Want to marry Muslim boyfriend but he has been told he must marry an Arab Muslim girl
Hello
I am a young Christian girl from the 'West' who was only exposed to Islam and middle eastern people/ culture 2 years ago. Since then I have become best friends with majority Muslim girls and boys at my University. They have been teaching me about Islam and I am becoming more and more open. It scares me a bit how similar and right Islam is, I am very willing to learn more. I am learning Arabic and having many good friends teach me about the Holy Quran.
6 months ago I met a Muslim boy and fell in love with him.
Although I know it is haraam we became boyfriend/girlfriend. He will read to me from the Holy Quran every few days.
His parents know me as his friend only, but I see him as someone I want to spend my life with and raise children with.
They told him a long time ago he should marry an Arab, Muslim, Hijab wearing girl.
I am not sure what to do at this point, I don't want him to continue to commit this sin if we will have to break up and it will be for nothing.
But I feel like I am in a turning point in my life and am scared this could turn me in the right or wrong direction.
I was very open to Islam before i met him, I feel like i accept it now but am scared to admit it fully maybe? Because of the society i live in?
It would be a transition but as I wear modest professional clothes, am vegetarian, do not drink, appreciate all religions, wish happiness for all, believe in God I feel I could do it. I have many same values and opinions of my Muslim friends, thus we get along so well.
Maybe I am a naive girl
i need advice, please help
-Jeann
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Hello Jeann,
I appreciate your thoughts about Islam but I feel you have a fear that your society might disown you if you accept this Religion. And this is natural, as you seem to be a young girl. I'll tell you an incident from the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him). When Allah sent Angel Gabriel with the Message for the first time, that was when he was bestowed with Prophethood. His wife was the first one to believe in him, then some others followed, then many others did. In the process, the idolators of Makkah started feeling that Muhammad (Peace be on him) was turning their people away from the Religion of their forefathers, so they did all they could, to stop him. Finally, they went to his uncle named Abu Talib, who was an idolator, and asked him to warn his nephew. Abu Talib was the guardian of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). When he spoke to him about this, our Prophet refused to stop this call and the uncle readily supported him, but did not accept it (Islam). Finally, when Abu Talib was on the death-bed, the Prophet went to him and pleaded him to say that God was One. But when he thought about his position in society and what people would perceive after his death, he said 'I die upon the religion of Abdul Muttalib (which was idolatory/polytheism). Because of his services to Allah's Messenger, he will receive the least punishment in the Hell fire, which is that his feet will be in fire (or something like that) and that will be enough to boil his brains.
I hope you have understood what I mean to say.
If the society is what you fear about, then know that Allah is The Creator of this World and the society belongs to Allah. He can protect you, wherever you are. If you accept that God is One and you accept that Islam is the Right Religion, then you should accept Islam. May Allah open your heart to His Treasure which is there in the ocean of knowledge we have. Learn Arabic...Understand the Quraan to strengthen your faith that Islam is Th Religion... Then you shall come to know about how true your thoughts are about Islam. I assure you that Islam is the best way of life that one can live.
If you, after you read and research about Islam, wish to accept it, we have people on this site who have reverted from Christianity and I suppose they still live in the West. You can seek their advise on how you can proceed and how you can tackle the society. Even if you face difficulties, these will be replaced with Bounties of Allah in the Paradise (If Allah Wills) which has been prepared for His Believing servants.
Now regarding the boy. It is haraam as you accept. And it is natural for any Muslim family to disapprove a non Muslim girl for their son. But if you practice Hijaab and show that you are a good Muslim girl, then there are chances that they consider you. But if they are of those people who want 'only Arabs' then they should be approached by someone who can advise them that it is wrong, and it will be great if a Righteous Muslim recommends you for their son (you as a Muslim girl). They might accept, looking at your piety and God Consciousness.
Finally, I'd like to advise you not to accept Islam, just because you love the boy, but because you are satisfied that it is the Only Way to Salvation, and the Only Religion acceptable with Allah, to ensure you have a strong conviction.
Allah has Guided you. I pray that He accepts you into His Deen and chooses you over Millions who haven't accepted His Message yet.
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
Dear sister,
I'm not sure how helpful i could be, but i'll just give you my honest opinion.
You sound like a spiritual, righteous and believing woman. Moreover, it seems like you're already very close to embracing islam. It is understandable to feel social pressures but it is what you decide which is important not what others say. If your heart is guiding you towards islam, then you might have already accepted it without realizing it. This is the case with many converts.
At his point, to clarify matters you should think about your feelings about Islam. Sit with yourself and think about islam; read the Qu'ran, talk to your female friends, think about Allah (swt). You should embrace Islam for Islam, not for the man. Once you are clear on the difference, as the feelings may overlap, the path you choose to take should be simpler inshallah.
Also, it is important to talk to this man. Let him know your thoughts. Tell him you are a believing woman and hope to make a good wife. Let him know that you appreciate the qualities he has.
And for the family it might not be as big of a deal as you think it is as long as your are a good muslim.
May Allah guide you sister. I hope this helped.
Dania
Salam sister.
I hope you are well and at peace. Well regard your problem, being in a relationship with him, is haraam itself. If you wish to marry this guy and have a future with him, I suggest he talks to his parents about you, make them understand that you are just entering Islam, and needs guide, and let him tell them how ready he is to be the guide for you. Otherwise this relationship will have to end, because trust me, it will only ends in heartbreak, thus creating other problems. The issue here is his parent's acceptance of you, which can only be solved through explanations, open minds, and prayers. May Allah helps you through.
Another thing is that why do you let a set of parents change your view on Islam? Islam itself is a right, and pure religion, and to those who only sees it, feel and acts it. Maybe his parent's perceptions on marrying an Arab girl is wrong, but maybe it's due to endless reasons. You need to find out why. In my opinion, culture and races shouldn't be a barrier, as along as both sides practice Islam to the fullest, to its deepest contents. Maybe this is what they are afraid of? How a newly-revert Muslim girl could turn hay-wire? Then prove to them, that you are as good as an Arab girl, if not better. Cover yourself properly, wear hijab, as it is a requirement and protection against Hell-fire. Be close to Allah, read Quran, make effort to understand it's meanings. When you feel you are ready, maybe then Allah will be ready for His next step for you.
Marriage is itself a Not Merely an emotion matter. Other factors have to be considered which I understand why they would want an Arabic girl.. But again, as I mentioned before, you need to know the real reasons behind it. Allah said that there is no race superior above others, let there be Arabs or non- Arabs, we are only separated by our piousness. Lastly,try to do istikharah prayer, maybe Allah will guide you the way. I have a feeling this problem will lead to a whole episodes of problems, if not treated at its early stage, so think wisely. Act now before it's too late. Make some decision.
P.s : one thing I really disagree is why is this guy making you his girlfriend in the first place? He should have a sea of knowledge before he approaches a Muslim girl, especially newly-reverted ones. How can he help you when he himself is committing sin with you? I read once that you can't be close to Allah when you are sinning.. Sorry if I am being harsh, pardon me. I'm just looking out for you. Sorry again ok
Allah knows best
hi
to make things short simple n sweet so that ur not in that dilemma for long....u must speak to him n tell him about how u feel,wht's going on in ur head n wht ur thoughts are about Islam....bekoz maybe he feels the same way but is holding back koz of ur religion....if all goes well then maybe u convert into islam n be husband n wife.
just take ur time,be open n honest to him...n it's all gonna be fine .
gd luck.
Dear Jeann,
Thanks so much for your heartfelt and very honest post. Your sincerity is refreshing.
The first thing you have to do is separate your possible conversion to Islam, from your relationship with this boy. If you want to convert to Islam, it must be done sincerely for the sake of God, out of faith and love for Allah. Personally I believe Islam is a true, right and wonderful religion and I think it is the best move you could make. However, it's your decision.
Maybe once you convert to Islam and begin wearing hijab, this boy's family will allow him to marry you. Or maybe not. It's possible they will still reject you because you're not Arab. That's not right, since Islam utterly forbids racism, and a convert should be considered exactly the same as a "born" Muslim. But still, this kind of discrimination is not uncommon.
That's why I say that your conversion to Islam must come from your heart, only for the sake of Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
iam syed and my gf is khan if marrege is possible
Syed Anwar, these caste distinctions are artificial and do not exist in Islam. In Islam we have no castes. Any Muslim can marry any Muslim.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
in is that permission to love marrage