DNA-He is not the Father
As Salaamu Alaikum,
I am in sincere need of good advice. My husband has a child (boy age 6) from a previous relationship. Well, upon marrying me and a having a child (who looks exactly like my husband). He began to focus more on the doubts he always had about the boy.
. His ex was not Muslim and was caught cheating on him twice during their relationship. So we took a DNA a test and his is NOT THE FATHER. He was only with his ex for 2 years before he left her for the cheating. The next 4 years of the boys life he would visit him about 3 times a month. Well now that I know he is not the boys father I want him to stop trying to make this boy a part of our family. He use to go and get him every other weekend before we knew that he was not his son. He also paid child support. He got the child support order cancelled but he still wants to act as be this boys father in every. way.
. He wants me to watch the boy while he stays with us all summer and my husband goes to work.
I understand that he has "feelings" for the little boy. However,. I want him to stop calling this Kufr woman (the boys mother) and making arragements to go and bring this boy into our home. I feel that he should slowly break ties with the boy. Then just leave him alone with his mother and his real family.
However, my husband refuses to stop playing father to this boy. The boy is mild mannered but he is always sick and brings that around our 11 month old son. The boy also has imaginary friends who tell him things like "your stupid and I hate you". I just really want this boy and his mother out of my life. How can i get my husband to agree to this? He feels like it is his duty to teach this boy Islam and that perhaps that is why Allah allowed him to be fooled into thinking that he is his father for 6 years. I think Allah set him free from a bad situacion. When he got the results he was free to leave that bad situacion alone. But he just wont let go. We argue every time this boy comes over.. We argue everytime the mother calls his private cellphone number to talk to him about the boy.. This is ruining our marriage. Please advise
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no offence intended ... i am in no way a islamic scholar ... and am only giving my opinion ... In my opinion your husband is doing a very good thing... the boy already has a unfortunate life ... and ur husband is trying to help raise him and teach him Islam ... this is a very good deed... you did know abt this boy before you got married to this man (im guessing).. so you should have been ready to live with those consequences... just because he now found out that he is not his biological father does not mean that 6 years of that relationship can be erased...instead of discouraging him you should support him ... if his talking to the other woman bothers you ... you can bring that issue up with your husband and work on that ... however I am guessing that your disapproval and insistence that he forget the boy will only ruin ur marriage ...
I would like to wish you patience as it is a hard situation. But I belive you should be proud of your husband. He is a really good person because this boy can be considered an orphan, since he has no dad and you husband is a very good muslim if he still tries to help him even knowing he is not his real dad. The boy should not be punished for mother's mistakes. If you want you husband to stay the way he is, good and caring, support him in his doings and you both will be rewarded. Helping others, relatives or not, is a very important thing that muslims should do.
hi there... this is a very very tough situation no doubt..giving advices is really easy but to pass through it is really tough... you mentioned that the boy has imaginary friends who tell him he is stupid and they hate him...look at his mental condition..he is being rejected since he is a child...this state of mind has led to this.. as a woman and as a muslim, you should just forget he is who he is and think of him as just human and love him to make him feel that your there for him... giving lov to someone gives us Allahs help and love in return... you will feel great from inside... andabout your son offcourse its concern if the elder boys sickness is makng him sick but what if you have more children an there flu goes on to each other would you throw away one of them... be practical... dont hate him for the miseries that are there in ur life... this is life and its not easy. i dont know if my husband even wants to stay with me anymore even though i didnt do anything wrong inmy life, have a baby son, suppored him financially as i earn double than him, am very beautiful but am struck wiht his complexes of life....so be happy you not only have ur husband around but 2 kids to love you.. u just need to handle it....MAY ALLAH give you the strength and abou thtat lady callin in as jemlill mentioned rightly please speak to you hubby about this..and once you start loving the son i dont think so ur hubby wud need to talk to her in any case..he is just feeling guilty for all this and the boy suffering in..support him...
This is a tough one to answer. If the boy was his son there would be no question. But let's face it, the kid is not his son, nor is he an orphan as one reader said because he has a mother, and of course he has a real father somewhere as well.
I think it would be better to do as you said and gradually end the relationship with the boy and his mother.