Who should I go for?
Decisions.
As salamu alaikum.
Let me just go straight to my question. I have a problem about my past. After leaving high school, I started a relationship with my high school mate (male), just to have someone in mind and we love each other so much. Along the line, I entered University. On getting there, I started attending Muslim student society programs. There I mixed with a lot of muslim brothers and sisters.
As time goes on, I found out that "boyfriend and girlfriend" in Islam is Haram. So I told my ex-boyfriend about it, and he agreed so then we quit. But it was so hard distancing myself from him (though we had nothing together ie- no shaking of hands, no physical relations, we only see each other in public). So before we quit the relationship, he asked me to promise him that I will not accept anybody's proposal until we see if we are ready to marry, and only if he says he's no longer interested. I made the promise because I love him and I want a legal relationship, and that was the reason for me to end the relationship. Although we are born muslims, we pray our daily solawat and the rest, but we are just coming up.
After some months, I started learning the about the correct islam, leaving bid'ah alone and practicing sunnah. Then I learnt that the best thing for me is to marry a sunnatic man who will help with my deen and correct me of any acts I called worship but are bid'ah. I've also started attending arabic and fiqh class along with my studies. My former ex- boyfriend doesn't know much about these things.
So I told one of our Muslim sisters about the promise I made, and she said it was a false one and that I made the promise out of ignorance. I also asked one more sister, and she also said the same thing. So I decided to forget him, and planned on getting married to a sunnatic Muslim brother. After three months, I saw a Muslim brother and I liked him, and then he proposed to me. I accepted the proposal to get married to him, after which my former ex came back and asked me to reunite in halal way.
That is where my problem started. I was so confused that I do not know what to do, and I read one hadith of the Prophet which says "when a man comes for your daughter whose religion and character is acceptable to you, marry your daughter to the person", so I want to know how to define a religious and a pious man.
Please, your advice is needed. Who should I go for?
Jazakumullahu khairan,
-hameedah
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Assalamalaikum-
PLS NOTE THE LAST PARAGRAPH THAT IS THE CORRECT ADVISE-
Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,
-1- Any promise made while in a haram relationship, has no basis in Islam and therefore can't be used against anyone violating it. So you don't have to look at such promises when deciding who you want to be married to. But the confusing part is that, he accepted it when you both realized you were in a haram relationship.
-2- The Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, "Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper"
-3- Pray Solaatul Istikharah and seek guidance of Allah (s.w.t) in the matter.
-4- Inform your parent about the two brothers, so they could investigate them, and then you should accept whoever they end up suggesting for you.
-5- If your parent also get confused, then accept whoever approaches your family first, and is ready for marriage.
I could not solve your problem, but I believe others will do Insha'Allah.
Dear Brother Issah
Perfect advise...I second you.
Your Sister