by one:

      1. Lying - I personally never advise anyone to lie. As I said in my comment:

      A Muslim should not reveal his past sins. If he indeed has committed sins (whether zinaa or others) in the past, then he can say something like, "I made mistakes in the past and I was not always a good Muslim. But I have made tawbah and Alhamdulillah I am doing better now. So if you can accept this then ma-sha-Allah that would make me happy and I will be a good and faithful husband to you, Insha'Allah. However, if you cannot accept this then I understand." He should not reveal any specific details about his past mistakes, and he should not be pressured to do so. It's that simple.

      2. Pure for the impure - the scholars have said that the one who is impure is one who is engaged in ongoing sins. This ayah was traditionally interpreted by the scholars to refer, for example, to a prostitute or other immoral person. Such a person is not fit for marriage by a pure Muslim. However, one who has made sincere tawbah and is not engaged in such sins is not considered impure or unchaste.

      3. Tawbah - the conditions of tawbah are known. Confession of the sins to other people is NOT one of the conditions of tawbah. We are not Catholics, who must confess their sins to a priest. In fact it is contrary to the Quranic and Prophetic advice that one should conceal his past sins and not discuss them.

      4. - Same as #1.

      5. - I most certainly would not want to know the details of my prospective partner's past sins. That would only create jealousy and resentment in my heart. I once discussed marriage with a convert sister. As she was discussing her pre-Islamic past, she mentioned a man she had spent time with. I asked her if she had been intimate with him and she said, "I don't think it's beneficial to discuss such things." And I left it alone because I knew she was right. I could see that she was a practicing, Allah-fearing Muslimah. Whatever happened in that past was not important.

      If she is a "born" Muslim then I would assume that she was chaste (though this may not always be true). If it were very important to me, then I would ask if she had ever been with a man. If she gave me an answer like the one that I mentioned above, then I would probably accept that and not inquire further.

      Frankly, if I had a wife who was a good Muslim, conscious of Allah, praying, wearing hijab, showing me love, being kind to my daughter... wow, SubhanAllah. I would be very grateful. I would not care in the least if she had made mistakes in the past, as long as she is on the Islamic path now.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalamualikum...
      I have done the same mistake unknowingly..But after my marriage i told myhusband about my past n what had happened in it..He even said to his family n nw he wants to leave me what should i do??Is telling truth is a big mistake i have done??i dont want to hide anything with him since i was married to know..I know when we are having a relationship evryone should abt there wife n husbands past..I have done the same n told evrything nw he wants to leaveme plzz suggest me what should i do??

  17. lying to your future husband will only give u alot of guilt. you wont be happy with ur life because ur afraid people might just tell him ..

    • I agree with you about not lying. But there is a middle ground between lying and confessing one's past sins that Allah, through His grace, has concealed.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • im married at 17 and going thru hell with the man.
        i was married a virgin but i was in love with a man who has a son and is italian maybe if i hadnt kept my secrets i would be happy with my marriage but sometimes secrets can eat u alive. lying is wrong but confessing it all is too

  18. Assalamu alaykum,

    I am very curious to understand how far the scholars meant one should go in regard to lying, breaking contracts, and concealing the truth? From what I understand all such behaviors have no place in islam.

    Also the principle of making Tawbah was explained above, one being "to stop doing the act". On the other hand if part of this act is LYING, or BREAKING A CONTRACT does this overrule ones obligation to be honest and honor the marriage contract?

    Atonement is also part of Tawbah, and atonement is first to Allah, however if you have stolen something, you should try to fix this by returning it , or if you killed someone, should a person not pay the blood money by right as part of atonement? If you enter into a marriage contract both parties have the right to know if the other is chaste or not.

    This is not "confession" as confession is voluntary. This request is based on his legitimate expectations regarding the marriage contract, ie. he's expecting his wife to not be pregnant, not have an STD, and to be a virgin.

    This is stated plainly in the Qur'an, and is part of the terms of the marriage contract. If it is found out later that one lied the marriage becomes void, or he or she can simply ask for a divorce from the offender unless both are known to be offenders.

    Possibly I am missing something here because from my understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah lying is haram, and breaking a contract is also haram, and also denying others their rights is not ok.

    In this case the sister asked some simple questions and I would like to clarify my position regarding each question, inshallah :

    1. In Islam do I have to confess to my husband about my shameful sexual past? pllzz ans me imediately according to islamic point of view...
    ANSWER: NO, there is no confession in Islam, on this point I agree with Wael, however only in respect to WHAT IS PAST.

    2. I had sex with my EX bf bef. will my husband come to know tht im not virgin??
    ANSWER: Possibly especially as other people are aware of it, and also you have posted on the internet. If word gets out certainly there could be a serious problem, Allah knows best as to what will happen. As for finding out if you are a virgin this was discussed above in depth so I will not elaborate.

    3. Im very guilty to tell him this and i don't want him to know it. should i tell him...???
    ANSWER: What does your nafs say? What would the Prophet say? Do you believe that he has a right to know?

    This is where Wael and I respectfully disagree, on this point here. Wael is of the opinion that you should continue to hide this and bases this opinion on a hadeeth, which is a correct position... but only when applied to deeds long past and irrelevant to today.

    This does not absolve one of the responsibility to be Muslim and honor our trusts, tell the truth etc. Nor does it give a green light to get married and lie about the issue.

    Possibly my opinion is more conservative, however when someone asks a for an Islamic Answer....I give them the truth although it may not be easy. I think the key here hinges on whether it is PAST OR PRESENT.
    Although the Qur'an itself does not make this distinction.

    If past years ago, months ...and he never asks or cares, and it isn't relevant to the marriage contract. Alhamdulillah, leave it covered until Allah uncovers it. Allah may uncover it however by you being honest with your potential husband.

    I am not advising that you open the subject, however in this case he has already asked and if you avoid a direct answer the answer becomes obvious. So the only true solution is to lie, or be honest...there is no in between.

    If however it was recent, less than a month or you're still involved with the situation...you cannot get married as you are committing Zina. You have to completely leave this act and any other act connected to it.

    My opinion is the position of the scholars in relation to their treatment of Zina and the marriage contract. Essentially past Zina if found out is a cause for divorce, therefore while you can lie, if it comes out in the future by any means technically the marriage can be voided over this issue.

    So as the brothers have stressed it is a very serious issue, however going into a marriage where there is an expectation of chastity, or more specifically if he thinks you are a virgin, this is not Islamically advisable, nor is it permissible.

    Your Tawbah is between you and Allah, however the rights you owe to your husband are between you and your husband. One of these is honesty, the other is chastity, the other is guarding yours and his honor. He has the right to expect you to be honest, not pregnant, and not having an STD.

    While the above posts take the general position of not "confessing the past", they fail to address the core issues which are:

    a) Under what circumstances is it legal for a woman who commits Zina to enter into a marriage?
    b) Does the husband have the right to expect her to be chaste? And if yes,
    c) Should she lie in order to meet this expectation?
    d) Does the woman have a responsibility to determine her state of being pregnant, or with STD?
    e) Is there a ruling in the Shariah about the time limit one must wait before getting married after committing an act of Zina?

    These issues have been addressed extensively by scholars and while the answers may not be what we want to hear, it may not fit our lifestyle, certainly the Qur'an was quite clear about this exact point mentioned several times in Surah 24 An-Nur.

    "Women impure are for men impure and men impure are for women impure; and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness and a provision honorable" Surah Nur:26

    While we have no "confession", a man has the right to know if his spouse is a moral or immoral person, as the Qur'an says:

    "a woman should be chaste not lustful, nor taking lovers: when they are taken in wedlock" Surah 4:25

    This is part of the Islamic contract, and this is the part where I would like clarification as what I am understanding is that as long as you can get away with an act and feel really really bad, you have no obligation to fix the problem or render back to others their due, or honor the marriage contract? From some of the posts above.

    Certainly a man can inquire if a woman is a virgin. As there is no other way to determine this without asking, appropriately he should ask her walee, and certainly there are no other details he has the right to know, and she should be taken at her word. If she is not a virgin he as the right to know if she is pregnant, or if she has children? That doesn't mean a person must give "confession" subhanallah.

    While there is no confession in Islam, Muslims are not liars, nor do we break contracts or conceal defects. For example if a man cannot have sex, and misleads a woman to believe he can, and she finds out in the marriage once it becomes evident, she can ask for a divorce.

    Reasoning of scholars: he concealed a defect which was a reasonable expectation in the marriage contract, ie. sexual relations. The same principle applies here and if it weren't true, virginity would have no meaning. As we cannot raise the hadith above the Qur'an we must reflect first on what Allah has stated before taking the easy way out:

    Allaah says in Surah 24:3 (interpretation of the meaning):

    "Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever; Nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the believers such a thing is forbidden. "
    For more on this issue ref: http://www.islamqa.info/en/ref/148528, http://islamqa.info/en/ref/106288

    This link goes into specific detail about this issue and how a person who commits Zina invalidates any potential contract until certain things happen:
    a) She establishes she is not pregnant
    b) He or She make Tawbah
    c)He or she must leave the act AND ANY ACTS ATTACHED TO IT LIKE LYING, or denying the rights of others, or breaking the marriage contract by concealing something;

    Certainly my heart goes out to you and I get a sense that you are very sorry, inshallah your path will be made smooth by Allah as we all make mistakes, and I certainly have made my share. Part of fixing those mistakes is to leave them and any acts attached to them. Keep in mind that marriage is an act of Ibadah, and certainly it should begin on the right foot.

    Certainly if this can be left in the past by all means leave it in the past, but if elements of this situation are recent, or still relevant to you marriage such as being a virgin, by all means don't be shy to be honest as this would gain much greater reward in the sight of Allah. If your fiance is for you Allah will put you together, and if not then nothing you do will make it right.

    Allah says in the Qur'aan:
    "And be Just, even if it is against your own selves"

    This just my understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah in relation to marriage, the marriage contract and tawba, anything I said that was incorrect is from me, and anything good was from Allah. And certainly Allah knows best in this matter.

    • Amir, you're arguing a lot of issues about which there is no disagreement. Lying is certainly haram in Islam and I do not advocate lying. Secondly, if someone has an STD or is pregnant, or has a child, he/she must inform his potential spouse, as these are things that directly affect a marriage. Lastly, you seem to be arguing about actively cheating on one's spouse, which is ridiculous as this is a major sin and has never been in question.

      Furthermore, I agree with you that one cannot have committed zinaa last week and then say, "I've committed tawbah" and proceed to get married without telling one's spouse.

      However, if one made mistakes or committed sins at some time in the past, and time has gone by and one has changed his life, made sincere tawbah, and lived life as a good Muslim (or converted to Islam), then there is no need to bring up these past sins. Indeed, to do so is forbidden in Islam. This does not mean lying. It means that one should decline to discuss such things or answer such questions. The prospective spouse can make of that what he wishes.

      It's really a simple distinction and I don't understand why some people cannot grasp it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh

    Anyone committing a sin, later on you would realize your mistake. We all err, right but there some kind of sins that we muslim shouldn't commit, not even get close to it. Zina is a grave sin, i do agree but you reach such degree of sin when you don't perform your Salaah well or you don't perform 5 times daily prayer or you don't bother about your Imaan (Deen) as it should be, just a routine. Your deeds are not alive, there is lack of Ruhh. So, all this develop lust in your heart and you think its love which actually is your passion and desire. Remember this all the time, Good comes from Allah Azza Wajal and bad comes from us, from our deeds.

    One thing i can tell is that you have lost something that Allah Azza Wajal has blessed you with, i don't know what it is but you have lost it. Why i said so!! Because Allah Azza Wajal is JUST...do you think a girl who had preserved her virginity, Chastity, had keep her pure...meaning she also could have enjoy an open life but she feared Allah Azza Wajal, do you think her married life and yours would be the same, nah...never!!! For example, just an example, im not telling you that you won't, the tranquility that Allah Azza Wajal would put in her life, you will not feel it. Thats why i told you that you have lost something. Thats why, we heard the are different level in Jannah. Those who get close to Allah Azza Wajal, will get the highest rank in Jannah. All this is by avoiding committing sins, meaing stays in the obedience of Allah Azza Wajal and in the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). But one thing, we all insha-Allah will enter Jannah not by our good deeds but by the Rahmah and Raheem of Allah Azza Wajal.

    By the way, if you are the first person that your husband going to touch, i mean intimacy, he won't enjoy it as he would have with a virgin. For this, the Prophet (SAW) has been totally clear.

    Like everybody is advicing you, not to tell...for sure its true. Remember we human beings are weak. If you tell him, you are going against a sunnah which is bad and if he finds out later, this also would be bad for you and your family too. So, both sides its bad. Remember your family, your dad and mum also don't know about it or even the society. But one thing, some people will know about it finally through ur EX, i'm sure about that. Your family trust you but look what you did, another thing that Allah Azza Wajal will ask yea on the day of judgement.

    Look, the day of judgement is nearing. The signs are appearing day by day. Arabs are fighting with each other. So, Qiyaamah is already at the door step. So, FITNA is rampant. Bad prevails everywhere. So for sure one day or the other your husband will know about your past. Because there is always someone who doesn't like to see yea happy. And shaitwan is always here to make yea break the laws of Allah Azza Wajal. Like here, shaitwan will do everything that will destroy your nikkah because its a law of Allah Azza Wajal. So, be careful.

    Sister if you have to let him know or not, this depends on your situation, its up to you. The hadith mention by others for not disclosing is true but sometime the hadith is not to the priority, some other hadith are more important to be taken into consideration than this. So, be careful. The only solution, according to me, perform Salaatul Istikharah about your situation and make Du'a. Then just do what Allah Azza Wajal has advice you.

    Now the most important thing is, the answer of your question; if he is meant to be your husband, whatever you would do, tell him or not, he will stay your husband till you leave this ephemeral world. But if not, for sure you will not marry him, whether you tell him or not. And for sure, the words of Allah Azza Wajal is true that we'll have a partner as we are.

    One thing, as one of the commentator said, put you in his shoe, this is completely wrong. You and the guy, are completely different from each other...in your charactor and many others, even your fate. If you want to put yourself in the shoes of someone, put yourself in the Prophet (SAW), what He would have done in such a situation. Then you make research what did the prophet (SAW) taught when someone is in difficulty and finally you'll see that the Prophet (SAW) always advice to perform 2 rakaat of Salaatul Haajah.

    Finally do what Mr Muhammad Wassim told yea, i mean by asking Tawbah all the time, till you die. This was among the characteristics of the Sahaaba (RA). But one thing Mr Muhammad Wassim, as a muslim Bro, why comparing yourself with others... that you would have done this and this and so on. Remember, whatever you are made of, gain and so on, come from Allah Azza Wajal and we all are different in kind, thats why you are like this and you would have done like this but i can tell that if you would have been in such a situation, you would have not think like this totally.

    Take Care everyone, sorry because actually i'm a high tempered person.
    By the way, Mr Wael...i,m back. I'm living near your place. Remember, i told you will meet, that time will speak and here we are.

    Ma'assalaama.

    • you said allah azza wajal will not bless a woman whos comitted zina with abetter marriage than someone thats been pure? what about all the young women forced to get married to abusive men thier are so many situations where good women are in bad marriages so i dont agree with your point because life is a test. although definately i agree the chase woman mashalla inshalla gets a very great reward and ajr from allah swt!

  20. Hello, dear ....I didn't have read all the comments here...but acutally yes I think it's better not to lay!! but it's not neccessary to say all things by details!!...but you can think about what if you tell him, so ...it depends on your future husband...if he says something related to this past, in future ...& says "shame on you"...it can't be a good life...but I'm here to tell you something else...you have been to young for this mistake..& everyone can have a mistake in their leaves...you shouldn't blame yourself...tell him...at first it can be difficult...but later if you think that he's not the man to be well-adjusted with this...so leave him!!! he should wants you for your self...not for viginity!!!...so how can we (women) know if males are virgin themselves???....we should forget about the past...don't say shame on you....say shame on some men that do everything in their single leaves with so many girl friends...but for getting married they want virigin wives!!!shame on them not you 🙂

  21. Amir al Kaatib I would just like to help you understand the sisters situation, when people sin and then repent sincerely, its not something they do for a day or a week, they repent constantly, they feel disgusted, dirty, not worthy of being muslims, they hope and pray that despite everything, Allah will forgive them, please don't judge people if you don't even remotely understand their situation, its a dark place to be and some people actually find Allah through their sins, they realise their deen, they vow to strengthen their imaan and to never return to the haraam things. Maybe for this reason Allah tells us to conceal our past sins as a reprieve, isn't it bad enough that they have to think about what they have done wrong everyday without everyone else and people like you judging them for it aswell? Do you seriously believe that a muslim guy would marry a girl who told him she was not a virgin even if she had repented. Don't judge brother, you have no idea what they are going through.

  22. Salam
    Brothers and Sisters
    before I will go to my answer I should tell you that all this is just my personal OPINION and NOT a FETWA.
    And the second thing is that it doesn't matter what all people here saying because in a way we are all right but in a way we are all wrong. We are using the Quran and the hadiths to state/apology/protect our own lifestyle. A true Muslim would confess his self, that he did a sin. There is saying in my country: "Self Confession is the first step of health."
    Because if someone made a sin he will try to persuade hisself. But this does not matter. Just God told us the true through the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.V.). We need to follow his example.
    As an example: Some people in my enviroment (which are also muslims) took Riba and even our Imams say, that it is allowed, but this is haram. Why to hell do this people take Riba and why to hell this Imams in my enviroment say, that it is allowed in diffirent circumstances?
    It's very easy to tell: They are in "need" to take the money from the bank to grow (financially). And the Imams need to tell people, that it is allowed because they want to reach many persons as possible and don't want to lose them. They are saying, because you are living in this time and this country and all people are doing this bad sin, you are allowed. They are finding an excuse, why people should be able to take Riba.
    BUT PEOPLE: THIS IS SICK
    Islam is Islam. And it can't be changed to people (even the whole muslims) manners or lifestyles or traditions or desires. These people say, "come to Islam and we will change it to your desires". But I say " Take it or leave it."
    Yeah it's our greatest mission on earth to call people to Islam, but we should tell the true about our religion and not to change it to someones lifestyle or desire. Islam is Islam and can't be changed. Yeah everybody wants to change the religion after his desires and lifestyles. WE SHOULD NEVER EVER CHANGE THINGS IN OUR RELIGION. If Allah says, that Riba is NOT ALLOWED, than Allah knows something, we don't see, why it is forbidden. At least at the first view. But take a closer look…
    It has his reasons. How much time Riba destroyed so muches lifes in my enviroment, that they were remorseful and in the end, they didn't grow (financially).To the contrary, they lost everything. They lost really everything. Their self-esteen too. Now they won't take Riba anymore, because they had their lessons. And what did we learn from this kind of situation: The only thing left for them is sins and debts to the banks and the lose of their self-esteen. They will never regain their self-esteen as I know from my life expierence.
    God knows everthing. I love God. I really love God, because God always tells us the truth and gave us the Quran to pass tricky situations and the best men ever living in the universe: The prophet Mohammed. He is with no doubts, the messenger of Allah. I love his lifestyle and try to be like him and not like someone else.
    I am refering to all of this answers, which shocked me at first. I even didn't want to marry someone after I read this. But now I know, that I am going to marry a clean wife, which is hopefully a virgin.
    People don't know the definition of a "Lie","Denial" ,"Backbiting" and of course "Hiding".
    And this is all these answers about: First, before I should define these word in a islamic way, I should tell you something important. I am a person, who has been betrayed several times (not cheated).
    “ Betrayal“ is something people just know, if they have been betrayed. I can understand this people, who need more trust, than others and that playing with their trust will have consequences in this world and in the other world. But for some people it’s just a word or they are looking from the perpective of the sinner. This is, what I meant with, that we all are right and wrong in our ways. Everybody of us has his own expierence, feelings, personality, Takwa (nearness to God) , Perspective. I am not able to trust people 100 % and want to marry a person which meets some requirements, because I fear, that I will be cheated on. Some of this requirements are High Takwa and Virginity. Okay, yeah I am really depressiv and I am not able to marry a women as I am now (Regarding to the „Which kind of person you should avoid to marry“ - List).

    DEFINITION
    Lie: You don’t tell him the true, if someone asked you something.
    Denial: You don’t say facts to a person, which he is supposed to know, because it matters him.
    Backbiting (Good) : You warn the asking person from a danger, which is caused by certain humans. This is means, if asked, he must tell everthing, even the rumors. Because rumors have a chance to be real as I know from a brother, who married a unfaithful wife, because he didn’t listen to the rumors. But rumors must be viewed with great attention, because the one who is telling you the rumor could try to destroy the persons life. Try to ask the whole enviroment. And i f they should agree, than you should keep away from that person.
    Backbiting (Bad) : You talk about someone bad with other people and don’t confront him directly.
    Hiding: It’s the same as denial, because in a marriage you should tell your partner everthing but not your sins.

    MY ANSWER:
    In my personal opinion you are in need to tell, because if someone really made Tawbah then this person should realize that making another sin (in this case: It’s denial) would make your Tawbah senseless. You should not tell your sin, but that you aren’t a virgin anymore.
    If he asked you in a proper way if you are a virgin and you should lie anyway than you both will meet in the other place and God will ask you if you did lie and if you did than you will give that much of your hassant to your future husband and you will absorb so much from future husbands sins until he has his Hakk. Gods 29.th Name is as far as I know is: Al-Adl

    Of course someone who is a virgin (he touched no women until you) is probably NOT willing to marry you, because think of his side. You have had intercouse and he not. It's a differnce you will probably encounter in your sex life. And it's not fair for him. He spent his virginity for you and you just lied to him and played with his good will and his feelings. What would you think, if in your future marriage, he would have an affaire. You would not be able to forgive him. Even if you have repent to God, if you lie agianst your future husband, than your Tawbah means nothing, because you didn't learn your lesson. Your lesson is not doing the same sin or another. In this case it's lying your Husband. Your future husband opened his heart for you and had some requirements and what did you want to do? Telling him a lie? Is this fair? I think you know the answer. And God will ask you the same question, because his name is „Al-Adl The Utterly Just“, and your future husband too. Don’t you think your future husband won’t find out in the other world. Yes he will and he will try to take his Hakk. Everthing in the other world will be revealed. Everyone will know the sins oft he others. But then it should be late.

    There is a no difference between lying and hiding (you don't tell anything important). Of course you should not tell him, that you made a sin, but you should tell him, that you aren’t a virgin now. Why it should be a sin to tell, that you aren’t a virgin now?
    And don’t you think Allah, whiches 29th Name is „Al-Adl The Utterly Just“ is not seeing you in the otherworld. You are going to betray him, even if he doesn’t know. He will marry you with a good will and with the thoughts that you are a virgin, but you just don’t tell him. Sister, as I said, God ist the Utterly Just, meaning if you hurt someone, play with his feeling you will face this person again in the other world. And you will regret it there. Tell him the true and if he doesn’t want to marry you, than go find a person which will accept you as you are.
    Sister I don’t want to hurt you, but even I would not marry a person, which is not a virgin, because this has some reason:
    Virgins should start with virgins
    Virginity is a requirement for me, because NOT of islamic rules, but because of my person. And it is not forbidden in islam to desire a virgin or well looking women. As long as she is a moslem and she follows God’s rules, it’s your own desicion. You don’t have to marry a person, who you don’t love. But if I should get divorced, God prevent us from something, then I’m going to search a women like you. Because I am not a virgin anymore and virgins belong to virgins.

    I just say, if you don’t mind to meet him in the other world, then should know the consequences.

    May Good help you

    • The choice is not between revealing one's past sins (which a Muslim should not do) or lying.

      One can simply say, "I made mistakes in the past, but I made tawbah and changed my life. I won't say more than that. If you can accept that then Alhamdulillah, if not then I understand."

      That's an honest response that does not hide one's past but also does not reveal it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  23. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    It's completely unacceptable for the woman to lie to her potential husband, and it's also completely unacceptable for her to confess a sin.

    Muslims, you must learn this deen, or you may destroy yourselves and others with just a few words.

  24. Salaam alaikum sister...

    You know all the Islamic rulings on it, so I may talk about my very own personal experience.
    I have the same case, I asked my wife everything before I got married and she lied to me about everything... and on top of that she continued doing it until before we got married,...
    now the situation is different, I got to know by some other sources, then internet, then emails, then chats, then facebook and then finally she admitted a lot that I already got to know from different sources...
    Now the situation is so bad on my side that I can't even explain it to you.
    she is about to be a mother, I find no trust in her (no matter what I do), I keep thinking about all that 24/7... can't divorce her for the social and family responsibilities I have...
    Life is a complete mess... and on top of that despite knowing all that... sometimes I love her too...
    I dont know how she feels now after everything is said and done... but I am nothing more than just a man underneath the sky with no vision, no mission, no happiness...
    So I suggest you to tell him everything, let whatever happens, happen....
    Worst case he wont marry you, but that will save many lives...
    Remember... after marriage its never about just two of you... so take a wise step...

    Hope it helps...

    • Salam Muslimbrother,

      Your wife was a traitor, she betrayed you and you still find ways to trust her.

      The Islamic rulings on concealing sins are obvious and your wife hasn't concealed her sins. She betrayed you. You even asked her.

      Brother how can you believe that she will not rip of your back sometimes. Also she will probably lie to you.

      The rulings on concealing are this way. :
      1. You can't hide, deceive someone to conceal your sin.
      2. It's better to uncover the sin to the one you must ask for forgiveness, than you cover it and Allah faces both of you.
      3.the concealing of sin should avoid the spreading the sin, so that many people do it again.

      You have 1000 times right to divorce her, because she deceived you and you have the option to forgive her the wrongdoing for hereafter or not to forgive.

      But please divorce her for the sake of Allah.

      Just think, that you will be married with pure wifes in jennah after this live is over. Just stay with her. You won't be forced by Allah to live in Jennah with her. Her whole life will be shown as a movie to you and you can decide if you want to take her or not.

      Personally the thing with the betraying is worse than the fact that she did zina.

    • brother
      I am really sorry to hear your story.I would suggest you to talk to her and try to bring her closer to Allah.she will leave all these activities and will eventually become faithful to you too.
      my husband was married with two kids when i married him.His wife was terminally ill.I just wanted to marry a pious man so i overlooked his first marriage and many other things.
      But he was not pious and his company destroyed my deen as well.
      I was in a relationship many years ago.later i realized and repented for my sins and changed my lifestyle completely.
      I never committed adultery but I have came closer to it.
      after marriage, i dont understand why i confesses this to my husband.
      He has started hating me for that.He made himself distant from me.now we dont have any relationship.I am having a dead marriage.
      I dont understand why this is so hard for him to forget?
      I have accepted him with two kids.He was looking for divorced women,widows and even with kids were acceptable for him.He was not expecting to be married to a single woman.
      Now he is planning to marry again.I believe he is just using this to marry someone else.

  25. Salam,

    it's a thing between being honest about the bad past and lying for a good future...there's nothing we can do.

  26. sallam all, please help me

    • As-salamu alaykum brother. I registered you and submitted your question as a separate post. It will be published in turn Insha'Allah. My short answer to you right now is try to marry the girl even though you are young. If that's not possible, then stop meeting with her and keep your distance until you are able to marry.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • well i know dat bro, and i m sorry to say that is not going to happen, i came here looking for some help
        not to know what i already know ..
        thanx Allah Hafiz i dont need more answers pls i know what to do ..
        Sallam

        • Okay then, I will delete the post that I submitted for you. If you know what to do then do it. Knowledge is only beneficial if we act upon it.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Hey wael
            I want to post a question
            I made an account even posted it, but can't see it on the main page.
            Is it normal? How much more I have to wait ? Or can I post it here?
            Thanx bro ..

          • sallamtoall, your question will be published in turn Insha'Allah. There's about a 2 month wait right now, unfortunately. Try to be patient.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  27. I'm a new muslim and learning Islam. From what I have read so far, is it not neccessary to be truthful about what one is selling of himself or herself ? I mean marriage is an agreement. A lie while doing in agreement, isn't it wrong ? A man might be thinking he is marrying a virgin whilst he is not ? So backbitting is a bitter sin but when it comes to marriage, you are allowed, infact recommended to do so. I don't think it should be treated as revealing a sin. It should be treated as her status as a woman and the guy should be informed. It is not a big deal in american culture and is termed honesty but I bet it is difficult thing to do in some countries because of cultural sensitivities but what is right in terms of religion ?

    • Ross, as I mentioned previously, it's not a choice between revealing one's past sins (which a Muslim should not do) or lying (which is also forbidden).

      One can simply say, "I made mistakes in the past, but I made tawbah and changed my life. I won't say more than that. If you can accept that then Alhamdulillah, if not then I understand."

      That's an honest response that does not hide one's past but also does not reveal it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  28. Assalamualaykum

    This is a huge issue and please dont just give your own opinion without thinking.
    A lot of readers here that might lead them to do zina thinking anyway that they are able to ask forgiveness to Allah so simple.

    In islam you are not require to confess to ur future husband about ur past sins but there are certain things you should consider. The prophet says that we should not confess our past mistakes to anyone, but the question is, does it include to the person whom you commit the sin? Remember zina you commited is huge sin to Allah, to your father and to your future husband/wife. All sins to Allah, will be forgiven by Allah (if u repent to Allah) . and all those sins you comminted to others, you should ask forgiveness to them as Allah will forgive you.
    If your husband ask if youre still virgin, pls dont lie. But if he doesnt dont confess. Commiting lies to ur husband is a traitor for him. And it might be an issue in ur future relationship. On the otherhand if u confess and does accept you(who knows), u would have a peace of mindset.

    If you truly repent to Allah, trust him , he has always a good plan for you if u do good things.

    Allah knows best. May Allah forgive us all

    • You are wrong. Zinaa is NOT a sin committed against your future husband or wife, and there is no need to ask one's spouse for forgiveness for sins committed in the past, before you even met them.

      We should try to find a balance which allows us to be honest and discreet at the same time.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • You have given your own opinion--but asked people to not do so.

      Can you provide examples from Islamic history of husbands or wives confessing their sins?

    • As-salamu Alaykum,

      ISLAM, it is obviously a delicate issue, and honesty about previous relationships can work between certain types of people. One thing a lot of people forget, however, is that different cultures have different attitudes towards sins of this type. In many cultures, a woman could be putting her life at risk by "confessing" such a sin. Her father or brothers might kill her if they found out such information. Also, a potential suitor might tarnish a woman's reputation if she "confessed" to him. This would again put the woman in danger and might even make it difficult for any sisters she has to get married. When you think about the implications of "confessing sins" you can see why it is disliked in Islam.

      • A: When you think about the implications of "confessing sins" you can see why it is disliked in Islam.
        ..........Her father or brothers might kill her if they found out such information

        Implications of confessing seem to be different for Muslim men and Muslim women. Many Muslim men can get away with even with affairs after getting married. Never heard about a father, mother, brother, sister killing a man for committing sexual sins.

  29. Aslaamualikum bors & siss. Im stuck in a big and diffecult marrige problam n dont knw wht to do? I posted my problm but stil im not reciving any reply or answer. How long do i need to wait? Plz help. Im havig vry hard times. Icant tell my problm to anyone i knw caz im not comfortable with tht. This my first tim posting here caz i realy need help and adivce but i feel vry sorry to think tht no one is helping me whn i really need help. Im vry stressed & have depresstion caz of this mettar. I dont wanna commit any sin caz of this problm. Thts why i came here for help. 🙁

  30. Thanks for respondind, as im new to this site i wasnt so sure about the long wait. But never mind i,ll wait inshaallah..

  31. Assallamu Alaikum
    What you did before meeting your future husband is a sin against Allah (SWT) and is between you and Him, Now that you regrate your past and have asked Allah for His mercy, surely Allah is forgiving merciful, anybody that Allah has forgiven is like he/she has never sin before. There is therefore no need for you to expose or disclose you secret, but that does not mean you will not continue to frequently regrate the said action. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'alla forgive us all Ameen

  32. Aslaamulikum. its been more thn a month since im waiting for my post to be published. Nothing's coming up. Im not sure whether i've done somthing wrong in posting it or ur not actuly willing to bublished it. Sorry for commenting here but i dont knw where alse to ask my quistion in this site.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      I've checked the pending posts and I'm afraid I can't see one from your username or email address. You're welcome to submit it again, and if you mention in the title that you had previously submitted a post that's gone missing, then we can inshaAllah try to prioritise it for you.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  33. I've just submited my post again. Can u please check if it's there. I gave it a new title "very ungappy about my marriege"

  34. Can someone plzz reply

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Your post has entered the queue and will be published in turn, inshaAllah.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  35. Assalamu alikum Sister.... I think u shouldn't told him about your past.... because Allah hides your sins from the eyes of people than why you want to expose yourself..... second it will be never good experience to told him about your past.... and if u are feeling fear about virginity.... don't be sad... because sometime you virginity broken during playing games like football or Daily exercise etc
    Sorry for my bad English....
    Do u understand?

  36. Sister,
    First let me tell that i m not a muslim.I've seen all the posts above.All are saying about ethics.No one is giving u a practical solution which only can save ur life.What you have committed is a big mistake.Thank god to hear that u feel truly regretful. That itself is enough for Him to forgive u.But in no matter should u not say that ur not a virgin if asked. I feel u say to him everything even before he asks u about anything before marriage and sincerely appologize. In this way atleast u won't feel about lying or hiding.He might become furious but if he has got a heart he will think that atleast she has said the truth and has given him a chance well before marriage.This is not a sure way but i guess is the best solution for you now.And remember to be sincerely truthful to him after marriage ..God bless.. ..

  37. Assalamu Alikom Uhkti ... I'm not sure how old this Blog is I'm just reading it, however as Muslims we should NOT expose our sins .. That's apart of having Hayaa !! However as a Wife You should NOT lie to UR Husband also ... So if asked I would NOT lie HOWEVER if not asked I would NOT voluntary expose Myself either ... surely Allah is the Most Exhausalting and Beneficial so If This Soon to Be Husband is Who Allah has Made to Complete UR Deen than Everything Will Work Out No Matter what U decide to Tell Him .. I will Make Dua U ... Inshallah I helped answer UR question 🙂

  38. salam sister,

    i am no expert on Islamic matters and the best answers will be given by those who have command on them, but let me tell you from a man's and someone who also committed some very bad mistakes in the past (no sexual mistakes) but something like, i lied to my father that went to UK and i failed an year of my education because i knew that he wont like my truth and since i knew that i would overcome that mistake and put an extra effort to wipe it. i have still hidden that truth from him and i wish to tell him when i finish my education and make a good career, then i'll tell him the truth and i think that wont hurt him so much then, compared to if i tell him now.

    so you know sister, just like me, you also committed some serious big mistake, but if you overcome your mistake and prove to be a good loving wife, and wont repeat your mistake, if you fill your family with love and happiness, i am sure that if you confess your mistakes later, he will not care much about it, and forgive you. if you yourself confess it later, i hope he would realize your honestly and would forgive you, it is better than he finding out that himself when you would still have concealed it, then he would think that you are not honest. so in my opinion, conceal it to confess it later when you would have gained love, respect and faith from your to be husband

    as a man, i only seek a woman's love, not chastity, because chastity is not so much important that her love, dedication and commitment to me. thats all what's most important to a man and to me.

    everybody makes mistakes and we all get chance to rectify it.

  39. Salam,
    I have a boy to whom I have been very close physically. He has always been questioning about my past. I told him everything except for the things I didn't remember. Yesterday he checked my Facebook account and found out some random chats which were of 2 years back. And now he is not interested in talking to me and obviously he won't marry me as he has labeled me as a liar . Although I many times found out things on his f.b and once I found out that he still talk to his ex.gf but I still listened to him and forgave him. He even haven't told me about his past completely till now & always say I have told you as much as you should know.
    It really does not mean I start complaining to ALLAH for what's happening in my life now. Rather, I accepted All of my past mistakes, said him sorry & decided to change and took all of this scene as opportunity to get changed.i wonder how people can punish for the things they have also done , how they can't forgive anybody??
    Well these are humans just tell your husband the truth and if he will accept you after that he will be considered as a great Muslim as if he will marry to you and change your future.
    Just trust ALLAH and ask for repentance.

    • "I told him everything except for the things I didn't remember. Yesterday he found out some random chats which were of 2 years back. And now he is not interested in talking to me and obviously he won't marry me as he has labeled me as a liar."

      Sister, you should have refused to tell him anything at all. Then you could not be accused of lying. And obviously it is haram to be close physically with this boy. I hope that when you say you have repented for your past mistakes, it means you have stopped your relationship with the boy.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  40. Sister no one can assure that he isn't going to know your past some day. I don't know if you are repented to allah.
    MY SUGGESTION : you should leave those bad things behind and be a good and pure Muslim.
    As your Marriage concerns you are still not married.
    1.If you trust him and be with him you should tell him the truth before marriage(not the whole thing but what you have committed before and now you are changed). If you don't tell him that means you are lying to him and you don't trust him. How can you be married to someone you don't trust.
    2. Before telling the truth you should ask him not to reveal it to anyone, either he accept you or not.
    3.And leave the decision of marriage to him.
    4.After all this, if he accept you for marriage, "alhammdulliah",He is a great person.
    5.If not who are we to judge him.he is a human too. He have his own wishes(living a happy life by marrying a Virgin). He has every right to know you to marry you. Afte all we are not allah who is most forgiven.
    6. But its not the matter of forgiveness its about acceptance.
    7.If he don't accept you don't be upset, pray to allah and ask for path. May allah have better plan or a Better husband for you.
    8. Our existence is all about test,may be allah is testing you if you are lying or not through this situation.
    So don't lie, be truthful to allah and whom you want to be with for rest of your life.
    Lies only make things worse, may be not now but later.
    Trust me he isn't perfect too no one is.
    But don't build a house in someone else heart by lying(for both men and women).

  41. I am agree with wasim manan bro because if her husband found that she is not virgin then she have to tell lies to him.. Everybody knows that lies are very big sin.. She have to tell and say it's my first and last mistake...he will understand definitely...

  42. No. Definitely do not reveal your sin. allah has not exposed you so why do you want to expose yourself. Take this as a second chance given by allah, a chance to start new. Why inform him or even anyone about your past. Everybody makes mistakes, but you should always acknowledge uour mistake and fix it. And right now you are fixing it by gettin married and starting a new life, do not tell him about your past oterwise he will maybe even question whether he will marry you. Conceal your sins sister.

  43. I've been throughout the same situation. Yet I'm still nor married but I know that when the day comes I will NOT lie to my husband .. A man that I want to spend he rest of my life with deserve to be told the truth. Sis don't be afraid ot your trust in allah swt and GAKE CHANCES. If you have repented from your heart weather it's in this life of the next allah will give you justice for having to go through such a thing of telling people your sins for the in petitions of finding love and settling down in order to build a halal foundations and well being. God bless you and forgive you ukhti

    • I have said many times that it is not a matter of lying. One should simply stay silent on the matter of past sins. We are told in Islam that we should not disclose them. If Allah has concealed our sins then why should we humiliate ourselves and plant negative seeds of jealousy, suspicion or resentment in the mind of our partner? I would never discuss the sins of my past. I would say, "Whatever I have done in the past is between me and Allah and I will not discuss it." If the other person can accept this, ma-sha-Allah. If not, then she is not the right woman for me.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  44. Sister conceal your past.
    it is between you and Allah now, no one needs to know.
    but bear in mind, if somehow your husband does come to know, most cases he will take it really badly and your marriage may be in trouble.

    tricky situation when the man/woman commit this act, then realize their mistake and instead of fearing Allah, they fear what their potential spouse may think if they found out.
    These fears must be borne before you commit such acts.

    anyhow, do not tell him, but do bear in mind the scenario if he comes to know of your past.

  45. I think u should use a fake vagina or virgin again pills bcoz thatz really work ..... plz dnt tell him about ur turth forget it sister ....

    • aysha, I agree that she should not tell him about the past. However, there is no such thing as virgin pills, and if there is then it's a scam and a waste of money, as it certainly will do nothing.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  46. all of you who advice her not to tell about her past are fools ..... she should tell her future husband about her past if he accepts her then Allah has set things right for her if not then its upon her to sabr and fond a suitable partner . BELIEVE me guys if I were to be her future husband and would have come to know after marriage I would surely without any remorse irrevocably divorce her .

    Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) said “whoever deceives is not from my Ummah”

    • It's not necessary to either expose one's sins, nor deceive. The best course of action is simply to refuse to answer questions about one's past. A potential spouse can deduce what he likes, then make up his mind.

      Btw there's no need to be rude ("all of you... are fools"...).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  47. Praise be to Allaah.

    If you want to look for a wife for someone, or a husband for a woman, then you can ask him about his wishes, such as the desired age, level of education, employment situation, country and origin and position of the family, and whether he has any preferences about her general appearance, such as skin colour, height, etc. The most important characteristic to ask about is a person’s level of commitment to Islam. This kind of useful question is fine.

    But asking for details of a person’s past and wanting to know what sins they might have committed when they were ignorant about Islam – this is not right at all. Allaah covers people’s sins and loves to see them covered (i.e., not dragged out into the open). So long as a person has repented, his sins have been wiped out. Islam deletes whatever came before, so why should we ask questions that will only embarrass people? Allaah accepts people’s repentance without their having to confess or expose their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah had committed adultery and murder repeatedly, or had buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to be reminded of a shameful past; it is over and done with, and Allaah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. What matters when considering a person for marriage is how that person is now: is he righteous or not? Has he cut all ties with his past and his wrong deeds, or not? If he is clearly living a good and righteous life now, then it is wrong to dig up the past. If there is any fear of anything that could have future implications, such as certain diseases and so on, then there are medical tests which can give the answer and put your mind at rest.

    As far as giving a detailed description of a prospective wife to someone is concerned, this can be done in writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. a blood relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden) or a woman who knows her can write down a description, then a trustworthy person can deliver it to one who is seriously considering a marriage proposal. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband as if he can see her.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4839)

    The wisdom behind this prohibition is the fact that a husband might like the sound of what he hears, so he may divorce the one who described the other to him, or there may be temptation to do wrong. (Commentary on the above hadeeth in Fath al-Baari).

    We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He loves and will earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

    • I think it's a valid question to ask a prospective spouse. If you can ask a spouse if they were married before and that has bearing on your decision then asking if they have been effectively married to someone else without an official nikkah should also be valid. Just because they committed a sin should not mean that they now get to hide that fact and act as if they've never been with anyone before.

      Another point is that it matters to those people that did save themselves for marriage and specifically wanted someone that also did the same. It isn't fair to them that their spouse lies to them before marriage and they find out after marriage that the spouse clearly was with someone else before. Sure, hide your other sins that have no bearing on your value in marriage. But hiding sins that change ones value for a prospective spouse is like selling milk mixed with water and saying "I can't reveal I mixed it with water because that was a sin and I'm hiding that. I'll still sell it like it's whole milk though."

      Why not be open? Go marry someone else that has also been effectively married before and be honest of your own status.

  48. Today I confessed my boyfrnd about my shame full past ... I was tired to lie him alwys .. All d past was coming out by others aftr 1 year and two months of relation I said him he cried .. And left me .. Gave me back all d things I gave him ... V both cried .. He treated me lyk wife ... I want him back .... V wer supps to marry ... Plzz help I feel lyk diyng. Both of our mom knows abt us . I don't want him to go wth another girl ..he has angry natured.. He will do .. Today he spoke to another girl abt me .... I want him back I love him most ... Somehow ... I tried to built guts n I said him truth ... Now I repent saying truth bacaus I lost him him

    • shifa, actions have consequences. You haven't said exactly what you did in your "shameful past", but you are now experiencing the consequences of that. Also, in my opinion you are adding to your shameful past by having a shameful present, as in Islam we do not have boyfriends and girlfriends. You are just making the same mistake again and again.

      In time you will get over the pain of this breakup. Next time do not go the boyfriend/girlfriend route. Keep yourself pure until you find a good man for marriage, and get married without having any pre-marital relationship.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salam
        I did something but now I feel like what I did was wrong and I will get Sins for it.
        My friend gave a paper from my final ict exam to her boyfriend that paper had a mistake in it so i had to print another one so before leaving the lab i asked one of my friends to take it out of the lab with them and it had my name written on it, a teacher saw her give it to him so before he went into the ict lab the teacher took the paper from him and she saw my name on and she complained to the examination department's head. The examination department's head was a nice lady so she asked me if I took the paper out the lab I honestly told her no I didn't then she asked me if I gave that paper to a boy I told her I didn't and then how the boy got that paper I told her I didn't know cause I didn't want my friend to get in trouble cause this was our final exam and if we are caught cheating then our papers are cancelled. Please tell me if what I did was wrong and if I will get sins for this?

        • I couldn't follow that whole story. The bottom line is, if you lied and cheated then you committed a sin. Make tawbah for that sin and do not do it again.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  49. I think that the God is not unjust. If He has chosen that man for you then He might had chosen just fully. May be that person also have some Past. The problem with today's men are that no matter how bad they may be they always desire/choose a wife who is pure and don't have any ugly past. May be on the first night when he came to know that my wife is not a virgin he may think its not the fault of herself its the fault of me. I used to have unlawful relations with other women. What she is I am seeing is the reflection my own self. Today I will not blame her Rather I blame myself. I destroyed my wife by being impatient and indulging with other women in past. So as I indulge God indulged my wife with others and we both become fornicators and now God has shown my reflection in my wife, the companion of my whole life.
    .
    We can't know for sure what truth may be only Allah knew. May be Allah had shown you that This is the good that we have pre-ordained or pre-wriiten for you but you messed up by being impatient.
    .
    My advise to you is that "Marry the person to whom you have conducted SEX before. If there are multiple people then marry the best among those. If that is not possible ask for forgiveness from Allah and let anything that happen Happen".

    • This is bad advice, Asim. If she has changed her life and is ashamed of her past, should she go looking for one of those men she committed sins with in order to marry him? Nonsense. She has moved on in life. Going backward is not the answer.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  50. I have also a problem !! N problem is that i comminted a huge sin with my boyfriend but i love him n intention was to marry each other when we commited sin but now we both regret it ! N we repent on our sins n are very shameful on this act !! But the problem is we both r out of cast iM syed n hes jutt but i dont care about caste !! He's a good muslim n loves me !! But are both parents dont agree with our !marriage !! N what should we do ?? Leave each other ? How camn i do that ? If i left him how can i marry another person ?? I m not virgin !! Would anyone marry him ? My bf his intentions are changing !! He would leave me as he loves his parents !! I love them 2 but i couldn't keep my parents respect ...im not a good Daughter !! What should i do ?? I cant face the world nor Day of judgement

    • As-salamu alaykum sister "Unknown". You've asked many different questions here. First, Allah accepts anyone's sincere tawbah. Just ask Allah's forgiveness and break off this sinful relationship, and avoid committing such sins in the future.

      If you marry someone else in the future, you do not have to tell them about your past. There is no reason why anyone else should know.

      If you still wish to marry your boyfriend, perhaps you can find someone religious to talk to your parents and explain to them that there are no castes in Islam. In fact Islam came to destroy such artificial distinctions and tribalisms.

      May Allah grant you success in the dunya and aakhirah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  51. I believe Islam doesn't allow deception and lie. It is better to marry someone who will accept you the way you are than lie or hide things to someone to get married to the person. Relationships should not be built on lies. Deception is not allowed.

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