Doubts about my future Muslim husband
Christian Woman Marrying a Muslim Man
I am a christian woman from Glasgow, Scotland and I have known a Turkish muslim man for 1 year now.
We recently got engaged and met one anothers families. My family are fine with our relationship however his family wanted him to marry a muslim girl, he declined and explained that he loved me and would marry me with or without their blessing. I presume they have agreed to our marriage because they were very hospitable to my family and I.
Gokhan (my future husband) bought me an engagement ring and wears 1 himself, he speaks of us getting married in 1 or 2 years time and has also mentioned us having children. He has not asked me to change my religion nor have I asked him, nor have we discussed our future childrens religion.
There is a lot of talk about Turkish men wanting to marry with British women for passports/visas. I am sure he is serious but this is always at the back of my mind.
So the question is, how do I know if he is serious about our engagement/marriage?
Thank you in advance for you answers/help/and support.
~ fuzzy_f
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" Doubt takes away all the stability of conduct while faith makes a man firm in action". You are the one who knows Gokhan for over an year. No one but you can take a call whether he really loves you or he has a different motive.
There is no formula to extrapolate whether he is serious for marriage or not.
If it is their at the back of your mind then you should speak to him. May Allah guide you.
if he is younger then you RUN!
Sister Zeena,
What did you mean by this. Are you asking the poster to flee with her partner?
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
She is actually warning her and advising her to break all contact with that man.
Brother Waseem,
What I think the sister means is there is a trend in which young men from various countries (muslim or not) connect with older women sometimes 2x their age, declare their undying love. and ask the women to marry them. These men claim, that age is of no importance. Once married and visas/status is secured, SUDDENLY age becomes important as does the ability of these women to have children. So, the men either divorce the women, or when applicable, they take a second, much younger wife. I'm not saying this always happens, but it does happen frequently enough.
Perhaps then she should be careful about him. Because this man has never spoken about the Deen or her reverting to Islam, even once, to see if she was interested in becoming a Muslim.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You've known him for one year now, and never discussed religion, and the way you will bring up your children. It is very important to do that, because later, believe me, it will become a big problem. No matter how big your love is now, after few years this will surface and than you will start blaming one another "he never said" "she never asked" , "we never talked".....it will become a childish game of blaming one another . Religion and family are the basics in Islam. You've been talking for a year now and never discussed these things. He needs to know what you think and you need to know what he things and what both of your expectations are for the future. You have to communicate to avoid future conflicts.
I know a couple who were married for 9 years, and now they are divorcing (unfortunately), cause of lock of communication (she's nonbeliever at all, and he's a very devoted Muslim). Her playing that "blaming game" as I mentioned above.
InshaAllah all will work out well for you, and you will open your heart to learn more about Islam. Follow the truth,
if you let Allah be with you, your future marriage will be blessed.
Sorry for that short reply i meant it as Lydia has explained, their are a few clue you can look out for, Has he ever asked you for money, or asked you to live there instead of UK, follow your head not your heart easy for me to say but in long run better for you,
Girls are like bank managers, you try your luck with one if it works then were on and if it dosent then you move to the next.
The statement most men after visas or passports live by.
I have seen much and come across alot of 'fakes' in respect to the actual and percieved intention, guys will do anything to get with a girl tell lies, bribe etc. most girls in the younger generation are left 'heart-broken' after their boyfriends leave, what makes the pain worse is that these guys earn the trust of a girl in turn she opens up, the boyfriend uses this to his advantage and gets what he wants in most cases sex, then leaves its a tape that keeps repeating and girls dont learn because its how they are built, a guy can break down the defences and earn her trust eventually, whether it be 6 months or 2 years and then use that for whatever he may want, sex, money, residence, passport etc .
In your case the intention is not love or marriage but a passport, i wont make such a statement without saying why.
So its been a year and your engaged to this man, but one thing in your question sticks out like a sore thumb that being the sudden change in heart of his family.
Your christian and hes muslim, in any culture that causes alot of problems and at first it did but the change of heart in such a manner without struggle suggests that his family saw something valuable in the proposed marriage, my guess is a passport and/or money.
Apart from that his failure to discuss children, religion etc shows something else is more important, but what could be more important than the future you have together.
You must put your feelings aside, and test him as though you are single and have met him for the first time, which adds another questions how did you come to meet ?.
Asian, middle-eastern men have a great skill in gaining trust and love of women, sadly the axe drop is just as severe.
I hope the best for you, but muslim or not you dont deserve to get hurt so make sure you are sure(of his intentions and plans) before you sign any papers or get married.