I want to marry a girl do i need permission from my christian wife?
Assalam Alaikum,
I am married man with kids and working here in the middle east for long time away from them, I've met this girl 4 years ago and were become very close to each other. I've embraced Islam as knowing that this is the right religion two years back and my wife is not happy with that as she keeping me not to do this. Despite of that I hide to her that I did not stop in studying about Islam. I gave them financial support and no intention to divorce her.
Recently I had sharing Dawah to this girl who is working near to my place and decided to marry this girl soon. DO I NEED TO INFORM MY FIRST WIFE AS SHE DID NOT ACCEPT MY DECISSION TO EMBRACED ISLAM? I'm in love with this girl and I am ready to accept what ever consequences may result. I feel contentment/happiness with her. Can you give me some advise please.
kobi.
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Salaam Kobi.
Strictly speaking you do not need direct permission. But the marriage must be open so you cannot hide it from her. However as Muslims we should act in the best way so it is strongly advisable that you talk to her about this first, especially as she is still your wife. She may react badly but chances are there will be a worse reaction from her if she finds out from someone else. A lot of women who find out feel very betrayed and hurt and sometimes this causes them to behave irrationally and cause problems for the husband and his new wife. (Of course this is wrong - but if you want to spare the worst of the headache then consider her feelings.)
You have said you have no intention of divorcing her, but you may want to later you don't know. Again she may cause problems for you so think carefully before acting.
Sara
IslamicAnswerscom editor
Salaam brother!!, u dont need any permission (directly or indirectly) from her.. Whether she approve it or not, that will not stop you from marrying the lady you want as second wife.. But it will be better for you to make the marriage open so u won't be leaving a secret and u ve freedom in ur marital life with her.. Of course it will be difficult for ur family and wife to digest this but they will get use to it with time and they will come arround...... But brother since you have no intention of divorcing your first wife, islam requires you to deal justly between your wives.. As a matter of fact, since you are cut away from them for a long time, why not you work a visa for your wife and kids to also stay with you in the middle east?? She might come to know of the beauty and truth of islam as you did and also possibly embrace the religion.. Try to entice her with the religion time to time. . And for your kids, indoctrinate them with the religion of peace (islam) so that they will grow up to become pious muslims.... Don't give up chances brother, am sure you will like to be with your kids in d gardens of jannah (paradise) and also your 1st wife to be among the hurs (beautiful wives in paradise that you can never imagine) that would be entertaining and keeping you company in jannah as a gift from Allah... May Allah take us there!!!! ... But this will not work if wife and kids die as non muslims.
Good point Mohd. I missed that Jzk. If you are married to both you must be fair. If you intend to stay married to your wife but not give her her due time (there are very strict rules on fairness) and treat them 100% equally. E.g if you are just keeping her then it is not right. However have you and your Christian wife had an islamic nikah? Or just a civil ceremony. If you havent had a nikah with her (your christian wife) she is not your wife Islamically. This would mean you would need to decide whether you and your Christian wife also want to get married Islamically (as a Muslim man can marry a Christian woman - though it can cause problems) or whether you don't want to marry her Islamically and then you should part ways and try to end your civil marriage (by divorce.) I hope you understand what I mean.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
"(your christian wife) she is not your wife Islamically."
sister, before the revelation of the Noble prophet[saww], his oldest daughter Noble Zaynab [may Allaah be pleased with her] was married to a man by the name Abu Al-'Aas ibn rabee'ah Al-'Abdush-shamsiyyunder the pagen tradition at that time.
when the Noble prophet[saww]recieved revelation, Abu Al-'Aas ibn Ar-Rabee'ah was of those who disbelieved and turned away.
when the battle of badr came,Abu Al-'Aas was on the side of the kuffaar and he ended up as a captive, his ransome was that he pledges to the prophet[saww] to allow, let go of noble Zaynab [ra] peacefully and let her migrate to madeenah,Abu Al-'Aas did this eventhough he loved zaynab more than anything else.
but time later, Allaah guided Abul Al-'Aas[may Allaah be pleased with him] to islaam and he went to pledge allegience to the prophet[saww] and begged for his forgiveness and thanked Allaah for guiding him and became a jaleel companion
but still, he was missing something, his beloved Zaynab, the prophet[saww] saw that Al-'Aas was still yearning for Zaynab, and the generous prophet[saww] allowed Abul-'Aas to go to zaynab straight away without a companion/alone, so he entered upon zaynab and they their relationship as if nothing ever happened.
reported in bukhaari and lots of other seerah collections like taareekh tabaraani, ibn hishaam etc.
so therefore, a man and woman who got married before their islaam and unislamically dont need to make the nikkaah after their islaam.
ma'asalaamah
Since you are already married with kids, Nikah or no Nikah she is your wife - divorce is not automatic when you convert and it does not sound like you have been dealing justly with her because you have been cheating on her at least with your heart. Perhaps you should spent time with her instead of with the other woman for 4 years you could have a healthier relationship.
I don't wish to sound too harsh, I know this is a difficult situation but I really think you should be giving your wife, who is your children's Mama, first priority.
You are spending time alone with this other woman who is not your wife? When you do tell your wife, please understand that she will be furious as I would if I had a husband change religion and see another woman in secret for so long I may do something I am ashamed of! I hope it works out for your wife and your children.
From the sound of the letter from the brother he sounds like a new convert. Gotta get that second wife. The other problem I see is that the entire letter is I want, I want, I want with no thought of anyone else. But hey! That Man has his rights and by Allah (swt) they must be fulfilled regardless of the cost to anyone else.
May I ask u that the girl in middle east knows that u r married
And secondly , are u gonna divorce ur wife or go for polygamy
Maki, i dont know whether you have any proove from d quran or d sunnah to support your claim... In islam, marriage has to be done through the islamic marriage process called nikkah for it to be considered a lawful/hallal marriage.. As the prophet (SAW) said there is no marriage if there is no wali., for a nikkah to hold, there must be witnesses (2 male, or 1male 2 female), wali, bride price etc and there will be a muslim leader or imaam or shiek to conduct the marriage (btw d lady and d guy) in d presence of d witnesses and d wali (guadian). . The wali should normally be her parents. if d parents are not muslims or are not willing to particepate in d marriage, then her relative may take d position. Then if she has no muslim relative, then a good and responsible pious muslim brother may become her wali... A ceremony/walimah may come after all this. The civil or xtian marriage u are talking about does'nt have all these processes and hence may not be considered as an islamic marriage. Hope you are clear with this?!!!... And again dont make him feel guilty about him getting married to a second wife.. He did'nt abandon his wife for this woman, rather what i understand is he cut off from his family due to his nature of work and also due to the far distance btw his home town and d middle east... He coincidentally meet d lady at work and wants to marry her .... The advice u soppose to give him is to maintain justice between his wives and to try and bring his 1st wife to d middle east for equal timing btw his wives and pure justice between them... We cant stop him from having a second wife since Allah himself has given him d permission (if he can maintain justice btw the wives) ... ALLAH KNOWS BEST
I think you need to read this more carefully, Mohd. He didn't say he met her at work, only that she is working "near to his place" - who knows where and how they met, only that he has been involved with her for 4 years. Depending on which country in the "middle east" he is in, this could be illegal if they are meeting privately - it's could be a risk for them as well as his family.It could mean a prison sentence - as I live in such a country I understand the consequences.
The marriage of a revert before they change religion must take priority over a women he is dating for 4 years in secret - this is basic and YES he said they are legally married, even without being married Islamically. You can't just behave as you like because you were married before you became a muslim. This poor wife is far away and may also turn to Islam if she is given a chance - acting as the Prophet (PBUH) would have acted is more important than finding a surah to support your "rights"
We know that he doesn't need permission to marry the girl but he must tell her the truth to the woman he married already and has children with already. Don't give advice to "main justice between his wives" because he is married to one and dating another 4 years behind her back!
Clear thoughts. Thank you for your wisdom.
Sara and Mohd,
Regarding what you have said of his Christian wife not remaining his wife because of no nikah, that is incorrect. Even when a non believing husband and wife both revert to Islam, a 'nikah' contract is not necessary if they have been married with witnesses present. Their former marriage counts and they remain married.
As is the case of a Christian man who converts yet his wife remains ahlul kitaab. They remain married islamically. So his wife IS still his wife islamically.
Salams Brother,
I am not sure if what you are doing is right. Whatever it is your Christian wife is your wife and you should explain the situation to her. But in my opinion you are a very heartless person if you marry another woman because you haven't thought about your children's future. YOU ARE WRONG
I think this man is not fair with his wife, he should let his first wife know of his intention to marry. He is marrying the second woman for his desire, if he is not happy then leave your first wife and move on to get married the second wife. I wont be happy at all if my husband gets married without my knowledge and acceptance.