My family think I am too young to marry
I am 16 and I am interested in a 19 year old muslim man, we are sure that we want to be married Inshallah but my parents do not like him even though they do not know him. They will not even give him a chance. My family thinks I am too young to even think about marriage but I feel I am very much ready for it inshallah.
What can I do to make this marriage happen?
- Imana758
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Salaam dear sister,
I just had to comment on this issue because i can see your in quite some trouble
in my opinion there are a few problems
FIRST OFF you are way to young ot get married if i were you i would wait a few years before marrying this guy
SECOND OFF your parents are important symbols of love, sent by allah they do everything for your own good so i wouldn't hate them, or fight just for this one boy and ruin your life
THIRD OFF you should ask you parents maybe 4 years down the road If you can marry him if they say no ASK WHY , and if thy have no valid reason then i dont see why you cant marry him
well i want to get married once i am in college, not now
Asalamolaikum sister imana758,
Although getting married early in Islam is recommended for numerous reasons (one of the most important being that it keeps us away from zina) you are too young at the moment to think of marriage. You claim that you want to get married once you begin college and it is good that you want to get married early but marriage is a big package that comes with a lot of responsibilities. You need to be mentally mature and stable to take on this life long commitment and at the moment what I suggest is that you busy yourself with good sisters and fun hobbies. This is your age to enjoy. Once you are older, you will have many responsibilities and will miss this time. So try not to think too much in regards to being married. Your family is correct; you should focus on yourself and your education right now. Try to become something first, be mentally stable and academically also. InshAllah, you will have a successful marriage.
The guy you are with right now is also too young—only 19 and you both are contemplating marriage. Is he of good character? Does he offer salat, fast, recite Quran, stay away from haram things(i.e.: clubs, alcohol, drugs, etc?) Also, is he financially stable to take on the responsibility for both of you and possibly a child in the near future? These are questions you must ask yourself before committing yourself with anyone.
Although I have no idea to what extent your relationship has gone to, it is best that you put this relationship on the back seat right now. Try to stay away from all this as you do not want to indulge yourself in anything haram and regret later on. Try to end this relationship right now and tell him that you will re-consider marriage with him in the near future, when the time is right. If he is truly sincere he will wait and propose when the time and circumstances are more favourable. You are a young girl and this age is very precious as most girls are very naïve. I do hope that you do not end up doing anything that you may regret in the future. I am not judging this guy nor am I judging you but to be blunt—girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are haram in Islam.
There are proper methods/channels though that you can pass on the message that you are interested in someone with the intention to marry. However, as I stated earlier you both are young right now. You must focus on your deen and your academic goals right now. When the time is right, you both will marry inshAllah (maybe to one another or to someone else—whoever Allah swt has destined you both to).
-Helping Sister
As salamu alaykum sister Imana,
I agree with what has been said before, be patient and get ready for married life, watch your mum and talk to her, she will open your eyes to real life, maybe she would like to share her experiences with you, talk to her about your dreams and your struggles, she may help you to go through, insha´Allah.
There is a beautiful answer base on her life experience given by Sister Najah in the following post, you may have a look already, but it deserves to be readen:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/wants-to-marry-but-how-to-ask/
Please, grow up in your connection with Allah(swt) and encourage this boy to do it too, that will be the only way to avoid sinning, if you are meant the one for the other, only Allah(swt) knows, your duty is to prepare your ways getting closer to Allah(swt) and He(swt) will guide you through the right steps, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaikum dear sister Imana.
I am in two minds in that marrying young is recommended in Islam, but at the same time it can 'close off options.' for yourself if you marry before you are ready or before you are matured.
Your post reminded me of some wise words a friend who is getting married recently told me. If shes reading this, she will know I am talking about her.. I dont think she will mind me sharing her insight with you. Many of sisters in twenties I know dream about marriage and how great it will be. She said approx.:
'Marriage is a huge sacrifice, you can no longer think of yourself, any more its you and your spouse - and its hard work. It's not easy sister - some of the things you want to do, will not be possible. Do not have too high expectations.'
I have known people that have married young and regret that they missed out on enjoying their youth. (in a halal manner of course). So I definetly agree that you should take the time to learn about marriage, go to seminars and give yourself lots of preparation and a chance to mature further before taking this step. In a nutshell do not rush into anything, and be careful of high expectations- they can be damaging . Know that marriage is not easy - its full of compromise, sacrifices. But if nurtured correctly its beautiful
Of course keep your contact with this boy within halal limits and with family involved, so that Allah may give you both Barakah and to avoid sin. You may miss him but know dear sister that if he is best for you and meant for you, nothing will keep you apart (in marriage) and if he is not good for and meant for you; nothing anyone can do can bring you together. InshaAllah this will help you put things in perspective. It is important to ask Allah for what is best for you, and let Him guide you both.
Ask him to give you the means to marriage with this boy if he is best for you - make istakhaarah and be patient. Allah knows best.
When you feel ready and a bit older, if this guy is of good character and deen then if your parents agree, you could consider a nikah. (My brother did this option Alhumdulilah) It is not necessary to wait many years for an income - if you cannot afford to live together and are ready, nikah is an option - that way you are allowed to talk and be alone together etc.
I know this post seems contradictory - apologies. In a nutshell it may be better to wait for some time if you can, while keeping in islamic limits (maybe even until college) and of course preparing yourselves mentally and working on deen. Do not meet the guy without family etc. Dont sneak around - at the right time, you can show you are serious and mature by introducing the brother to your family. If you date him, it will only be sin and it could hinder potential marriage.
I pray that Allah swt grants you the best spouse for you and blesses you with a happy marriage!
Ameen
(Details of istakhaarah are on links at top of page.)
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Assalamu alikum warahmathallaih wbrkathuhu,
Sis, i have a friend who got married at 16 and alhamtillah, shes happy and faces no probls. It may be different for different people, but sis as long as you kno what marriage entails, the sacrifices and the challages you will face then alhamtillah, go for it. Make dua, istikhara and ask allah(swt) to make your marriage successful. Remeber its not about what age you marry, its about what you do to make your marriage successful. some marry quite later, still that doesent they're more prepared than you and eventually end up divorced. the advantages are that maybe you'll have kids sooner and you wont be as old when they grow up and plus i kno sisters who waited until late 20s and find it so hard to get a husband.
Keep these things in mind. You;re already in a haraam relationship and thus continuesly sinning, so its better to get married. Our beloved prophet also encouraged us to get married so that we avoid these sins. since your parents dont kno anything about thr guy, maybe ask his parents to introduce themselves to ur parents or he could directly talk to your dad. As long as the bro you wnt to marry is religous then theres no reason for your father to refuse.
Hope this helps sis and may allah(swt) give you a poius husband.
excuse me khadija, but I am not doing anything haram. dont make assumptions like that.
Salaam,
According to the prophet you can get married once you have begun your cycle and you should as soon as you have sexual desires for the opposite sex.
If you have a boyfriend you are ready for marriage and should complete half your deen by doing so.
Nobody should wait for getting married. Responsibilities are always there but if you get a suitable chance you should get married even at the age of 16. There is nothing to be afraid of marriage unless the person you are going to marry is a town's drunk. May be you can ask your mother in this matter. Mother can understand you better. Pray to Allah for this too. Hope for the best and watch your steps you take.
I just dont agee with helping sister marriage is not something that we should avoid at any age. Its a gift from islam. And sometimes being single can make you frustrated, depressed specially when you have desire for somebody. And what if one falls in sin (zina). And when it comes to sacrifice,i heard, girls will get reward for that. Getting married is better than being patient at any age (if one can get married).