I have 2 children with a Muslim man and we’re still not married
I am with this muslim man for 9 years and till now we are still not maried. We have two kids together.
He has his first wife whom he married in shariah court and he sent his wife to her country after meeting me so i am the one taking care of his 2 kids from her as well.
I really wanted to marry him but i dont know how? He says its haram for the muslim to married with kids already?
What am i going to do? any suggestions please? Hope people can give me an advise.
- umfarah ali
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ASSALAMALAIKUM
DEAR UN FARAH ALI
THIS IS THE 1ST TIME IN MY WHOLE LIFE I AM HEARING THAT IT IS HARAM TO MARRY WITH CHILDREN AND LIVING WITHOUT MARRIAGE IS HALAL-
CAN YOU PLS ASK YR HUSBAND TO SHOW CLEAR PROOF FROM WHICH LITERATURE HE IS CLAIMING THIS ABSURD STAND IS IT SHAIRAH OR HINDUISM-
HERE IN INDIA WE HEAR TO MARRY AND SECOND GIRL AS WIFE IS AGAINST THEIR RELIGION-
I WANT TO LEARN FROM HIM BEING A MUSLIM HE MUST SHOW PROOF FOR HIS CLAIM-
WAITING FR ESTEEKD ANSER PLS TAKE FROM HIM AND REPLY-
REGARDS
AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,
This is my first time hearing this too. Maybe he is practicing another religion other than Islam.
The Prophet (s.a.w.s) and his Sahabah (r.a) who had children already, married women who also had children from their previous marriages.
Unless if this man is talking about marrying you after all the sins without repentance. Of course if both of you sincerely repent and turn to Allah, you could still be married to each other. According to the majority of scholars, your marriage will still be valid even before your repentance. So there is actually no proof that, the man can't marry you. It just seems that he is misusing you, knowingly or by ignorance.
However, I will suggest that you leave this man and turn to Allah in repentance, and then move on with your life. If he marries you after that, that is a good thing and halal for both of you. But if he refuses to marry you, just forget him and move on with your life.
Hope this helps insha Allah
Really?? But it's not haram to cheat on his wife and seperated her from her kids?????unbelievable. First, what do expect when you ruin some other woman's life? You should have stayed away from the married man. He is obviously a looser too and a liar. It's not haram to repent and get married. Allah is not an unfair God.
At the end of the day though you an this man are living in sin and destroyed the other woman's life. I have no sympathy and hope the man you are with never finds peace for what he has done to his wife and her children
asalamu alaikum,
hold up, this is just too crazy. you said he has his first wife whom he sent back home and he is sleeping with you and having children out of wedlock. and you actually believe what he said about marrying someone with a child is haram yet what he is doing plus having children out of wedlock is okay? what's more crazy is the fact you been with him for 9 years, has it never crossed your mind what you are doing is wrong? what did your family/friends had to say? cure to ignorance is knowledge.
If a man committed fornication or adultery and then fathered a child/children then these children do not take his name according to the majority of the scholars may Allaah have mercy upon them and they do not inherit the man or vice-versa.
now if you wanna make it right, leave him, repent. the solution is here, but are you willing for a change? it wont be easy after being with him for 9years plus your children may suffer.
ma salama
Assalaamualaikam
Wow. My first reaction is to think that either this man is very misinformed about marriage in Islam, or he's manipulating the situation for his own benefit.
Islamically, a man can marry up to 4 women, provided he can be equitable in his treatment and support of them. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had more than one wife, and provided guidance on how to make such marriages successful. While in some countries there may not be the option to be recognised as a legal spouse in their legal system, Islamic law is clear that having more than one wife is permissible.
Divorce is also permissible in Islam. If this man doesn't want to be with his wife any longer, rather than just sending her away, he could have considered divorce, meaning both spouses can move on with their lives.
I don't know all the details of your story, but from what I do know I feel very sorry for his wife - it's totally inappropriate for a man to "send her to her country" because he has met someone else. I've read quite a few stories of women being "sent back", and it's a practice that I really dislike - a person isn't like a pair of shoes that you've bought then changed your mind about! When two people marry, they are making a commitment to each other, to work together with respect and cooperation to forge a loving and strong relationship in which both can grow closer to Allah. Maybe I have an overly romantic view when it comes to such things, but I really don't think that should be discarded because of lust for another person or because of learning the other spouse isn't perfect (who is?).
As such, I think that the first thing that you and this man need to do is to repent for your transgressions, and try to make amends to his wife. Does she have access to her children? Does she want to stay in her home country or move back? Does she have financial and emotional support? If this man truly doesn't want to have a relationship with her, it might well be kinder for him to discuss the issue of divorce with her, in order that she can then find happiness and remarry if she wishes.
What I would do next would depend on why this man has behaved the way he has:
- If he has transgressed in ignorance, it would be important for the two of you to learn more about Islam, both for your own and your children's sakes - they need parents who at least know the basics of how to live an Islamic life. If you wish to live together then you would need to make it halal and get married.
- If he has been manipulating the situation, then you need to decide if you can trust him to be honest and faithful from now on, and if so, then again you would need to make it halal. Personally, if I found out a man had been manipulating me and my family like that, I wouldn't find it easy to trust him, or believe that he was truly committed to us.
It may sound harsh, but if in 9 years he hasn't decided he wishes to marry you, then he probably doesn't want to. If he refuses to make your relationship halal, then it would be up to you to decide if you want to live in accordance with Islamic principles or remain in a haraam relationship.
May Allah guide you back to the straight path, sister.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor.
Yes I know it's permissible to have 4 wives but seriously, how likely I'm this day and age is that a man will be equitable Btwn the 4? We are not in a time uwhere woman are helpless to the extent that this should happen and men are not the prophet . This practice is so demeaning to woman. It is so easy to say she has option of divorce. We all know how that works out for the " used goods" . Woman don't have needs,feeling and god forbid desires?? That they get cast out at the guys whim because he is bored? Well i hope the men who love their daughters don't see that as ok. That poor wife has been sent away without her children no less. The guy is a jerk, the woman a twit ands the children unfortunate pawns
Salam,
This brother is a liar plain and simple. Nothing stopping him from marrying you but him. You have two children from him AND you are caring for his two children from his other wife. If he didn't want to marry you and have a life with you, then he shouldn't be sleeping with you and you shouldn't be a caregiver to his other children. The reality is, you should have thought about this nine years ago. He has the audacity to let you raise his children from another woman yet, you aren't good enough to marry?! I am just fuming thinking about it! I hope you do some serious soul searching and find yourself in all of this. You deserve better.
Salam